Why do I cry on the inside, when all you see on the outside are smiles?

[germanhottie727]

I ask myself, will I ever be the girl I once was? With no worries? No second thoughts? I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to be around anyone. I don't even want to go to work, school, or choir. All I want to do, is sit here, and think about how miserable I am. And I think the worst part is that I know that just sitting here thinking about how miserable I am, doesn't help, but I can't help it. It's all I think about.

So I know that I have some amazing friends. That's a given, right? I mean, they're always there for me, whether they understand what's going on or not. And yes, I keep my secrets, not everyone needs to know what my dilemma is, but at the same time, I wish I could just talk about it, you know, just get it off my chest. But no, all my problems, or at least most of them, I do my best to keep to myself. Yes, they involve other people, and most times they involve other people who are very close to me, but I'm to afraid to sacrifice something valuable to me, so I just keep my mouth shut, kill myself on the inside, and smile like nothing's the matter.

When I stop hiding from myself, I'll understand more about myself, in the mean time, I just let it all hurt, and I let it all burn.