things!
So...last night I stayed up after I started to feel tired, and then I got a second wind and stayed up watching music videos on the internets and everything was fine in dandy, but then I started thinking about a bunch of things that were bothering me such as the fact that I have been bored at my job for a while now, but don't really know what I want to do and am too lazy and scared to start looking for a new job...and assorted other things, and I felt really unhappy and I was like holy shit am I depressed? Looking back at it I don't think I am, but anyway...
this morning I was in a foul mood...like really bad. I dunno what happened. I did NOT feel like going to work at all and I was in a wretched mood for my whole subway ride there...and then we were setting up the new phone system in the office and things were just getting on my nerves and I was dreading what a long day it was going to be, but then...out of nowhere, while I was on the phone a package arrived and it turned out to be my new adidas. I was so shocked that they arrived so quickly. I won them off of ebay and had only just paid for them on Wednesday. I tried them on and they thankfully fit, and look less day-glo than they do in the picture which I was a bit concerned about. So the kicks totally turned my mood around (the little things, right?)...the rest of the day went pretty quickly.
But then it gets better...had a nice little myspace message exchange with the boy. I have no idea what the hell is going on really, but I am (sometimes) taking it more lightly than I used to and just trying to appreciate his company in general and not focus so much on a relationship with him b/c it is nowhere in sight :P We might see Borat tomorrow, but I'm not sure if we'll be able to work it out b/c I have to be back here by 5:30 to meet Anthony so we can drive up to Chester together for his sister's sweet 17, lol. It will be a lot of fun.
So that kept the good mood going...then I decided to finally hang up posters and stuff in my room because we've been here since June and the only thing I've done is paint one wall blue. But before I did that I checked my email which turned me into a prisoner of the internets. I signed onto aim which I haven't done in forever and my friend Patrick who I worked with at NYU im'd me to see if I wanted to meet up this weekend. I haven't talked to him in person or on the internet in months so we chatted for a bit and are going to try to get together next week. And...he came out to me! which for some reason makes me very excited. I guess it just makes me glad that he feels that comfortable with me. After that I chatted with my friend Lauren and she is going to be in the city Monday night because she joined the NY Teaching Fellows program. I am really happy for her. And...we are going to have dinner Monday night when she is done which is awesome because we haven't hung out in a looong time.
So yeah...all of these things made me feel a lot better and made me realize that even though I keep to myself a lot there are people that care about me and that I can turn to and hang out with and all that.
Afterwards I proceeded to go through a bunch of old photos...3 shoeboxes maybe...I am going to hang some up. I tried to figure out which posters should go up, but I have accumulated so much stuff and I can't make up my mind as to where everything should go.
I'm starting to get really sleepy. I just had a really good cup of tea and am listening to the Kings of Convenience so I am ridiculously docile. The word docile makes me think of aquatic mammals...which makes me think of Shamu. The whole Shamu "attack" thing makes me very uneasy. Lol. Reading all that sounds kind of funny and I am actually laughing at myself, but really I'm serious. Anyway..ttfn. I was going to do laundry tomorrow, but I forgot to get quarters...maybe it is a sign?
Ooops...back to the photos...they went all the way back to high school and they brought back so many good memories. I also went through some of the ones from when I visited Europe the summer before my freshman year, and then some photos I've taken around the city mainly during my senior year. It made me appreciate a lot of things I'd forgotten about and took for granted. That whole trip to Europe was really life-changing and exciting and I just kind of forgot about it somehow over the past few years. And lately I've been feeling very hostile toward New York...I felt like I was sick of it and have been thinking of if I were to move where I would go...different cities, etc., but then looking at the photos made me realize that I really love this city, and it made me realize that my attitude towards a lot of things has gotten very negative lately. It's like I'm in a different place than I was 2 years ago...and I feel like back then things were better, my attitude at least...and looking back I see all these things I had going for me that I didn't realize and I've just kind of let them fade away and now after realizing all of this I'm hoping I can just jump back on the horse...just get back there and do things. I'm living in one of the greatest, most interesting cities that has so much going on and I go home after work, cook dinner, watch an episode of "Sex in the City", play on the internet, go to bed too late, then wake up in no mood for work and can't wait to race home and do it again?! It just doesn't make sense. I totally forgot about this phase I went through...I would be walking to class or shopping or what have you and I'd always catch myseld thinking "I wish I had a camara"...so finally I started carrying a disposeable in my bag all the time...and as I was going through them...a lot of them are really beautiful...and I am not saying this in a self-centered, I am an artsy schmartsy superior photographer way. I have no training whatsoever, I just hit the button...but some of the things that wound up being captured...they're just so vivid and full of life and expressive. The shit I am typing is starting to worry me. I feel like I am having some sort of drug flashback even though probably the "worst" thing I've done is mushrooms one time. Lol. But really I mean it all. Then I was looking at some photos I took at shows a couple of years ago (which basically I've since given up on because I went up not enjoying the music as much b/c I am trying to get a good shot or what have you), and some of them turned out really well. Don't get me wrong...there are some that are pretty bad...this one set of Radio 4 at the Bowery Ballroom...heads are cut off left and right. But then there are these ones I took of Phoenix at Irving Plaza and they're pretty damn good, but for some reason I never realize and they've just been sitting here. I could have at least sent them to the band or label for their website.It just seems so silly that I can't realize things as they are happening a lot of the time...I'm on a two year time delay or something.
Anyway...I think that's enough for one night. That honestly felt great to write. My eyelids are so heavy though. I really need to get to bed.
this morning I was in a foul mood...like really bad. I dunno what happened. I did NOT feel like going to work at all and I was in a wretched mood for my whole subway ride there...and then we were setting up the new phone system in the office and things were just getting on my nerves and I was dreading what a long day it was going to be, but then...out of nowhere, while I was on the phone a package arrived and it turned out to be my new adidas. I was so shocked that they arrived so quickly. I won them off of ebay and had only just paid for them on Wednesday. I tried them on and they thankfully fit, and look less day-glo than they do in the picture which I was a bit concerned about. So the kicks totally turned my mood around (the little things, right?)...the rest of the day went pretty quickly.
But then it gets better...had a nice little myspace message exchange with the boy. I have no idea what the hell is going on really, but I am (sometimes) taking it more lightly than I used to and just trying to appreciate his company in general and not focus so much on a relationship with him b/c it is nowhere in sight :P We might see Borat tomorrow, but I'm not sure if we'll be able to work it out b/c I have to be back here by 5:30 to meet Anthony so we can drive up to Chester together for his sister's sweet 17, lol. It will be a lot of fun.
So that kept the good mood going...then I decided to finally hang up posters and stuff in my room because we've been here since June and the only thing I've done is paint one wall blue. But before I did that I checked my email which turned me into a prisoner of the internets. I signed onto aim which I haven't done in forever and my friend Patrick who I worked with at NYU im'd me to see if I wanted to meet up this weekend. I haven't talked to him in person or on the internet in months so we chatted for a bit and are going to try to get together next week. And...he came out to me! which for some reason makes me very excited. I guess it just makes me glad that he feels that comfortable with me. After that I chatted with my friend Lauren and she is going to be in the city Monday night because she joined the NY Teaching Fellows program. I am really happy for her. And...we are going to have dinner Monday night when she is done which is awesome because we haven't hung out in a looong time.
So yeah...all of these things made me feel a lot better and made me realize that even though I keep to myself a lot there are people that care about me and that I can turn to and hang out with and all that.
Afterwards I proceeded to go through a bunch of old photos...3 shoeboxes maybe...I am going to hang some up. I tried to figure out which posters should go up, but I have accumulated so much stuff and I can't make up my mind as to where everything should go.
I'm starting to get really sleepy. I just had a really good cup of tea and am listening to the Kings of Convenience so I am ridiculously docile. The word docile makes me think of aquatic mammals...which makes me think of Shamu. The whole Shamu "attack" thing makes me very uneasy. Lol. Reading all that sounds kind of funny and I am actually laughing at myself, but really I'm serious. Anyway..ttfn. I was going to do laundry tomorrow, but I forgot to get quarters...maybe it is a sign?
Ooops...back to the photos...they went all the way back to high school and they brought back so many good memories. I also went through some of the ones from when I visited Europe the summer before my freshman year, and then some photos I've taken around the city mainly during my senior year. It made me appreciate a lot of things I'd forgotten about and took for granted. That whole trip to Europe was really life-changing and exciting and I just kind of forgot about it somehow over the past few years. And lately I've been feeling very hostile toward New York...I felt like I was sick of it and have been thinking of if I were to move where I would go...different cities, etc., but then looking at the photos made me realize that I really love this city, and it made me realize that my attitude towards a lot of things has gotten very negative lately. It's like I'm in a different place than I was 2 years ago...and I feel like back then things were better, my attitude at least...and looking back I see all these things I had going for me that I didn't realize and I've just kind of let them fade away and now after realizing all of this I'm hoping I can just jump back on the horse...just get back there and do things. I'm living in one of the greatest, most interesting cities that has so much going on and I go home after work, cook dinner, watch an episode of "Sex in the City", play on the internet, go to bed too late, then wake up in no mood for work and can't wait to race home and do it again?! It just doesn't make sense. I totally forgot about this phase I went through...I would be walking to class or shopping or what have you and I'd always catch myseld thinking "I wish I had a camara"...so finally I started carrying a disposeable in my bag all the time...and as I was going through them...a lot of them are really beautiful...and I am not saying this in a self-centered, I am an artsy schmartsy superior photographer way. I have no training whatsoever, I just hit the button...but some of the things that wound up being captured...they're just so vivid and full of life and expressive. The shit I am typing is starting to worry me. I feel like I am having some sort of drug flashback even though probably the "worst" thing I've done is mushrooms one time. Lol. But really I mean it all. Then I was looking at some photos I took at shows a couple of years ago (which basically I've since given up on because I went up not enjoying the music as much b/c I am trying to get a good shot or what have you), and some of them turned out really well. Don't get me wrong...there are some that are pretty bad...this one set of Radio 4 at the Bowery Ballroom...heads are cut off left and right. But then there are these ones I took of Phoenix at Irving Plaza and they're pretty damn good, but for some reason I never realize and they've just been sitting here. I could have at least sent them to the band or label for their website.It just seems so silly that I can't realize things as they are happening a lot of the time...I'm on a two year time delay or something.
Anyway...I think that's enough for one night. That honestly felt great to write. My eyelids are so heavy though. I really need to get to bed.