yea. subject
well today i went home early bc i didnt feel good my stomach was bothering me n i had a headache.. now my head is throbbing n thats it. my right side of my head hurts but my left eye is throbbing.. and i dont know. im realizing alot of things and its making me really sad. like how almost all of my friends have faded away. like real friends dat i hung out with and talked to. i dont have really anyone i can openly talk to about things execept her. and im not even sure how long i have that n u know i cant tlk to her bout everything cuz like if somthin goes wrong between us. who do i have to tlk to then?? things n my life r all fucking up, u know.. im fucking up.. i dont know its weird.. its like my mind is slowly going away.. i dont remember things that i should, i dont do things that i should. its like im becoming old and senile b4 im suppose to. the only time i feel good n happy is when im with her. and thats it. i come home to an empty house everyday. then my lil brother comes n and i have to watch him everyday n he doesnt listen to a word i say then he often goes to his friends house up tha street n again im alone. my mom comes home from work like 6-7 but then she often leaves bc she needs to "get out" and im here most of the time having no food. bc what i can cook we dont have or i dont like at all. dad is basically living somewhere else.. bc of his job.. well thats wat tha parents say anyway.. but him and my mom r having problems.. my older brother just goes n and out so i barely see him. i hate being at home now. i never want to be here. i always wanna b at her house bc things just seem better there bc at least her parents r there just bout everynight n dinner is there and they talk to her..at least try anyway..and they hear her even tho she might think they dont.. or i wanna go to ashland bc its tha get away place..to get away from everything. and i just hang out with my 2 friends n try get back in tha tripod bc i know i kinda fell out of that. not being able to hang out n everything.. but yea.. i dont know whats going on. things r changing and i guess im taking it really hard. sometimes things kinda hurt. and ive always been the one who looks at things too deeply bc..well just because im a deep person n i think too much.. but yea.. its getting hard to be good. to be in the right state of mind.someone told me that i do nothing wrong.. but everything is my fault that happens.. thats real ironic.. i have a headache..it hurts. i hurt. im gunna go now