Brigit's Flame April Week 2 Entry
This one is doing double duty as both my NaPoWriMo poem for today (11/30) and my week 2 Brigit's Flame entry.
November Sunflower
Palms stretched out like horizons
absorbing the mid-day sun-
granules of hope settling into the creases.
There is no more fertile soil than her skin,
Her mother swallowed too many sunflower seeds
purchased in convenience store ( Read more... )
November Sunflower
Palms stretched out like horizons
absorbing the mid-day sun-
granules of hope settling into the creases.
There is no more fertile soil than her skin,
Her mother swallowed too many sunflower seeds
purchased in convenience store ( Read more... )
Comments 14
Cedarwolfsinger got most of the grammatical concerns with her edit, so I'll hit you up with more along the lines of enjambment and style and such.
I think the last line of Stanza 1 should end with a period, though. I think you might've meant to do that anyway. So, not a big deal.
I like the idea of 'her March back home', because double-semantic packing always enthuses me. But in the next stanza, for whatever reason? It took me a few re-reads to get that "she's always been this way" applied to "a bloom out of season", and thus I recommend a possible change to "and she's always been a bit late that way." Or something similar. I mean, because there's not really a This Way that's concretely defined in Stanza 2 that I can readily identify in Stanza 3. Does that make sense? I know it says "a bit too late" immediately after, but I just don't read it the same way. Also, to address Cedar's concern, this recommended ( ... )
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