(no subject)
i am about to lose it.
i don't think i can do this.
okay correction...i know i can do this but i don't think i want to.
i just wish i could snap my fingers and know everything so i didn't have to deal with the whole 'process of learning'. i hate the transition of ignorance/being naive to actual knowledge and practice of knowledge.
i guess i just get frustrated...when i ask a damn question, can you just listen to my full question and give me the correct answer instead of cutting me off and giving me a completely different answer because you didn't let me finish my sentence? basically, if you shut the fuck up and listen to me, i won't have to keep bothering you and asking you the same questions over and over again because i still haven't received the correct answer.
on top of that, i am beginning to realize how much people are neglected in the hospital, especially those that NEED help. i am going to lose it. i have cried every day that i have been in the hospital so far just from dealing with all this stupid bullshit that shouldn't even be happening in the first place and the lack of care i have been seeing for these patients.
i hate it because i do not have much say in what is being done. i can't just sit there and correct nurses and CNAs. they are going to look at me like i am stupid because i am a student and they have 'been doing this for years' and they have their license to do it. I HATE IT because i know i can do some of their jobs better than they can...especially when it comes to the CNAs because they pretty much do the same shit i am doing and learning how to do. don't get pissed off at me because i am trying to assess the patient before i make them turn over because i know they have a fractured hip/pelvis and i know they shouldnt be turning on the side they just had surgery on or that they havent EVEN HAD surgery on yet. i can't handle hearing 'oh my god you are hurting me, please stop hurting me, please stop, oh my god, PLEASE STOP YOU ARE HURTING ME SO MUCH, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME???!', being screamed from a 91 year old woman with a fractured pelvis that has not been treated yet because she can't go through surgery because of her age, when i know the pain could be prevented by doing it the correct way. oh that's right CNA, you didn't know she had a fractured pelvis that hasn't been treated because you didn't take the time to look up her information and you don't really care, you are just trying to do your job. and i qoute 'mama, we aren't hurting you...' even though she is SCREAMING the whole time. 'mama, we aren't hurting you' even though she is placing pressure on the fracture with her hand to support herself while trying to perform the bedbath. the other students in my class heard her screaming from down the hall while we were in the room. it breaks my heart. this is why the med-surg floor is not the floor i am cut out to work on. i can't handle it.
i have decided that i never want to become a jaded nurse. i never want to just do my job because i have to. i want to do my job because i want to and that i enjoy helping people. isn't that the whole point of becoming a nurse?
i don't think i can do this.
okay correction...i know i can do this but i don't think i want to.
i just wish i could snap my fingers and know everything so i didn't have to deal with the whole 'process of learning'. i hate the transition of ignorance/being naive to actual knowledge and practice of knowledge.
i guess i just get frustrated...when i ask a damn question, can you just listen to my full question and give me the correct answer instead of cutting me off and giving me a completely different answer because you didn't let me finish my sentence? basically, if you shut the fuck up and listen to me, i won't have to keep bothering you and asking you the same questions over and over again because i still haven't received the correct answer.
on top of that, i am beginning to realize how much people are neglected in the hospital, especially those that NEED help. i am going to lose it. i have cried every day that i have been in the hospital so far just from dealing with all this stupid bullshit that shouldn't even be happening in the first place and the lack of care i have been seeing for these patients.
i hate it because i do not have much say in what is being done. i can't just sit there and correct nurses and CNAs. they are going to look at me like i am stupid because i am a student and they have 'been doing this for years' and they have their license to do it. I HATE IT because i know i can do some of their jobs better than they can...especially when it comes to the CNAs because they pretty much do the same shit i am doing and learning how to do. don't get pissed off at me because i am trying to assess the patient before i make them turn over because i know they have a fractured hip/pelvis and i know they shouldnt be turning on the side they just had surgery on or that they havent EVEN HAD surgery on yet. i can't handle hearing 'oh my god you are hurting me, please stop hurting me, please stop, oh my god, PLEASE STOP YOU ARE HURTING ME SO MUCH, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME???!', being screamed from a 91 year old woman with a fractured pelvis that has not been treated yet because she can't go through surgery because of her age, when i know the pain could be prevented by doing it the correct way. oh that's right CNA, you didn't know she had a fractured pelvis that hasn't been treated because you didn't take the time to look up her information and you don't really care, you are just trying to do your job. and i qoute 'mama, we aren't hurting you...' even though she is SCREAMING the whole time. 'mama, we aren't hurting you' even though she is placing pressure on the fracture with her hand to support herself while trying to perform the bedbath. the other students in my class heard her screaming from down the hall while we were in the room. it breaks my heart. this is why the med-surg floor is not the floor i am cut out to work on. i can't handle it.
i have decided that i never want to become a jaded nurse. i never want to just do my job because i have to. i want to do my job because i want to and that i enjoy helping people. isn't that the whole point of becoming a nurse?