11:11; 11:12; 11:13
my life! always an adventure..
SF, berkeley, East Bay: hella amazing. it is the best of so many worlds, four seasons, relaxed west-coast atmosphere, hippie culture, dogs everywhere, nature in the middle of the city (urban forest) & girls. possibly someday i might spend some more time there. the time there was everything i needed. kate constantly made me laugh and we had great adventures: partners in crime someday for sure. seeing carrie was great. claire took me sightseeing and i saw a lot of cool things in SF thanks to her. highlights: meow mix aCATemy haha, random person's house with a view, the lex, dublin, breakfast at the vault, the bart, bfast at the other place with carrie, a trolley ride, face painting in a pizza place, vodka in line, "we gotta get out of here"...& so much more..
other news: so ny has been postponed until i get an apartment. where does the good go? things broke down with the girl...i got played hard and she fucked some other girl. i wrote the book on that bullshit so what goes around comes around and i suppose i got what i deserved..at least what was coming to me. regardless, its really sad, we broke up & it breaks my heart. it had been so long since i gave myself, since i let myself be vulnerable. (short pity party) but you know, since the first girl/s and that fucking tragedy hopeless romantic shit i devised such a great defense mechanism so that i would never be alone, never lonely like i knew, like i saw, like i was, growing up. i was (am) witness to my family, all these people with so much love to give and no one that wanted it; alone in their homes, in their lives, their heart, bleeding for companionship. i had an incredible system, safety nets, but i didn't realize how much damage i did to everyone else, and to myself. thankfully i've grown out of it (although right now its a conscious effort not to go back to safety) but i have to be hopeful and resilient. i don't want to settle out of fear. i do believe, do hope that there is more out there...and i am coming to the point that if i find there's not, i'd rather be alone and pure than in a shattered relationship. perhaps things will not always be this way, but i have learned so many lessons and i know i can not damage people how i have done in my past, or how its been done to me. maybe everything happens for a reason.? i am So Sorry. i was a kid who believed the solution was becoming the thing that hurt you as to not get hurt. i am stronger now, and if nothing else, this girl was good karma. i don't know what will happen but i am finding a purpose all i my own and i do know i have to get myself back.
[edit] yesterday that was my post. today this is my horoscope:
"Your visions of the future are not always accurate, but they should always be hopeful. If you discover today that your hopes are not going to pan out, then get busy building up some new ones!"
i love it.
SF, berkeley, East Bay: hella amazing. it is the best of so many worlds, four seasons, relaxed west-coast atmosphere, hippie culture, dogs everywhere, nature in the middle of the city (urban forest) & girls. possibly someday i might spend some more time there. the time there was everything i needed. kate constantly made me laugh and we had great adventures: partners in crime someday for sure. seeing carrie was great. claire took me sightseeing and i saw a lot of cool things in SF thanks to her. highlights: meow mix aCATemy haha, random person's house with a view, the lex, dublin, breakfast at the vault, the bart, bfast at the other place with carrie, a trolley ride, face painting in a pizza place, vodka in line, "we gotta get out of here"...& so much more..
other news: so ny has been postponed until i get an apartment. where does the good go? things broke down with the girl...i got played hard and she fucked some other girl. i wrote the book on that bullshit so what goes around comes around and i suppose i got what i deserved..at least what was coming to me. regardless, its really sad, we broke up & it breaks my heart. it had been so long since i gave myself, since i let myself be vulnerable. (short pity party) but you know, since the first girl/s and that fucking tragedy hopeless romantic shit i devised such a great defense mechanism so that i would never be alone, never lonely like i knew, like i saw, like i was, growing up. i was (am) witness to my family, all these people with so much love to give and no one that wanted it; alone in their homes, in their lives, their heart, bleeding for companionship. i had an incredible system, safety nets, but i didn't realize how much damage i did to everyone else, and to myself. thankfully i've grown out of it (although right now its a conscious effort not to go back to safety) but i have to be hopeful and resilient. i don't want to settle out of fear. i do believe, do hope that there is more out there...and i am coming to the point that if i find there's not, i'd rather be alone and pure than in a shattered relationship. perhaps things will not always be this way, but i have learned so many lessons and i know i can not damage people how i have done in my past, or how its been done to me. maybe everything happens for a reason.? i am So Sorry. i was a kid who believed the solution was becoming the thing that hurt you as to not get hurt. i am stronger now, and if nothing else, this girl was good karma. i don't know what will happen but i am finding a purpose all i my own and i do know i have to get myself back.
[edit] yesterday that was my post. today this is my horoscope:
"Your visions of the future are not always accurate, but they should always be hopeful. If you discover today that your hopes are not going to pan out, then get busy building up some new ones!"
i love it.