What a surprise
I promise "more later" and then skip 4 weeks.
It's not that I've been terribly plagued by things. I guess I'm just lazy, as the same order is going for a journal of sorts I need to write about all of my jobs I've done so far...of which I have 0 done.
All the same problems seem to have followed me back into Japan. Things felt like they were going wonderfully here until the other student from Fresno arrived, in which case things seem to have gone completely downhill.
She's a better speaker than me, she's more prepared for the trip, and she's just more liked altogether.
It's the exact same problems I have back home, just minus any form of excuses.
When I have to struggle to get beyond waving and saying hi to people, say, to discuss good places to visit in Tokyo, and she just drops in and everybody immediately shines twice as much attention on her to discuss the weather...when people interrupt me left and right and no one seems to think anything of it...When people say they're too busy or poor or tired or whatever to go do things but go drinking every other night and come back after midnight...
And the worst part as I see it now: I'll probably be happy about things again tomorrow. I'll look back on this and think about what an idiot I was to even consider writing these things, how something's wrong with me in the head, and all that. But I had these exact same thoughts last month about myself having the exact same thoughts nearly two years ago.
And look what that did for me.
I hate this.
It's not that I've been terribly plagued by things. I guess I'm just lazy, as the same order is going for a journal of sorts I need to write about all of my jobs I've done so far...of which I have 0 done.
All the same problems seem to have followed me back into Japan. Things felt like they were going wonderfully here until the other student from Fresno arrived, in which case things seem to have gone completely downhill.
She's a better speaker than me, she's more prepared for the trip, and she's just more liked altogether.
It's the exact same problems I have back home, just minus any form of excuses.
When I have to struggle to get beyond waving and saying hi to people, say, to discuss good places to visit in Tokyo, and she just drops in and everybody immediately shines twice as much attention on her to discuss the weather...when people interrupt me left and right and no one seems to think anything of it...When people say they're too busy or poor or tired or whatever to go do things but go drinking every other night and come back after midnight...
And the worst part as I see it now: I'll probably be happy about things again tomorrow. I'll look back on this and think about what an idiot I was to even consider writing these things, how something's wrong with me in the head, and all that. But I had these exact same thoughts last month about myself having the exact same thoughts nearly two years ago.
And look what that did for me.
I hate this.