all the little things
its been quite sometime since ive made any posts....its definitely pretty insane the turn my life has taken. not in a bad way at all. liam is almost 9 months old. hes getting so big and so beautiful. its amazing how active he is and how interactive he is. everything about him makes me smile so much. i never knew you could be as close to crying at least once a day when youre holding your lil baby in your arms watching him sleep. he is the most precious thing....ive avoided posting any sort of "real" updates on myspace or sometimes even my writing journal. i think a huge part of me has come to a point where i dont want to put it all out there. not even to myself.
anthony and i broke up. i definitely have to say that the sense of relief i feel is unbelievable. i seriously think that its going to be way easier around here, way less stressful. he straight up refused to move out after pushing me into a table and waving his fist in my face. but i told him that he has till the end of april and then thats it. i hate this so much. i told him months ago i wanted to break up, i told him before liam was born that i didnt think it was a good idea for us to move in with each other. i didnt want to end up hating each other. i dont hate him. i think we are both more than beyond frustrated right now and we definitely need space. ive known pretty much the whole time we have been together that it wasnt going to last. he was never a good boyfriend. he learned to step it up and become a really really good dad, which if anything is all i can ask for. or want. but as a boyfriend....the absolute worst. talk about self centered and totally ignorant....stubborn, total man baby.....i know that im going to be way happier now that im not a mother of two, just one. im actually excited to be on my own again. i can just be myself, not worry about walking on egg shells with him...not having to make every decision based on how much hes going to bitch at me or give me an attitude when he doesnt like something...which is everything.
the apartment is coming along nicely. it actually looks like a house as opposed to a storage unit filled with really cool things that would look good if i got a chance to do anything with it. im graduating in a couple months. this semester is out of control. i have an 8 page paper due every tues and thurs....between working and liam, getting time to do the amount of research i need to for these papers and now my hour n a half presentation in april...i am also trying to add in "me" time but IF that happens its usually after liam goes to bed...you can only do so much homework, working, class....before you wanna shoot yourself in the face. im usually shooting for an A at least a B in my psych classes but honestly...a C will do. there are so many other important things going on in my life that i need to attend to, that if i miss a couple papers...who cares. ive stressed myself out to a point where my hair is falling out again, i dont eat, or sleep...i sat down this weekend and just took an hour before i fell asleep to ask myself what is really important to me. and its liam. and making money to support him. ive had at the very least a 3.3 thru out school, only one C in all the psych classes ive taken...its ok to not have to be on top. especially when that means that i can roll around with liam on the floor or go have a meal with a good friend and take a couple hours to relax...im over stressing myself out beyond belief. its obviously not healthy...my hair is falling out...and whats the point in living if youre just miserable.
well liam just woke up from his nap....
anthony and i broke up. i definitely have to say that the sense of relief i feel is unbelievable. i seriously think that its going to be way easier around here, way less stressful. he straight up refused to move out after pushing me into a table and waving his fist in my face. but i told him that he has till the end of april and then thats it. i hate this so much. i told him months ago i wanted to break up, i told him before liam was born that i didnt think it was a good idea for us to move in with each other. i didnt want to end up hating each other. i dont hate him. i think we are both more than beyond frustrated right now and we definitely need space. ive known pretty much the whole time we have been together that it wasnt going to last. he was never a good boyfriend. he learned to step it up and become a really really good dad, which if anything is all i can ask for. or want. but as a boyfriend....the absolute worst. talk about self centered and totally ignorant....stubborn, total man baby.....i know that im going to be way happier now that im not a mother of two, just one. im actually excited to be on my own again. i can just be myself, not worry about walking on egg shells with him...not having to make every decision based on how much hes going to bitch at me or give me an attitude when he doesnt like something...which is everything.
the apartment is coming along nicely. it actually looks like a house as opposed to a storage unit filled with really cool things that would look good if i got a chance to do anything with it. im graduating in a couple months. this semester is out of control. i have an 8 page paper due every tues and thurs....between working and liam, getting time to do the amount of research i need to for these papers and now my hour n a half presentation in april...i am also trying to add in "me" time but IF that happens its usually after liam goes to bed...you can only do so much homework, working, class....before you wanna shoot yourself in the face. im usually shooting for an A at least a B in my psych classes but honestly...a C will do. there are so many other important things going on in my life that i need to attend to, that if i miss a couple papers...who cares. ive stressed myself out to a point where my hair is falling out again, i dont eat, or sleep...i sat down this weekend and just took an hour before i fell asleep to ask myself what is really important to me. and its liam. and making money to support him. ive had at the very least a 3.3 thru out school, only one C in all the psych classes ive taken...its ok to not have to be on top. especially when that means that i can roll around with liam on the floor or go have a meal with a good friend and take a couple hours to relax...im over stressing myself out beyond belief. its obviously not healthy...my hair is falling out...and whats the point in living if youre just miserable.
well liam just woke up from his nap....