a good time had by... me, anyway
Yeah, it was good. It was real good. I have no idea if it was for him, since men are hardly in the habit of saying, at least, most of the men I know.
And I find myself in the very same situation I was in a few months ago. Beautiful man in my bed but already involved and not actually poly, just having a little vacation from monogamy. While I am not monogamous, and obviously am resigned to my status as the perpetual other woman, just once I would like to be a little higher on the list. It would make a nice change.
I conclude that this indicates that my subconscious level of self esteem is still in a state of believing that I don't deserve to be first in line if I am still placing myself in the second fiddle position. And equally obviously, it still works for me since I am still doing it. Recognizing the pattern doesn't always fix the pattern, dammit anyway.
On the other hand, it was a hell of a lot of fun and I will do it again as soon as I have the chance, with either of the lovely men I have been with in the last few months, thankyouverymuch.
We won't talk about the fact that I have fallen for them both. I am still very adept at packing those feelings away in little boxes and stashing them away in the dark corners of my psyche. Go me, I guess.
Still, fun times. Do it again ASAP, emotional entanglements and all.