filling the cracks...

[ghostuponastage]

So right now I'm at school in the computer lab during my free block. Today's been a... well, it's just been really weird and slow. Thing is, right now I am so regretful about what went down yesterday. During work yesterday I feel so bad that I couldn't hold it in and just starting crying three times. Aida says I break down too much, which i guess is kind of true, but it's just, sometimes I really can't control it. I used to never cry, I would hold every single emotion in. But after everything I went through with my parents, it just seemed that I couldn't quite hold it all in anymore. Some people say it's a good thing to let out these emotions, but yea, I don't know, I do break down a lot like Aida says. So last night I didn't get to bed until after one o'clock sometime because I talked to Aida for a while. I felt so tired when I got up this morning though, I almost didn't want to come to school. And then I even have to work tonight, but I think I'm just gonna call someone to cover my shift, hopefully someone will. Anyway. At this point, I really wish my dad would allow me to drive up to Flagstaff so that I could just see Aida. I miss her so incredibly much. Well i already wrote a lot in reply to one of Aida's posts, and now I have to go to my jazz band class. So this is where it ends until next time

i want to take the bullet,
the one aimed straight for your heart,
i want to meet the wolves halfway,
and let them tear me apart.
but that's not the way they do it here.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean.
yeah its a different kind of love,
i want to climb barbed wire fences
and warm our hands in blood.

and this is my gift,
is asking you to fix
my ruined hands.
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and its a gift that keeps on giving,
and right now its all i have to give.

i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean
i want to lay on the tracks,
feel hot steel screaming at me,
expose the bones on my back,
let me show you what i mean

i want to write the perfect song,
and play it just for you,
while you are tangled up in sleep.
i need you more than ill ever know
until i stop breathing
my lungs will take you for granted.