Theres been a lot on my mind.
Okay so yeah it has been quite awhile. I guess after this whole big 45min lecture i recieved about 'myspace' from mis padres, i have finally resorted back to livejournal. I guess its not a complete horrible thing, a lot of the stuff they said about it i agreed with....it is just a waste of time and there so much better things i could do than just go on there for absolutely nothing. That whole thing about having my picture on there got them kinda 'ehh-y' along with the fact that i have no control over what kind of scary people look at it and whatnot...i guess they're somewhat right. Especially considering i now have a sophmore stalker in school who 'feels like he knows me' after reading my mysapce. Yeah that made me laugh, considering what i've said on myspace isnt even the half of me. I have to admit...i was a myspace-o-holic. Of course i know i wasnt as obsessed as some people i know, *coughamandacough* but i think i'll manage just fine without it. Yeah i just wrote a whole paragraph about myspace. That makes me laugh and i think i have finally come to the realization of how pathetic i am.
Anyway, so during this whole big lecture my parents choose to give me, they digressed and started talking about fife and drum and choral ensamble and how they feel like im not making the right priorities and whatnot and how maybe i should 'take a break' for awhile. Boy did that upset me or what. Make the right priorities they say??? I thought thats what I'm doing. Music is my passion, its one of the things im planning on going to college for, its been part of my life since i was about 6 years old, i would never in a thousand years give it up. Music should be pretty well up there in my priority levels...i even drew myself a pretty liitle picture to get my point across. they were pretty little steps with God at then music not too far behind.
okay and now im digressing....but the whole God on top thing, i've been doing a lot of thinking. Mis padres did mention that they've watched me slip over the past few years and now that i think about it, I have felt like i've been slipping over the past few years in regards to church and my relationship with Him and i don't like it at all. But i dont understand whats wrong with me. I'm perfectly aware that I havent been living for Him to the best of my ability, and as much as I tell myself that I need to, and tell myself I want to change, idk whats wrong with me but i feel helpess. Sure i'm not a bad person in the least bit, but i know im just not living for him like i want too be. Self control. I think thats what i need more of maybe. Its important to all aspects of my life, but I think i need it more than ever to motivate myself in living for God.
Heres the thing thats killing me...I go to ATF every year expecting to be changed and completely moved by God. But every year it just happens that after 2 or 3 weeks my flame for him begins to burn out. I've been aware of it too. I went this year telling myself I wouldnt let it burn out, that I would continue to fan my flame and live for Him, but it didnt last. I hate it. I've been letting the things of the world into my heart too much, I havent been guarding my heart like i should have been, I havent been reading the Bible as much as i used to and as much as i should be, I've been associating myself with wordly things and wordly thoughts and not doing the things expected of me by God. I've been beginning to get angry at myself for this reason too and i am so ready for a change right now. I just have to do is pray about it more, ask Him to help me to live for Him more, ask for help in making the right decisions, and gain some self control in certain areas. I am sooo ready for a change in my life, and it has to start here. If i ever want to succeed and live my life to God's expectations and what he wants for me [because he wants nothing but good things for me] I have to follow Him. He's done so much for me already and I havent been doing very much for him. I want to change this now.
Anyway, so during this whole big lecture my parents choose to give me, they digressed and started talking about fife and drum and choral ensamble and how they feel like im not making the right priorities and whatnot and how maybe i should 'take a break' for awhile. Boy did that upset me or what. Make the right priorities they say??? I thought thats what I'm doing. Music is my passion, its one of the things im planning on going to college for, its been part of my life since i was about 6 years old, i would never in a thousand years give it up. Music should be pretty well up there in my priority levels...i even drew myself a pretty liitle picture to get my point across. they were pretty little steps with God at then music not too far behind.
okay and now im digressing....but the whole God on top thing, i've been doing a lot of thinking. Mis padres did mention that they've watched me slip over the past few years and now that i think about it, I have felt like i've been slipping over the past few years in regards to church and my relationship with Him and i don't like it at all. But i dont understand whats wrong with me. I'm perfectly aware that I havent been living for Him to the best of my ability, and as much as I tell myself that I need to, and tell myself I want to change, idk whats wrong with me but i feel helpess. Sure i'm not a bad person in the least bit, but i know im just not living for him like i want too be. Self control. I think thats what i need more of maybe. Its important to all aspects of my life, but I think i need it more than ever to motivate myself in living for God.
Heres the thing thats killing me...I go to ATF every year expecting to be changed and completely moved by God. But every year it just happens that after 2 or 3 weeks my flame for him begins to burn out. I've been aware of it too. I went this year telling myself I wouldnt let it burn out, that I would continue to fan my flame and live for Him, but it didnt last. I hate it. I've been letting the things of the world into my heart too much, I havent been guarding my heart like i should have been, I havent been reading the Bible as much as i used to and as much as i should be, I've been associating myself with wordly things and wordly thoughts and not doing the things expected of me by God. I've been beginning to get angry at myself for this reason too and i am so ready for a change right now. I just have to do is pray about it more, ask Him to help me to live for Him more, ask for help in making the right decisions, and gain some self control in certain areas. I am sooo ready for a change in my life, and it has to start here. If i ever want to succeed and live my life to God's expectations and what he wants for me [because he wants nothing but good things for me] I have to follow Him. He's done so much for me already and I havent been doing very much for him. I want to change this now.