i guess the real lessons...

[ghostinthemiror]

have been learned. i find myself not as sad as i was even a week ago.if this were two years ago id be devastated. id be so torn apart and thinking what did i do wrong? what could i have done that wouldve been better?....well the more i think about it, i tried my absolute hardest, he knows it and so do i. i fucking moved to nyc for him...all i wanted was for him to feel happy, loved...but i wasnt happy. i was blew off, not considered at all, lied to, disrespected. when i think back to how many times i told myself thats it ive had enough next time im heading home...i cant believe i was as hurt and distraught as i was only two weeks ago. i wasnt happy. i wasnt happy. i wasnt happy. i spelled it out for him, told him point blank what to do to make me happy and he still didnt do it. not a single thing....so why waste anymore time dwelling on it? why waste anymore time on someone who didnt give a shit about me?

i was asked out the other night. and as much as i wanted to say no. i couldnt. hes a sweet boy. gorgeous, amazing to talk to and hang with. we have been friends at work for a couple of months now and we've hung out a bit before i moved. so i know hes not just a random shitbag. we had a lot of fun. i think it was good to go and just let myself not worry about anything and have a good date. its been awhile since ive gone on a date...but it definitely felt right. im not looking for a boyfriend or anything...just someone to have fun with i guess. why not its the summer and i have no school or internships to worry about for the time being i might as well just have the best time i can have, right?

well anyways i dont have time to be writing in this....