Let the games begin
Today is the last day of school. Last night, Q-11 asked me for advice concerning matters of lurrve. He wants to ask a girl for her phone number. And he has no idea what to do to get it, what to do if she says 'no' and most importantly, what to do if she says 'yes'.
"Mom, do we hang out then? Would we have, like, lunch together?"
I, of course, gave him stellar advice, because I am helpful.
Me: Say, 'your hair is shiny' and then just stare at her.
Q-11: Mom
Me: Make sure you flex your muscles as you talk to her. Like this.
Q-11: Mom
Me: If she says no tell her you'll be walking funny for a week. And then tell her you're drunk*
T-10 who has tagged along in this conversation: Those are all really horrible ideas. Don't listen to any of them.
That kid has no sense of parent humor. Anyway, I tried to do my best with suggestions and such but then he told me he was really looking for stories about things I'd done as a kid, obviously forgetting that my childhood is not a recipe anyone wants to follow.
Me: One time in Middle School a kid wrote in my yearbook that he liked me and gave me his phone number. I spent the whole summer wondering if I should call him and when I finally got the courage and did, it turns out the number was to the bank.
Q-11: What did you do?
Me: I laughed because I should have known better.
Q-11: I was hoping for a better ending.
Me: Then you need to talk to Daddy.
His class is walking to the park today so he plans to see if he can hang out with her group and he brought some tennis stuff and will ask her if she wants to play once they get there. I told him if she says no, he needs to quickly ask another friend and if that friend turns him down ask the group. I also told him that there's going to be a lot of giggling from her and her friends but that doesn't mean they're laughing at him, more that they're nervous and uncertain about how to handle the situation. Then he's going to ask her for her number and see if she wants his.
We talked about the merits of going the typical route - ignoring the other person and not saying a damn word and how, while this taking chances way is riskier, it's also better. I should have known something was up because for the past two weeks he's been watching Malcolm in the Middle, but only the episodes where Malcolm tries to ask out a girl and gets shot down.
Anyway, last day of school!
They get out early so I'm taking them to the zoo with my mom because she hasn't been in forever and I have a free ticket. My mom hit 60 a few years ago and is now looking/acting very old and frail. Smoochie Pie's older than me and I remember when he was my age he mentioned that his parents suddenly seemed incredibly old to him. Since they'd always seemed old to me, I didn't really notice any change. But now I get it. Her doctor told her she had to get her blood pressure under control or else she'd be put on medication and my mom's answer to that was to sign up at one of those weight loss places.
They made her do a 4 day cleanse which I think is utter nonsense and now have portioned out her diet with what and how much she can eat which I also disagree with. When I asked about exercise their answer is that once you start losing weight you naturally start doing more exercises. Right. With my mom it's not the weight so much as they physical ability that concerns me. When we were at the Grand Canyon she walked a mile, then caught the bus back to the van. It was very depressing.
So when I invited her to the zoo she said she didn't think she could do it. We'll do as much as she can handle, but damn. I also notice with her that her posture is incredibly hunched and she never fully straightens unless she's at work. Weird. Not a future I'm looking forward to seeing with myself.
*Netflix has a movie called Cyberbully that the kids watched a few times. It's very dramatic and gives you the feels, but I thought they could use another approach to issue so I made the older two watch Easy A. As Q-11 pointed out, the ingredients are essentially the same, but the main character's mindset and the approach to the problem (being a whore) is vastly different.
Anyway, there's one scene in the movie where Emma Stone agrees to have fake sex with her gay friend at a party so people will stop torturing him for being gay. As he leaves the room he announces "I'll be walking funny tomorrow" and everyone stops to stare so he yells "I'm drunk, bitches!" and the party starts back up.
Since everyone in this house is mentally 14-years-old we have all been shouting that line at inappropriate moments. What can you do, right? Just you wait, though, I'm totally going to ask my mom if she's going to be walking funny tomorrow because of the zoo workout and we'll have our own little in-joke-moment.
eta: what happened was the girl didn't show up for the last day of school Wha-waa
"Mom, do we hang out then? Would we have, like, lunch together?"
I, of course, gave him stellar advice, because I am helpful.
Me: Say, 'your hair is shiny' and then just stare at her.
Q-11: Mom
Me: Make sure you flex your muscles as you talk to her. Like this.
Q-11: Mom
Me: If she says no tell her you'll be walking funny for a week. And then tell her you're drunk*
T-10 who has tagged along in this conversation: Those are all really horrible ideas. Don't listen to any of them.
That kid has no sense of parent humor. Anyway, I tried to do my best with suggestions and such but then he told me he was really looking for stories about things I'd done as a kid, obviously forgetting that my childhood is not a recipe anyone wants to follow.
Me: One time in Middle School a kid wrote in my yearbook that he liked me and gave me his phone number. I spent the whole summer wondering if I should call him and when I finally got the courage and did, it turns out the number was to the bank.
Q-11: What did you do?
Me: I laughed because I should have known better.
Q-11: I was hoping for a better ending.
Me: Then you need to talk to Daddy.
His class is walking to the park today so he plans to see if he can hang out with her group and he brought some tennis stuff and will ask her if she wants to play once they get there. I told him if she says no, he needs to quickly ask another friend and if that friend turns him down ask the group. I also told him that there's going to be a lot of giggling from her and her friends but that doesn't mean they're laughing at him, more that they're nervous and uncertain about how to handle the situation. Then he's going to ask her for her number and see if she wants his.
We talked about the merits of going the typical route - ignoring the other person and not saying a damn word and how, while this taking chances way is riskier, it's also better. I should have known something was up because for the past two weeks he's been watching Malcolm in the Middle, but only the episodes where Malcolm tries to ask out a girl and gets shot down.
Anyway, last day of school!
They get out early so I'm taking them to the zoo with my mom because she hasn't been in forever and I have a free ticket. My mom hit 60 a few years ago and is now looking/acting very old and frail. Smoochie Pie's older than me and I remember when he was my age he mentioned that his parents suddenly seemed incredibly old to him. Since they'd always seemed old to me, I didn't really notice any change. But now I get it. Her doctor told her she had to get her blood pressure under control or else she'd be put on medication and my mom's answer to that was to sign up at one of those weight loss places.
They made her do a 4 day cleanse which I think is utter nonsense and now have portioned out her diet with what and how much she can eat which I also disagree with. When I asked about exercise their answer is that once you start losing weight you naturally start doing more exercises. Right. With my mom it's not the weight so much as they physical ability that concerns me. When we were at the Grand Canyon she walked a mile, then caught the bus back to the van. It was very depressing.
So when I invited her to the zoo she said she didn't think she could do it. We'll do as much as she can handle, but damn. I also notice with her that her posture is incredibly hunched and she never fully straightens unless she's at work. Weird. Not a future I'm looking forward to seeing with myself.
*Netflix has a movie called Cyberbully that the kids watched a few times. It's very dramatic and gives you the feels, but I thought they could use another approach to issue so I made the older two watch Easy A. As Q-11 pointed out, the ingredients are essentially the same, but the main character's mindset and the approach to the problem (being a whore) is vastly different.
Anyway, there's one scene in the movie where Emma Stone agrees to have fake sex with her gay friend at a party so people will stop torturing him for being gay. As he leaves the room he announces "I'll be walking funny tomorrow" and everyone stops to stare so he yells "I'm drunk, bitches!" and the party starts back up.
Since everyone in this house is mentally 14-years-old we have all been shouting that line at inappropriate moments. What can you do, right? Just you wait, though, I'm totally going to ask my mom if she's going to be walking funny tomorrow because of the zoo workout and we'll have our own little in-joke-moment.
eta: what happened was the girl didn't show up for the last day of school Wha-waa