Brigit's Flame April Week 2 Entry

[ghostofagypsy]

This one is doing double duty as both my NaPoWriMo poem for today (11/30) and my week 2 Brigit's Flame entry.

November Sunflower
Palms stretched out like horizons
absorbing the mid-day sun-
granules of hope settling into the creases.
There is no more fertile soil than her skin,

Her mother swallowed too many sunflower seeds
purchased in convenience store

Comments

Re: Edit 2

[ghostofagypsy]

Thank you for your time and edits!

Yes, that comma was meant to be a period. Haha. I'll correct it.

I'm really happy that both of my editors liked the March part and understood it. Haha. I tried to make it really clear and obvious, but no one else mentioned it after reading so I began to worry that it wasn't as clear as I thought it was. Either that, or it was just corny and no one had the heart to tell me. ;)

Yes, you and Cedar are both right about the subject not being clear enough. But as I told Cedar, the subject is the child. The mother is only mentioned in the second stanza regarding the child's birth. As I also told Cedar, I think it's not quite clear enough because I originally wrote the poem in first person and then decided at the last minute to change it. When I go back to revise the poem, I'll probably change it back to first person.

Hm. I like grace-petals, so it doesn't bother me that you read it that way. Haha. But, no, I didn't mean it that way. I probably just didn't put in the dash because of the line break. I wouldn't have separated a hyphenated word between lines like that. But I'll add a little space in there. :)

Annie Proulx-like?! :D Yay! Haha. Thank you so much! I feel like this poem was a bit sloppy and that I should have spent a little more time on it. But with my poetry, I never do much editing at all. I write them and they are what they are. That's why I wanted in-depth edits for this one. To show me things I need to think about when going back to polish up a poem.

Again, thank you for your time. I really appreciate it.