(no subject)
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.
When I was in college, I found lumps in my neck, and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease. Two years later, I had a recurrance. I have been cancer free for thirteen years next month.
Two days ago I found two swollen lymph nodes in my neck about the size of pencil erasers. I have been kinda run down, but my right side has been really hurting where my liver is. If not for that I'd chalk up my fatigue to all the stress, but I think it's best to check it out.
I'm doing alright, i suppose, aside from the sheer terror that wraps its claws around me now and again. I don't want to go through this another time. And I so want to be spared. It sucks, the treatments, the bloodwork, the scans, the biopsies....please, no more.....
I just really want this to pass from me. I can't stand to think about what it will be like with children. The first two times, I went home and mom took care of me. What now? I have three children to raise, and I can't think of a worse fate for them than to have to be raised by their psycho father. It's horrifying.
Anyway, I told Doug today I wanted to be friends, as we have been all the time we've known each other, and he was so concerned with my current health situation he told me to forget it, that my offer of friendship is unacceptable to him, because he thinks more of himself than that. WTF?? Anyway, he's gone.
I told Jonathan I didn't want him to go through this with me. Just, in my experience it's more painful for those around me than it is for me. And I couldn't bear to put him through it. He said nonsense, he's not going anywhere. I told him that I didn't want that, and he said I don't have a choice, so I might as well get used to it. Which is, of course, exactly what I hoped but didn't dare believe that he would say.
I miss Jacob, and wish he were still my friend.
Shanda is taking me to the doctor tomorrow. God bless her. I couldn't do this horrid passage in life without her.
Thanks all of you for your support. Seems like just when things are going well, life kicks me in the stomach again, huh?? Well, maybe it's nothing, and they can just give me a shot or something.
I love my children. Please pray for them.
When I was in college, I found lumps in my neck, and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease. Two years later, I had a recurrance. I have been cancer free for thirteen years next month.
Two days ago I found two swollen lymph nodes in my neck about the size of pencil erasers. I have been kinda run down, but my right side has been really hurting where my liver is. If not for that I'd chalk up my fatigue to all the stress, but I think it's best to check it out.
I'm doing alright, i suppose, aside from the sheer terror that wraps its claws around me now and again. I don't want to go through this another time. And I so want to be spared. It sucks, the treatments, the bloodwork, the scans, the biopsies....please, no more.....
I just really want this to pass from me. I can't stand to think about what it will be like with children. The first two times, I went home and mom took care of me. What now? I have three children to raise, and I can't think of a worse fate for them than to have to be raised by their psycho father. It's horrifying.
Anyway, I told Doug today I wanted to be friends, as we have been all the time we've known each other, and he was so concerned with my current health situation he told me to forget it, that my offer of friendship is unacceptable to him, because he thinks more of himself than that. WTF?? Anyway, he's gone.
I told Jonathan I didn't want him to go through this with me. Just, in my experience it's more painful for those around me than it is for me. And I couldn't bear to put him through it. He said nonsense, he's not going anywhere. I told him that I didn't want that, and he said I don't have a choice, so I might as well get used to it. Which is, of course, exactly what I hoped but didn't dare believe that he would say.
I miss Jacob, and wish he were still my friend.
Shanda is taking me to the doctor tomorrow. God bless her. I couldn't do this horrid passage in life without her.
Thanks all of you for your support. Seems like just when things are going well, life kicks me in the stomach again, huh?? Well, maybe it's nothing, and they can just give me a shot or something.
I love my children. Please pray for them.