Updates
Three months have passed since my grandmother's death, and well, I am still here.
The tax season has been keeping me busy, but as that will be ending 18 days, I'm getting a bit anxious as to what will happen once that's done again for a year. Partly, I don't know what I'm going to do about bills. I will totally be without money which will force me to be more of a house hermit as gas prices down here in this part of SC means that it costs over $50 to fill up my car. And then this leads to the next problem. This was grandma's house, and she still is present in every corner of the house. And we're still in the middle of probate. . .so everything has to be taken down, priced (as the probate court wants to determine an estimate cost of the estate), and then put aside as to whom it will go. The house also will be made to sold, which can hopefully be done by the end of the year. I am getting a third of the equity of the house once sold, so that will get me a little money to move on, but until then I'm basically trapped here with the memories of my grandmother.
All this stress has not been helping my health either. While the t-cells are still up and the viral load still nil, the arthritis continues to get worse as the pain medication and NSAIDs are losing their efficiency. And as I already have a depressed immune system, I really can't use any of the normal treatments for my arthritis, as they are suppose to depress an immune system. And well my heart has started being affected as well. I've had an increased heart rate for a little over a year now, but it had been consistent in the mid-90s. Lately I've had incidents where the heart rate has increased to 130+. Right now I am having to wear an Event monitor 24/7 (except while showering) for the next 21 days. I'm on day 10 right now.
I suppose I should just finally break down and apply for disability for my three conditions (HIV, Psoriatic Arthritis, and depression), but I don't know if I can take the two to three rejections, and years of reapplication all the while trying to deal with how to pay may current bills, feed myself, and actually find some place to live after all is said and done.
I put on a strong face, but inside I am really a mess. But I continue to try and smile, to take each day as it comes even though my room is a shambles because I never seem to have the energy to clean it and sometimes dishes sit around for a couple of days before they finally make there way into the dishwasher. I am fine, really I am. . .just have to keep telling myself that, but ultimately I am alone, and continue to deal with this alone.
The tax season has been keeping me busy, but as that will be ending 18 days, I'm getting a bit anxious as to what will happen once that's done again for a year. Partly, I don't know what I'm going to do about bills. I will totally be without money which will force me to be more of a house hermit as gas prices down here in this part of SC means that it costs over $50 to fill up my car. And then this leads to the next problem. This was grandma's house, and she still is present in every corner of the house. And we're still in the middle of probate. . .so everything has to be taken down, priced (as the probate court wants to determine an estimate cost of the estate), and then put aside as to whom it will go. The house also will be made to sold, which can hopefully be done by the end of the year. I am getting a third of the equity of the house once sold, so that will get me a little money to move on, but until then I'm basically trapped here with the memories of my grandmother.
All this stress has not been helping my health either. While the t-cells are still up and the viral load still nil, the arthritis continues to get worse as the pain medication and NSAIDs are losing their efficiency. And as I already have a depressed immune system, I really can't use any of the normal treatments for my arthritis, as they are suppose to depress an immune system. And well my heart has started being affected as well. I've had an increased heart rate for a little over a year now, but it had been consistent in the mid-90s. Lately I've had incidents where the heart rate has increased to 130+. Right now I am having to wear an Event monitor 24/7 (except while showering) for the next 21 days. I'm on day 10 right now.
I suppose I should just finally break down and apply for disability for my three conditions (HIV, Psoriatic Arthritis, and depression), but I don't know if I can take the two to three rejections, and years of reapplication all the while trying to deal with how to pay may current bills, feed myself, and actually find some place to live after all is said and done.
I put on a strong face, but inside I am really a mess. But I continue to try and smile, to take each day as it comes even though my room is a shambles because I never seem to have the energy to clean it and sometimes dishes sit around for a couple of days before they finally make there way into the dishwasher. I am fine, really I am. . .just have to keep telling myself that, but ultimately I am alone, and continue to deal with this alone.