bi--polar?
well, to no one's suprise, i am updating my journal again...you know what?? i sat down and thought about a lot of the stuff that i'd normally just write in this piece of shit, and decided that just not hesitating to get them off my chest is healthier than letting them build up and piss me off....so on that note, i have established a bi-polar-unable to make a decision-attitude when it comes to live-journal....heh, oh well...
1. general summer wrap-up
2. work
3. school
4. girls
5. senior year
6. anger
1. well basically.....this was the worst summer ive ever had...i had barely any fun whatsoever....i worked like a mexican, got paid like shit, got no play at all with any girls, wasted an accumulating amount of time with a useless situation, got drunk like 3 times, got caught having a party, got punished brutally for it....but i do have some good news......i just saved a bunch of money by switching my car-insurance to geico........NOT REALLY, because geico and all other decent insurance companies wont come to our shitty state.....making our insurance through-the-roof, and oh yeah, my parents take all my money to pay it....so basically, yeah...i had no money, no fun, BUT i had my friends...lately ive been hanging out with emmolo and montemurro more.....good shit, but could be better....
2. work is a fucking travesty.....its just fucking ridiculous...
3. school started thursday, and for the most part, it seems as though it could be a promising year....my classes are pretty good, but then again, it was indeed only the first two days....anything can happen in a year, especially one like this....theres so little time left and so many things that i want to just finish or eliminate from my life completely....i just cant seem to move on from some things.....other, more complicated things i just throw out the window and forget about, but some of the stupid shit that should just be forgotten are the problems that i find myself dwelling upon constantly...i just want it all to end....anyway, like i said, school was legit, but its school....i did say that it seems like a promising year, but i dunno, its definately going to be stressful...just seeing what the first 2 days were like, and how different people are when they are around groups just aggravates me...my friends really didnt act this way, for the most part, however, just seeing it is frustrating....
4. with school starting, senior year has also begun....and as many of you know, i was pretty ridiculous with my last girl of interest....i dont know what it was that made me think/act that way for that long....ive said it once and ill say it again.....theres always that one person who no matter what they do to you, you still like them for some reason....you really try not to, and know that they dont feel the same way, but you feel like things would be amazing between you two...it sucks, but i think that you're right.....all the things you pick up on are similar to others' situations....i thought i was crazy until i asked someone else about their situation....i dunno, i suppose it was the curiosity and the feeling of not knowing what things would be like....that feeling and curiosity just mutated the truth and made me think that something great between us would be the outcome, rather than the underlying truth which was that in any situation like that, the other side doesnt realize what theyre doing or just neglects you....it took me awhile to just forget about it, and i can honestly and proudly say that for the last 2-3 weeks, i have not had that same regret or fickle personality like i did when i was still "do i like her, or do i not".....its kinda sad, but i almost have been indifferent to anything involving her.....i dont know.....i guess i just saw the real truth and understand that "friends" may just be the best title for us.....so, happily moving on, ive realized that its time to start looking for other girls and to start enjoying myself....who knows? maybe i will find someone i really do like, and if not, who gives a shit?, ill be having fun.....im glad im out of the 4-month long hole i dug myself.....
5. im in a state of overjoy that senior year has begun....it feels great to be the "big man on campus" again.....8th grade was probably the most fun year of my life.....hopefully senior year has the same effect.....i feel like theres a whole year to just fuck around and go nuts and have fun....but then i cant help thinking that theres only a year left.....soooooooooooo much shit is gonna happen and this year is going to be the fastest.....its just kinda depressing that its almost over....i dread the last few months of school and all the "getting ready" to say goodbye shit....i dont want it to end, i just wanna have a good time......im already contradicting myself, but i kinda wanna have someone to spend this year with....its gonna be really hard to watch everyone at prom with their girlfriends/boyfriends and being alone, like the rest of my highschool life....i mean, its great to not be tied down in a relationship, dont get me wrong, but having NO ONE is horrible.....maybe when i head to tcnj, or nyu things will look up...between the biomed major, and working, im sure ill find time
6. my temper has been insane lately......i really dont know why....ive been kinda bitter towards some people and have been giving a lot of people attitudes, and i really cant help it....stupid things set me off and tend to drive me crazy....just the other day, i flipped out on this person for something they jokingly said...i took it so personal and blew it out of proportion, getting bitter and immediately angry at them....its just wierd....sometimes i think i need help......but then i just realize that all i really need is advice, and ultimately, the whole point of this entry was just that...to ask if anyone would just sit and listen and give the honest advice i need to hear......if you could do that, i would really appreciate it...
for now, i think im gonna go to bed, i really need to rest......sorry if ive been a dick to anyone lately....a lot on my mind....
-Joe
PS....this is what part of the alphabet would look like if "Q" and "R" were missing....