A lot tonight.
Your dating personality profile:
Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have.Your date match profile:
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle.
Your Top Ten Traits
1. Religious
2. Big-Hearted
3. Romantic
4. Adventurous
5. Sensual
6. Liberal
7. Wealthy/Ambitious
8. Practical
9. Traditional
10. Funny
Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Religious
2. Big-Hearted
3. Traditional
4. Practical
5. Romantic
6. Liberal
7. Adventurous
8. Intellectual
9. Athletic
10. Outgoing
Get your Online Dating Profile - take the quiz!
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could remove the large primate from my back, in all of it's manifested forms. I'm really tired, but not physically. I am emotionally tired, I am mentally tired, I am spiritually tired, if there is such a thing. I am sick and tired, of the life I have found myself in. A life that is good, except for some reason where home is concerned. I hate having to come home, and walk on glass, worried about what my parents think I did wrong this time.
I'm sick and tired of them playing knowlegeable about my life when they have no clue what goes on in one average day. I wish sometimes, that they would stop being so preoccupied with trying to figure out my interests, to know about me for bragging's sake. I'm tired of being in trouble for the littlest things when I take care of the biggest things in my life. I know that I cant cover all of the bases, so to speak, all of the time, and nor can anyone else. I can try, I can try in earnest, and no matter how ragged I run myself, how many passes I make over the same area to make sure I got every last detail, something, some little thing will be left unchecked.
And it's not like I purposely do things. It's not like I go around saying "you know what? Let me see if I can't 'accidentally' leave the bread out! Yeah, that will show them, that will make them mad. That's what I want!" It's not as if I'm having major drug parties at our house on Friday nights. It's not like I'm having lots and lots of sex when you're not looking. It's not even that my grades are bad. What else do I have to do to meet the standards you set on me?
Oh yeah, be perfect. Perfect by your definition.
I have news for you though. I will not be taking the course load you recommend for me next year. I will not be coming even remotely close to it. I will not be taking your advice on how to prepare my college auditions, and I will not be following your ideas of applying in state and going in state solely for the benefit of Bright Futures. I will not be perfect, not the way you want me to, because I refuse to make my life something I don't want.
Don't you understand that what I really want is out of this house? Away from the concerns of here? Away from the constant going on about how I have to "make something of my life" and how I need to work harder and be smarter and jump higher and reach farther and all the while I sit there and know you don't understand that you're not really asking me to do these things at all, but instead to give you something to one up the Joneses with.
In fact, I remember a time, once, when we were riding home. And you argued with me, all the way home, about, of all things, how grades were calculated. Not that it mattered to me at the time, but I knew what I was talking about, being that I am in school. You only thought you knew, but you not only said I was wrong, but treated me as ignorant on the topic. All to prove yourself right, all to have the bragging rights, to earn a tally mark on your only slightly less than existant scorecard.
In that event, I see a small-scale representation of our entire familial structure. One arguing, another defending, and the third trying to stop the whole thing from happening. Constantly. And you know, it would be easier, sometimes, if you'd just let me try this thing called life, on my own. No, I am not five any more, I do not need advice on how to leave a message, and I know how to make phone calls. I know I need to read over paperwork, and understand that school is important as is time management. No, I don't need to make a to-do list for three items, yes I do keep an agenda book, and no I don't want any help from you with "organizing my life."
I want to live my life free from all the hand holding, all the forcing me to do things in a way that is counter-intuitive to the rest of my life. Had you have been more understanding up front, more sincere in your interest in what I liked, maybe then I would have paid your thoughts more credit. But your willingness to argue about things you know nothing about only makes me angry. Your willingness to critique the things you don't understand, your willingness to tell me how to make my music, upsets me.
I know how to accomplish what I aim to accomplish, most times. Sometimes, unfortunately, it's not exactly the way you would do it. I want to find the right way to do things. I want to be allowed to fail and feel as secure in failure as I do in triumph. I want to be supported, not intruded upon and trampled for the sake of your pride.
I'm doing my best.
Why can't that be enough?
Despite the above rant (if you looked behind the cut), spring break is actually going remarkably well. I have just a few things to do tomorrow, but other than that nothing. If anyone wants to do anything, I'm all ears.
And, today was alright. Hung out with John, didn't end up meeting up with anyone at the beach though, sadly. I was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, I could not find the beach with the "sno-cone lady." :-P. But I did end up at the beach for a little bit anyways. Church service tonight, but was another example of not being left alone by the parentals, as was when I walked in the door, and my mom literally forced me to write a to-do list and forced me to do some research I'd already done.
But, then what are parents for? Or maybe, it's just those teenage hormones.
Maybe I should write something soon. But what?
And...