Yesterday.
Relationships are quite possibly one of the most incomprehensive and at times simply cruel pressures in life. Te idea of an emotionally charged over-analyzing female requiring an equal level of communication and understanding from the average, simplistic and compassion-inapt male is ridiculous in the best light when looked at through a lens of reason. Unfortunately, humanity is not reasonable. As women, during relationships healthy or otherwise, we generally experience such pleasures as; irrational paranoia, the inability to follow your better judgments, attachment issues leading to a slew of other painful psychological mind warps, isolation from all but him, and of course, his complete disregard of our emotional fragility coming in the form of anything from a misinterpreted comment to full-blown cheating. All of this we are comfortable admitting to and discussing. What is not permitted, however, despite the relatively large group of women labeled as such, is the discussion of the "other woman".
Twice, consecutively, i have put myself in a situation that, in retrospect, was really quite translucent to begin with. To begin a relationship with a man who has a current attachment is a risk, a move that should it succeed, holds the capacity to greatly boost the hope for the bond you share as well as your own confidence. It is not done to spite the other woman, it is not done with any regard for her at all beyond what you are told and chose to believe of her; which will ultimately lead you to have little to no respect for her, considering the source of your information. However, this usually ends in the 'other woman' becoming so psychologically twisted after the months of convincing herself through marginal chance by marginal chance that his recorded spiel on how irrevocable over his relationship is truth, despite his blatant and really quite inconsiderate slip-ups. To her, it is okay to lie to yourself so long as you can actually pull it off successfully. It is almost like solving a puzzle only to thoroughly deny that the picture shown is in fact an aquarium and not a crystal watered marina in which the fish are free to go. And so we are sucked into creating a cryptic web of rationalizations to cover his blunt implications with a less harsh pretense. Eventually you are a minute counter, wondering every moment how long it has been since you spoke, since he called. Utterly and completely under his control without him even being aware.
If I have learned on thing it is this: a man will never leave a woman who does things for him that you would not do. He may prefer your company, your appearance and any number of other things in comparison to her, but what you cannot give him that she is willing to is a sort of twisted motherly responsibility. She will spend expansive amounts of time completing tasks for his benefit without any recognition, respect or appreciation. She also tends to fawn over him constantly, something which he vehemently reproaches and yet secretly requires as a way to keep his delicate balance of self-confidence and self-righteousness intact. If you cannot bring yourself, a decently intelligent and at least partially self-assured woman, to do these things for him, you will NEVER win. That is a promise.
Twice, consecutively, i have put myself in a situation that, in retrospect, was really quite translucent to begin with. To begin a relationship with a man who has a current attachment is a risk, a move that should it succeed, holds the capacity to greatly boost the hope for the bond you share as well as your own confidence. It is not done to spite the other woman, it is not done with any regard for her at all beyond what you are told and chose to believe of her; which will ultimately lead you to have little to no respect for her, considering the source of your information. However, this usually ends in the 'other woman' becoming so psychologically twisted after the months of convincing herself through marginal chance by marginal chance that his recorded spiel on how irrevocable over his relationship is truth, despite his blatant and really quite inconsiderate slip-ups. To her, it is okay to lie to yourself so long as you can actually pull it off successfully. It is almost like solving a puzzle only to thoroughly deny that the picture shown is in fact an aquarium and not a crystal watered marina in which the fish are free to go. And so we are sucked into creating a cryptic web of rationalizations to cover his blunt implications with a less harsh pretense. Eventually you are a minute counter, wondering every moment how long it has been since you spoke, since he called. Utterly and completely under his control without him even being aware.
If I have learned on thing it is this: a man will never leave a woman who does things for him that you would not do. He may prefer your company, your appearance and any number of other things in comparison to her, but what you cannot give him that she is willing to is a sort of twisted motherly responsibility. She will spend expansive amounts of time completing tasks for his benefit without any recognition, respect or appreciation. She also tends to fawn over him constantly, something which he vehemently reproaches and yet secretly requires as a way to keep his delicate balance of self-confidence and self-righteousness intact. If you cannot bring yourself, a decently intelligent and at least partially self-assured woman, to do these things for him, you will NEVER win. That is a promise.