...what to loose?
What the fuck do I have to loose anymore...? This is emo bite me...
I am still very much in love with Josh. I was always in love with him... well not always that is an overstatement... I guess that I loved Josh sense... the first time he stayed over at my house... and he fell asleep and I pulled the covers over him and stayed awake for an hour just so that I could be with him... be by him... I love Josh so much... it is fucking sickening really. I have a picture of him... doing the little piece sign in my room... right by my computer. I dunno I really hate to say this. Not many people know this and I dont want it to hurt the people it may concern but right now I feel like I just wanna shoot myself so I wanna get it out. When I was dating Chris, I was typing and email and at the end I intened to say, "I love you so much Chirs" only it came out with Josh's name in place of Chris's... that kinda freaked me out cause at the time I was trying to tell myself I would get over Josh eventually. But I was never over Josh. I never stopped caring. I went out with Chris... and he seemed like he cared about me, and I had a huge crush on him... and we both wanted to get something from the other person in the relationship so much that we jumped to stupid conclusions that neither of us could really say were true... I cant get over him and now he fucking hate me! GDI! I really fucked up this time... he had one in his profile I thought it would be okay... but I guess not. I know that it seems stupid. But god... I feel like such an idiot. I keep making this stupid mistakes. From the very begining.
1. I blew everything he did out of proportion, but it was cause I cared...
2. I said "I love you" to Chris, it was really to try and get me over Josh... it didn't work.
3. This...
I just feel like such an idiot... I mean I doubted that Josh would give me a second chance, I wished that he would, well I still do even though I know it is like impossible. But god... hate me... that is at least what I got from what Ben and Christian told me. I dont think I can deal with that. I thought I would at least have Josh as a friend... I dont want to deal with it... I cant deal with it...
Now if you got this far I am sorry so I will end it with something happy... I dont have a gun and the Helena video is cool... that is about as happy as I can get right now sorry I tried...
I am still very much in love with Josh. I was always in love with him... well not always that is an overstatement... I guess that I loved Josh sense... the first time he stayed over at my house... and he fell asleep and I pulled the covers over him and stayed awake for an hour just so that I could be with him... be by him... I love Josh so much... it is fucking sickening really. I have a picture of him... doing the little piece sign in my room... right by my computer. I dunno I really hate to say this. Not many people know this and I dont want it to hurt the people it may concern but right now I feel like I just wanna shoot myself so I wanna get it out. When I was dating Chris, I was typing and email and at the end I intened to say, "I love you so much Chirs" only it came out with Josh's name in place of Chris's... that kinda freaked me out cause at the time I was trying to tell myself I would get over Josh eventually. But I was never over Josh. I never stopped caring. I went out with Chris... and he seemed like he cared about me, and I had a huge crush on him... and we both wanted to get something from the other person in the relationship so much that we jumped to stupid conclusions that neither of us could really say were true... I cant get over him and now he fucking hate me! GDI! I really fucked up this time... he had one in his profile I thought it would be okay... but I guess not. I know that it seems stupid. But god... I feel like such an idiot. I keep making this stupid mistakes. From the very begining.
1. I blew everything he did out of proportion, but it was cause I cared...
2. I said "I love you" to Chris, it was really to try and get me over Josh... it didn't work.
3. This...
I just feel like such an idiot... I mean I doubted that Josh would give me a second chance, I wished that he would, well I still do even though I know it is like impossible. But god... hate me... that is at least what I got from what Ben and Christian told me. I dont think I can deal with that. I thought I would at least have Josh as a friend... I dont want to deal with it... I cant deal with it...
Now if you got this far I am sorry so I will end it with something happy... I dont have a gun and the Helena video is cool... that is about as happy as I can get right now sorry I tried...