vikings
I don't have a real job, so I figured I'd take a break from languishing over my resume to respond to some spam e-mail.
To: emiphiste (at) gmail [dot] com
From: Viking Finance ltd
Subject: Best proposal - part-time job!
CC: (none)
Hello!
My name is Ulrika Jaresund and I am the manager of a Human Recourses department of Viking Finance ltd.
The purpose of this message is to draw Your attention to a vacant position of a financial manager for cooperation with private individuals.
Viking Finance Ltd was founded in 2000. Our specialists grant services of purchase and sale, privatization, brokering and dealer transactions on stock exchange. We handle financial agency on equity market, using a great variety of investment instruments. Professionalism and conscientiousness of our company enables us to attract a large number of clients. Nowadays Viking Finance firmly holds a position of a leading company on European equity market, which ensures our stable development.
So today, we are glad to offer You to:
become a part of our company join a team of high qualified specialists get a prestigious part time job earn a good deal In order to become our financial manager for cooperation with private individuals You ARE NOT OBLIGED TO HAVE ANY HIGHER OR PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION. You will just be supposed to:
have approximately 2 free hours a day have a bank account (or to be able to open a new one, especially for company needs) have a PC YOUR PARTICIPATION IS ESSENTIAL TO enable us to grant our clients the best service in shortest dates.
YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES will be:
to receive payments for the ordered stocks and bonds from the Viking Finance clients (private individuals) to Your bank account to withdraw the funds and to transfer it further to our brokers in one of the countries where the desirable stocks and bonds should be bought The transfer should be done by the means of Western Union or money Gram services to fasten the process of the delivery of the funds. Your Salary is 9% commission out of every deposit that You receive on Your bank account.
If you are interested in the vacancy offered, please get some more detailed information on the following E-mail address:
visit our site by clicking on this link
We are looking forward to working with You!
Yours faithfully Ulrika Jaresund
My response was as follows:
To: Viking Finance ltd
From: emiphiste (at) gmail [dot] com
Subject: Re:Best proposal - part-time job!
CC: (none)
Dear Ulrika,
I must say, I am very interested in the advertised position. However, I am a seventeen-year-old Zygotist and have not yet gone through the Adulthood Ritual of rubbing mayonnaise on both sets of my genitals (I'm a hermaphrodite) so according to my religion I am not able to have things like a personal bank account. Maybe I can borrow a bank account from the company until I have completed the ritual? It's scheduled to commence next August. I can share pictures if you want; it's going to be a really joyful and proud time for me!
Kindest regards,
Lea
They have not written me back. I'm starting to think Ulrika is one of those secular types.
To: emiphiste (at) gmail [dot] com
From: Viking Finance ltd
Subject: Best proposal - part-time job!
CC: (none)
Hello!
My name is Ulrika Jaresund and I am the manager of a Human Recourses department of Viking Finance ltd.
The purpose of this message is to draw Your attention to a vacant position of a financial manager for cooperation with private individuals.
Viking Finance Ltd was founded in 2000. Our specialists grant services of purchase and sale, privatization, brokering and dealer transactions on stock exchange. We handle financial agency on equity market, using a great variety of investment instruments. Professionalism and conscientiousness of our company enables us to attract a large number of clients. Nowadays Viking Finance firmly holds a position of a leading company on European equity market, which ensures our stable development.
So today, we are glad to offer You to:
YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES will be:
If you are interested in the vacancy offered, please get some more detailed information on the following E-mail address:
visit our site by clicking on this link
We are looking forward to working with You!
Yours faithfully Ulrika Jaresund
My response was as follows:
To: Viking Finance ltd
From: emiphiste (at) gmail [dot] com
Subject: Re:Best proposal - part-time job!
CC: (none)
Dear Ulrika,
I must say, I am very interested in the advertised position. However, I am a seventeen-year-old Zygotist and have not yet gone through the Adulthood Ritual of rubbing mayonnaise on both sets of my genitals (I'm a hermaphrodite) so according to my religion I am not able to have things like a personal bank account. Maybe I can borrow a bank account from the company until I have completed the ritual? It's scheduled to commence next August. I can share pictures if you want; it's going to be a really joyful and proud time for me!
Kindest regards,
Lea
They have not written me back. I'm starting to think Ulrika is one of those secular types.