Destroying my trust...
Well as always life goes on. Whether you want it to or not. The world keeps spinning and you just keep moving along for the ride. This weekend was enlightening experience for me. For those that know the contents of matter and exactly what happened your probably laughing right now. For those of that don't , it's ok your not totally out of the loop.
So a couple entries I told you (at least I think I did) that truth and trust are very important. Honestly, it's what makes or breaks you in my book. The way I perceive you has a lot to do with the types of friendships that I have. See I ALWAYS give people the benefit of the doubt and try not to judge them on the errors(or what they consider errors) on the path to discovering. I don't base my decisions and opinions from one conversation or one action. I just can't do it. It's not a "Josie Thang" ;) However, when take my truth and my trust and throw it around like it's nothing. It really pisses me off and no matter how much I say it doesn't or it doesn't bother me IT DOES. I mean c'mon be realistic do you really think I can just forgive and forget? As sad as it is to say I can't...one moment betrayal one lie and my perception of you is altered forever. My guard comes up and I just can't look at you the same way ever again.
This weekend for those of you who don't know was supposed to be a big one. At least in a sense *L* See my cousin she got married and her and her husband decided they were going to try and hook me up with his single cousin. They put us as parteners in the wedding and nothing had really come of it so far. Basically because the months of the shower and the get togethers happened when I was going through some difficult times in my life. But, I figured what the hell this weekend we would see if anything would ever come it and then it happened. Members of my OWN family (not my parents or sister) showed just how much they think of me. Or just how naive they honestly think I am. It really disappointed me because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Someone once told me you gotta follow your instincts...they are never wrong. They were right and sometimes I really wish they weren't. So to explain the story...Thursday night at the rehearsal I was standing next to supposed person I was standing up with(the single cousin)...he looked a little uncomfortable...nervous and now I know why. While standing there my cousin who was getting married exclaimed " Josie! What are you doing? Your standing up with Sal...." Um ok. Whatever, no big deal. Sal's my cousin, Josey's fiancee and he's a nice guy. I really didn't mind, but I did find it a bit odd. I kinda let it slide and then on the day of the wedding I confirmed my suspcions. See I really couldn't why they switched Dino and I until I saw him talking to my cousin's cousin. They seemed to be having somewhat of an intimate conversation. Later I pulled my sister and voiced my suspcion. I told her I thought they may have hooked Dino up with Maria. Char was like are you sure I think she was just bumming a cigarette. I told her I thought it was more than that and Char said if that was true it was BOGUE. Well it was true and I got my suspcions reconfirmed when one of my cousin's cousins made a comment about it at the wedding. Saying that now Maria had two guys Dino(of course!) and some guy named Franco. Funny how I called it. *LOL* Not funny that my own family members didn't have the balls or guts to tell me. Did they really think I was that naive? THat I wouldn't figure it out? THat wouldn't be just a little pissed and upset? Fine, Dino wasn't interested no big deal, but what the hell was the point of changing us as partners. What he wasn't man enough? He couldn't take being hooked up with a girl who his cousin was trying to set him up with when hooking up with another cousin?! That's all they had to say. All they had to do was tell me the truth! They didn't do it ...instead the chose to act dumb and make themselves look like asses.
Sometimes people will ask why I am not as close with the Italian side of my family. BOOOm! There it is right in front of your face. I gave my trust and you spit it back in my face! How am I supposed to react? Just let it roll...take it with a grain of salt....do you not understand how much trust and truth mean to me?
If you ask any of my close friends. The ones who have seen me through every possible emotion and situation they'll tell you. I put my heart and soul into every relationship I have with every person. I give myself completely to people....my trust my truth and if you break it, I can never go back. Like I said a couple entries ago I NEVER EVER judge anyone on their past because it makes you who you are in the present. WHat happened in my past ...in my friend's past and my families past has nothing to do with the here and now. NOTHING. In my IM message there's a quote that I wrote myself:"Remember no matter what, every choice you make , every experience you have, makes you the person you are today, this minute, right now." It angers that members of my own family who take me to be an idiot and think I don't realize when things go on. This weekend my cousin she destroyed my trust in her and now I can never look at her the same again. To know that other members of the family new the reason and didn't bother tell me says a lot to me about their character. It's caused me to lose respect in those people and now I can't look at them the same.
For those of you who read this and who have helped through this last week especially I can't say Thank You enough. Writing is like release....the one place I can let go and let all my thoughts spill out. Life will go on and I'll keep chuggin cuz' that's the "Josie way". Besides like my quote I believe that all these experience will have some impact on the life I know choose to live. Peace out...
So a couple entries I told you (at least I think I did) that truth and trust are very important. Honestly, it's what makes or breaks you in my book. The way I perceive you has a lot to do with the types of friendships that I have. See I ALWAYS give people the benefit of the doubt and try not to judge them on the errors(or what they consider errors) on the path to discovering. I don't base my decisions and opinions from one conversation or one action. I just can't do it. It's not a "Josie Thang" ;) However, when take my truth and my trust and throw it around like it's nothing. It really pisses me off and no matter how much I say it doesn't or it doesn't bother me IT DOES. I mean c'mon be realistic do you really think I can just forgive and forget? As sad as it is to say I can't...one moment betrayal one lie and my perception of you is altered forever. My guard comes up and I just can't look at you the same way ever again.
This weekend for those of you who don't know was supposed to be a big one. At least in a sense *L* See my cousin she got married and her and her husband decided they were going to try and hook me up with his single cousin. They put us as parteners in the wedding and nothing had really come of it so far. Basically because the months of the shower and the get togethers happened when I was going through some difficult times in my life. But, I figured what the hell this weekend we would see if anything would ever come it and then it happened. Members of my OWN family (not my parents or sister) showed just how much they think of me. Or just how naive they honestly think I am. It really disappointed me because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. Someone once told me you gotta follow your instincts...they are never wrong. They were right and sometimes I really wish they weren't. So to explain the story...Thursday night at the rehearsal I was standing next to supposed person I was standing up with(the single cousin)...he looked a little uncomfortable...nervous and now I know why. While standing there my cousin who was getting married exclaimed " Josie! What are you doing? Your standing up with Sal...." Um ok. Whatever, no big deal. Sal's my cousin, Josey's fiancee and he's a nice guy. I really didn't mind, but I did find it a bit odd. I kinda let it slide and then on the day of the wedding I confirmed my suspcions. See I really couldn't why they switched Dino and I until I saw him talking to my cousin's cousin. They seemed to be having somewhat of an intimate conversation. Later I pulled my sister and voiced my suspcion. I told her I thought they may have hooked Dino up with Maria. Char was like are you sure I think she was just bumming a cigarette. I told her I thought it was more than that and Char said if that was true it was BOGUE. Well it was true and I got my suspcions reconfirmed when one of my cousin's cousins made a comment about it at the wedding. Saying that now Maria had two guys Dino(of course!) and some guy named Franco. Funny how I called it. *LOL* Not funny that my own family members didn't have the balls or guts to tell me. Did they really think I was that naive? THat I wouldn't figure it out? THat wouldn't be just a little pissed and upset? Fine, Dino wasn't interested no big deal, but what the hell was the point of changing us as partners. What he wasn't man enough? He couldn't take being hooked up with a girl who his cousin was trying to set him up with when hooking up with another cousin?! That's all they had to say. All they had to do was tell me the truth! They didn't do it ...instead the chose to act dumb and make themselves look like asses.
Sometimes people will ask why I am not as close with the Italian side of my family. BOOOm! There it is right in front of your face. I gave my trust and you spit it back in my face! How am I supposed to react? Just let it roll...take it with a grain of salt....do you not understand how much trust and truth mean to me?
If you ask any of my close friends. The ones who have seen me through every possible emotion and situation they'll tell you. I put my heart and soul into every relationship I have with every person. I give myself completely to people....my trust my truth and if you break it, I can never go back. Like I said a couple entries ago I NEVER EVER judge anyone on their past because it makes you who you are in the present. WHat happened in my past ...in my friend's past and my families past has nothing to do with the here and now. NOTHING. In my IM message there's a quote that I wrote myself:"Remember no matter what, every choice you make , every experience you have, makes you the person you are today, this minute, right now." It angers that members of my own family who take me to be an idiot and think I don't realize when things go on. This weekend my cousin she destroyed my trust in her and now I can never look at her the same again. To know that other members of the family new the reason and didn't bother tell me says a lot to me about their character. It's caused me to lose respect in those people and now I can't look at them the same.
For those of you who read this and who have helped through this last week especially I can't say Thank You enough. Writing is like release....the one place I can let go and let all my thoughts spill out. Life will go on and I'll keep chuggin cuz' that's the "Josie way". Besides like my quote I believe that all these experience will have some impact on the life I know choose to live. Peace out...