FIC: Each Unhappy Family, 2/?
Title: Each Unhappy Family
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Sebastian, Rachel (mentioned past Kurt/Blaine, Rachel/Jesse)
Rating: eventual NC-17
Word Count: aprox. 8900
Summary: Being Human!AU. Sebastian is a werewolf, Kurt is a vampire and Rachel is a ghost. Together, they are sort of like a family.
Prologue // Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Waking up was unpleasant. The first thing Sebastian felt was cold air against his naked skin, and the rough quality of the ground under him. He groaned, moving a hand to his temple and trying to look up from where he was laying on his stomach. He felt disoriented and his head hurt like a bitch. Nothing like coming back from a transformation to start the day.
He turned around on the spot, laying on his back and spying the cloudy grey sky above him. It was going to rain soon; he could smell it in the air. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples softly, and it took him minutes to realize exactly where he was. He opened his eyes again and sat up in a panic, trying to ignore the pain the stretch of muscles was causing. He looked up one more time just to be sure, just to check that he wasn’t in a nightmare. He saw only the grey sky and mouthed a shaky fuck, fuck, fuck.
It was then that he started looking around him, his movements sharp and panicky. He was in an alley, the one right outside the small space he’d rented to spend the nights of the full moon. He tried to breathe in slowly, but he couldn’t think properly. How the fuck had he gotten out last night? He’d made sure the door of the place was thick and strong enough to contain him in his wolf form, he’d fucking made sure.
He felt the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes, and opened his mouth to breathe. He needed to get a grip, he needed to get up because he was naked in an alley in the middle of the city and he’d gotten out last night and oh God, what if he’d done something? He stood up fast, his legs complaining at the movement and a slightly dizzy feeling clouding his head for a second. With two steps, he pressed his hands against a brick wall and rested for just a second, willing his head to settle. Once he felt steadier, he walked inside the place that was supposed to contain him - some space that used to belong to a teenage garage band and that he’d rented after he’d met Kurt - and frantically searched for the backpack he’d left there the night before.
He found the backpack and pulled out a change of clothes and his cell phone, trying to stay away from wandering thoughts. He’d gotten out, yes, but he’d barely moved. Surely nothing had happened. He couldn’t afford to think otherwise, not when he was having a hard time breathing. He focused on that for a second, in and out slow and nice, in through his nose, out through his mouth. It didn’t work, and he still felt dizzy.
The thought of calling Kurt crossed his mind, but he dismissed it in a second flat. He couldn’t talk about this, not now.
He put on his clothes quickly, telling himself that he had to stop the panic and pull himself together. He focused on the small details, buttoning his pants, pulling on his shirt, the pull of muscles, the softness of the fabric, and the smell of that flowery fabric softener Kurt liked so much.
He was in pain, as much as he always was after a transformation. His bones and muscles were complaining, and he could also feel the sharp pull of bruised skin on his chest. He lifted his shirt up and found claw marks somewhere near his chest and at his right hip, even going inside his pants. There was dry blood, and the wounds were red and deep. He’d been angry last night, then, and anger meant strength.
He crouched then, suddenly too overwhelmed to stay standing up. A sob wrenched his way out of his throat, and he covered his face with both hands. He breathed in short, quiet sobs, but he only allowed himself the luxury of that for a minute. He willed all of his feelings away, and stood up yet again. He walked outside determinately, but stopped by the door, catching sight of big claw marks etched in it, and of the destroyed lock. He reached out, pressed his human fingers to the claw-shaped marks and breathed in slowly.
Only then, did he notice the blood on his hands. He gasped, and told himself that that was normal, that there was always blood on his hands. He always hurt himself during these nights, probably out of anger at being locked down, so that blood had to be his own. It was dry and mostly under his nails, and it had to be his own. He nodded once, twice, and then stepped back and away from the door.
He would have to find a new place, one that would hold him properly. Or maybe he would have to think of chains and other restraints. For now, though, all he could do was step outside into the cloudy morning. When he did, tears threatened to appear again, so he started to run.
He arrived home sweaty and panting. Everything seemed to hurt, from his head to his muscles and his skin, but he welcomed it, felt anchored by the constant physical remainder of his human body. It was easier for him to stop thinking when everything was aching.
“Kurt said you’ll be late for work,” is what Rachel welcomed him with. She wasn’t looking at him, busy as she seemed to be trying to pass the pages of Kurt’s latest issue of Vogue.
Sebastian refrained from grunting at her and said through clenched teeth, “I’m not feeling so good. I’m gonna go sleep.”
With that, he escaped towards the bathroom, ignoring Rachel’s yelled, “Everything ok?”
He closed the door behind him, and without a second thought fell to the floor on his knees. He was breathing hard, the noise of it invading the small space around him. He put his hands on the floor, and nearly crawled towards the toilet. He lifted the lid and puked, clutching his hands to his stomach. When he was done, he forced himself to breathe slowly one more time. The vomit had left a sour and foul aftertaste in his mouth, but he couldn’t find the strength to stand up and fetch some water.
He told himself that everything was ok, that nothing about this was strange. Everything was normal, the pain, the tiredness, his stomach being funny and his head dizzy, even the traces of blood in his hands.
“Everything’s normal,” he said to the empty space around him. “Everything is as normal as it gets.”
He nodded to himself, feeling like he’d been doing that all morning, and then fixed his mind on simple tasks. He drank some water, washed his hands almost clinically, and took a shower. He took care of his self-inflicted wounds, hissing softly at the pain, and when he was done, he found a pair of sweatpants and buried himself under his sheets. They smelled like the product Kurt liked, one that was a tad fresher than the one he used for his clothes, and something as simple as that helped him calm the panic that had only subsided enough to let him function without losing his breath.
Kurt was at work now, but he’d be home later. He’d be home, and he’d be worried because Sebastian hadn’t gotten out of bed all day, and just his presence would be enough to make Sebastian feel better. He focused on that idea, and closed his eyes.
Two minutes hadn’t passed before Rachel popped into the room, a neat new trick she had learnt after giving up on actually being able to touch doors.
“Are you feeling ok?” she asked. Sebastian felt the mattress dip next to him, and then Rachel’s hand on his shoulder.
He grunted.
“I don’t actually speak impolite grunting, you know? You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Go away, Rachel,” he mumbled, burrowing even more inside his cocoon of blankets. She said nothing, but he felt the press of the back of her hand against his forehead. He grunted again and said, “You can’t feel heat, so stop pretending. You’re a fucking ghost, try to remember.”
“So it’s asshole mode today,” she said, taking her hand away. “Fine, be like that.” After a beat, she said, “Please imagine that I’m slamming the door on my way out.”
Despite himself, he chuckled just a little. He guessed having Rachel around the house wasn’t so bad either, even if he managed to piss her off almost once a day.
Now, if only he could manage to sleep and forget the panic of the morning, everything would be fine.
***
Kurt got home sometime after eight, tired and bitchy. The day had been long, but most of all it had been boring, mostly due to the lack of Sebastian whining and teasing while Kurt tried to do some actual work. He’d never confess to the feeling, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t indulge in a little hissy fit of his own.
It was warmer inside the apartment than outside, and Kurt sighed, relieved. December was almost here, and the city was already so cold that Kurt’s natural lack of warmth was almost unbearable. He was pretty sure he didn’t have enough coats to make him warm, not when he had no actual body heat to help the thick fabrics. But, thankfully, the apartment was warm.
He dropped his satchel on the floor and hanged his coat at the entrance. While he was loosening his scarf, Rachel popped right next to him.
“God, Rachel,” he said, after a loud gasp, “don’t just pop like that.”
“But I’m so good at it!” she exclaimed. “I’ve been practicing.” She smiled, proud like a five year old, and Kurt couldn’t help the surge of affection towards her. She’d been so frustrated, trying to touch and feel, that something as silly as appearing and disappearing seemed like a huge step. Towards what he couldn’t be sure, but definitely a step.
“Is Bas home?” he asked. “He didn’t go to work.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up haughtily. What the hell had he done this time?
“He said he was tired and then he was an asshole.”
Kurt wanted to sigh, but refrained. If he didn’t know that Sebastian was actually quite fond of Rachel, he’d be able to muster some anger towards him. They seemed to argue like siblings, though, over anything and everything, sometimes even forgetting why they had started in the first place, and then they would make up just as easily.
“The full moon makes him cranky,” Kurt said after a minute.
“Everything makes him cranky,” Rachel countered.
Kurt gave into that sigh after all, and then looked at Rachel, her arms still crossed over her chest. “Let me check on him, and then you can tell me about your day or we can watch a movie or something, ok?”
Rachel nodded, even while saying, “You’re too nice to him.”
“Don’t I know it.”
He found Sebastian laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, eyes wide open and hands clutching the edge of the sheet tightly. Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed, and was suddenly invaded by the smell of dry, fresh blood. He closed his eyes briefly while pressing his hands to his thighs. Sebastian always smelled like blood after a transformation. He always did and Kurt always managed to ignore it, no matter the small pounding somewhere in the back of his head. If he let that pounding win, he’d do something stupid, like bite Sebastian’s smooth, tanned, perfect neck.
His eyes still closed, Kurt licked his lips, and then willed himself to snap out of it.
When he opened his eyes again, feeling more grounded, Sebastian was still looking up, happy to ignore him. He looked tired, big, dark circles under his eyes being wide proof of that.
“Rachel said you were an asshole to her,” Kurt said.
Sebastian blinked, and then finally looked at him. He said nothing, though, and Kurt thought that a Sebastian in this kind of mood was always dangerous. For all that they had lived together for a while now, even silently acknowledged how much better they functioned when the other was around, communication wasn’t exactly their strong suit. If Sebastian was quiet and moody, he would stay quiet and moody for a while.
Kurt reached out anyway, pushing a strand of hair away from Sebastian’s forehead and then pressing his hand to the skin. Sebastian felt much too warm, almost burning against Kurt’s too cold skin. He stayed there for a second, eyes on Sebastian’s and fingers warming up. He moved his thumb in a soft caress, closing his eyes almost unconsciously. Just because he had gotten good at ignoring it, didn’t mean that the scent of blood wasn’t tantalizing. That coupled with the warmth of Sebastian’s skin was almost too much; would have definitely been too much if he’d been a recently turned vampire.
After what felt like hours but was probably no more than a minute, Kurt opened his eyes and moved his hand away, bringing it to his chest almost protectively. Sebastian’s breathing was shallow, and his eyes were half-closed.
“You’re too warm,” Kurt said, his voice feeling scratchy and too low, “I’ll get you some aspirin and then you can try to sleep, ok?”
Kurt didn’t wait for an answer and left the room.
***
“… I tried grabbing a mug, and I couldn’t,” Rachel was saying, later that night. She was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and her arms waving wildly about her as she explained herself. “Then, I tried reading a magazine, but I couldn’t pass the pages,” she continued, “I also tried to watch some TV, and then tried to hug a cushion, and then tried to open a door, but I couldn’t. So then I sang Don’t cry for me Argentina because at least that I can do. And how was your day?” she asked finally, looking at Kurt with a defeated glare.
“I sewed some ugly hats,” he deadpanned.
They said nothing for a while, merely looking at each other dejectedly. Kurt was still somewhat stuck in Sebastian upstairs, silent and unsleeping, but he tried to shake himself from it for Rachel’s sake.
“I don’t get it, though,” he said. “You can sit down, it’s not like you slide through the couch. I’ve also seen you lay down on a bed, so I don’t know why that’s any different from grabbing things. Maybe you have to stop trying so hard.”
“But trying hard is what I do,” she said almost immediately. “It’s like… I wanted to be a star, right? So I posted a video on MySpace every day, even if my stupid cheerleader classmates mocked me, because I knew I was going to be a star. And it got me to Broadway, so screw you, Quinn Fabray with your perfect skin and blonde hair and teenage pregnancy.”
Kurt blinked, stunned at the change in tone and demeanor. She had that crazy look about her now, and he could almost picture her taking over Broadway with nothing but talent and determination.
“Sore spot?” he wondered.
“They still liked her more than me, you know? Even after the pregnancy, and even if she was crazy and mean she was still prom queen.”
Kurt reached out, pressed his hand to her shoulder softly. “Teenagers are idiots. Trust me, I’ve seen generations of them.”
She smiled at him, and gave a grateful squeeze to his hand. “I met Jesse in high school, though. He was the star of his high school glee club, and we sang together and we were soul mates from that moment.”
Her expression turned dreamy at that, and Kurt thought back to their landlord, with his Danny Zuko mannerisms and his big dramatic words. Of course Rachel found the only guy in the universe that was an even bigger drama queen than she was.
Kurt smiled wistfully, though, thinking back to his own failed romance. Ironically enough, while Rachel’s had finished with death, his had started with it. Thoughts of Blaine suddenly consumed him, the hair, the smile, the sweetness… and the love, mostly, because he had loved him in a way that he didn’t think he’d ever love anyone else.
“I wish I could see him,” Rachel whispered softly.
That took Kurt out of his reverie. He looked at her, and when she reached for him, he took her hand.
“I think maybe it’s him,” she said, “The reason I’m stuck here.”
Kurt turned his head sideways, thinking on that. “You think? Would it help if you saw him?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
“Tell you what,” Kurt started, “I’ll make up some lie about something being wrong in the apartment and get him to come. That way you can see him, see if something happens.”
“You will?” she squealed. Before Kurt could answer, she was already plastered to him with her arms wrapped around his neck. “You’re the best, Kurt.”
“Oh, I know.”
She laughed for a second, and after a beat she said, “You’re just trying to get rid of me, aren’t you?”
“What? No!” Kurt exclaimed. “I actually like you, Rachel Berry, random midnight singing and everything. You’re one of a kind.”
She smiled yet again, getting more comfortable inside Kurt’s embrace, until they were cuddling on one end of the couch. Then, she pouted, “I bet Sebastian can’t wait for me to go, though.”
“I know he can be an idiot sometimes, or, well, almost always, but he actually likes you, too. He just has a funny way of showing affection.”
“He yelled at me today when I was singing.”
Kurt sighed, and squeezed her tightly. “Why don’t you slap him sometime? Just for the dramatic effect.”
“Ooh, definitely.”
***
A couple of days later, Sebastian didn’t feel any better. Physically, he felt almost alright, his wounds having almost healed now thanks to the very supernatural powers that had gotten him in this mess in the first place. Emotionally, though, he was clouded by doubts. He kept looking at his hands, almost expecting the shadow of blood to reappear, and as much as he tried to shut those thoughts out he didn’t know how. It had been getting worse, the anger, the lack of control, and he was afraid that at some point the wolf would take over completely.
Something that didn’t help him stop thinking was his job. It was so mechanical and stupid that it allowed his mind to wander too much. So, he found something to do that stopped his thoughts, namely, New Guy (had he said Brad? Or Brett?) who was more than happy to get on his knees for him at the backstage bathrooms. It left him so loose and thoughtless that by the time he sat down next to Kurt and his ugly hats, he was smiling.
“Almost done?” he asked.
Kurt kept sewing, deft hands fast and able. Without lifting his eyes from his work, he scrunched his nose. “Ugh, Bas, really? You smell like cheap cologne and come.”
Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows, pushing his arms against Kurt’s working table until Kurt was forced to stop and look at him. “I kinda love that you can smell sex on me, Kurt.” It came out darker than he’d thought, like there was real intent behind it instead of easy flirting.
Kurt half closed his eyes, his nose still wrinkled in distaste. “What’s up with you lately? You’re more careless than usual.”
“Nothing wrong with a little fun, Kurtsie.”
Sebastian smiled, slowly. Kurt blinked, and his expression turned confused.
“You’re really looking the wolf part right now, you know?”
Sebastian reacted to that by moving back and crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes, well. Maybe I’m embracing my true nature.”
“You’re not actually a wolf, Bas. I know you get all I’m a monster and whatnot, but you really shouldn’t give into-”
“Oh, fuck you, Kurt.”
Kurt startled at that, and threw him a cautions look that turned into a glare in no time. Sebastian couldn’t care any less, though. He didn’t have the energy for one of Kurt’s speeches on their humanity and how awesome they were for trying to have a life that didn’t involve killing. For all Sebastian knew, he could have killed someone on the last full moon. He was angry. He was angry all the time these days, it seemed, and he honestly didn’t need Kurt’s sanctimonious attitude and naiveté right now.
“I’m going for a drink,” Sebastian said. He stood up quickly, almost making his chair tumble down with the strength of his movement.
“I’m going with you,” Kurt said.
“I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Kurt. You can go home and wallow in your celibacy all you want.” His tone was harsh and strong. He was doing it on purpose, trying to piss Kurt off, and he didn’t know if he wanted to be left alone or if he wanted a strong reaction. He was positive
Kurt could take him in a fight, and a part of him was anxious to see it happen.
Harsh tone or not, Kurt simply put his work away in record time and repeated, “I’m going with you.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
***
Two hours later Sebastian was drunk and immersed in a sea of sweaty bodies. The music was thumping rhythmically, and just that was enough that his mind couldn’t drift anywhere that wasn’t here and now. He felt loose and free, tired in the nicest of ways. His limbs felt as heavy as his eyes, and he was pretty sure that as soon as he got an orgasm out of some willing body in this dance floor he’d manage to get a great night of peaceful sleeping.
He hadn’t been sleeping all that well lately, and he thought that was partly to blame for his crankiness. His mind was reeling all the time, all over the place, and his mood imitated that. Just this morning he’d been cheering when Rachel had managed to throw a pillow his way in the middle of a fit, but he had ended his day almost provoking Kurt - quiet, calm and bitchy Kurt - into a rage.
“Bas! Bas!” he heard then. “Sebastian!” came again.
Sebastian turned around, and spotted Kurt coming his way. His hair was flopping and his clothes were sticking to his skin, the humidity of the bar obviously affecting even his always cold body. He looked edible, so much of his skin covered that Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to peel all of his layers away. By the time Kurt reached him, Sebastian had had a moment to wonder how terrible it would be to give into his impulses and touch Kurt all over. It seemed like a healthier impulse than wanting to anger him.
Kurt finally reached him, though, and by then Sebastian had cleared his mind from such thoughts.
“Why don’t we go home, Bas?” Kurt said.
His voice was barely audible over the music, though, so Sebastian pressed his hands to his hips and brought him closer. Kurt followed the movement, and grabbed at Sebastian’s arms to steady himself. This close, Sebastian could smell his shampoo and the tangy scent that screamed vampire to his senses.
“I’m staying,” Sebastian said, finally. “You go home, I’ll be ok.”
Kurt frowned, doubtful. Sebastian hated him a little, because as much as he’d craved the idea of someone who would worry for him for a long time, sometimes Kurt could be a serious pain in the ass.
It took a while for Kurt to deflate, enough that Sebastian noticed their bodies moving together against the music. It was kind of disgusting how well they seemed to fit.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Bas!” were Kurt’s parting words.
Oh, no, Sebastian thought, I’ll just do someone stupid and go home to you.
***
In the end, Sebastian didn’t do one or the other. He spent his night wandering down Central Park, enjoying the scent of the trees and the cold night. It was calming, almost like a balm to his senses, which had been hyperaware lately. He hated the idea that maybe it was the wolf inside him that felt at ease surrounded by the less urban atmosphere the city provided.
He tried not to think, but he did anyway. He thought of his hands covered in blood, and of his necessity of pushing Kurt’s buttons, and of his all over the place emotions. The lack of control was maddening, and he desperately needed to find a way to get out of this funk. Walking around the trees seemed to help, so he did until it was almost five in the morning, when he found his way back home.
He went into the kitchen, craving some warm milk and some sleep. He desperately needed to sleep. In the kitchen, he found Rachel, perched on top of the table and literally twiddling her thumbs.
“Bored much, Casper?” he asked, lifting both eyebrows.
Her shoulders slumped, her hair falling over her face like a curtain and covering her eyes. “Nights are very long. I felt like singing, but I didn’t want to wake Kurt up.”
“Oh, you didn’t want to wake Kurt up,” Sebastian said, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. “When it’s me, though, you don’t care. I see how it is.” It was playful, and Sebastian was suddenly relieved that he could be something other than harsh.
“Well, he’s a lot nicer than you,” she accused, pulling her hair behind her ear and letting Sebastian see her eyes again. “Also, he was angry when he came home, what did you do?”
“He was angry?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded. “He had that look, you know? The one he gets-”
“All tight lipped and prissy like he has a stick up his ass and he’ll bite you if you mention it?”
“Sebastian!” she exclaimed, but she was giggling. Sebastian smiled at her, and she conceded, “Yeah, that one.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to piss him off. It’s not my fault he wouldn’t stay and dance with me.”
“Ohh, there was dancing?” she squealed a little after that, joining her hands and bringing them to her face in a dreamy kind of posture. “I knew you were secretly crushing on each other… It’s so romantic. The vampire and the werewolf, meant to be enemies but secretly in love. It’s like gay Twilight.”
Sebastian snorted, and then fully laughed, his shoulders shaking with it. “Easy there, little Barbra, or you’ll be writing bad fanfiction in no time.” After a bit, he added, “Besides, I don’t have a crush on Kurt.”
“Uh hu, keep telling yourself that. Of course you are the type that does that kind of thing.”
“What thing?”
“The whole I sleep around a lot but not with you because I actually care and I don’t want to take the risk and ruin what we have thing. And Kurt does the whole I’m closed up and deep because I’ve been hurt in the past and I don’t want to go through that again thing.” She nodded to herself, as if approving her own speech. “One day this will all explode in your faces in the form of kinky vampire werewolf sex.”
Sebastian turned his head a little to the side, appraising the girl before him. “You’re crazy,” he concluded. “And I’m going to bed before you start talking about Greek tragedies.”
“You tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Sebastian grunted, suddenly throwing his arms up and stretching. “God, sleep,” he sighed. “I need some of that.”
“I promise not to sing if your promise to be nice to me for two full days.”
“Blackmail, Casper?” he wondered. “I can respect that. You got a deal.”
“Awesome.”
Sebastian went to bed with an actual smile that night.
***
“… So Jesse’s coming tomorrow after work to-Sebastian? Are you listening to me?”
“Wha…” Sebastian mumbled, looking up at Kurt. He’d been drifting away, his mind completely blank, and the soft sound of Kurt’s voice had actually been sort of lulling him into a sleepy daze.
Kurt poked his arm, lips set in a thin line. “You’re so spacey today,” he said.
Sebastian rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, a huge yawn suddenly overtaking him. He let the tiredness spread through him, even helped it by stretching his arms above his head. When he caught Kurt staring at the skin the rising hem of his t-shirt had freed, he smirked.
“Like what you see, do ya?”
Kurt scoffed, looking away as a little kid would when being caught doing something wrong. “You need to get some sleep,” Kurt said, finally, straying away from the much more tantalizing subject that was Sebastian’s skin.
“I know,” Sebastian conceded, “It’s been evading me all week, though.”
Of course, it evaded him because he kept thinking, his head turning and turning over events he couldn’t find the way to control. Whatever little sleep he actually managed to get was plagued by nightmares and confusing dreams, and he woke up from them feeling more tired than at the beginning. At this point, he was pretty convinced he was going to keel over out of pure exhaustion.
“Anyway,” he said, shaking his head a little. There was no point in burdening Kurt with his lack of sleep, not when they’d probably end up having some kind of heartfelt conversation about blood on his hands and his monthly condition. “You think seeing the Jesse guy will help?” he asked finally, focusing back on the initial subject.
Kurt shrugged. He wasn’t looking at Sebastian now, but focusing on hanging some dresses properly in the racks. Sebastian was supposed to be carrying some props to the back rooms, but in his defense, Kurt had been the one to stop him on his way there for a short chat.
“She thinks he has something to do with her being stuck,” Kurt explained. Surreptitiously, he looked at the watch perched on the wall; it was late, and they should be getting home anyway.
“I think she just wants to see him,” Sebastian said, “And if by any chance he sees her back, make some melodramatic scene that they can later write and turn into a play.”
“I hardly think Jesse will see her if he hasn’t already.”
“So why’s little Barbra torturing herself like that?” Sebastian wondered. “She should find herself some ghost booty and see if the dead can still orgasm.”
“Really, Bas? Some ghost booty?” Kurt gave him a sidelong glance, but Sebastian could tell he was at least a little amused.
“It’s what I’d do,” Sebastian answered.
Kurt just shook his head, turning his attention back to the dresses before him. He stepped back, surveying his job. “It’s not about that, you know that. She still loves him, death doesn’t change that.”
“Ah, yes, tru wuv.”
Kurt laughed, despite his very visible efforts not to do it. He smacked Sebastian lightly in the arm, and then let his fingers linger on the skin even while saying, “Don’t be a jerk, Bas.”
“Fine, I won’t be a jerk. I did promise her.”
“You did?” Kurt raised one single curious eyebrow.
“In exchange for her not singing in the middle of the night.”
“Ah, of course.” Kurt shook his head yet again, as if tired of dealing with childish minds. “Anyway, I’m done here, are you coming home?”
“Sure, let me put this away and we’ll walk together.”
Kurt smiled at him, and Sebastian didn’t imagine him looking a little pleased. “Great, I’ll wait for you.”
Sebastian just smiled back.
***
“Do I look ok?”
Kurt looked at Rachel, the same hideous outfit she always wore almost prompting him to say something along the lines of it being an unfortunate one to die in. He supposed it looked almost cute on her, if one ignored every fashion concept ever learned. It was very… Rachel, though. Kurt could perfectly picture her in something similar walking down the hallways of her high school, her steps determined and her face serious. Kurt hated the stupid reindeer in her sweater, but he couldn’t deny that the whole thing suited her.
“You know he won’t see you, right?” said Sebastian from his place of the couch. He’d been lounging there all afternoon, long limbs thrown everywhere and hands restless. “Also, there’s a reindeer in your sweater,” he pointed out.
Kurt glared at him, and then looked back at Rachel with a smile. “You look great, Rachel.”
“Oh,” piped up Sebastian, “so my popped collars are douchy and 90’s fratboy-ish, but the reindeer sweater is ok.”
“We’re not discussing your fashion choices, Bas,” Kurt answered, “It would take too much time and energy, and you won’t let me dress you properly anyway.”
“You can undress me properly.”
Kurt scoffed, but said nothing when he noticed Rachel sticking her tongue out at Sebastian and him returning the gesture. Honestly, they were like five year olds.
When the doorbell rang, Rachel gasped quietly.
“He’s here,” she whispered, “Go on, get the door, get the door!”
Kurt did as he was instructed, opening the door for Jesse. Or, for Jesse and guest, he guessed. Behind him, a tall brunette with a bitter expression and her arms crossed over her chest was staring at Kurt as if he was gum stuck on her shoe.
“Hello…” Kurt said, and then composed himself and coughed a little. “Thank you for coming.” He motioned inside, stepping away to let them come in. “You could have just called a plumber for us, really.”
They’d given some excuse about the pipes in the kitchen, Kurt couldn’t be sure. Sebastian had dictated most of the thing to him, and had taken care of there being an actual mishap in the kitchen. All Kurt had done had been made sure that Jesse came himself to take a look at it, rather than just send someone else.
“I actually wanted to show the place to my fiancé, see if she’d like to move here sometime in the future.”
Kurt froze, literally.
“I told you,” the girl said, “that I don’t want to live in the apartment you bought with your dead girlfriend, Jesse.”
“Isabelle…” Kurt heard Rachel whisper. He turned around, leaving the door open as if he could make Jesse and his fiancé disappear by willing them to go away.
Jesse, of course, not having heard Rachel, not being able to see her, started talking over her second whisper.
“And I told you that you shouldn’t feel threatened by that,” he said, “Rachel’s death was a tragedy that I will forever carry on my shoulders and
that will, of course, enhance my dramatic performances, but I’m with you now, sweetie.”
“With her!?” This time, Rachel didn’t whisper, but screamed.
Next to her, Sebastian, who had almost jumped from the sofa after Jesse had mentioned his fiancé, flinched at the tone.
“I’ve been dead for four months, you… you… you bastard!” Rachel yelled. She was staring at Jesse, her face red and her eyes scrunched as if ready to cry, but Jesse was looking past her, at the nothingness he surely saw before him. “You’re going to marry her!? And bring her to our apartment and-and-and enhance your performances?”
“So, the kitchen?” Jesse said, motioning towards Kurt after sending a wave Sebastian’s way.
Kurt could barely answer, couldn’t bring himself to speak over Rachel’s screaming. But Jesse was just looking at him, a little confused probably because Kurt was so tense and looking at a spot that he thought was empty.
Kurt opened his mouth, but before he could find a way to keep up the charade, he gasped when he saw Rachel launch herself towards Jesse. She was still in a rage, red and angry and her face full of tears, but all she managed to do was go through Jesse, stumble and fall to the floor behind him.
“Something the matter?” Jesse asked.
Kurt did his best impression of a fish. Finally, Sebastian was the one to react. He was tense, and if Kurt didn’t know better, he would have guessed that he was going to throw a punch. Instead, he took a step forward.
“Kurt’ll show you to the kitchen, if you don’t mind,” he said through clenched teeth, his tone strained, “I have some things to take care of.”
With that, he walked around Jesse with fast, hard steps and picked up Rachel from the floor, easily lifting her into his arms. Kurt heard a soft protest from her, garbled between her now flowing tears, but still caught sight of her clutching at Sebastian’s shirt.
Jesse turned around, and if he happened to see Sebastian carrying something invisible out of the room, he didn’t say a thing.
“Kitchen, then?” he repeated.
“You know what?” Kurt said. His own tone was tense, tenser than Sebastian’s had been, and he could feel anger curling low in his gut. “We shouldn’t have bothered you. We’ll call a plumber ourselves, get it fixed.”
“But-”
“No, really, you should go.”
Jesse threw him a confused look, and the girl a boring one. Kurt could have ripped both their throats right then. Instead, he wrapped his hand around Jesse’s arm and moved him towards the door. Jesse yelped, and looked at him with obvious surprise at Kurt’s strength. Kurt squeezed even tighter, just to make a point, and nearly dragged Jesse outside.
“Go. Really.”
“I-Fine-Yes, ok.”
Kurt slammed the door behind them, and then clenched both fists hard and tried to calm down. When it didn’t work, he turned on his heels and walked towards the rooms, where Sebastian had carried Rachel.
“Rachel?” he asked.
“She’s gone,” Sebastian told him. He found him leaning against a wall in the hallway. He looked defeated.
“Gone?”
“Vanished, puff, like the first day.”
Kurt said nothing, and only managed to lean on the wall opposite Sebastian. He was still tense, but it took very little time for his anger to deflate and his shoulders to relax. “Fuck,” he said.
“Yeah. Fucking great idea we had.”
Kurt just nodded, and then impulsively leaned forward, curling his hands on Sebastian’s shirt when he found it. He pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s shoulder, leaning on him. Sebastian moved his arms up until his hands were resting softly on Kurt’s shoulders in something that wasn’t quite a hug. He was warm and smelled nice, and Kurt let those sensations ground him.
“She’ll come back,” Kurt said, “We’ll fix it.”
“Yeah, we’ll fix it.”
***
Later that night, Kurt lay on his bed, eyes firmly set on the ceiling, unclosed. He was tired but fighting sleep, trying to make sense of that afternoon. God, dead for four months and your boyfriend shows up with a fiancé. Rachel had seemed to know the girl, too, and Kurt got the funny feeling that Jesse hadn’t started seeing her exactly after Rachel’s death, but while he was with Rachel.
Sometimes, relationships sucked.
He didn’t have a lot of experience to draw from, though. No matter how many years he’d spent on earth, he’d had one relationship, and one true love. He’d been the one to leave Blaine in the end, though, so he could hardly compare that to what Rachel must be feeling, wherever she was.
His musings where cut short by Sebastian walking into the room, his steps slow and his demeanor tired. Kurt would have been surprised if he hadn’t heard and smelled him even before he’d come into the room. He reached the bed and sat down heavily on the edge, resting his elbows on his knees and pressing his face against his hands.
Kurt scooted closer to him and pressed his palm flat against his back. He was warm, always warm. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Sebastian sighed, his shoulders seeming to relax when Kurt curled his hand and moved it up and down his spine. “It’s been a bad week,” he said after a while, “I can’t even find it in me to mock your silk pajamas.”
“You love my silk pajamas,” Kurt countered, and when Sebastian said nothing, merely breathed slow and steady, he continued, “Wow, really? Not even how you’d love me better out of them?”
Sebastian snickered softly, and Kurt smiled behind him.
“You must be really tired,” Kurt said. Then, he moved back to his spot on the bed and patted the empty space next to him. “Come on, lie down.”
“Ok.” Sebastian went easily, laying down next to Kurt under the covers. “Just imagine me making some lewd comment about you inviting me into your bed.”
“I’ll do that.”
They stayed silent for a while then, Sebastian’s soft breathing the only sound inside the room. His eyes were only half-lidded, though, as if fighting the tiredness, and Kurt could almost imagine the muted green of them.
“You’re not even trying to sleep,” he whispered after a while, reaching out towards Sebastian and grabbing one of his hands. He squeezed a little before threading their fingers together.
Sebastian didn’t say anything for a minute, but when he did, his voice came out hoarse. “Do you think you could take me?”
“What?” Kurt asked, startled by the question.
“Do you think you could take me? As a wolf, I mean… in like, a fight.”
Kurt swallowed thickly. “I don’t-I don’t know. Maybe? I’ve never actually seen a werewolf as a wolf, you know? And I don’t drink blood, so I’m weaker but, I guess… Maybe?”
“How’s that working out for you? The blood thing?”
“It’s… ok, most of the time. Hard, sometimes.”
Sebastian just made a soft sound of acknowledgment. They were speaking soft and low, and with the room being dark, too, it felt like the time for confessions. He could hardly tell Sebastian that most of his bloodlust was caused by him, though. It was just that with the amount of the time they spent together and the way Sebastian smelled, sometimes Kurt couldn’t fight the urge to focus on his pulse beating away on his neck. He’d heard say, back in the day, that werewolf blood was actually a bit of an aphrodisiac, completely different from the taste of humans. Santana had definitely had a penchant for it, that crazy bitch that someone had decided to turn God knows why.
“But you’d try, right?” Sebastian said then, his voice still rough. “You wouldn’t let me hurt anybody.”
“I wouldn’t,” Kurt confirmed, squeezing his fingers around Sebastian’s.
“Good.”
It took a while for Sebastian to fall sleep, but he finally did, his breathing slowing down along with his pulse. Kurt felt more relaxed himself when he did, even if he didn’t fall asleep himself.
He was worried for Sebastian. He was worried that the werewolf thing was getting to be too much to handle. This week had been proof of it, with his mood changes and his lack of sleep, and Kurt just wished Sebastian would talk to him. He’d been thinking lately that what Sebastian needed, perhaps, was someone of his kind around him. He didn’t know much about werewolves - Santana had been the expert, after all - but he knew most of them moved around in packs, and maybe that was exactly what Sebastian needed.
Kurt, many years back, had made a choice. He’d spent a very long time surrounded by his own kind and then had decided to walk away, but Sebastian had never had that, since he’d never even seen the one that had turned him, probably because he’d left him for dead. Kurt wondered if a pack could show him control, could offer him the kind of comfort Kurt could only guess at. Sometimes, he thought about talking to Sebastian about this, but the truth was that a shade of selfishness didn’t let him do it.
Kurt had been afraid and alone for a very long time. When he’d been human, back in 1912, and had found himself looking at boys more than at girls, he’d surrounded himself with walls that had kept him very much alone. He’d heard the talks, whispers about troubled souls, and how the police had caught couples in sin. He’d also heard talks of some establishments in the big cities meant for men like him, but as it was, he’d only been a footman at some country house, young, naïve and scared of his secret getting out. He’d thought maybe his dad - good, old dad, and how he’d loved that man - had always known, somewhere inside him.
Kurt had resigned himself to be alone and live in fear of discovery, but then the talks of war had started. There were news from Europe, of British and French armies and lost lives, but it had all seemed so far away, so foreign to someone in his station, that he could hardly believe it when whispers of the States going to war, of drafting young men like himself had started. It was hard now to remember that kind of fear, but he knew he’d been scared to within an inch of his life.
Before he’d had time to think about it, though, he’d been turned, given a new life, a new purpose and a family. A family of predators that hadn’t judged him, and that had brought him to Blaine. And for many years, Kurt hadn’t been alone, but he’d still been afraid. Killing people, no matter the reason, had never been part of his plan, but of course, it was hard to act as more than an animal when the power of vampirism was offered. It had taken too long for him to be able to leave that life behind - to leave Blaine behind - but in the end he had. He’d stopped being afraid, because he’d found control within his grasp, but he’d started feeling alone.
Life as a lone vampire had been… sad. Of course he could try and relate to people, but in the end he was nothing more than a lost soul looking at humanity without being a true part of it. Which was the exact reason why he and Sebastian had latched onto one another and hadn’t let go, not even at the beginning when they hadn’t even liked each other all that much. And if Sebastian found a sense of family and comfort with someone of his kind, then Kurt would be drifting alone yet again.
Just thinking about it made Kurt squeeze Sebastian’s fingers yet again. For as long as Sebastian wanted, Kurt would hold on.
***
“You know, I’m starting to really doubt the whole part where you two are not in love with each other.”
When he heard her voice, Kurt looked around until he spotted Rachel sitting by the window, morning sun creating the impression of a halo around her. Without a second thought, Kurt reached out a hand towards her.
“Rachel!” he exclaimed, “We were worried.”
She smiled a little sadly at him, hugging herself.
“Are you al-” Kurt started to ask, but when he looked at Rachel’s face, closed off and sporting a shaky smile, he stopped short of asking his question. Of course she wasn’t alright, what a stupid question to ask.
“Let’s not talk about it,” she said, taking one step forward and drawing up a determined expression, “Not today, ok?” her voice softened at the end, and Kurt could do nothing but nod and motion for her to join him on the bed.
She did almost immediately, jumping on his free side and cuddling against his chest.
“Do you do this a lot?” she asked, pointing at a still sleeping Sebastian. “Cuddle?”
Kurt looked down at Sebastian, his face resting against Kurt’s stomach and his arms wrapped around his waist. Under the covers, his legs were almost trapping Kurt’s, even if his feet were hanging of the bed.
“It’s not my fault he’s an overgrown dog,” Kurt said, even as his hand found its way to Sebastian’s hair to stroke it lightly.
“Shut up,” Sebastian said suddenly, his eyes still closed. “I don’t cuddle.” He made no attempt to move though, even throwing an arm around Rachel’s waist and hugging her closer to both of them.
Rachel snickered, and her smile felt real. They couldn’t fix her yet, Kurt thought, but at least they could give her this. She was just like them, after all, looking into the world from the outside, unable to be a part of it, clinging desperately to them for affection. Looking at both of them, Kurt couldn’t help feeling a surge of protectiveness.
“So,” started Sebastian, “are we insulting him yet? ‘Cause I think he has funny hair and no ass. You need some ghost love, Rach, you can totally do better with the undead, I’m sure.”
“What?” Rachel asked, her eyes wide when looking down at Sebastian.
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him, he tends to have conversations with himself inside his head and then expects everybody else to understand what he’s talking about.”
“Hey!” said Sebastian. “Rude.”
“You’re rude,” Rachel countered, “Jesse has a great ass.”
Sebastian snorted. “I think you don’t know what a great ass looks like. You should check Kurt out sometime.”
“Well, of course, but that’s like comparing every star to the sun.”
Sebastian snickered, and Kurt smacked his shoulder half heartedly. “Oh my God, you two,” he said. “Stop getting along, it’s creepy.”
“But we were saying nice things,” Sebastian whined, and finally opened his eyes and looked up at him, a pout painting his lips. When Kurt looked at Rachel, she was wearing a similar expression. Kurt just sighed, and thought that as far as family went, he could have done worse.
***
Later that morning, Sebastian came downstairs dressed for a run, and sat down on the couch to tie his shoes.
“What are you looking for?” he asked, not looking back at Kurt, who was rummaging for something on his very extensive DVD collection.
“The Notebook,” he said, and Sebastian was happy that he couldn’t see his grimace. “Rachel needs a good cry, and I’m giving her an excuse.”
“Ok, well,” Sebastian said, standing up once his shoes were secured, “I’m going for a run, maybe I’ll catch the end with you boring, sad people that cry over Ryan Gosling.”
“You’re in a good mood,” Kurt noted, a little smile curving his pink lips.
Sebastian nodded, smiling right back. “Finally had a good night’s sleep.”
They smiled at each other silently for a second, as long as it took Sebastian to start feeling stupid for thinking that Kurt looked charming when staring at him like that.
“Well, I’m going,” he said, looking at the door and then walking its way. “Don’t cry too much without me, princess!” was his goodbye.
Sebastian was in a good mood that morning. His problems weren’t completely solved, but a good night of dreamless sleep had done wonders for him. He refused to think that it had anything to do with sharing a bed with Kurt, choosing to blame it all on his tiredness.
Despite the sleep, he could use a good run, too, so he took off on his usual route, his feet heavy and fast on the ground. It was easier to think this morning, with the cold air around him. He had a little less than a month to figure out a new way to spend the full moons, since his last idea had caused so much trouble for him. He was averse to chains and cages, but maybe he should consider the idea of them after all. Not this morning, though, this morning he was just going to run and then he was going to go home to his prissy vampire and his wacky ghost.
He ran for nearly an hour, and when he felt tired enough, he walked slowly back home. He stopped by the bakery Kurt liked to get some cheesecake to go on his way back, and enjoyed the easy stroll with the treat carefully nestled in his hand. Kurt loved the damn thing so much that it made Sebastian question his vampire status. He was smiling to himself when he caught a whiff of a strange smell. It wasn’t unpleasant, and even felt kind of familiar, but it did seem to attack his senses and mute every other scent around. He stopped in his tracks, curious, and searched for its origins. What he found was a guy with a shock of blonde hair staring right back at him. When their eyes crossed, he understood exactly why the smell had seemed so familiar, and just as it dawned on him, the guy started to run.
“Hey, wait!” he yelled at him, dropping the cheesecake and running after him as fast as he could.
He followed him through a couple of streets, the bright yellow of his hair easily giving him away, as well as his scent. He was fast, though, and after no more than five minutes, Sebastian had lost him, scent and all.
“Fuck!” he yelled out loud. That was the first werewolf he’d ever seen other than himself, and he’d just lost him.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Sebastian, Rachel (mentioned past Kurt/Blaine, Rachel/Jesse)
Rating: eventual NC-17
Word Count: aprox. 8900
Summary: Being Human!AU. Sebastian is a werewolf, Kurt is a vampire and Rachel is a ghost. Together, they are sort of like a family.
Prologue // Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Waking up was unpleasant. The first thing Sebastian felt was cold air against his naked skin, and the rough quality of the ground under him. He groaned, moving a hand to his temple and trying to look up from where he was laying on his stomach. He felt disoriented and his head hurt like a bitch. Nothing like coming back from a transformation to start the day.
He turned around on the spot, laying on his back and spying the cloudy grey sky above him. It was going to rain soon; he could smell it in the air. He closed his eyes and massaged his temples softly, and it took him minutes to realize exactly where he was. He opened his eyes again and sat up in a panic, trying to ignore the pain the stretch of muscles was causing. He looked up one more time just to be sure, just to check that he wasn’t in a nightmare. He saw only the grey sky and mouthed a shaky fuck, fuck, fuck.
It was then that he started looking around him, his movements sharp and panicky. He was in an alley, the one right outside the small space he’d rented to spend the nights of the full moon. He tried to breathe in slowly, but he couldn’t think properly. How the fuck had he gotten out last night? He’d made sure the door of the place was thick and strong enough to contain him in his wolf form, he’d fucking made sure.
He felt the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes, and opened his mouth to breathe. He needed to get a grip, he needed to get up because he was naked in an alley in the middle of the city and he’d gotten out last night and oh God, what if he’d done something? He stood up fast, his legs complaining at the movement and a slightly dizzy feeling clouding his head for a second. With two steps, he pressed his hands against a brick wall and rested for just a second, willing his head to settle. Once he felt steadier, he walked inside the place that was supposed to contain him - some space that used to belong to a teenage garage band and that he’d rented after he’d met Kurt - and frantically searched for the backpack he’d left there the night before.
He found the backpack and pulled out a change of clothes and his cell phone, trying to stay away from wandering thoughts. He’d gotten out, yes, but he’d barely moved. Surely nothing had happened. He couldn’t afford to think otherwise, not when he was having a hard time breathing. He focused on that for a second, in and out slow and nice, in through his nose, out through his mouth. It didn’t work, and he still felt dizzy.
The thought of calling Kurt crossed his mind, but he dismissed it in a second flat. He couldn’t talk about this, not now.
He put on his clothes quickly, telling himself that he had to stop the panic and pull himself together. He focused on the small details, buttoning his pants, pulling on his shirt, the pull of muscles, the softness of the fabric, and the smell of that flowery fabric softener Kurt liked so much.
He was in pain, as much as he always was after a transformation. His bones and muscles were complaining, and he could also feel the sharp pull of bruised skin on his chest. He lifted his shirt up and found claw marks somewhere near his chest and at his right hip, even going inside his pants. There was dry blood, and the wounds were red and deep. He’d been angry last night, then, and anger meant strength.
He crouched then, suddenly too overwhelmed to stay standing up. A sob wrenched his way out of his throat, and he covered his face with both hands. He breathed in short, quiet sobs, but he only allowed himself the luxury of that for a minute. He willed all of his feelings away, and stood up yet again. He walked outside determinately, but stopped by the door, catching sight of big claw marks etched in it, and of the destroyed lock. He reached out, pressed his human fingers to the claw-shaped marks and breathed in slowly.
Only then, did he notice the blood on his hands. He gasped, and told himself that that was normal, that there was always blood on his hands. He always hurt himself during these nights, probably out of anger at being locked down, so that blood had to be his own. It was dry and mostly under his nails, and it had to be his own. He nodded once, twice, and then stepped back and away from the door.
He would have to find a new place, one that would hold him properly. Or maybe he would have to think of chains and other restraints. For now, though, all he could do was step outside into the cloudy morning. When he did, tears threatened to appear again, so he started to run.
He arrived home sweaty and panting. Everything seemed to hurt, from his head to his muscles and his skin, but he welcomed it, felt anchored by the constant physical remainder of his human body. It was easier for him to stop thinking when everything was aching.
“Kurt said you’ll be late for work,” is what Rachel welcomed him with. She wasn’t looking at him, busy as she seemed to be trying to pass the pages of Kurt’s latest issue of Vogue.
Sebastian refrained from grunting at her and said through clenched teeth, “I’m not feeling so good. I’m gonna go sleep.”
With that, he escaped towards the bathroom, ignoring Rachel’s yelled, “Everything ok?”
He closed the door behind him, and without a second thought fell to the floor on his knees. He was breathing hard, the noise of it invading the small space around him. He put his hands on the floor, and nearly crawled towards the toilet. He lifted the lid and puked, clutching his hands to his stomach. When he was done, he forced himself to breathe slowly one more time. The vomit had left a sour and foul aftertaste in his mouth, but he couldn’t find the strength to stand up and fetch some water.
He told himself that everything was ok, that nothing about this was strange. Everything was normal, the pain, the tiredness, his stomach being funny and his head dizzy, even the traces of blood in his hands.
“Everything’s normal,” he said to the empty space around him. “Everything is as normal as it gets.”
He nodded to himself, feeling like he’d been doing that all morning, and then fixed his mind on simple tasks. He drank some water, washed his hands almost clinically, and took a shower. He took care of his self-inflicted wounds, hissing softly at the pain, and when he was done, he found a pair of sweatpants and buried himself under his sheets. They smelled like the product Kurt liked, one that was a tad fresher than the one he used for his clothes, and something as simple as that helped him calm the panic that had only subsided enough to let him function without losing his breath.
Kurt was at work now, but he’d be home later. He’d be home, and he’d be worried because Sebastian hadn’t gotten out of bed all day, and just his presence would be enough to make Sebastian feel better. He focused on that idea, and closed his eyes.
Two minutes hadn’t passed before Rachel popped into the room, a neat new trick she had learnt after giving up on actually being able to touch doors.
“Are you feeling ok?” she asked. Sebastian felt the mattress dip next to him, and then Rachel’s hand on his shoulder.
He grunted.
“I don’t actually speak impolite grunting, you know? You’re going to have to do better than that.”
“Go away, Rachel,” he mumbled, burrowing even more inside his cocoon of blankets. She said nothing, but he felt the press of the back of her hand against his forehead. He grunted again and said, “You can’t feel heat, so stop pretending. You’re a fucking ghost, try to remember.”
“So it’s asshole mode today,” she said, taking her hand away. “Fine, be like that.” After a beat, she said, “Please imagine that I’m slamming the door on my way out.”
Despite himself, he chuckled just a little. He guessed having Rachel around the house wasn’t so bad either, even if he managed to piss her off almost once a day.
Now, if only he could manage to sleep and forget the panic of the morning, everything would be fine.
***
Kurt got home sometime after eight, tired and bitchy. The day had been long, but most of all it had been boring, mostly due to the lack of Sebastian whining and teasing while Kurt tried to do some actual work. He’d never confess to the feeling, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t indulge in a little hissy fit of his own.
It was warmer inside the apartment than outside, and Kurt sighed, relieved. December was almost here, and the city was already so cold that Kurt’s natural lack of warmth was almost unbearable. He was pretty sure he didn’t have enough coats to make him warm, not when he had no actual body heat to help the thick fabrics. But, thankfully, the apartment was warm.
He dropped his satchel on the floor and hanged his coat at the entrance. While he was loosening his scarf, Rachel popped right next to him.
“God, Rachel,” he said, after a loud gasp, “don’t just pop like that.”
“But I’m so good at it!” she exclaimed. “I’ve been practicing.” She smiled, proud like a five year old, and Kurt couldn’t help the surge of affection towards her. She’d been so frustrated, trying to touch and feel, that something as silly as appearing and disappearing seemed like a huge step. Towards what he couldn’t be sure, but definitely a step.
“Is Bas home?” he asked. “He didn’t go to work.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up haughtily. What the hell had he done this time?
“He said he was tired and then he was an asshole.”
Kurt wanted to sigh, but refrained. If he didn’t know that Sebastian was actually quite fond of Rachel, he’d be able to muster some anger towards him. They seemed to argue like siblings, though, over anything and everything, sometimes even forgetting why they had started in the first place, and then they would make up just as easily.
“The full moon makes him cranky,” Kurt said after a minute.
“Everything makes him cranky,” Rachel countered.
Kurt gave into that sigh after all, and then looked at Rachel, her arms still crossed over her chest. “Let me check on him, and then you can tell me about your day or we can watch a movie or something, ok?”
Rachel nodded, even while saying, “You’re too nice to him.”
“Don’t I know it.”
He found Sebastian laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, eyes wide open and hands clutching the edge of the sheet tightly. Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed, and was suddenly invaded by the smell of dry, fresh blood. He closed his eyes briefly while pressing his hands to his thighs. Sebastian always smelled like blood after a transformation. He always did and Kurt always managed to ignore it, no matter the small pounding somewhere in the back of his head. If he let that pounding win, he’d do something stupid, like bite Sebastian’s smooth, tanned, perfect neck.
His eyes still closed, Kurt licked his lips, and then willed himself to snap out of it.
When he opened his eyes again, feeling more grounded, Sebastian was still looking up, happy to ignore him. He looked tired, big, dark circles under his eyes being wide proof of that.
“Rachel said you were an asshole to her,” Kurt said.
Sebastian blinked, and then finally looked at him. He said nothing, though, and Kurt thought that a Sebastian in this kind of mood was always dangerous. For all that they had lived together for a while now, even silently acknowledged how much better they functioned when the other was around, communication wasn’t exactly their strong suit. If Sebastian was quiet and moody, he would stay quiet and moody for a while.
Kurt reached out anyway, pushing a strand of hair away from Sebastian’s forehead and then pressing his hand to the skin. Sebastian felt much too warm, almost burning against Kurt’s too cold skin. He stayed there for a second, eyes on Sebastian’s and fingers warming up. He moved his thumb in a soft caress, closing his eyes almost unconsciously. Just because he had gotten good at ignoring it, didn’t mean that the scent of blood wasn’t tantalizing. That coupled with the warmth of Sebastian’s skin was almost too much; would have definitely been too much if he’d been a recently turned vampire.
After what felt like hours but was probably no more than a minute, Kurt opened his eyes and moved his hand away, bringing it to his chest almost protectively. Sebastian’s breathing was shallow, and his eyes were half-closed.
“You’re too warm,” Kurt said, his voice feeling scratchy and too low, “I’ll get you some aspirin and then you can try to sleep, ok?”
Kurt didn’t wait for an answer and left the room.
***
“… I tried grabbing a mug, and I couldn’t,” Rachel was saying, later that night. She was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed and her arms waving wildly about her as she explained herself. “Then, I tried reading a magazine, but I couldn’t pass the pages,” she continued, “I also tried to watch some TV, and then tried to hug a cushion, and then tried to open a door, but I couldn’t. So then I sang Don’t cry for me Argentina because at least that I can do. And how was your day?” she asked finally, looking at Kurt with a defeated glare.
“I sewed some ugly hats,” he deadpanned.
They said nothing for a while, merely looking at each other dejectedly. Kurt was still somewhat stuck in Sebastian upstairs, silent and unsleeping, but he tried to shake himself from it for Rachel’s sake.
“I don’t get it, though,” he said. “You can sit down, it’s not like you slide through the couch. I’ve also seen you lay down on a bed, so I don’t know why that’s any different from grabbing things. Maybe you have to stop trying so hard.”
“But trying hard is what I do,” she said almost immediately. “It’s like… I wanted to be a star, right? So I posted a video on MySpace every day, even if my stupid cheerleader classmates mocked me, because I knew I was going to be a star. And it got me to Broadway, so screw you, Quinn Fabray with your perfect skin and blonde hair and teenage pregnancy.”
Kurt blinked, stunned at the change in tone and demeanor. She had that crazy look about her now, and he could almost picture her taking over Broadway with nothing but talent and determination.
“Sore spot?” he wondered.
“They still liked her more than me, you know? Even after the pregnancy, and even if she was crazy and mean she was still prom queen.”
Kurt reached out, pressed his hand to her shoulder softly. “Teenagers are idiots. Trust me, I’ve seen generations of them.”
She smiled at him, and gave a grateful squeeze to his hand. “I met Jesse in high school, though. He was the star of his high school glee club, and we sang together and we were soul mates from that moment.”
Her expression turned dreamy at that, and Kurt thought back to their landlord, with his Danny Zuko mannerisms and his big dramatic words. Of course Rachel found the only guy in the universe that was an even bigger drama queen than she was.
Kurt smiled wistfully, though, thinking back to his own failed romance. Ironically enough, while Rachel’s had finished with death, his had started with it. Thoughts of Blaine suddenly consumed him, the hair, the smile, the sweetness… and the love, mostly, because he had loved him in a way that he didn’t think he’d ever love anyone else.
“I wish I could see him,” Rachel whispered softly.
That took Kurt out of his reverie. He looked at her, and when she reached for him, he took her hand.
“I think maybe it’s him,” she said, “The reason I’m stuck here.”
Kurt turned his head sideways, thinking on that. “You think? Would it help if you saw him?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
“Tell you what,” Kurt started, “I’ll make up some lie about something being wrong in the apartment and get him to come. That way you can see him, see if something happens.”
“You will?” she squealed. Before Kurt could answer, she was already plastered to him with her arms wrapped around his neck. “You’re the best, Kurt.”
“Oh, I know.”
She laughed for a second, and after a beat she said, “You’re just trying to get rid of me, aren’t you?”
“What? No!” Kurt exclaimed. “I actually like you, Rachel Berry, random midnight singing and everything. You’re one of a kind.”
She smiled yet again, getting more comfortable inside Kurt’s embrace, until they were cuddling on one end of the couch. Then, she pouted, “I bet Sebastian can’t wait for me to go, though.”
“I know he can be an idiot sometimes, or, well, almost always, but he actually likes you, too. He just has a funny way of showing affection.”
“He yelled at me today when I was singing.”
Kurt sighed, and squeezed her tightly. “Why don’t you slap him sometime? Just for the dramatic effect.”
“Ooh, definitely.”
***
A couple of days later, Sebastian didn’t feel any better. Physically, he felt almost alright, his wounds having almost healed now thanks to the very supernatural powers that had gotten him in this mess in the first place. Emotionally, though, he was clouded by doubts. He kept looking at his hands, almost expecting the shadow of blood to reappear, and as much as he tried to shut those thoughts out he didn’t know how. It had been getting worse, the anger, the lack of control, and he was afraid that at some point the wolf would take over completely.
Something that didn’t help him stop thinking was his job. It was so mechanical and stupid that it allowed his mind to wander too much. So, he found something to do that stopped his thoughts, namely, New Guy (had he said Brad? Or Brett?) who was more than happy to get on his knees for him at the backstage bathrooms. It left him so loose and thoughtless that by the time he sat down next to Kurt and his ugly hats, he was smiling.
“Almost done?” he asked.
Kurt kept sewing, deft hands fast and able. Without lifting his eyes from his work, he scrunched his nose. “Ugh, Bas, really? You smell like cheap cologne and come.”
Sebastian wiggled his eyebrows, pushing his arms against Kurt’s working table until Kurt was forced to stop and look at him. “I kinda love that you can smell sex on me, Kurt.” It came out darker than he’d thought, like there was real intent behind it instead of easy flirting.
Kurt half closed his eyes, his nose still wrinkled in distaste. “What’s up with you lately? You’re more careless than usual.”
“Nothing wrong with a little fun, Kurtsie.”
Sebastian smiled, slowly. Kurt blinked, and his expression turned confused.
“You’re really looking the wolf part right now, you know?”
Sebastian reacted to that by moving back and crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes, well. Maybe I’m embracing my true nature.”
“You’re not actually a wolf, Bas. I know you get all I’m a monster and whatnot, but you really shouldn’t give into-”
“Oh, fuck you, Kurt.”
Kurt startled at that, and threw him a cautions look that turned into a glare in no time. Sebastian couldn’t care any less, though. He didn’t have the energy for one of Kurt’s speeches on their humanity and how awesome they were for trying to have a life that didn’t involve killing. For all Sebastian knew, he could have killed someone on the last full moon. He was angry. He was angry all the time these days, it seemed, and he honestly didn’t need Kurt’s sanctimonious attitude and naiveté right now.
“I’m going for a drink,” Sebastian said. He stood up quickly, almost making his chair tumble down with the strength of his movement.
“I’m going with you,” Kurt said.
“I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Kurt. You can go home and wallow in your celibacy all you want.” His tone was harsh and strong. He was doing it on purpose, trying to piss Kurt off, and he didn’t know if he wanted to be left alone or if he wanted a strong reaction. He was positive
Kurt could take him in a fight, and a part of him was anxious to see it happen.
Harsh tone or not, Kurt simply put his work away in record time and repeated, “I’m going with you.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
***
Two hours later Sebastian was drunk and immersed in a sea of sweaty bodies. The music was thumping rhythmically, and just that was enough that his mind couldn’t drift anywhere that wasn’t here and now. He felt loose and free, tired in the nicest of ways. His limbs felt as heavy as his eyes, and he was pretty sure that as soon as he got an orgasm out of some willing body in this dance floor he’d manage to get a great night of peaceful sleeping.
He hadn’t been sleeping all that well lately, and he thought that was partly to blame for his crankiness. His mind was reeling all the time, all over the place, and his mood imitated that. Just this morning he’d been cheering when Rachel had managed to throw a pillow his way in the middle of a fit, but he had ended his day almost provoking Kurt - quiet, calm and bitchy Kurt - into a rage.
“Bas! Bas!” he heard then. “Sebastian!” came again.
Sebastian turned around, and spotted Kurt coming his way. His hair was flopping and his clothes were sticking to his skin, the humidity of the bar obviously affecting even his always cold body. He looked edible, so much of his skin covered that Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to peel all of his layers away. By the time Kurt reached him, Sebastian had had a moment to wonder how terrible it would be to give into his impulses and touch Kurt all over. It seemed like a healthier impulse than wanting to anger him.
Kurt finally reached him, though, and by then Sebastian had cleared his mind from such thoughts.
“Why don’t we go home, Bas?” Kurt said.
His voice was barely audible over the music, though, so Sebastian pressed his hands to his hips and brought him closer. Kurt followed the movement, and grabbed at Sebastian’s arms to steady himself. This close, Sebastian could smell his shampoo and the tangy scent that screamed vampire to his senses.
“I’m staying,” Sebastian said, finally. “You go home, I’ll be ok.”
Kurt frowned, doubtful. Sebastian hated him a little, because as much as he’d craved the idea of someone who would worry for him for a long time, sometimes Kurt could be a serious pain in the ass.
It took a while for Kurt to deflate, enough that Sebastian noticed their bodies moving together against the music. It was kind of disgusting how well they seemed to fit.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Bas!” were Kurt’s parting words.
Oh, no, Sebastian thought, I’ll just do someone stupid and go home to you.
***
In the end, Sebastian didn’t do one or the other. He spent his night wandering down Central Park, enjoying the scent of the trees and the cold night. It was calming, almost like a balm to his senses, which had been hyperaware lately. He hated the idea that maybe it was the wolf inside him that felt at ease surrounded by the less urban atmosphere the city provided.
He tried not to think, but he did anyway. He thought of his hands covered in blood, and of his necessity of pushing Kurt’s buttons, and of his all over the place emotions. The lack of control was maddening, and he desperately needed to find a way to get out of this funk. Walking around the trees seemed to help, so he did until it was almost five in the morning, when he found his way back home.
He went into the kitchen, craving some warm milk and some sleep. He desperately needed to sleep. In the kitchen, he found Rachel, perched on top of the table and literally twiddling her thumbs.
“Bored much, Casper?” he asked, lifting both eyebrows.
Her shoulders slumped, her hair falling over her face like a curtain and covering her eyes. “Nights are very long. I felt like singing, but I didn’t want to wake Kurt up.”
“Oh, you didn’t want to wake Kurt up,” Sebastian said, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest. “When it’s me, though, you don’t care. I see how it is.” It was playful, and Sebastian was suddenly relieved that he could be something other than harsh.
“Well, he’s a lot nicer than you,” she accused, pulling her hair behind her ear and letting Sebastian see her eyes again. “Also, he was angry when he came home, what did you do?”
“He was angry?”
“Yes.” Rachel nodded. “He had that look, you know? The one he gets-”
“All tight lipped and prissy like he has a stick up his ass and he’ll bite you if you mention it?”
“Sebastian!” she exclaimed, but she was giggling. Sebastian smiled at her, and she conceded, “Yeah, that one.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to piss him off. It’s not my fault he wouldn’t stay and dance with me.”
“Ohh, there was dancing?” she squealed a little after that, joining her hands and bringing them to her face in a dreamy kind of posture. “I knew you were secretly crushing on each other… It’s so romantic. The vampire and the werewolf, meant to be enemies but secretly in love. It’s like gay Twilight.”
Sebastian snorted, and then fully laughed, his shoulders shaking with it. “Easy there, little Barbra, or you’ll be writing bad fanfiction in no time.” After a bit, he added, “Besides, I don’t have a crush on Kurt.”
“Uh hu, keep telling yourself that. Of course you are the type that does that kind of thing.”
“What thing?”
“The whole I sleep around a lot but not with you because I actually care and I don’t want to take the risk and ruin what we have thing. And Kurt does the whole I’m closed up and deep because I’ve been hurt in the past and I don’t want to go through that again thing.” She nodded to herself, as if approving her own speech. “One day this will all explode in your faces in the form of kinky vampire werewolf sex.”
Sebastian turned his head a little to the side, appraising the girl before him. “You’re crazy,” he concluded. “And I’m going to bed before you start talking about Greek tragedies.”
“You tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Sebastian grunted, suddenly throwing his arms up and stretching. “God, sleep,” he sighed. “I need some of that.”
“I promise not to sing if your promise to be nice to me for two full days.”
“Blackmail, Casper?” he wondered. “I can respect that. You got a deal.”
“Awesome.”
Sebastian went to bed with an actual smile that night.
***
“… So Jesse’s coming tomorrow after work to-Sebastian? Are you listening to me?”
“Wha…” Sebastian mumbled, looking up at Kurt. He’d been drifting away, his mind completely blank, and the soft sound of Kurt’s voice had actually been sort of lulling him into a sleepy daze.
Kurt poked his arm, lips set in a thin line. “You’re so spacey today,” he said.
Sebastian rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, a huge yawn suddenly overtaking him. He let the tiredness spread through him, even helped it by stretching his arms above his head. When he caught Kurt staring at the skin the rising hem of his t-shirt had freed, he smirked.
“Like what you see, do ya?”
Kurt scoffed, looking away as a little kid would when being caught doing something wrong. “You need to get some sleep,” Kurt said, finally, straying away from the much more tantalizing subject that was Sebastian’s skin.
“I know,” Sebastian conceded, “It’s been evading me all week, though.”
Of course, it evaded him because he kept thinking, his head turning and turning over events he couldn’t find the way to control. Whatever little sleep he actually managed to get was plagued by nightmares and confusing dreams, and he woke up from them feeling more tired than at the beginning. At this point, he was pretty convinced he was going to keel over out of pure exhaustion.
“Anyway,” he said, shaking his head a little. There was no point in burdening Kurt with his lack of sleep, not when they’d probably end up having some kind of heartfelt conversation about blood on his hands and his monthly condition. “You think seeing the Jesse guy will help?” he asked finally, focusing back on the initial subject.
Kurt shrugged. He wasn’t looking at Sebastian now, but focusing on hanging some dresses properly in the racks. Sebastian was supposed to be carrying some props to the back rooms, but in his defense, Kurt had been the one to stop him on his way there for a short chat.
“She thinks he has something to do with her being stuck,” Kurt explained. Surreptitiously, he looked at the watch perched on the wall; it was late, and they should be getting home anyway.
“I think she just wants to see him,” Sebastian said, “And if by any chance he sees her back, make some melodramatic scene that they can later write and turn into a play.”
“I hardly think Jesse will see her if he hasn’t already.”
“So why’s little Barbra torturing herself like that?” Sebastian wondered. “She should find herself some ghost booty and see if the dead can still orgasm.”
“Really, Bas? Some ghost booty?” Kurt gave him a sidelong glance, but Sebastian could tell he was at least a little amused.
“It’s what I’d do,” Sebastian answered.
Kurt just shook his head, turning his attention back to the dresses before him. He stepped back, surveying his job. “It’s not about that, you know that. She still loves him, death doesn’t change that.”
“Ah, yes, tru wuv.”
Kurt laughed, despite his very visible efforts not to do it. He smacked Sebastian lightly in the arm, and then let his fingers linger on the skin even while saying, “Don’t be a jerk, Bas.”
“Fine, I won’t be a jerk. I did promise her.”
“You did?” Kurt raised one single curious eyebrow.
“In exchange for her not singing in the middle of the night.”
“Ah, of course.” Kurt shook his head yet again, as if tired of dealing with childish minds. “Anyway, I’m done here, are you coming home?”
“Sure, let me put this away and we’ll walk together.”
Kurt smiled at him, and Sebastian didn’t imagine him looking a little pleased. “Great, I’ll wait for you.”
Sebastian just smiled back.
***
“Do I look ok?”
Kurt looked at Rachel, the same hideous outfit she always wore almost prompting him to say something along the lines of it being an unfortunate one to die in. He supposed it looked almost cute on her, if one ignored every fashion concept ever learned. It was very… Rachel, though. Kurt could perfectly picture her in something similar walking down the hallways of her high school, her steps determined and her face serious. Kurt hated the stupid reindeer in her sweater, but he couldn’t deny that the whole thing suited her.
“You know he won’t see you, right?” said Sebastian from his place of the couch. He’d been lounging there all afternoon, long limbs thrown everywhere and hands restless. “Also, there’s a reindeer in your sweater,” he pointed out.
Kurt glared at him, and then looked back at Rachel with a smile. “You look great, Rachel.”
“Oh,” piped up Sebastian, “so my popped collars are douchy and 90’s fratboy-ish, but the reindeer sweater is ok.”
“We’re not discussing your fashion choices, Bas,” Kurt answered, “It would take too much time and energy, and you won’t let me dress you properly anyway.”
“You can undress me properly.”
Kurt scoffed, but said nothing when he noticed Rachel sticking her tongue out at Sebastian and him returning the gesture. Honestly, they were like five year olds.
When the doorbell rang, Rachel gasped quietly.
“He’s here,” she whispered, “Go on, get the door, get the door!”
Kurt did as he was instructed, opening the door for Jesse. Or, for Jesse and guest, he guessed. Behind him, a tall brunette with a bitter expression and her arms crossed over her chest was staring at Kurt as if he was gum stuck on her shoe.
“Hello…” Kurt said, and then composed himself and coughed a little. “Thank you for coming.” He motioned inside, stepping away to let them come in. “You could have just called a plumber for us, really.”
They’d given some excuse about the pipes in the kitchen, Kurt couldn’t be sure. Sebastian had dictated most of the thing to him, and had taken care of there being an actual mishap in the kitchen. All Kurt had done had been made sure that Jesse came himself to take a look at it, rather than just send someone else.
“I actually wanted to show the place to my fiancé, see if she’d like to move here sometime in the future.”
Kurt froze, literally.
“I told you,” the girl said, “that I don’t want to live in the apartment you bought with your dead girlfriend, Jesse.”
“Isabelle…” Kurt heard Rachel whisper. He turned around, leaving the door open as if he could make Jesse and his fiancé disappear by willing them to go away.
Jesse, of course, not having heard Rachel, not being able to see her, started talking over her second whisper.
“And I told you that you shouldn’t feel threatened by that,” he said, “Rachel’s death was a tragedy that I will forever carry on my shoulders and
that will, of course, enhance my dramatic performances, but I’m with you now, sweetie.”
“With her!?” This time, Rachel didn’t whisper, but screamed.
Next to her, Sebastian, who had almost jumped from the sofa after Jesse had mentioned his fiancé, flinched at the tone.
“I’ve been dead for four months, you… you… you bastard!” Rachel yelled. She was staring at Jesse, her face red and her eyes scrunched as if ready to cry, but Jesse was looking past her, at the nothingness he surely saw before him. “You’re going to marry her!? And bring her to our apartment and-and-and enhance your performances?”
“So, the kitchen?” Jesse said, motioning towards Kurt after sending a wave Sebastian’s way.
Kurt could barely answer, couldn’t bring himself to speak over Rachel’s screaming. But Jesse was just looking at him, a little confused probably because Kurt was so tense and looking at a spot that he thought was empty.
Kurt opened his mouth, but before he could find a way to keep up the charade, he gasped when he saw Rachel launch herself towards Jesse. She was still in a rage, red and angry and her face full of tears, but all she managed to do was go through Jesse, stumble and fall to the floor behind him.
“Something the matter?” Jesse asked.
Kurt did his best impression of a fish. Finally, Sebastian was the one to react. He was tense, and if Kurt didn’t know better, he would have guessed that he was going to throw a punch. Instead, he took a step forward.
“Kurt’ll show you to the kitchen, if you don’t mind,” he said through clenched teeth, his tone strained, “I have some things to take care of.”
With that, he walked around Jesse with fast, hard steps and picked up Rachel from the floor, easily lifting her into his arms. Kurt heard a soft protest from her, garbled between her now flowing tears, but still caught sight of her clutching at Sebastian’s shirt.
Jesse turned around, and if he happened to see Sebastian carrying something invisible out of the room, he didn’t say a thing.
“Kitchen, then?” he repeated.
“You know what?” Kurt said. His own tone was tense, tenser than Sebastian’s had been, and he could feel anger curling low in his gut. “We shouldn’t have bothered you. We’ll call a plumber ourselves, get it fixed.”
“But-”
“No, really, you should go.”
Jesse threw him a confused look, and the girl a boring one. Kurt could have ripped both their throats right then. Instead, he wrapped his hand around Jesse’s arm and moved him towards the door. Jesse yelped, and looked at him with obvious surprise at Kurt’s strength. Kurt squeezed even tighter, just to make a point, and nearly dragged Jesse outside.
“Go. Really.”
“I-Fine-Yes, ok.”
Kurt slammed the door behind them, and then clenched both fists hard and tried to calm down. When it didn’t work, he turned on his heels and walked towards the rooms, where Sebastian had carried Rachel.
“Rachel?” he asked.
“She’s gone,” Sebastian told him. He found him leaning against a wall in the hallway. He looked defeated.
“Gone?”
“Vanished, puff, like the first day.”
Kurt said nothing, and only managed to lean on the wall opposite Sebastian. He was still tense, but it took very little time for his anger to deflate and his shoulders to relax. “Fuck,” he said.
“Yeah. Fucking great idea we had.”
Kurt just nodded, and then impulsively leaned forward, curling his hands on Sebastian’s shirt when he found it. He pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s shoulder, leaning on him. Sebastian moved his arms up until his hands were resting softly on Kurt’s shoulders in something that wasn’t quite a hug. He was warm and smelled nice, and Kurt let those sensations ground him.
“She’ll come back,” Kurt said, “We’ll fix it.”
“Yeah, we’ll fix it.”
***
Later that night, Kurt lay on his bed, eyes firmly set on the ceiling, unclosed. He was tired but fighting sleep, trying to make sense of that afternoon. God, dead for four months and your boyfriend shows up with a fiancé. Rachel had seemed to know the girl, too, and Kurt got the funny feeling that Jesse hadn’t started seeing her exactly after Rachel’s death, but while he was with Rachel.
Sometimes, relationships sucked.
He didn’t have a lot of experience to draw from, though. No matter how many years he’d spent on earth, he’d had one relationship, and one true love. He’d been the one to leave Blaine in the end, though, so he could hardly compare that to what Rachel must be feeling, wherever she was.
His musings where cut short by Sebastian walking into the room, his steps slow and his demeanor tired. Kurt would have been surprised if he hadn’t heard and smelled him even before he’d come into the room. He reached the bed and sat down heavily on the edge, resting his elbows on his knees and pressing his face against his hands.
Kurt scooted closer to him and pressed his palm flat against his back. He was warm, always warm. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Sebastian sighed, his shoulders seeming to relax when Kurt curled his hand and moved it up and down his spine. “It’s been a bad week,” he said after a while, “I can’t even find it in me to mock your silk pajamas.”
“You love my silk pajamas,” Kurt countered, and when Sebastian said nothing, merely breathed slow and steady, he continued, “Wow, really? Not even how you’d love me better out of them?”
Sebastian snickered softly, and Kurt smiled behind him.
“You must be really tired,” Kurt said. Then, he moved back to his spot on the bed and patted the empty space next to him. “Come on, lie down.”
“Ok.” Sebastian went easily, laying down next to Kurt under the covers. “Just imagine me making some lewd comment about you inviting me into your bed.”
“I’ll do that.”
They stayed silent for a while then, Sebastian’s soft breathing the only sound inside the room. His eyes were only half-lidded, though, as if fighting the tiredness, and Kurt could almost imagine the muted green of them.
“You’re not even trying to sleep,” he whispered after a while, reaching out towards Sebastian and grabbing one of his hands. He squeezed a little before threading their fingers together.
Sebastian didn’t say anything for a minute, but when he did, his voice came out hoarse. “Do you think you could take me?”
“What?” Kurt asked, startled by the question.
“Do you think you could take me? As a wolf, I mean… in like, a fight.”
Kurt swallowed thickly. “I don’t-I don’t know. Maybe? I’ve never actually seen a werewolf as a wolf, you know? And I don’t drink blood, so I’m weaker but, I guess… Maybe?”
“How’s that working out for you? The blood thing?”
“It’s… ok, most of the time. Hard, sometimes.”
Sebastian just made a soft sound of acknowledgment. They were speaking soft and low, and with the room being dark, too, it felt like the time for confessions. He could hardly tell Sebastian that most of his bloodlust was caused by him, though. It was just that with the amount of the time they spent together and the way Sebastian smelled, sometimes Kurt couldn’t fight the urge to focus on his pulse beating away on his neck. He’d heard say, back in the day, that werewolf blood was actually a bit of an aphrodisiac, completely different from the taste of humans. Santana had definitely had a penchant for it, that crazy bitch that someone had decided to turn God knows why.
“But you’d try, right?” Sebastian said then, his voice still rough. “You wouldn’t let me hurt anybody.”
“I wouldn’t,” Kurt confirmed, squeezing his fingers around Sebastian’s.
“Good.”
It took a while for Sebastian to fall sleep, but he finally did, his breathing slowing down along with his pulse. Kurt felt more relaxed himself when he did, even if he didn’t fall asleep himself.
He was worried for Sebastian. He was worried that the werewolf thing was getting to be too much to handle. This week had been proof of it, with his mood changes and his lack of sleep, and Kurt just wished Sebastian would talk to him. He’d been thinking lately that what Sebastian needed, perhaps, was someone of his kind around him. He didn’t know much about werewolves - Santana had been the expert, after all - but he knew most of them moved around in packs, and maybe that was exactly what Sebastian needed.
Kurt, many years back, had made a choice. He’d spent a very long time surrounded by his own kind and then had decided to walk away, but Sebastian had never had that, since he’d never even seen the one that had turned him, probably because he’d left him for dead. Kurt wondered if a pack could show him control, could offer him the kind of comfort Kurt could only guess at. Sometimes, he thought about talking to Sebastian about this, but the truth was that a shade of selfishness didn’t let him do it.
Kurt had been afraid and alone for a very long time. When he’d been human, back in 1912, and had found himself looking at boys more than at girls, he’d surrounded himself with walls that had kept him very much alone. He’d heard the talks, whispers about troubled souls, and how the police had caught couples in sin. He’d also heard talks of some establishments in the big cities meant for men like him, but as it was, he’d only been a footman at some country house, young, naïve and scared of his secret getting out. He’d thought maybe his dad - good, old dad, and how he’d loved that man - had always known, somewhere inside him.
Kurt had resigned himself to be alone and live in fear of discovery, but then the talks of war had started. There were news from Europe, of British and French armies and lost lives, but it had all seemed so far away, so foreign to someone in his station, that he could hardly believe it when whispers of the States going to war, of drafting young men like himself had started. It was hard now to remember that kind of fear, but he knew he’d been scared to within an inch of his life.
Before he’d had time to think about it, though, he’d been turned, given a new life, a new purpose and a family. A family of predators that hadn’t judged him, and that had brought him to Blaine. And for many years, Kurt hadn’t been alone, but he’d still been afraid. Killing people, no matter the reason, had never been part of his plan, but of course, it was hard to act as more than an animal when the power of vampirism was offered. It had taken too long for him to be able to leave that life behind - to leave Blaine behind - but in the end he had. He’d stopped being afraid, because he’d found control within his grasp, but he’d started feeling alone.
Life as a lone vampire had been… sad. Of course he could try and relate to people, but in the end he was nothing more than a lost soul looking at humanity without being a true part of it. Which was the exact reason why he and Sebastian had latched onto one another and hadn’t let go, not even at the beginning when they hadn’t even liked each other all that much. And if Sebastian found a sense of family and comfort with someone of his kind, then Kurt would be drifting alone yet again.
Just thinking about it made Kurt squeeze Sebastian’s fingers yet again. For as long as Sebastian wanted, Kurt would hold on.
***
“You know, I’m starting to really doubt the whole part where you two are not in love with each other.”
When he heard her voice, Kurt looked around until he spotted Rachel sitting by the window, morning sun creating the impression of a halo around her. Without a second thought, Kurt reached out a hand towards her.
“Rachel!” he exclaimed, “We were worried.”
She smiled a little sadly at him, hugging herself.
“Are you al-” Kurt started to ask, but when he looked at Rachel’s face, closed off and sporting a shaky smile, he stopped short of asking his question. Of course she wasn’t alright, what a stupid question to ask.
“Let’s not talk about it,” she said, taking one step forward and drawing up a determined expression, “Not today, ok?” her voice softened at the end, and Kurt could do nothing but nod and motion for her to join him on the bed.
She did almost immediately, jumping on his free side and cuddling against his chest.
“Do you do this a lot?” she asked, pointing at a still sleeping Sebastian. “Cuddle?”
Kurt looked down at Sebastian, his face resting against Kurt’s stomach and his arms wrapped around his waist. Under the covers, his legs were almost trapping Kurt’s, even if his feet were hanging of the bed.
“It’s not my fault he’s an overgrown dog,” Kurt said, even as his hand found its way to Sebastian’s hair to stroke it lightly.
“Shut up,” Sebastian said suddenly, his eyes still closed. “I don’t cuddle.” He made no attempt to move though, even throwing an arm around Rachel’s waist and hugging her closer to both of them.
Rachel snickered, and her smile felt real. They couldn’t fix her yet, Kurt thought, but at least they could give her this. She was just like them, after all, looking into the world from the outside, unable to be a part of it, clinging desperately to them for affection. Looking at both of them, Kurt couldn’t help feeling a surge of protectiveness.
“So,” started Sebastian, “are we insulting him yet? ‘Cause I think he has funny hair and no ass. You need some ghost love, Rach, you can totally do better with the undead, I’m sure.”
“What?” Rachel asked, her eyes wide when looking down at Sebastian.
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him, he tends to have conversations with himself inside his head and then expects everybody else to understand what he’s talking about.”
“Hey!” said Sebastian. “Rude.”
“You’re rude,” Rachel countered, “Jesse has a great ass.”
Sebastian snorted. “I think you don’t know what a great ass looks like. You should check Kurt out sometime.”
“Well, of course, but that’s like comparing every star to the sun.”
Sebastian snickered, and Kurt smacked his shoulder half heartedly. “Oh my God, you two,” he said. “Stop getting along, it’s creepy.”
“But we were saying nice things,” Sebastian whined, and finally opened his eyes and looked up at him, a pout painting his lips. When Kurt looked at Rachel, she was wearing a similar expression. Kurt just sighed, and thought that as far as family went, he could have done worse.
***
Later that morning, Sebastian came downstairs dressed for a run, and sat down on the couch to tie his shoes.
“What are you looking for?” he asked, not looking back at Kurt, who was rummaging for something on his very extensive DVD collection.
“The Notebook,” he said, and Sebastian was happy that he couldn’t see his grimace. “Rachel needs a good cry, and I’m giving her an excuse.”
“Ok, well,” Sebastian said, standing up once his shoes were secured, “I’m going for a run, maybe I’ll catch the end with you boring, sad people that cry over Ryan Gosling.”
“You’re in a good mood,” Kurt noted, a little smile curving his pink lips.
Sebastian nodded, smiling right back. “Finally had a good night’s sleep.”
They smiled at each other silently for a second, as long as it took Sebastian to start feeling stupid for thinking that Kurt looked charming when staring at him like that.
“Well, I’m going,” he said, looking at the door and then walking its way. “Don’t cry too much without me, princess!” was his goodbye.
Sebastian was in a good mood that morning. His problems weren’t completely solved, but a good night of dreamless sleep had done wonders for him. He refused to think that it had anything to do with sharing a bed with Kurt, choosing to blame it all on his tiredness.
Despite the sleep, he could use a good run, too, so he took off on his usual route, his feet heavy and fast on the ground. It was easier to think this morning, with the cold air around him. He had a little less than a month to figure out a new way to spend the full moons, since his last idea had caused so much trouble for him. He was averse to chains and cages, but maybe he should consider the idea of them after all. Not this morning, though, this morning he was just going to run and then he was going to go home to his prissy vampire and his wacky ghost.
He ran for nearly an hour, and when he felt tired enough, he walked slowly back home. He stopped by the bakery Kurt liked to get some cheesecake to go on his way back, and enjoyed the easy stroll with the treat carefully nestled in his hand. Kurt loved the damn thing so much that it made Sebastian question his vampire status. He was smiling to himself when he caught a whiff of a strange smell. It wasn’t unpleasant, and even felt kind of familiar, but it did seem to attack his senses and mute every other scent around. He stopped in his tracks, curious, and searched for its origins. What he found was a guy with a shock of blonde hair staring right back at him. When their eyes crossed, he understood exactly why the smell had seemed so familiar, and just as it dawned on him, the guy started to run.
“Hey, wait!” he yelled at him, dropping the cheesecake and running after him as fast as he could.
He followed him through a couple of streets, the bright yellow of his hair easily giving him away, as well as his scent. He was fast, though, and after no more than five minutes, Sebastian had lost him, scent and all.
“Fuck!” he yelled out loud. That was the first werewolf he’d ever seen other than himself, and he’d just lost him.