FIC: Break Apart my Insides, 1/1
Title: Break Apart my Insides
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Sebastian, Kurt/OMC, Sebastians/OMCs
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: aprox. 12000
Summary: After Burt's death, Kurt discovers that he wasn't his true father, but that he's the son of Sebastian Smythe, a man he's never met but that he must go live with now.
Warnings: mentioned character death, voyeurism, age difference, incest. Yep, I'm going to Hell for this one.
Part 1
It's as if they've taken a step back after that, to where they were when Kurt first arrived. They barely talk, not even when they cross paths inside the apartment, and Sebastian doesn't bring anyone back, probably choosing to keep his sexual encounters far away from Kurt. Kurt wants to be relieved, but after a few weeks of this the loneliness feels like too much.
He talks with Taylor after that day, and tells him some made up lie about his father not being ok with his homosexuality, almost managing to turn into a sob story. It feels like betrayal to anyone he's ever called a father, because him being gay has definitely never been something to be ashamed of in their presence. Tayler buys it, though, and leaves him alone, barely managing a nod when they cross paths at school. Kurt hates that he feels relieved.
By the time his birthday rolls around, Kurt's reverted to his past self, quiet and lonely, merely a ghost wherever he goes. That, though, doesn't make him invisible to the couple of jocks that just love messing with him and that are responsible for the constant bruising in his arms and shoulders. They're a pair brutes, and they almost make Kurt miss Karofsky and Azimio.
"Wanna know what I heard, fancy?" is how the attack begins that day. Kurt would roll his eyes and walk away if only his path wasn't being blocked by two guys the size of a closet.
"Please, do tell," Kurt says, "I'm shaking with anticipation."
"I hear that daddy doesn't like what you do with other boys."
Kurt tenses at that, because dammit, Taylor, I thought you were better than that. The thought of these guys referring to Sebastian as his daddy almost makes him sick to his stomach.
"It's disgusting, you know."
"Are you done?" Kurt fumes, sharp, angry and suddenly entirely over these people and their brains the size of peas. "Can you just shove me around already to fulfill your need for mindless violence and let me go? I have things to do."
"Well look at that, he's asking for it and everything."
That afternoon, he arrives home with a split lip and pain shooting down his arm. To be completely honest, the lip had been his own fault, since he'd been the one to bite it after a particularly hard shove.
Sebastian's nowhere to be seen, so he cleans himself up as best as he can and takes a scalding shower, trying to forget the whole day ever happened. He barely manages to hold his tears in when he talks to Carole, who says she's sent a present in the mail and that she hopes it gets there soon. Any other call he ignores, too tired to deal with Rachel, Mercedes and even Finn.
He foregoes dinner that night and goes to bed early, hiding himself under blankets as if that could make the outside world go away. He's woken up in the middle of the night by a knock on his door. At first he thinks he's imagined it, but when a second one comes, he shuffles away from the bed and opens the door. There's no one behind it, but when he looks down, he finds a small, flat package on the floor. He picks it up, reads the simple note that says Happy Birthday.
The package contains a scarf, soft and bright colored and perfect, and he laughs because at least Sebastian knows how to choose a gift. He wraps it around himself, letting the fabric fall around his shoulders and arms, and it is only then that he allows himself to cry.
***
Next morning, over coffee, Sebastian breaks their month of silence with, "What the fuck happened to you?"
Kurt looks at him with curious eyes. He's positive there's nothing different about him this morning, but when Sebastian's eyes zero in on his lip, he remembers everything about yesterday.
"Oh," he says, bringing a hand up to his lip.
"Yes, oh," Sebastian counters, stepping into his personal space in record time.
Kurt takes a deep breath when Sebastian removes his hand only to substitute with his own. His finger feels warm against Kurt's dry lip, and God, they're entirely too close.
"I bit myself," Kurt says.
Sebastian snorts. "Did you throw yourself against lockers as well?"
Kurt tries to shake his head, but Sebastian's touch on his lip has turned into him grasping his chin firmly. Kurt can't breathe. "I mean it," he manages to say. "I bit my lip when they shoved me against a wall."
There's anger in Sebastian's gaze, bright and scary. The green in his eyes feels darker somehow, and the hand at Kurt's chin presses even tighter on his skin.
"That's it, I'm talking to your principal, and if I don't get someone expelled for this I won't answer for my actions."
"You really don't have to-"
"Shut up, kid, and let me at least take care of this."
***
Sebastian manages to get the two boys suspended until the board can make any further decisions. Kurt's pretty sure that nothing's going to come from the accusations of the kid who's gay enough that he can't hide it, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't appreciate the fire with which Sebastian speaks to the principal. He thinks back to his words that morning - at least let me take care of this - and realizes that Sebastian has never been more fatherly than that.
That night, they order Chinese and watch a movie, which means that they spend more time together in the same room than they have in the past month. Balance seems to be restored, and Kurt is surprised at finding a knot somehow unraveling from his chest. He hates thinking that he's missed whatever sort of relationship he has with Sebastian.
***
The restoring of balance means the return of strange men to the apartment. It's not as often, and by the time the school year is over, Kurt's pretty sure that he's seen the same guy at least twice. Something dark twists in his gut when he thinks of Sebastian not finding someone that he can even keep around for breakfast, so he avoids staying at the house as much as possible.
With the beginning of the summer, they start talking about school options for next year. Sebastian wants something expensive and preppy, which Kurt translates as some place where no one will punish him for being different and where he may actually learn something useful. He can't say he would mind.
Sebastian also tries talking to him about going back to Ohio for some time, but Kurt won't hear a thing about it. With as much free time as he has, he can't wrap his mind around the idea of wandering around a Burtless Lima.
***
Two weeks into his summer vacation, it all comes crushing down. It's past midnight and Kurt walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He's turned into a light sleeper over the past few months, so it's not that uncommon to find himself wandering around the house at this time of night. After drinking a couple of sips from his glass, he hears a groan. He rolls his eyes because honestly, Sebastian, but when another one comes he realizes that it can't be coming from the bedroom if he's hearing them this clearly.
He tenses, clutching the glass tight in his hand. That doesn't stop him from walking towards the living room, sock covered feet light on the wooden floor. He doesn't go inside the room, but he doesn't need to in order to see the fully naked back of a stranger. Sebastian's hands are framing his hips, the pads of his fingers resting on the swell of the man's ass. Kurt inhales, and he feels like the air burns going in.
He trails his gaze up Sebastian's arm, following the lightly muscled skin until he's seeing a shoulder. Sebastian's taller than the other man, so he can see his collarbones, sharp even in the low light of the room. When his gaze keeps moving upwards, he fancies he can see Sebastian's pulse beating rapidly on his neck. His eyes finish their trip when they meet Sebastian's, and Kurt gasps, taking a single step back and forgetting about being silent. The other man doesn't seem to notice, but Sebastian is staring right at him, his eyes shining bright green.
When Sebastian kisses the man's neck, he's still looking at Kurt. He doesn't move his eyes away, not when his hand reaches down to cup an ass cheek, or when his teeth leave a mark on tender skin. Looking away is a physical effort.
Kurt runs away, mindless of the noise he's making, goes into his bedroom and leans on the door after closing it behind himself. He opens his mouth to breathe, and the sound of it is harsh in the darkness of his room. He whimpers, feeling helpless, and slides down to the floor.
A few minutes later, he hears an angry voice, quickly followed by the front door closing. He can only guess that either Sebastian has kicked his partner out or the man has chosen to leave himself. Whatever the case, is all the excuse Kurt needs to walk away from his bedroom and back into the living room. He lingers by the doorframe, his fingers resting softly on the wall, because he feels as if his skin won't be able to contain him anymore and he needs that point of contact with reality.
Sebastian is sitting on the couch, thankfully still wearing a pair of unbuttoned jeans. Kurt can guess at the shape of his hard cock, though, and he swallows, feeling uncomfortable in his own light sleeping pants and t-shirt. When Sebastian looks up, he looks wrecked.
"Come here," he says.
Kurt doesn't doubt for a second, walking towards Sebastian's sitting figure with soft steps. He stops before they're touching, looking and waiting with trepidation for whatever is about to happen. Sebastian feels warm even from where he's standing, and Kurt wants to reach out, find that source of heat.
"I said," Sebastian intones, looking up and into his eyes, "Come here."
Kurt yelps when Sebastian reaches for him, making him tumble ungraciously onto his lap. It takes a moment, but Kurt finds his footing and fixes himself with his thighs spread over Sebastian's, his knees at his sides. His hands come to rest on Sebastian's shoulders, and they grip tightly at the skin. He breathes in and out fast, trying to process the feeling of Sebastian's strong thighs under his, the shape of his cock against his leg, the feel of his shoulder under his palms.
"Say no, Kurt," is what Sebastian's whispers after a minute of impassiveness. "Goddamit, Kurt, please say no."
Kurt lets his mouth hang open, as if any words may come out. Rationally, his mind is yelling at him to stop whatever this, because this is his father under him, and surely everything about this is wrong. Except his father is the man who raised him, who gave him childhood memories and unconditional support, who loved his mother with all his heart and who chose to gift Kurt with his last name. And that is gone, all that is gone and Kurt has been so alone that Sebastian's touch feels like it could cure him from his loneliness, like it could give him a place to belong and to feel safe. So he closes his mouth, and says nothing, only looking into Sebastian's eyes.
Sebastian groans, moves forward and up and kisses Kurt. His lips are wet and hot, and Kurt hates knowing that he's been kissing someone else not half an hour ago. He crushes those thoughts, though, and instead sighs into the kiss and relaxes into the touch of Sebastian's hands around his back and on his shoulders, bringing him closer.
Kissing Sebastian is nothing like kissing Taylor, probably because he's not a fumbling teenager, but also because there's desperation behind his movement, behind the touch of his tongue against Kurt's. Kurt chases it, though, craves it, because he's been feeling the exact same way and maybe if they kiss hard enough they can make all the grief go away.
Sebastian tastes sweet, of the remnants of some kind of alcohol and fruit. His lips are not pliant but restless, sucking onto Kurt's only to latch back again and kiss him deeper. After what feels like hours, ages, an eternity, Sebastian breaks away and Kurt whimpers, following his tasty lips with his own. Sebastian regards him with something thoughtful in his expression, and Kurt hopes he's not trying to stop this, because they're too far gone to go back now.
The next thing he knows, Sebastian is standing up, his arms resting under Kurt's ass so he can carry him. Kurt yelps, surprised, but crosses his ankles around Sebastian's back and wraps his arms tight around his shoulders. He rests his face against Sebastian's neck, pressing his hands, open-palmed, to the skin of Sebastian's back. He feels hot all over, being carried like this and touching this much of Sebastian's skin, being so close that he can smell Sebastian's cologne mixing with his sweat.
Sebastian takes them to Kurt's bedroom, and places Kurt on the bed carefully. He steps away momentarily, and Kurt is scared yet again, afraid that Sebastian is leaving him alone with his thoughts. He reaches out, arm stretched before him, and Sebastian only groans, kneeling on the bed as he places a kiss to the inside of Kurt's wrist.
Sebastian stops to look at Kurt yet again, and Kurt wonders if he's asking himself what he can and can't do, how far he should go with this. Kurt wants to tell him that he can do anything, but he doesn't, not when the next thing Sebastian does is reach out and tug the hem of Kurt's shirt upwards until he can remove it. Then, he presses his palm against Kurt's chest and Kurt complies, lying down on the bed.
Sebastian stays kneeling, looking at him as if discovering some treasure, hovering over him in a way that could almost be seen as menacing. His breathing is harsh and loud, gets quicker when he moves down to press his lips against Kurt's breastplate. Kurt breathes in, sharp, when wet, warm lips make their way over his chest, barely resting on one nipple before they travel to the other.
Kurt can hear himself breathing, loud pants that echo inside the room and mix with Sebastian's, but he's pretty sure that the air is not coming in. His skin feels tight, on fire, trails of heat appearing wherever Sebastian places his lips. He can't think, and he can barely move. The feeling of Sebastian's lips right under his navel makes him buck his hips up, hard and sudden. Sebastian presses him back against the bed, broad hands keeping him in place and branding him they are so hot.
Kurt's not sure how long Sebastian kisses him all over, but he's pretty sure no body can take this much, can spend so long completely untouched and then be assaulted by all this at once. By the time Sebastian pulls his pants and underwear away, Kurt feels like a boneless mass of skin. Sebastian looks up at him before doing something else, his expression almost wolfish from between Kurt's legs. Kurt blinks his eyes open, and looks back at him, wanton and trusting.
At the first touch of Sebastian's tongue against his cock, Kurt's hips try to move up, but Sebastian is ready for it and holds him down. Kurt moans as he arches of the bed, his legs wrapping themselves around Sebastian over his shoulders of their own volition. Sebastian presses his hands to Kurt's thighs, keeping him in place as he licks his way down his cock, sucking his balls into his mouth and then moving lower still. Kurt thinks he won't be able to take much more, and he grasps the sheets tight between his hands when Sebastian goes back to his cock and swallows him down.
Kurt wants to look, he wants to see the hollowed cheeks and the long eyelashes falling on Sebastian's cheeks. He wants to see Sebastian's lips wrapped tightly around his cock, but he can barely manage to trash around under the assault on his senses.
"It's ok, baby, you can let go." And God, Sebastian's voice is low and raw.
Sebastian licks a broad stripe up Kurt's stomach before going back down on his cock, and Kurt feels the orgasm building low on his groin. He comes with a silent scream, feels it from the tips of his toes all the way to his hair. He's breathing hard and Sebastian's still swallowing when he pulls away from him. He drops his legs, leaving him spread eagled, flushed and sated on the bed, and Kurt's never felt so shameless in his life.
Sebastian breathes out through his mouth, the sound loud and harsh, and kneels between Kurt's spread legs. Kurt's too tired - maybe too stunned - to do anything more than watch as he pulls himself out from his jeans, and strokes himself once, twice.
Kurt murmurs a soft oh, and Sebastian groans and tumbles forward, resting a hand next to Kurt's waist on the mattress and hovering over him as he keeps touching himself. His rhythm is hard and unforgiving, and his eyes are settled on Kurt, even when Kurt can only look at the way his hand moves over his hard cock. When Sebastian grunts, almost desperate, Kurt surges up and kisses him. It's more a bite than a kiss, he realizes, but it's enough to send Sebastian over the edge, his come painting warm lines over Kurt's stomach.
There's only breathing then, fast and loud.
Sebastian is the first one to move. He steps away from the bed and comes back with a towel. He wipes at Kurt's stomach, and Kurt breathes in and out, his eyes fixed on Sebastian's movements. He's suddenly assaulted by the fear of Sebastian leaving, of him going back to his own bedroom and leaving Kurt cold, naked and used, so he surges forward yet again and wraps his arms around Sebastian's neck. He's being clingy, but he can't bear the thought of being alone right now, not when he's feeling closer to Sebastian than he ever has. Sebastian clutches back, only for a second, and then makes as if to move away. Kurt whimpers like a lost animal.
"Shh," Sebastian soothes. "Let's just get under the covers."
Kurt lets him go then, and when they're both under the covers he shuffles closer and burrows into Sebastian's heat. He's gotten fully undressed at some point, and Kurt feels all of their skin touching, legs and arms and chests. With that much warmth around him, he falls asleep easily.
***
Next morning, Kurt wakes up alone. He's also alone for the next week. Sebastian doesn't show up at the apartment, and Kurt knows he's not even spending the nights there because he's hyperaware of every noise inside the house.
He feels... neglected, and he wants to laugh at the thought. He guesses that he should be feeling something close to guilt, or at least some inadequacy at having broken the rules of human relationships so thoroughly. But he can't, not when the thought of Sebastian's hands on his skin still sends shiver down his spine.
He tries reading, but he can't. He finds himself constantly distracted, as if waiting for this something that he's sure is going to happen. He's also pretty sure that he won't like it.
After a week, Sebastian comes back. He walks into the apartment, shoulders hunched and head down, and sits himself down by the kitchen table. Kurt follows him with heavy steps, wary, but sits down across from him. He knows the table is a buffer, a physical and tangible separation between them, and Kurt can give Sebastian at least the comfort of that.
When Sebastian finally looks up, his eyes seem to be carrying all of the guilt that Kurt isn't feeling.
"I've been making arrangements for next year," Sebastian says after a minute. His voice is pitched low and emotionless, almost distant.
"Arrangements?"
"For your school."
"Oh."
Sebastian continues, happy to ignore Kurt's soft exhalation. "I found a private school in Westerville, back in Ohio. Dalton Academy. It's a good place, has a zero-tolerance policy, and I hear that their Glee Club is good, you'll like it."
"Wait, Ohio?"
"It's a boarding school," Sebastian soldiers on. "I talked to Mrs. Hudson, and she'll be happy to have you over the weekends. Or maybe you'd like to stay with a friend, or something, I don't-"
"You're sending me away," Kurt mumbles.
"Christmas and summer, you can also go wherever you'd like and-"
"What if I want to come here?"
Sebastian inhales loudly, looses for a second the cool shade in his eyes and looks straight into Kurt's. "Not here, you can't come here."
Kurt's mouth hangs open, wide and surprised. "You're sending me away forever?"
"Look, Kurt, you can have your life back home but in a decent school. And then you can apply to college wherever you like, New York or, or whatever, ok? Money is not a problem, and I'll make sure you have everything you need, but you can't, you can't stay here."
The words feel almost like a physical blow, and Kurt has to argue back with, "You didn't do anything wrong, you know? You didn't do anything I didn't want."
"But I did!" Sebastian exclaims, and with that all of his façade crumbles, his guilty eyes giving way to silent tears. He looks away, his breath hitching painfully. "I'm supposed to be the adult here, Kurt, to take care of you. I'm supposed to be you f..." he stops, lets the word linger unsaid between them. "I'm supposed to be the adult," he repeats, softly.
Kurt is dumbfounded, but doesn't know what to say other than, "You didn't force me to do anything."
With that, there's silence. It feels heavy and tight between them, and Kurt doesn't think he will be able to take it for much longer.
"How long will it take you to pack? I'll get your tickets and let Mrs. Hudson know when you're arriving."
Kurt only manages to mumble, "A week, give me a week."
***
During his last week in Seattle, Sebastian makes himself scarce. Kurt uses his time to pack his things and take his last walks around the city. Out of spite, he steals a couple of Sebastian's books and one of his t-shirts, and hides the items away deep in one of his suitcases.
They don't talk at all during that week, but the tension is palpable, so thick that it's almost a third presence between them.
On his last night in town, Kurt can't sleep. Sebastian almost knocks into him when he's fetching a glass of water from the kitchen, and while taking a couple of steps back he says, "Jeez, princess, turn on the light, will you?"
Sebastian hasn't sounded that natural around him in weeks. Kurt guesses that the thought that he's finally leaving is letting his conscience rest and feel comfortable in his skin again. Kurt doesn't turn on the light, merely watching as Sebastian steps away from him and leans back against the fridge. Kurt thinks about making small talk for a minute, getting whatever memories he can from his last night here, but he doesn't have the energy. Instead, he leaves his glass of water on the counter and walks towards Sebastian until he's chest to chest with him.
Sebastian makes the unconscious effort of trying to move back, but he's trapped against the fridge. When Kurt moves his arms up and around his neck, he murmurs, softly, "Kurt..."
"You're sending me away," is what Kurt tells him, keeping himself close, as close as he can. He's breathing against Sebastian's mouth when he murmurs, "We won't even see each other again... Please, Sebastian. Please, dad."
That word does something, breaks something inside Sebastian, who groans and brings his hands to Kurt's cheeks, to cup his face and kiss him properly, hard and desperate.
That night, Sebastian fucks him into the mattress, his cock buried deep inside Kurt and Kurt's legs wrapped tight around his waist. It's wrong, Kurt knows it's wrong, but he knows he'll never regret it.
***
Next morning, Sebastian helps him carry his bags around, helps him check in and then stands next to him before the airport's controls. He's motionless, his expression blank, and Kurt's not sure how he's expected to say goodbye to this man. Before he knows it, there's tears running down his face.
He looks at Sebastian steadily, and then moves towards him, wrapping himself around him in a tight hug. His hands fist on the fabric of Sebastian's coat, and his breathing seems to falter by the time Sebastian hugs back, almost as tight. Kurt feels raw and vulnerable, doesn't know what the hell he's been doing for the past few months and how he's supposed to face his life back in Ohio. He wishes he could beg to stay.
"I haven't fucked you up completely," Sebastian says against his ear, his breath warm and trembling. "Please, say I haven't."
Kurt laughs, and the sound bubbles strangely when it mixes with his tears. They let go then, both of them taking a step back, and the air between them feels as if they have built an invisible wall.
"Go, kid," Sebastian says. "Go already."
Kurt nods, once. Then, he turns around, takes a step forward, and doesn't look back.
The End.
Characters/Pairings: Kurt/Sebastian, Kurt/OMC, Sebastians/OMCs
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: aprox. 12000
Summary: After Burt's death, Kurt discovers that he wasn't his true father, but that he's the son of Sebastian Smythe, a man he's never met but that he must go live with now.
Warnings: mentioned character death, voyeurism, age difference, incest. Yep, I'm going to Hell for this one.
Part 1
It's as if they've taken a step back after that, to where they were when Kurt first arrived. They barely talk, not even when they cross paths inside the apartment, and Sebastian doesn't bring anyone back, probably choosing to keep his sexual encounters far away from Kurt. Kurt wants to be relieved, but after a few weeks of this the loneliness feels like too much.
He talks with Taylor after that day, and tells him some made up lie about his father not being ok with his homosexuality, almost managing to turn into a sob story. It feels like betrayal to anyone he's ever called a father, because him being gay has definitely never been something to be ashamed of in their presence. Tayler buys it, though, and leaves him alone, barely managing a nod when they cross paths at school. Kurt hates that he feels relieved.
By the time his birthday rolls around, Kurt's reverted to his past self, quiet and lonely, merely a ghost wherever he goes. That, though, doesn't make him invisible to the couple of jocks that just love messing with him and that are responsible for the constant bruising in his arms and shoulders. They're a pair brutes, and they almost make Kurt miss Karofsky and Azimio.
"Wanna know what I heard, fancy?" is how the attack begins that day. Kurt would roll his eyes and walk away if only his path wasn't being blocked by two guys the size of a closet.
"Please, do tell," Kurt says, "I'm shaking with anticipation."
"I hear that daddy doesn't like what you do with other boys."
Kurt tenses at that, because dammit, Taylor, I thought you were better than that. The thought of these guys referring to Sebastian as his daddy almost makes him sick to his stomach.
"It's disgusting, you know."
"Are you done?" Kurt fumes, sharp, angry and suddenly entirely over these people and their brains the size of peas. "Can you just shove me around already to fulfill your need for mindless violence and let me go? I have things to do."
"Well look at that, he's asking for it and everything."
That afternoon, he arrives home with a split lip and pain shooting down his arm. To be completely honest, the lip had been his own fault, since he'd been the one to bite it after a particularly hard shove.
Sebastian's nowhere to be seen, so he cleans himself up as best as he can and takes a scalding shower, trying to forget the whole day ever happened. He barely manages to hold his tears in when he talks to Carole, who says she's sent a present in the mail and that she hopes it gets there soon. Any other call he ignores, too tired to deal with Rachel, Mercedes and even Finn.
He foregoes dinner that night and goes to bed early, hiding himself under blankets as if that could make the outside world go away. He's woken up in the middle of the night by a knock on his door. At first he thinks he's imagined it, but when a second one comes, he shuffles away from the bed and opens the door. There's no one behind it, but when he looks down, he finds a small, flat package on the floor. He picks it up, reads the simple note that says Happy Birthday.
The package contains a scarf, soft and bright colored and perfect, and he laughs because at least Sebastian knows how to choose a gift. He wraps it around himself, letting the fabric fall around his shoulders and arms, and it is only then that he allows himself to cry.
***
Next morning, over coffee, Sebastian breaks their month of silence with, "What the fuck happened to you?"
Kurt looks at him with curious eyes. He's positive there's nothing different about him this morning, but when Sebastian's eyes zero in on his lip, he remembers everything about yesterday.
"Oh," he says, bringing a hand up to his lip.
"Yes, oh," Sebastian counters, stepping into his personal space in record time.
Kurt takes a deep breath when Sebastian removes his hand only to substitute with his own. His finger feels warm against Kurt's dry lip, and God, they're entirely too close.
"I bit myself," Kurt says.
Sebastian snorts. "Did you throw yourself against lockers as well?"
Kurt tries to shake his head, but Sebastian's touch on his lip has turned into him grasping his chin firmly. Kurt can't breathe. "I mean it," he manages to say. "I bit my lip when they shoved me against a wall."
There's anger in Sebastian's gaze, bright and scary. The green in his eyes feels darker somehow, and the hand at Kurt's chin presses even tighter on his skin.
"That's it, I'm talking to your principal, and if I don't get someone expelled for this I won't answer for my actions."
"You really don't have to-"
"Shut up, kid, and let me at least take care of this."
***
Sebastian manages to get the two boys suspended until the board can make any further decisions. Kurt's pretty sure that nothing's going to come from the accusations of the kid who's gay enough that he can't hide it, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't appreciate the fire with which Sebastian speaks to the principal. He thinks back to his words that morning - at least let me take care of this - and realizes that Sebastian has never been more fatherly than that.
That night, they order Chinese and watch a movie, which means that they spend more time together in the same room than they have in the past month. Balance seems to be restored, and Kurt is surprised at finding a knot somehow unraveling from his chest. He hates thinking that he's missed whatever sort of relationship he has with Sebastian.
***
The restoring of balance means the return of strange men to the apartment. It's not as often, and by the time the school year is over, Kurt's pretty sure that he's seen the same guy at least twice. Something dark twists in his gut when he thinks of Sebastian not finding someone that he can even keep around for breakfast, so he avoids staying at the house as much as possible.
With the beginning of the summer, they start talking about school options for next year. Sebastian wants something expensive and preppy, which Kurt translates as some place where no one will punish him for being different and where he may actually learn something useful. He can't say he would mind.
Sebastian also tries talking to him about going back to Ohio for some time, but Kurt won't hear a thing about it. With as much free time as he has, he can't wrap his mind around the idea of wandering around a Burtless Lima.
***
Two weeks into his summer vacation, it all comes crushing down. It's past midnight and Kurt walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He's turned into a light sleeper over the past few months, so it's not that uncommon to find himself wandering around the house at this time of night. After drinking a couple of sips from his glass, he hears a groan. He rolls his eyes because honestly, Sebastian, but when another one comes he realizes that it can't be coming from the bedroom if he's hearing them this clearly.
He tenses, clutching the glass tight in his hand. That doesn't stop him from walking towards the living room, sock covered feet light on the wooden floor. He doesn't go inside the room, but he doesn't need to in order to see the fully naked back of a stranger. Sebastian's hands are framing his hips, the pads of his fingers resting on the swell of the man's ass. Kurt inhales, and he feels like the air burns going in.
He trails his gaze up Sebastian's arm, following the lightly muscled skin until he's seeing a shoulder. Sebastian's taller than the other man, so he can see his collarbones, sharp even in the low light of the room. When his gaze keeps moving upwards, he fancies he can see Sebastian's pulse beating rapidly on his neck. His eyes finish their trip when they meet Sebastian's, and Kurt gasps, taking a single step back and forgetting about being silent. The other man doesn't seem to notice, but Sebastian is staring right at him, his eyes shining bright green.
When Sebastian kisses the man's neck, he's still looking at Kurt. He doesn't move his eyes away, not when his hand reaches down to cup an ass cheek, or when his teeth leave a mark on tender skin. Looking away is a physical effort.
Kurt runs away, mindless of the noise he's making, goes into his bedroom and leans on the door after closing it behind himself. He opens his mouth to breathe, and the sound of it is harsh in the darkness of his room. He whimpers, feeling helpless, and slides down to the floor.
A few minutes later, he hears an angry voice, quickly followed by the front door closing. He can only guess that either Sebastian has kicked his partner out or the man has chosen to leave himself. Whatever the case, is all the excuse Kurt needs to walk away from his bedroom and back into the living room. He lingers by the doorframe, his fingers resting softly on the wall, because he feels as if his skin won't be able to contain him anymore and he needs that point of contact with reality.
Sebastian is sitting on the couch, thankfully still wearing a pair of unbuttoned jeans. Kurt can guess at the shape of his hard cock, though, and he swallows, feeling uncomfortable in his own light sleeping pants and t-shirt. When Sebastian looks up, he looks wrecked.
"Come here," he says.
Kurt doesn't doubt for a second, walking towards Sebastian's sitting figure with soft steps. He stops before they're touching, looking and waiting with trepidation for whatever is about to happen. Sebastian feels warm even from where he's standing, and Kurt wants to reach out, find that source of heat.
"I said," Sebastian intones, looking up and into his eyes, "Come here."
Kurt yelps when Sebastian reaches for him, making him tumble ungraciously onto his lap. It takes a moment, but Kurt finds his footing and fixes himself with his thighs spread over Sebastian's, his knees at his sides. His hands come to rest on Sebastian's shoulders, and they grip tightly at the skin. He breathes in and out fast, trying to process the feeling of Sebastian's strong thighs under his, the shape of his cock against his leg, the feel of his shoulder under his palms.
"Say no, Kurt," is what Sebastian's whispers after a minute of impassiveness. "Goddamit, Kurt, please say no."
Kurt lets his mouth hang open, as if any words may come out. Rationally, his mind is yelling at him to stop whatever this, because this is his father under him, and surely everything about this is wrong. Except his father is the man who raised him, who gave him childhood memories and unconditional support, who loved his mother with all his heart and who chose to gift Kurt with his last name. And that is gone, all that is gone and Kurt has been so alone that Sebastian's touch feels like it could cure him from his loneliness, like it could give him a place to belong and to feel safe. So he closes his mouth, and says nothing, only looking into Sebastian's eyes.
Sebastian groans, moves forward and up and kisses Kurt. His lips are wet and hot, and Kurt hates knowing that he's been kissing someone else not half an hour ago. He crushes those thoughts, though, and instead sighs into the kiss and relaxes into the touch of Sebastian's hands around his back and on his shoulders, bringing him closer.
Kissing Sebastian is nothing like kissing Taylor, probably because he's not a fumbling teenager, but also because there's desperation behind his movement, behind the touch of his tongue against Kurt's. Kurt chases it, though, craves it, because he's been feeling the exact same way and maybe if they kiss hard enough they can make all the grief go away.
Sebastian tastes sweet, of the remnants of some kind of alcohol and fruit. His lips are not pliant but restless, sucking onto Kurt's only to latch back again and kiss him deeper. After what feels like hours, ages, an eternity, Sebastian breaks away and Kurt whimpers, following his tasty lips with his own. Sebastian regards him with something thoughtful in his expression, and Kurt hopes he's not trying to stop this, because they're too far gone to go back now.
The next thing he knows, Sebastian is standing up, his arms resting under Kurt's ass so he can carry him. Kurt yelps, surprised, but crosses his ankles around Sebastian's back and wraps his arms tight around his shoulders. He rests his face against Sebastian's neck, pressing his hands, open-palmed, to the skin of Sebastian's back. He feels hot all over, being carried like this and touching this much of Sebastian's skin, being so close that he can smell Sebastian's cologne mixing with his sweat.
Sebastian takes them to Kurt's bedroom, and places Kurt on the bed carefully. He steps away momentarily, and Kurt is scared yet again, afraid that Sebastian is leaving him alone with his thoughts. He reaches out, arm stretched before him, and Sebastian only groans, kneeling on the bed as he places a kiss to the inside of Kurt's wrist.
Sebastian stops to look at Kurt yet again, and Kurt wonders if he's asking himself what he can and can't do, how far he should go with this. Kurt wants to tell him that he can do anything, but he doesn't, not when the next thing Sebastian does is reach out and tug the hem of Kurt's shirt upwards until he can remove it. Then, he presses his palm against Kurt's chest and Kurt complies, lying down on the bed.
Sebastian stays kneeling, looking at him as if discovering some treasure, hovering over him in a way that could almost be seen as menacing. His breathing is harsh and loud, gets quicker when he moves down to press his lips against Kurt's breastplate. Kurt breathes in, sharp, when wet, warm lips make their way over his chest, barely resting on one nipple before they travel to the other.
Kurt can hear himself breathing, loud pants that echo inside the room and mix with Sebastian's, but he's pretty sure that the air is not coming in. His skin feels tight, on fire, trails of heat appearing wherever Sebastian places his lips. He can't think, and he can barely move. The feeling of Sebastian's lips right under his navel makes him buck his hips up, hard and sudden. Sebastian presses him back against the bed, broad hands keeping him in place and branding him they are so hot.
Kurt's not sure how long Sebastian kisses him all over, but he's pretty sure no body can take this much, can spend so long completely untouched and then be assaulted by all this at once. By the time Sebastian pulls his pants and underwear away, Kurt feels like a boneless mass of skin. Sebastian looks up at him before doing something else, his expression almost wolfish from between Kurt's legs. Kurt blinks his eyes open, and looks back at him, wanton and trusting.
At the first touch of Sebastian's tongue against his cock, Kurt's hips try to move up, but Sebastian is ready for it and holds him down. Kurt moans as he arches of the bed, his legs wrapping themselves around Sebastian over his shoulders of their own volition. Sebastian presses his hands to Kurt's thighs, keeping him in place as he licks his way down his cock, sucking his balls into his mouth and then moving lower still. Kurt thinks he won't be able to take much more, and he grasps the sheets tight between his hands when Sebastian goes back to his cock and swallows him down.
Kurt wants to look, he wants to see the hollowed cheeks and the long eyelashes falling on Sebastian's cheeks. He wants to see Sebastian's lips wrapped tightly around his cock, but he can barely manage to trash around under the assault on his senses.
"It's ok, baby, you can let go." And God, Sebastian's voice is low and raw.
Sebastian licks a broad stripe up Kurt's stomach before going back down on his cock, and Kurt feels the orgasm building low on his groin. He comes with a silent scream, feels it from the tips of his toes all the way to his hair. He's breathing hard and Sebastian's still swallowing when he pulls away from him. He drops his legs, leaving him spread eagled, flushed and sated on the bed, and Kurt's never felt so shameless in his life.
Sebastian breathes out through his mouth, the sound loud and harsh, and kneels between Kurt's spread legs. Kurt's too tired - maybe too stunned - to do anything more than watch as he pulls himself out from his jeans, and strokes himself once, twice.
Kurt murmurs a soft oh, and Sebastian groans and tumbles forward, resting a hand next to Kurt's waist on the mattress and hovering over him as he keeps touching himself. His rhythm is hard and unforgiving, and his eyes are settled on Kurt, even when Kurt can only look at the way his hand moves over his hard cock. When Sebastian grunts, almost desperate, Kurt surges up and kisses him. It's more a bite than a kiss, he realizes, but it's enough to send Sebastian over the edge, his come painting warm lines over Kurt's stomach.
There's only breathing then, fast and loud.
Sebastian is the first one to move. He steps away from the bed and comes back with a towel. He wipes at Kurt's stomach, and Kurt breathes in and out, his eyes fixed on Sebastian's movements. He's suddenly assaulted by the fear of Sebastian leaving, of him going back to his own bedroom and leaving Kurt cold, naked and used, so he surges forward yet again and wraps his arms around Sebastian's neck. He's being clingy, but he can't bear the thought of being alone right now, not when he's feeling closer to Sebastian than he ever has. Sebastian clutches back, only for a second, and then makes as if to move away. Kurt whimpers like a lost animal.
"Shh," Sebastian soothes. "Let's just get under the covers."
Kurt lets him go then, and when they're both under the covers he shuffles closer and burrows into Sebastian's heat. He's gotten fully undressed at some point, and Kurt feels all of their skin touching, legs and arms and chests. With that much warmth around him, he falls asleep easily.
***
Next morning, Kurt wakes up alone. He's also alone for the next week. Sebastian doesn't show up at the apartment, and Kurt knows he's not even spending the nights there because he's hyperaware of every noise inside the house.
He feels... neglected, and he wants to laugh at the thought. He guesses that he should be feeling something close to guilt, or at least some inadequacy at having broken the rules of human relationships so thoroughly. But he can't, not when the thought of Sebastian's hands on his skin still sends shiver down his spine.
He tries reading, but he can't. He finds himself constantly distracted, as if waiting for this something that he's sure is going to happen. He's also pretty sure that he won't like it.
After a week, Sebastian comes back. He walks into the apartment, shoulders hunched and head down, and sits himself down by the kitchen table. Kurt follows him with heavy steps, wary, but sits down across from him. He knows the table is a buffer, a physical and tangible separation between them, and Kurt can give Sebastian at least the comfort of that.
When Sebastian finally looks up, his eyes seem to be carrying all of the guilt that Kurt isn't feeling.
"I've been making arrangements for next year," Sebastian says after a minute. His voice is pitched low and emotionless, almost distant.
"Arrangements?"
"For your school."
"Oh."
Sebastian continues, happy to ignore Kurt's soft exhalation. "I found a private school in Westerville, back in Ohio. Dalton Academy. It's a good place, has a zero-tolerance policy, and I hear that their Glee Club is good, you'll like it."
"Wait, Ohio?"
"It's a boarding school," Sebastian soldiers on. "I talked to Mrs. Hudson, and she'll be happy to have you over the weekends. Or maybe you'd like to stay with a friend, or something, I don't-"
"You're sending me away," Kurt mumbles.
"Christmas and summer, you can also go wherever you'd like and-"
"What if I want to come here?"
Sebastian inhales loudly, looses for a second the cool shade in his eyes and looks straight into Kurt's. "Not here, you can't come here."
Kurt's mouth hangs open, wide and surprised. "You're sending me away forever?"
"Look, Kurt, you can have your life back home but in a decent school. And then you can apply to college wherever you like, New York or, or whatever, ok? Money is not a problem, and I'll make sure you have everything you need, but you can't, you can't stay here."
The words feel almost like a physical blow, and Kurt has to argue back with, "You didn't do anything wrong, you know? You didn't do anything I didn't want."
"But I did!" Sebastian exclaims, and with that all of his façade crumbles, his guilty eyes giving way to silent tears. He looks away, his breath hitching painfully. "I'm supposed to be the adult here, Kurt, to take care of you. I'm supposed to be you f..." he stops, lets the word linger unsaid between them. "I'm supposed to be the adult," he repeats, softly.
Kurt is dumbfounded, but doesn't know what to say other than, "You didn't force me to do anything."
With that, there's silence. It feels heavy and tight between them, and Kurt doesn't think he will be able to take it for much longer.
"How long will it take you to pack? I'll get your tickets and let Mrs. Hudson know when you're arriving."
Kurt only manages to mumble, "A week, give me a week."
***
During his last week in Seattle, Sebastian makes himself scarce. Kurt uses his time to pack his things and take his last walks around the city. Out of spite, he steals a couple of Sebastian's books and one of his t-shirts, and hides the items away deep in one of his suitcases.
They don't talk at all during that week, but the tension is palpable, so thick that it's almost a third presence between them.
On his last night in town, Kurt can't sleep. Sebastian almost knocks into him when he's fetching a glass of water from the kitchen, and while taking a couple of steps back he says, "Jeez, princess, turn on the light, will you?"
Sebastian hasn't sounded that natural around him in weeks. Kurt guesses that the thought that he's finally leaving is letting his conscience rest and feel comfortable in his skin again. Kurt doesn't turn on the light, merely watching as Sebastian steps away from him and leans back against the fridge. Kurt thinks about making small talk for a minute, getting whatever memories he can from his last night here, but he doesn't have the energy. Instead, he leaves his glass of water on the counter and walks towards Sebastian until he's chest to chest with him.
Sebastian makes the unconscious effort of trying to move back, but he's trapped against the fridge. When Kurt moves his arms up and around his neck, he murmurs, softly, "Kurt..."
"You're sending me away," is what Kurt tells him, keeping himself close, as close as he can. He's breathing against Sebastian's mouth when he murmurs, "We won't even see each other again... Please, Sebastian. Please, dad."
That word does something, breaks something inside Sebastian, who groans and brings his hands to Kurt's cheeks, to cup his face and kiss him properly, hard and desperate.
That night, Sebastian fucks him into the mattress, his cock buried deep inside Kurt and Kurt's legs wrapped tight around his waist. It's wrong, Kurt knows it's wrong, but he knows he'll never regret it.
***
Next morning, Sebastian helps him carry his bags around, helps him check in and then stands next to him before the airport's controls. He's motionless, his expression blank, and Kurt's not sure how he's expected to say goodbye to this man. Before he knows it, there's tears running down his face.
He looks at Sebastian steadily, and then moves towards him, wrapping himself around him in a tight hug. His hands fist on the fabric of Sebastian's coat, and his breathing seems to falter by the time Sebastian hugs back, almost as tight. Kurt feels raw and vulnerable, doesn't know what the hell he's been doing for the past few months and how he's supposed to face his life back in Ohio. He wishes he could beg to stay.
"I haven't fucked you up completely," Sebastian says against his ear, his breath warm and trembling. "Please, say I haven't."
Kurt laughs, and the sound bubbles strangely when it mixes with his tears. They let go then, both of them taking a step back, and the air between them feels as if they have built an invisible wall.
"Go, kid," Sebastian says. "Go already."
Kurt nods, once. Then, he turns around, takes a step forward, and doesn't look back.
The End.