(no subject)

Nov 20, 2011 19:50

Well Im not gonna bother making my post privet. It isnt like anyone bothers to read this anymore. Thoes who know about it have either forgotten I have this or dont care. So oh well. So right after Howallen I got in a fight with Mikie. Well first I got in a fight with one of his friends. Who is all stupidly defencive over Lena. But whatever. Anyway I should feel bad about fighting with his friend. Cause I know most of it was I was on edge cause of the fight I had with Joes girlfriend. And that fight actually ment something. Mikies friend was freaken stupid. I dont really care. Im done taking everything from Lenas attack dogs and not have her say something to me. She has a damn problem freaken say something. I hate dumb ass fake people. You know I have Mikie telling me so much and I am so tired of people saying shit all the freaken time about what I do. When they dont have a freaken clue its both ways. And I am sooo not truly open about shit. So all that lead to me saying some stuff to Mikie. I ment it. He is breaking my heart over and over and over again. He tells me he loves me not only loves me but is in love with me. He tells me he wants to be with me. But I am just sapose to sit here and be his dirty little secret till he either makes a choice, or gets the balls to do what is right and what will make him happy. He dosnt want to hurt Lena. Well fuck its okay to keep hurting me? He knows Im not going anywhere. And hes right I wont. No matter what I wont. I will never do that again. But because of what I said to him he bounced again. Isnt talking to anyone apperntly. But he again isnt talking to me. And I know Im stupid and should just let it go. But it hurts. Hes been gone for like a month. It sucks. I miss him. And this last week has sucked. Sucked so hard. I lost a friend I grew up with in church. Emily. I siad something to my dads wife that cought him in a lie. So they broke up. For good I think this time. And my dad lost it on me and told me it was my fult. Said that just cause Im happy now I dont care who I hurt. That I need to stay out of his life and business. It hurt so bad. But who went and helped him pack his shit up that day? Yeah thats right I did! Who is he living with? ME! Theres a bunch of fighting going on in our family right now. And I just want to talk to him. I want to talk to him about it. Hell I just want to talk to him. I dont care if its about cookies. I just want to talk to him. Im so tired. I need someone and I just want him....But oh well.
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