(no subject)
Okay folks heres the much bandied about sequel to my previous rant PET PEAVES.
DISCLAIMER:
This post may be offensive; so please read at your own discretion. If you feel that this list of traits and/or actions hits too close to home, I am obliged to remind you that they are a compilation of my own personal pet peaves. It is not my responsibility to ignore when others act upon them. If you are offended because you have committed these actions or feel that you are a representative of my characterizations, I must remind you that they are YOUR PROBLEMS not mine.
For example, I made a lengthy post on black people yelling at movie screens. If you are a black person that does not do those actions, the post was not intended for you. We're cool bro. If however, you are a black person (or any person really) who yells at the movies, it is your shortcoming which should be delt with, not my calling attention to it.
13. Trendus McPopcollaria
Oh you know who I'm talking about. You see them in every college town in America. Trendy McPopcollars. They all look alike...striped shirt with worn retro t-shirt or their famed popped collar polo shirt, with brown leather shoes, and prefaded jeans.
These type-A, alpha male, upper middle class, crotch-jockeys are the next link in the evolution of the douche-bag. Sired by thoroughbred pricks with bloated egos who got managerial, hr, or real estate jobs in the go-go 80s and has worked ever since to keep everyone else out of them... everyone except TRENDY MCPOPCOLLAR!
Oh yeah, these guys have an easy ride. Handed everything by fate or their families, these are the sanctimonious douche-bags who have the unbridled fucking audacity to profess later in life that success is determined by those who are willing to risk everything and "just go for it." (because a failed venture to them has no lasting effects.)
Now keep in mind, Trendy McPopcollars aren't usually "rich" They're just richer then most of the people they know. Rich people tend to have more class. They are however smart. Or at least smarter than what you'd expect. These brains are what seperates them from their line-backer buddies from high school who go on to work day shifts at a tire salon.
"Yeah... the old man's been groomin' me to run his firm after I get out of college, but I got different plans for the place. He's too stuck in his ways for the new century. When I'm in charge, I'm gonna take it in a whole new direction, you know what I mean? Ha ha. Listen, if you're gonna go to the party later I could pick you up in my H2. I was gonna get the H3, but they got smaller... can you believe that? Oh hold on, that's me... gotta take this. Important business stuff you know? YEAH! Whats up broski. Oh shit right? Man dump her... that skank is so played... totally got the crotch crickets from that. Oh yeah? yeah? Well hold on I got another call coming in. Hello? Hello? HellloooooooOOoooo? Okay I'm back, dropped call, can you believe that? You pay an absurd amount of money for the brand new razor and it bugs out on ya. Well I'll see ya later then. Cool Bro. Cool. Cya. Now where were we babe?"
And that case of "crotch-crickets" was and probably will be the worst thing that has ever happened to this guy. Unlike Schitzoid McVeinington (see the last post), this wont be an appropriate ending. No sir. And thats the most infuriating thing about them. Their clean-cut, All-American, Ambercrombie/Fitch look coupled with their only average intelligence will propel these masters of the douchebag through a successful life of bedding multiple women, responsibility free-youth, and still managing to find themselves jobs as high up as President of the United States of America. Oh yeah, which reminds me.
14. The President of the United States of America.
I can hear it now... some of you are thinking "Oh no, another outspoken lib'ral sa gonna bash the president during a time of national crisis." to which Id like to respond... YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT CHIMPSTAIN!
I hate hearing it as much as the rest of you. I despise those guys who hate the President and corporate control of the nation and blame every problem on him. It's infuriating, it's frustrating, its overly ignorant and arrogant... and unfortunately it's true.
Before I begin this rant I feel compelled to profess I am no left-wing partisan hack. There are plenty of Republicans I support and would vote for. I appreciate Sam Brownback's traditional conservativism mixed with appropriate questioning and thoughtfullness for example. I love every the elder republican statesman John Warner does. I listen to Glenn Beck, watch Joe Scarborough, and even worked for an anti-michael moore documentary.
That being said, you republicans managed to pick, elect, and re-elect, the single worst candidate for president in the history of the United States of America. I told my liberal friends on Iraq, hope for the best -- there's a chance this could work out well (and rooted for it to happen) But, guess what wingnuts? It didn't. Iraq couldn't have gone worse and they have every right to stuff that down Republicans throats. It's annoying to hear the chanting "Na na na na's" when someone else is right but listen folks, you deserve to hear it so you don't make the same fucking mistake again.
The highlight of the Bush Presidency was 1 good speech and the time he choked on a goram pretzel!
And I'm not just talking about Iraq either... what has he succeeded at?
1. Bankruptcy liability legislation - ending a time-honored system by requiring those who apply for bankruptcy to still pay back most of their debts -- negating the meaning of bankruptcy.
2. Tort Reform - Do you even know what this means? I guarentee most of you are thinking of a delicious frosted desert.
3. Faulty restructuring of medicare - Pretty much the same thing that Hillary proposed when she was first lady - only more expensive (it should have gotten the same result today as it did then)
4. Getting Saddam Hussein - Now call me retarded, but one douchebags life is not worth the 3,000+ (and counting) American soldiers lives. Thats more than died in 9/11, the reason we supposedly did this.
5. Outing a CIA Agent
6. Reading a book about the History of Salt
-- and he managed to do all this and still had time see the largest attack on America in it's 231 year history AND one of our most prestigious cities sink into the ocean. That just screams Four More Years to me!
Okay now Im sure some of you are saying... Saddam was a genocidal madman-- it was worth it for the Iraqi people to get him out of there. (Funny way the Iraqis show gratitude eh?) Well I dont mean to be cavalier but I'm going to drop some numbers here:
Saddam Hussein was convicted for the killings of 50,000 Iraqis over his 24 year tenure. That works out to being somewhere around 2,083 Iraqis per year.
The statistical minimum of Iraqi civilians who have died as a result of the current war in Iraq, is reported to be approx. 56,468 over 4 years (not counting bathists or insurgents). That works out to being just over 14,000 Iraqi deaths per year or roughly 12,034 more deaths per year than when Saddam Hussein was in power.
Even if Saddam had killed all those Iraqis during the same amount of time as the Iraq War has progressed, he would have still come up 1,617 d/p/y less or about 6,468 people less total. So long as the war continues, the larger this disparity will become.
Keep in mind that was also the MINIMUM possible Iraq body count. (The max ranges between 62,000 and 100,000)
Also if you want to add US and Coalition troops to the death count, you wind up with 3,389 more people who would be alive today had it not been for this ill-advised war.
The point is you can not look at this and say that it was even a technical or statistical victory. Keep in mind he was also nearly 70 years old when he died... how much carnage can an AARP member honestly do? If we would have been more patient, father time would have finished the job for us.
13. Sci Fi Pictures Originals:
These are poorly produced vehicles for terrible actors and undeserving of the title "SCIENCE FICTION" It is movies like this that makes science fiction/fantasy films a lower tier than dramatic and historical pieces.
14. Mosquitos:
WHY DO THEY EXIST? THEY SUCK! (no pun intended)
15. Fungus:
I only trust organisms with B and Z strands of DNA.
16. Mycologists:
I can't trust a man whod devote his life to the study of Fungus
17. Gray Aliens:
Whats their problem anyways? Abducting people in the middle of the night, preforming all sorts of weird tests on them. How much can be learned from anal probing anyways? Something tells me they don't even sterilize their needles. Thats a good way of getting hepititis my zeta-reticulian friends!
18. People from the Future:
Quit coming back to my time just because yours is overrun with sentient robots. I don't care how loud and disruptive their parties are!
19. Clown Pornographers:
There's nothing on them on Hotjobs.com
20. Whoever cancelled Firefly:
Im sorry, I know I said this earlier... BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOUR GORAM PROBLEM!
21. Emo Kids:
See earlier post concerning "Emocaust"
22. CNN News:
It's been a week of Anna Nicole nonstop. I dont care who fucked the imbicile. If I did, I'd just whack off to one of her movies!
23. Fox News:
I dont care that youre a right wing news source. Good for you. Just quit passing yourself off as otherwise. Listen, if during a presidential race you ran a caption which read: "Kerry scaring the elderly?" you can't call yourself a legitimate newssource.
24. MSNBC:
Soooooo Britney shaved her head? SEE NUMBER 22! I don't care what that bald headed, Roast-Beef-Snootched, trailer trash princess does. All I care is that you're doing this just for rating when theres real news we haven't heard about--- like if the Runaway bride, Michael Jackson, and the Astronut all hoped into O.J. Simpson's white bronco to unearth Terry Shiavos zombie fucking corpse!
25. My friends:
We were supposed to see a movie tonight, but once again, I'm sitting in front of this g.d. computer. I don't get invited to anything barring non-planned cross-state trips to see friends who wont call me when theyre in town. Sure do love typing out these things
DISCLAIMER:
This post may be offensive; so please read at your own discretion. If you feel that this list of traits and/or actions hits too close to home, I am obliged to remind you that they are a compilation of my own personal pet peaves. It is not my responsibility to ignore when others act upon them. If you are offended because you have committed these actions or feel that you are a representative of my characterizations, I must remind you that they are YOUR PROBLEMS not mine.
For example, I made a lengthy post on black people yelling at movie screens. If you are a black person that does not do those actions, the post was not intended for you. We're cool bro. If however, you are a black person (or any person really) who yells at the movies, it is your shortcoming which should be delt with, not my calling attention to it.
13. Trendus McPopcollaria
Oh you know who I'm talking about. You see them in every college town in America. Trendy McPopcollars. They all look alike...striped shirt with worn retro t-shirt or their famed popped collar polo shirt, with brown leather shoes, and prefaded jeans.
These type-A, alpha male, upper middle class, crotch-jockeys are the next link in the evolution of the douche-bag. Sired by thoroughbred pricks with bloated egos who got managerial, hr, or real estate jobs in the go-go 80s and has worked ever since to keep everyone else out of them... everyone except TRENDY MCPOPCOLLAR!
Oh yeah, these guys have an easy ride. Handed everything by fate or their families, these are the sanctimonious douche-bags who have the unbridled fucking audacity to profess later in life that success is determined by those who are willing to risk everything and "just go for it." (because a failed venture to them has no lasting effects.)
Now keep in mind, Trendy McPopcollars aren't usually "rich" They're just richer then most of the people they know. Rich people tend to have more class. They are however smart. Or at least smarter than what you'd expect. These brains are what seperates them from their line-backer buddies from high school who go on to work day shifts at a tire salon.
"Yeah... the old man's been groomin' me to run his firm after I get out of college, but I got different plans for the place. He's too stuck in his ways for the new century. When I'm in charge, I'm gonna take it in a whole new direction, you know what I mean? Ha ha. Listen, if you're gonna go to the party later I could pick you up in my H2. I was gonna get the H3, but they got smaller... can you believe that? Oh hold on, that's me... gotta take this. Important business stuff you know? YEAH! Whats up broski. Oh shit right? Man dump her... that skank is so played... totally got the crotch crickets from that. Oh yeah? yeah? Well hold on I got another call coming in. Hello? Hello? HellloooooooOOoooo? Okay I'm back, dropped call, can you believe that? You pay an absurd amount of money for the brand new razor and it bugs out on ya. Well I'll see ya later then. Cool Bro. Cool. Cya. Now where were we babe?"
And that case of "crotch-crickets" was and probably will be the worst thing that has ever happened to this guy. Unlike Schitzoid McVeinington (see the last post), this wont be an appropriate ending. No sir. And thats the most infuriating thing about them. Their clean-cut, All-American, Ambercrombie/Fitch look coupled with their only average intelligence will propel these masters of the douchebag through a successful life of bedding multiple women, responsibility free-youth, and still managing to find themselves jobs as high up as President of the United States of America. Oh yeah, which reminds me.
14. The President of the United States of America.
I can hear it now... some of you are thinking "Oh no, another outspoken lib'ral sa gonna bash the president during a time of national crisis." to which Id like to respond... YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT CHIMPSTAIN!
I hate hearing it as much as the rest of you. I despise those guys who hate the President and corporate control of the nation and blame every problem on him. It's infuriating, it's frustrating, its overly ignorant and arrogant... and unfortunately it's true.
Before I begin this rant I feel compelled to profess I am no left-wing partisan hack. There are plenty of Republicans I support and would vote for. I appreciate Sam Brownback's traditional conservativism mixed with appropriate questioning and thoughtfullness for example. I love every the elder republican statesman John Warner does. I listen to Glenn Beck, watch Joe Scarborough, and even worked for an anti-michael moore documentary.
That being said, you republicans managed to pick, elect, and re-elect, the single worst candidate for president in the history of the United States of America. I told my liberal friends on Iraq, hope for the best -- there's a chance this could work out well (and rooted for it to happen) But, guess what wingnuts? It didn't. Iraq couldn't have gone worse and they have every right to stuff that down Republicans throats. It's annoying to hear the chanting "Na na na na's" when someone else is right but listen folks, you deserve to hear it so you don't make the same fucking mistake again.
The highlight of the Bush Presidency was 1 good speech and the time he choked on a goram pretzel!
And I'm not just talking about Iraq either... what has he succeeded at?
1. Bankruptcy liability legislation - ending a time-honored system by requiring those who apply for bankruptcy to still pay back most of their debts -- negating the meaning of bankruptcy.
2. Tort Reform - Do you even know what this means? I guarentee most of you are thinking of a delicious frosted desert.
3. Faulty restructuring of medicare - Pretty much the same thing that Hillary proposed when she was first lady - only more expensive (it should have gotten the same result today as it did then)
4. Getting Saddam Hussein - Now call me retarded, but one douchebags life is not worth the 3,000+ (and counting) American soldiers lives. Thats more than died in 9/11, the reason we supposedly did this.
5. Outing a CIA Agent
6. Reading a book about the History of Salt
-- and he managed to do all this and still had time see the largest attack on America in it's 231 year history AND one of our most prestigious cities sink into the ocean. That just screams Four More Years to me!
Okay now Im sure some of you are saying... Saddam was a genocidal madman-- it was worth it for the Iraqi people to get him out of there. (Funny way the Iraqis show gratitude eh?) Well I dont mean to be cavalier but I'm going to drop some numbers here:
Saddam Hussein was convicted for the killings of 50,000 Iraqis over his 24 year tenure. That works out to being somewhere around 2,083 Iraqis per year.
The statistical minimum of Iraqi civilians who have died as a result of the current war in Iraq, is reported to be approx. 56,468 over 4 years (not counting bathists or insurgents). That works out to being just over 14,000 Iraqi deaths per year or roughly 12,034 more deaths per year than when Saddam Hussein was in power.
Even if Saddam had killed all those Iraqis during the same amount of time as the Iraq War has progressed, he would have still come up 1,617 d/p/y less or about 6,468 people less total. So long as the war continues, the larger this disparity will become.
Keep in mind that was also the MINIMUM possible Iraq body count. (The max ranges between 62,000 and 100,000)
Also if you want to add US and Coalition troops to the death count, you wind up with 3,389 more people who would be alive today had it not been for this ill-advised war.
The point is you can not look at this and say that it was even a technical or statistical victory. Keep in mind he was also nearly 70 years old when he died... how much carnage can an AARP member honestly do? If we would have been more patient, father time would have finished the job for us.
13. Sci Fi Pictures Originals:
These are poorly produced vehicles for terrible actors and undeserving of the title "SCIENCE FICTION" It is movies like this that makes science fiction/fantasy films a lower tier than dramatic and historical pieces.
14. Mosquitos:
WHY DO THEY EXIST? THEY SUCK! (no pun intended)
15. Fungus:
I only trust organisms with B and Z strands of DNA.
16. Mycologists:
I can't trust a man whod devote his life to the study of Fungus
17. Gray Aliens:
Whats their problem anyways? Abducting people in the middle of the night, preforming all sorts of weird tests on them. How much can be learned from anal probing anyways? Something tells me they don't even sterilize their needles. Thats a good way of getting hepititis my zeta-reticulian friends!
18. People from the Future:
Quit coming back to my time just because yours is overrun with sentient robots. I don't care how loud and disruptive their parties are!
19. Clown Pornographers:
There's nothing on them on Hotjobs.com
20. Whoever cancelled Firefly:
Im sorry, I know I said this earlier... BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOUR GORAM PROBLEM!
21. Emo Kids:
See earlier post concerning "Emocaust"
22. CNN News:
It's been a week of Anna Nicole nonstop. I dont care who fucked the imbicile. If I did, I'd just whack off to one of her movies!
23. Fox News:
I dont care that youre a right wing news source. Good for you. Just quit passing yourself off as otherwise. Listen, if during a presidential race you ran a caption which read: "Kerry scaring the elderly?" you can't call yourself a legitimate newssource.
24. MSNBC:
Soooooo Britney shaved her head? SEE NUMBER 22! I don't care what that bald headed, Roast-Beef-Snootched, trailer trash princess does. All I care is that you're doing this just for rating when theres real news we haven't heard about--- like if the Runaway bride, Michael Jackson, and the Astronut all hoped into O.J. Simpson's white bronco to unearth Terry Shiavos zombie fucking corpse!
25. My friends:
We were supposed to see a movie tonight, but once again, I'm sitting in front of this g.d. computer. I don't get invited to anything barring non-planned cross-state trips to see friends who wont call me when theyre in town. Sure do love typing out these things