(no subject)
It's been a while.
I've been in a surly mood lately. Recently I went through a scheme of trying to move out to Buena Vista, Colorado for the summer if not permanently. I went about trying to find a summer job and for a fair week and a half there I was really excited and happy at the prospect of breaking out of this rut I've been stuck in for two years. Two years that I have been incapable of finding steady work in this Godforsaken city with no friends and no one to talk to outside of WoW, in this Godforsaken city where I don't speak Spanish and half the population doesn't speak English.
I don't know if its the heat or the fact that I'm sick with a cold or that I'm on my period but really I've been in a terrible way. Every time my parents try to talk to me I snub them off but then I feel like I'm screaming and nobody is listening. Every time my dad grills me about my plans I tell him I don't want to talk about it because I feel like I'm having to report to some sort of interview and half the time he doesn't listen to what I say anyway and asks questions that I literally just answered two seconds ago, but then I get frustrated because I feel like nobody is helping me even though it was my father who first suggested the whole Buena Vista idea.
I've been seeing a therapist for a little over a month now but outside of the fact it gives me someone to talk to it hasn't been helping much. She wants me to find a job in the field with my degree. The problem with that is there are very few jobs I can get without experience and submitting application after application to places without hearing anything back while I just sit and wait only worsens my mood. At least with the Buena Vista thing for a while there I felt like I was getting something done, I was being active even if it just minimum wage jobs. With looking for work in my field it only makes me more depressed because I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm just sitting around stagnant, waiting for something to happen that isn't going to.
I do have one job prospect here in Miami. I try not to get my hopes up because every time I think I have something worked out, that things are finally going to work, it blows up in my face and I'm tired of being disappointed. I submitted an application a week ago but the manager I needed to interview with was on vacation. I just talked to her today and she told me to submit one online but because I already did submit one online I cannot for another twenty days so now I have to wait until Sunday in the hopes she'll be around because tomorrow I have to go to a fucking volunteer meeting at the Zoo because my mother has been hounding me to volunteer in the hopes I'll get a job and meet people (yeah right). I even tried Eharmony at the suggestion of my therapist to see about meeting people and I got a return of "No matches found" and the site blocked me out. When I called their help line about it they basically told me too bad and to try again in six weeks. At every turn I get thwarted. Everything I try turns to shit.
The whole world can go to hell
I've been in a surly mood lately. Recently I went through a scheme of trying to move out to Buena Vista, Colorado for the summer if not permanently. I went about trying to find a summer job and for a fair week and a half there I was really excited and happy at the prospect of breaking out of this rut I've been stuck in for two years. Two years that I have been incapable of finding steady work in this Godforsaken city with no friends and no one to talk to outside of WoW, in this Godforsaken city where I don't speak Spanish and half the population doesn't speak English.
I don't know if its the heat or the fact that I'm sick with a cold or that I'm on my period but really I've been in a terrible way. Every time my parents try to talk to me I snub them off but then I feel like I'm screaming and nobody is listening. Every time my dad grills me about my plans I tell him I don't want to talk about it because I feel like I'm having to report to some sort of interview and half the time he doesn't listen to what I say anyway and asks questions that I literally just answered two seconds ago, but then I get frustrated because I feel like nobody is helping me even though it was my father who first suggested the whole Buena Vista idea.
I've been seeing a therapist for a little over a month now but outside of the fact it gives me someone to talk to it hasn't been helping much. She wants me to find a job in the field with my degree. The problem with that is there are very few jobs I can get without experience and submitting application after application to places without hearing anything back while I just sit and wait only worsens my mood. At least with the Buena Vista thing for a while there I felt like I was getting something done, I was being active even if it just minimum wage jobs. With looking for work in my field it only makes me more depressed because I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm just sitting around stagnant, waiting for something to happen that isn't going to.
I do have one job prospect here in Miami. I try not to get my hopes up because every time I think I have something worked out, that things are finally going to work, it blows up in my face and I'm tired of being disappointed. I submitted an application a week ago but the manager I needed to interview with was on vacation. I just talked to her today and she told me to submit one online but because I already did submit one online I cannot for another twenty days so now I have to wait until Sunday in the hopes she'll be around because tomorrow I have to go to a fucking volunteer meeting at the Zoo because my mother has been hounding me to volunteer in the hopes I'll get a job and meet people (yeah right). I even tried Eharmony at the suggestion of my therapist to see about meeting people and I got a return of "No matches found" and the site blocked me out. When I called their help line about it they basically told me too bad and to try again in six weeks. At every turn I get thwarted. Everything I try turns to shit.
The whole world can go to hell