how life changes.
spent all morning cleaning up my hard drives. i am nowhere near finished b/c of distractions and dentist visits ending up without the dentist.
i have too much files. well maybe not as much as others, but i have more than the average. apparently, that's what multiple fandoms, fleeting (and non-fleeting) interests, and seven years of broadband internet did to me.
i look at the files one by one: resignation letters, excel games, blog css codes, lists of things to download, things to do, things i spent my money on, things i suddenly realize that i needed to write down before i forget them (and i eventually do,) thoughts, lyrics, quotes, birthday greetings, recordings of me singing, files i forgot i have stored, and loads of files i haven't even touched yet.
it's just seven years. it's relatively short, and at the same time, it felt like so much time has passed. i already forgot about so many things. i've stayed put and moved on. i saw people grow apart, grow older, reach their dreams, lose over and over again, make up and then change their minds, become strangers to each other, even destroy each other or destroy their selves.
i realize i saw people, including myself, change. i am not the same person i was five years ago. i'd like to believe i'm not, at least. the hurdle to reach happiness or even some form of contentment is unbelievably both higher and lower than it was before.
change is good. lesser settling for a temporary high, and no more desperately grasping at something that's only in the mind, something that's like dew evaporating at the first light of day. more passionate work.
i ended up deleting so much stuff right after i check them again for the last time. no regrets.
but i feel so left behind and it's been increasingly difficult to catch up.
i just hope i'm not too jaded beyond salvaging.
i have too much files. well maybe not as much as others, but i have more than the average. apparently, that's what multiple fandoms, fleeting (and non-fleeting) interests, and seven years of broadband internet did to me.
i look at the files one by one: resignation letters, excel games, blog css codes, lists of things to download, things to do, things i spent my money on, things i suddenly realize that i needed to write down before i forget them (and i eventually do,) thoughts, lyrics, quotes, birthday greetings, recordings of me singing, files i forgot i have stored, and loads of files i haven't even touched yet.
it's just seven years. it's relatively short, and at the same time, it felt like so much time has passed. i already forgot about so many things. i've stayed put and moved on. i saw people grow apart, grow older, reach their dreams, lose over and over again, make up and then change their minds, become strangers to each other, even destroy each other or destroy their selves.
i realize i saw people, including myself, change. i am not the same person i was five years ago. i'd like to believe i'm not, at least. the hurdle to reach happiness or even some form of contentment is unbelievably both higher and lower than it was before.
change is good. lesser settling for a temporary high, and no more desperately grasping at something that's only in the mind, something that's like dew evaporating at the first light of day. more passionate work.
i ended up deleting so much stuff right after i check them again for the last time. no regrets.
but i feel so left behind and it's been increasingly difficult to catch up.
i just hope i'm not too jaded beyond salvaging.