What the fuck is wrong with me?
I spent so long being anti social. I have no clue how to talk to people. I am a bitch, even when I have no intention of being a bitch. I feel like shit right now. I hurt people because I don't know how to say stuff. Matthew he has got the crap end of the stick when it comes to dealing with me and my attitude. He is the only one around enough that I can't hide it from. I have always told myself that he would get to hurt at what I would say because he was to sensative. And you know what? That isn't it, it is because I am a bitch. You know in highschool for a good what two years the only person I really surrounded myself with was Nathan. Hell he was my other half for so long. But you know what he understood me. I miss that. I was a bitch to him so much and I mean he got it he was a dick himself. It worked. Neither one of us let people in enough so we worked. I would say something fucked up and he knew it was cause I that was just who I was. And he would say something fucked up and it was just Nathan. But then when I felt like shit we didn't have to say anything at all. I could sit and listen to him play his gutiar. I guess that is what you need a best friend. Someone who knows you and understands you in ways no one else dose.
I have always tried to tell myself that I was a really good person deep inside and it was just the walls that I put up that were fucked up. And at first that may have been right. Doubt it but maybe. I used to think that if they were able to deal with my bitchiness then they got to see the better part. But you know what I realized either I was always wrong or shit has changed. The walls I put up are the friendly hey lets have a cup of coffee with my mother and chat me. And the real me is a mean, selfish. lonley bitch. That about sums it up.
It kinda sucks when you are trying to figure out who the real you is cause you have pretended to be someone else for so long and the real you turns out to be me.......
I have always tried to tell myself that I was a really good person deep inside and it was just the walls that I put up that were fucked up. And at first that may have been right. Doubt it but maybe. I used to think that if they were able to deal with my bitchiness then they got to see the better part. But you know what I realized either I was always wrong or shit has changed. The walls I put up are the friendly hey lets have a cup of coffee with my mother and chat me. And the real me is a mean, selfish. lonley bitch. That about sums it up.
It kinda sucks when you are trying to figure out who the real you is cause you have pretended to be someone else for so long and the real you turns out to be me.......