the absolute disaster that was 420
I really expected to have fun on 420. I really did. I don't smoke but I expected to hang out with people and chill and just generally have a good time. I was completely wrong. It all started when I decided to see if my electric wheelchair could make it into the forest. A group of people were going in so I tried going with. Despite overcoming some considerable obstacles, we hit a set of stairs and I had to go back. Problem was the path I took was inaccessible going the other way. So I wandered around for about half an hour, in the cold, trying to get back to my dorm. I eventually had to take the chair into the street to get back. I should also mention that throughout the day I had been near my breaking point when it comes to pain. I was very close to just curling up in a ball on the floor I was in so much pain. But I kept going. I went to rehearsal and was barely able to stand. After I drove back to my dorm it was just about 4:20. It was impossible to find a parking space. I ended up about a block away from my usual spot, and had to drag myself back to my room. Still wanting to salvage something out of this day, I tried taking my chair to the edge of the meadow. The bumpiness of the ride was extremely painful, and I got nowhere. By the time I finally ended up with some friends in the dining hall I was about to collapse into my food. I gave up and went home.
I'm so frustrated. I try so hard to be socially active and I can't catch even the smallest break. No offense to any of my hall friends, but if I was just in a bigger dorm this would be so much easier. I feel like I have to always take the initiative whenever I want to do something. For anyone who doesn't know, I am always in pain. Always. Every day, hour, minute, and second my entire body hurts. Sometimes it's worse than usual, sometimes better, but it always makes it difficult to even attend parties and other social events, let alone actively try to find one.
I'm home right now and it looks like I'm going to stay that way. I'm missing out on so much not being on campus on the weekends. And I would be there right now if it wasn't for that goddamn day.