RP LOG with 1twntyovreighty | Stepping up to the plate
[Follows THIS]
With Serena out on an elusive Taco Mission because Chris refused to eat one from the hospital cafeteria, Chris finally arrived in Rick's room. There was no fanfare of red carpets, he just went in and flopped down on the chair beside Rick's bed. He couldn't believe how tired he was. Bella was going to have to figure out pre-op prep while he was asleep because he felt like if he closed his eyes too long, he would go out to it for hours. He also wanted a long hot shower, a shave, and to maybe sit on the toilet with the comic section of the newspaper for a long time just for the fuck of it. All things he could maybe indulge in if he was at home, but facing the prospect of being a patient wasn't really giving him much for relaxation.
After a moment of thought, he shifted on the seat and put both his feet up on the side of Rick's bed so his heels were resting on Rick's thigh. Yeah, he was going to use his brother as a foot rest, and Rick was just going to have to deal with it. He folded his hands across his chest and let his head rest on the back of the chair. "Hey," he finally said once he was about as comfortable as he would manage.
Rick smirked at Chris as he watched in amusement while his brother got himself more than comfortable. It made a change from the last time Chris had been in this room. "Hey," he replied as he arched his eyebrow slightly. Rick wasn't sure if he would have been able to sleep without seeing Chris, but now his brother was here he managed to relax again. Even without knowing the deal with the kidney, Rick was just relieved to have him here. "So, ah, I'm gonna be a daddy. I know you know, but I still just have to say it. Again, and again, and again because it's still pretty friggen surreal."
Chris pointed with an overexaggerated wink. "Check. Got that memo, bro," he replied. He folded his hands back across his chest again and cleared his throat. Now his own mind had started to chill just a little and didn't feel like such a washing machine, he felt absolutely drained but at least less of a crazy, raving lunatic. He glanced over at the other bed in the room that had been empty since Rick got here because Chris had insisted on a private room. None had just come up yet. "Just for the record, dude, if you snore tonight, I'm taking you out with your own IV pole. And I know how to handle one of those puppies like you wouldn't believe."
Rick frowned slightly as he looked from the bed, back to Chris. "You're sleeping over?"
Chris nodded slowly. "Yeah," he confirmed and cleared his throat. "Only reason Bella probably hasn't caught up with me and started sticking things in me is because I sweet-talked Lisa into keeping her occupied for a bit. Just because I'm here, doesn't mean I have to like the pre-show goodies." When he met Rick's gaze again, he pressed his lips together in a sort of faint, wry smile.
Rick was still frowning and just like with Bella he felt like he had suddenly grown stupid. His jaw dropped when things finally made sense. "Shit... Seriously? You're really willing to do this for me?"
Chris looked down at his hands and then let out a heavy sigh. "I wasn't going to. I know that sounds... selfish, and it probably was, but it wasn't because of anything you had done. Not really. I did get confused though. Even thought I might have deep down been trying to punish you for everything you did to me, and couldn't stop thinking that if you stayed here on the donor register, at least you would still be here. That if you got a healthy kidney and got better, you would just... fuck off again." He paused for a few moments, swallowing to wet his throat when his words became hoarse. "But I was just scared. I couldn't think straight. Like, literally couldn't think straight. Whatever way I tried to reason everything out, I just hit bricks walls where my head wanted to drag up painful bits of my past... painful bits of my future. My mind was playing tricks on me, and again making with the lack of straight thinking. But I did come to some strange resolution when I was standing there at the lake back home. That I wanted everything we never had when we were kids... and I wanted that with Serena. I didn't want to get sick or die. Which is hard to hear, dude, I know because you are in that boat. That's why I didn't think I could face it. Only, then I got back and Serena told me about Bella and it changed everything. I still want everything with Serena, but shit, man. You're gonna be a dad. You should have the best chance to know your kid, and your kid should have the best chance at having the father we never had."
Rick nodded as tears pricked the backs of his eyes just when he was sure there hadn't been any tears left. Maybe he had sympathetic pregnancy on top of everything else? He really could have blamed Chris for saying no originally. He'd been bracing himself for it, been getting ready for it. He was sure it was just one favour too many. It was too much to ask of a brother that had already given him so much. Now he was relieved. He was hopefully going to get a chance to meet his kid, and to be the brother Chris needed. "I wasn't ever gonna go anywhere," Rick told him quietly. "At least not when I could control it. I don't want to leave you again. I don't. I want to see you get everything with Serena, I want to see you get happy. Be happy." The tears spilled over down his cheeks and he held his hand up. "Shit, I fucking hate this. I've never been such an emotional idiot before. I just don't know what to say... Thank you."
Chris gave a small wave of his fingers. "Don't thank me. There's still around fourteen hours til it all goes down, I might freak out and change my mind. I won't, but at least let me have that comfort zone. I've never had any operations or anything before. I keep feeling like I want to piss myself, or worse. I'm starting to feel glad all my patients in MT1 don't have any opportunity to think about it when we open them up. I probably would have dealt better if someone just grabbed me and took it out of me without me realising. Just... if anything happens, or goes wrong, I want you to promise me you'll be the father to that kid we never had, yeah? It might take a lot of getting your balls in your hand, but that's your flesh and blood. They'll want you in their life whether you think you can be around or not..."
Rick pressed his lips together as he gave a nod. "Yeah, of course. But if anything happens on this side... Just make sure they know they would have been loved and just watch out for them, okay? Please, Chris. I don't even know if I want them to be a boy, or girl. I'd be happy with either. I just really want the chance to set things straight. To be a good dad. I know I could be one. It's not going to be easy, and even Bella's admitted that she doesn't know what she's doing. It makes it feel easier. She told me about what you said to her... And she said that maybe she shouldn't be my doctor, but she did say she'd be there in the theatre. I can't do this without her, Chris. Just so you know."
Chris was quiet, and paled just a little. He hadn't given a whole lot of thought to what might happen if he gave Rick his kidney, and Rick still didn't survive. It seemed to catch right at some point between his gut and his heart, and if he spoke straight away, he would have just ended up crying again. "I was just trying to... I dunno, protect you. It was a shock when I heard. I didn't think it would do anyone any good if everything just kept being a secret all the time. If she was going to screw you over, I didn't want her being your doctor. I would have done it too, if she tried. But... she's gotta deal with this too. If you don't pull through, she'll be facing things on her own."
"I don't want anyone to face things on their own. I want to be around for a long time. Of course I do. I want to survive, I want to be here for her and for the baby. I still can't believe that I even conceived a kid. She wasn't going to screw me over. She was just scared. I can't really blame her for that even if I felt a little pissed you, Serena and even Dave knew before me." Rick reached down and rest his hand on top of Chris' leg and gave it a squeeze. "Power of positive thinking though, right? I feel like an old hand at this now. Nothing to it... You don't even remember getting knocked out."
"Dave knew? How did Dave know?" This was news to Chris, but he wasn't pissed off Dave knew. Relieved, if anything. He could get why Rick might be, but it was all obviously a factor of everyone just being on different pages with this whole thing. He scrunched his nose up. "So I've heard. I've also seen how badly a lot of people react when coming out of anesthetic, and how easy is it for--" He stopped abruptly and pressed his lips together. "Let's just say that it's not really a walk in the park knowing the ins and outs of the other side of the fence. Part of me wants Serena there too. Okay, all of me wants her there, but I don't think they'll just let random people in to watch. It's not exactly a routine surgery."
Rick held his other hand up, and shrugged. "He was her doctor. When she wasn't feeling well he was the one to take her blood to run the tests. At least, that's how I understand it. And you know what? Fuck it. If you want Serena there, we're gonna get Serena in there. She can go with Bella. I'm sure they're not going to be in there acting like a couple cheerleaders. They just want to be there for us. I don't see why they can't just come in. Plus can't Serena just claim it's something educational?"
"Oh... okay. That doesn't make any sense considering he is actually her patient, but I really don't have the brain power to analyse that right now." Chris scrunched his face up a little. "I dunno, maybe? As screwed up as it sounds, part of me even wants Proctor there because he knows his shit and I want the best. Call me a surgery snob. I do know the transplant team, though... for obvious reasons. Often if we lose our patients we have to consult with them. They know their stuff too, but that doesn't mean I one hundred percent trust them to rip an internal organ out of me. I just need her there when I wake up so I know I'm not dead."
Rick shook his head. "It's not worth wasting the brain power on it. Maybe you can ask your Proctor to do it. He can wear that duck hat, or pig beanie or whatever the hell it was. Do they even let you ask for your own doctor, or it's always up to the transplant team? And you really are a surgery snob, man. I'll just be happy if it's not the douche I had before. Even if it was my own stupidity for going for an experimental surgery. She'll be there, okay? We'll make sure of it."
Chris started to laugh, the trademark cheeky grin back, at least for the moment. "Pig beanie. I want to see that. They decide, but they're also in a position to do it quickly and as smoothly as they can, which is why they're the best choice. If anyone is going to do the best job, it's them. I'm just uptight and I turn into an asshole when I am. At least you lucked out with Bella the second time. I saw your wounds, you'll hardly have much of a scar from when she took the first one." He nodded and then glanced up at Rick again. "So a dad, huh? How do you really feel about that beyond all the shit going on?"
"I really don't, but good luck with the pig beanie. I would rather the doctor fiddling with my insides wasn't wearing animal head gear. It's really not my scene." Rick gave his brother's leg another reassuring squeeze as he settled back against his pillows. "I think you just need to chill. If they're good at their job then there's nothing to worry about, right? The rest is just gonna be out of our control. The famous Dr C is just gonna have to take a back seat on this way. I'm sure Serena will kick their ass if she needs to. Plus Bella's pregnant, so she'll probably get them wearing scrotum hats." Rick smiled a little as he nodded. "Yeah, a dad. It just feels surreal. But I guess maybe I really do want it more than I thought I did."
"Back seat... OR table... potayto, potahto," Chris joked with another smirk. He shook his head, remembering the run-in with Rick's doctor, and baby momma. "She put me in my place. Didn't mean I like it, but she did. At least you know now why she has been crying and throwing up all over the place. She called your kid bad chicken, dude. It's surreal, though. Your last glory lay before everything took a bad turn and you knock her up. Chances are too that she might have thought she couldn't have kids too, so that must have been some intense sex, dude." Chris just couldn't help that once his mind turned to sex, it turned to Serena and his own pre-op lay on the horizon... the one they had that morning. Another smirk appeared on his lips, but he soon had to shoot forward in the seat and readjust his t-shirt over his lap.
Rick smirked tiredly as he cleared his throat. "Well, it wasn't exactly walk in the park sex. It was pretty intense and amazing. Now I just hope like hell I'll be able to get it back up again because there should be some follow-up sex at some stage, right? In between working out what the hell we're doing and if we're even going to work as a couple and parents. Not that we're a couple yet... Just in the future. If she calls my kid bad chicken again, I'll be having words with her." Rick had to laugh at seeing Chris move and adjust his shirt. "Dude, just go find Serena. I don't need you trying to tug one off in here while I'm sleeping."
"She's getting me a taco with everything. Tugging one off in here might be the least of your worries," Chris warned michievously and then tried his best to look innocent, something he generally always failed at. "You'll be able to get it back up at some stage... you just... she said this could be it for babies. I asked her. I wasn't really sure because it wasn't a part of the whole cancer thing I quizzed Dave on. I mostly just interrogated him about the chemo stuff. I guess there isn't much chance for him either, so it's gotta be a huge thing for him and Aimee. Just shows how much we take shit for granted when we aren't thinking about it. I... a couple of months back, I had Serena take the morning after pill. I guess now I'm just hoping everything goes okay so I get a chance one day."
"Well, you never know. The record for last hurrah fucks is going to be something to live up to. You get in a pre-op lay with Serena, and you might find yourself a daddy too," Rick teased as he managed to keep his face straight. "None of us are ever ready when it's possible something went wrong. You and Serena wouldn't have been thinking about something like this when you had her take the pill. Maybe you need to talk to Dave about it to find out if they do want a family. And so maybe they know it's not completely impossible. I don't know... I just never thought this was something I'd be doing. If I can be a dad, surely a great guy like Dave can be."
Chris snorted and held a hand up. "No, I'm going to wear six condoms just to be safe, I think." He thought on it for a moment. "It's weird. College seems like it was so far away now. Everything was well cool in college. Not a care in the world. I couldn't believe it when I found out he had cancer, but then when he started telling me how sick he had been. I don't know how good his quota of little miracles is. He keeps saying he's just lucky to be alive. He had, like, close to two years on chemo. I think if he had any swimmers in there capable of doing the job, they've been fried by now. You saw how crap you felt on one dose. Imagine two years of that? I can't fathom it. How long was Bella ill?"
Rick sighed. "Yeah, no, I can't imagine it. I don't even want to get a second dose. I hate this shit. I still can't get it up, and I still feel like I've been dragged out the back of someone's fan, or hanging upside down from my copter's skids. I can't exactly judge him for never telling you about the cancer, but at least you can make sure he stays in remission. Bella was ill for a while. She had Leukaemia as a kid. She probably got told she couldn't have kids because she was still growing when she went through treatment."
"You won't get it up with a catheter, dude. Or, you might, but I can't say it's very comfortable. Don't worry. I'm gonna be right there alongside you tomorrow, and I will curse you into oblivion because of it. Just so you're forewarned. Serena is probably going to hang around as much as they will let her, and I guess Eva might drop by... I guess," Chris added again uncertainly and cleared his throat. "You might regret that it was my body part you got given I'll be such a pain in the ass. That's huge, bro. That would have to be a headfuck to think you can't, but then find out you are."
Rick scrunched his nose up. "Fuck no. You're the second person to mention erections and catheters. Serena's brother has a thing about getting hard so that it delays the insertion for a bit. I think he's still underestimating how strong the thought is that stops you from getting hard in the first place. Yeah, well, I'll take it. If you cursing me out is the least of my worries then I'll be a happy man. Don't worry about Serena being here. I want her here. I know she's important to you, and you got no idea how happy I am for you two. Seriously. I just want to strangle you both for being so disgustingly lovey. You haven't spoken to her yet? Dude..." Rick wasn't even going to try and imagine how Chris was feeling with things still being up in the air with Eva. "Tell me about it. At least it was only recent news for me."
Chris' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You spoke to Drew? When did you speak to him? What did he say?" That was something Serena hadn't mentioned, so he could only assume she didn't know either. It wasn't like the past couple of days were easy and Serena was distracted, but still. It made him a little nervous to think both their big brothers had been talking without them present. "We can't put one in when a dude has a boner. If it happens, we put ice packs around the base to bring it back down again, so getting a boner isn't exactly the best solution. Best to just let us do our job. In saying that, sometimes you can't help getting a boner. It just happens. Seriously, what the hell? You were talking about boners and catheters to Serena's big brother?" He shook his head in disbelief, not really able to do much more than just laugh at the fact. He soon stopped though and shook his head. "We've been avoiding each other. Delusion is easy."
Rick spread his hands with his palms facing his brother. "Hey, shit happens when two guys talk. At first he didn't really know it was me. It was some online chat thing. Occasionally I'm allowed contact with the outside world. I would be going stir crazy right now in the pre-digital age. Drew's an alright guy. I like him. His mind just tends to go odd places, but then I think mine does too. It was just good to talk to him. He actually offered to get tested even though it would be an outside shot."
Chris listened closely, still suspicious their older siblings might have spilled some deep dark secrets or something. Only until he realised Rick didn't actually know any of his deep dark secrets and suddenly found himself blurting out, "I had sex with one of my college professors, and I once nearly crapped my pants at a work Christmas party!" But then he bit down on his lip when saying those two things out loud made him relive the events that he really had wanted to forget. But still, if anything happened, Rick would have some big brother deep dark secrets under his belt. "You know, you and Drew are similar in age..." he added sheepishly as an afterthought.
Rick wasn't sure whether to laugh or not when Chris suddenly blurted out the random secrets, but eventually he just smiled. "Don't worry, I'll keep it under my hat. Secret's safe with me, bro. I'd tell you I had sex with my oncologist, but it's not so much a secret anymore. You know all my deep dark secrets. You've been on the end of most of them..." Rick tilted his head as he snorted in amusement. "What, so you wanna set us up?"
Chris pressed his lips together and became intent on picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of his t-shirt. It was basically impossible to save face easily after abruptly launching a couple of your most embarrassing secrets at your big brother. "No... I was just saying, maybe you could actually have a mate that isn't conning you into some scam or convincing you that you need cash for a new 'business' venture. Or a friend whose chick you aren't going to pinch his girlfriend off. You know, an actual mate, not a loser."
Rick nodded. "Yeah, you're right... And it would actually be nice. I think maybe that's what I miss. Same as when I got to chat to Dave. I know he's your best friend but it just reminded me what it's like to have someone to talk to about stuff. You're lucky with him. And really, considering the Warren genes, I think you're right about Drew. He'd make a pretty cool mate. I was talking to him about a guys' night... He can, ah, score some weed and you and Dave could join us."
"Dave's helped me more than I could ever help him in return. He was there for me when no one else was, so I'd do anything for him if he ever needed it. I guess that's why it hurts that he didn't tell me about the cancer, but I know why he did it. He did it because he knew I would want to go over there and I was right in the middle of my residency here at MT1. I would have lost that if I did go anywhere. I'm only where I am because I could prove I would literally do anything. It's just ironic what you sacrifice for that. It's only a sacrifice if you have it to start with, though." Chris hugged his arms back around himself. "You'll probably need to take a raincheck on that. It'll take a few weeks for both of us to get back on our feet."
Rick sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I know. I got that. He was a better brother to you than I was at the time. I'm just glad you did have a friend like him. He still had your interests at heart when he was trying to protect you. Even if you don't have to agree with how it went down. I'm proud of you, you know. I don't think I've ever said it. I am. I don't think you're like what Dad says. I know you don't just sit around writing scripts. You're... I'm in awe of you, bro." He pressed his lips together as he gave a nod. "Then it's a man date for a few weeks time."
Chris gave a small shake of his head. "No... he never wanted to take your place. He never even tried. He was my best mate, no strings. That's all." He looked down, averting the gaze when he heard Rick say he was proud of him. It really had been the first time he had heard it, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to take it. Chris had learnt to push the impression their father had of him way out of his mind and heart most of the time. He hadn't seen the bastard since the first year he started in MT1 and he was happy for it to stay that way. "Some days I do just wish I was sitting in a tidy little clinic writing scripts and smiling at patients. The days where my actual patients come in with half their faces blown off from gunshot wounds, or where a kid comes in and we have to cut off both his legs. All I wanted was for Dad or you to tell me you were proud of me... just once. I would have waited forever for that. Now I don't have to," he added with a small smile and glanced up to meet his brother's eyes.
"Aw, quit it," Rick murmured as he averted his own gaze and sniffed as the tears built up again. "You really will make my cry again... Even if it's true, and I'm just sorry it took me so long to tell you."
"I'm just sorry it had to take you getting cancer to help you see the light," Chris murmured honestly with a small sigh. "But they always say we should look for silver linings, right?"
Rick smiled tiredly. "Sure. Not to mention better late than never, and the postman always rings twice... Or something. Maybe this is my chance to just get it right."
"Maybe..." Chris replied, though he wasn't going to commit to anything. He couldn't. The years of disappointment in his heart wasn't just going to go away with a few weeks of promises from Rick. He had no way of knowing if they were only coming because Rick was ill and scared. Time would be the only thing that told them anything. Chris just hoped it was time they both had, and time Rick knew what to do with once he had it back.
Word Count | 4,749
With Serena out on an elusive Taco Mission because Chris refused to eat one from the hospital cafeteria, Chris finally arrived in Rick's room. There was no fanfare of red carpets, he just went in and flopped down on the chair beside Rick's bed. He couldn't believe how tired he was. Bella was going to have to figure out pre-op prep while he was asleep because he felt like if he closed his eyes too long, he would go out to it for hours. He also wanted a long hot shower, a shave, and to maybe sit on the toilet with the comic section of the newspaper for a long time just for the fuck of it. All things he could maybe indulge in if he was at home, but facing the prospect of being a patient wasn't really giving him much for relaxation.
After a moment of thought, he shifted on the seat and put both his feet up on the side of Rick's bed so his heels were resting on Rick's thigh. Yeah, he was going to use his brother as a foot rest, and Rick was just going to have to deal with it. He folded his hands across his chest and let his head rest on the back of the chair. "Hey," he finally said once he was about as comfortable as he would manage.
Rick smirked at Chris as he watched in amusement while his brother got himself more than comfortable. It made a change from the last time Chris had been in this room. "Hey," he replied as he arched his eyebrow slightly. Rick wasn't sure if he would have been able to sleep without seeing Chris, but now his brother was here he managed to relax again. Even without knowing the deal with the kidney, Rick was just relieved to have him here. "So, ah, I'm gonna be a daddy. I know you know, but I still just have to say it. Again, and again, and again because it's still pretty friggen surreal."
Chris pointed with an overexaggerated wink. "Check. Got that memo, bro," he replied. He folded his hands back across his chest again and cleared his throat. Now his own mind had started to chill just a little and didn't feel like such a washing machine, he felt absolutely drained but at least less of a crazy, raving lunatic. He glanced over at the other bed in the room that had been empty since Rick got here because Chris had insisted on a private room. None had just come up yet. "Just for the record, dude, if you snore tonight, I'm taking you out with your own IV pole. And I know how to handle one of those puppies like you wouldn't believe."
Rick frowned slightly as he looked from the bed, back to Chris. "You're sleeping over?"
Chris nodded slowly. "Yeah," he confirmed and cleared his throat. "Only reason Bella probably hasn't caught up with me and started sticking things in me is because I sweet-talked Lisa into keeping her occupied for a bit. Just because I'm here, doesn't mean I have to like the pre-show goodies." When he met Rick's gaze again, he pressed his lips together in a sort of faint, wry smile.
Rick was still frowning and just like with Bella he felt like he had suddenly grown stupid. His jaw dropped when things finally made sense. "Shit... Seriously? You're really willing to do this for me?"
Chris looked down at his hands and then let out a heavy sigh. "I wasn't going to. I know that sounds... selfish, and it probably was, but it wasn't because of anything you had done. Not really. I did get confused though. Even thought I might have deep down been trying to punish you for everything you did to me, and couldn't stop thinking that if you stayed here on the donor register, at least you would still be here. That if you got a healthy kidney and got better, you would just... fuck off again." He paused for a few moments, swallowing to wet his throat when his words became hoarse. "But I was just scared. I couldn't think straight. Like, literally couldn't think straight. Whatever way I tried to reason everything out, I just hit bricks walls where my head wanted to drag up painful bits of my past... painful bits of my future. My mind was playing tricks on me, and again making with the lack of straight thinking. But I did come to some strange resolution when I was standing there at the lake back home. That I wanted everything we never had when we were kids... and I wanted that with Serena. I didn't want to get sick or die. Which is hard to hear, dude, I know because you are in that boat. That's why I didn't think I could face it. Only, then I got back and Serena told me about Bella and it changed everything. I still want everything with Serena, but shit, man. You're gonna be a dad. You should have the best chance to know your kid, and your kid should have the best chance at having the father we never had."
Rick nodded as tears pricked the backs of his eyes just when he was sure there hadn't been any tears left. Maybe he had sympathetic pregnancy on top of everything else? He really could have blamed Chris for saying no originally. He'd been bracing himself for it, been getting ready for it. He was sure it was just one favour too many. It was too much to ask of a brother that had already given him so much. Now he was relieved. He was hopefully going to get a chance to meet his kid, and to be the brother Chris needed. "I wasn't ever gonna go anywhere," Rick told him quietly. "At least not when I could control it. I don't want to leave you again. I don't. I want to see you get everything with Serena, I want to see you get happy. Be happy." The tears spilled over down his cheeks and he held his hand up. "Shit, I fucking hate this. I've never been such an emotional idiot before. I just don't know what to say... Thank you."
Chris gave a small wave of his fingers. "Don't thank me. There's still around fourteen hours til it all goes down, I might freak out and change my mind. I won't, but at least let me have that comfort zone. I've never had any operations or anything before. I keep feeling like I want to piss myself, or worse. I'm starting to feel glad all my patients in MT1 don't have any opportunity to think about it when we open them up. I probably would have dealt better if someone just grabbed me and took it out of me without me realising. Just... if anything happens, or goes wrong, I want you to promise me you'll be the father to that kid we never had, yeah? It might take a lot of getting your balls in your hand, but that's your flesh and blood. They'll want you in their life whether you think you can be around or not..."
Rick pressed his lips together as he gave a nod. "Yeah, of course. But if anything happens on this side... Just make sure they know they would have been loved and just watch out for them, okay? Please, Chris. I don't even know if I want them to be a boy, or girl. I'd be happy with either. I just really want the chance to set things straight. To be a good dad. I know I could be one. It's not going to be easy, and even Bella's admitted that she doesn't know what she's doing. It makes it feel easier. She told me about what you said to her... And she said that maybe she shouldn't be my doctor, but she did say she'd be there in the theatre. I can't do this without her, Chris. Just so you know."
Chris was quiet, and paled just a little. He hadn't given a whole lot of thought to what might happen if he gave Rick his kidney, and Rick still didn't survive. It seemed to catch right at some point between his gut and his heart, and if he spoke straight away, he would have just ended up crying again. "I was just trying to... I dunno, protect you. It was a shock when I heard. I didn't think it would do anyone any good if everything just kept being a secret all the time. If she was going to screw you over, I didn't want her being your doctor. I would have done it too, if she tried. But... she's gotta deal with this too. If you don't pull through, she'll be facing things on her own."
"I don't want anyone to face things on their own. I want to be around for a long time. Of course I do. I want to survive, I want to be here for her and for the baby. I still can't believe that I even conceived a kid. She wasn't going to screw me over. She was just scared. I can't really blame her for that even if I felt a little pissed you, Serena and even Dave knew before me." Rick reached down and rest his hand on top of Chris' leg and gave it a squeeze. "Power of positive thinking though, right? I feel like an old hand at this now. Nothing to it... You don't even remember getting knocked out."
"Dave knew? How did Dave know?" This was news to Chris, but he wasn't pissed off Dave knew. Relieved, if anything. He could get why Rick might be, but it was all obviously a factor of everyone just being on different pages with this whole thing. He scrunched his nose up. "So I've heard. I've also seen how badly a lot of people react when coming out of anesthetic, and how easy is it for--" He stopped abruptly and pressed his lips together. "Let's just say that it's not really a walk in the park knowing the ins and outs of the other side of the fence. Part of me wants Serena there too. Okay, all of me wants her there, but I don't think they'll just let random people in to watch. It's not exactly a routine surgery."
Rick held his other hand up, and shrugged. "He was her doctor. When she wasn't feeling well he was the one to take her blood to run the tests. At least, that's how I understand it. And you know what? Fuck it. If you want Serena there, we're gonna get Serena in there. She can go with Bella. I'm sure they're not going to be in there acting like a couple cheerleaders. They just want to be there for us. I don't see why they can't just come in. Plus can't Serena just claim it's something educational?"
"Oh... okay. That doesn't make any sense considering he is actually her patient, but I really don't have the brain power to analyse that right now." Chris scrunched his face up a little. "I dunno, maybe? As screwed up as it sounds, part of me even wants Proctor there because he knows his shit and I want the best. Call me a surgery snob. I do know the transplant team, though... for obvious reasons. Often if we lose our patients we have to consult with them. They know their stuff too, but that doesn't mean I one hundred percent trust them to rip an internal organ out of me. I just need her there when I wake up so I know I'm not dead."
Rick shook his head. "It's not worth wasting the brain power on it. Maybe you can ask your Proctor to do it. He can wear that duck hat, or pig beanie or whatever the hell it was. Do they even let you ask for your own doctor, or it's always up to the transplant team? And you really are a surgery snob, man. I'll just be happy if it's not the douche I had before. Even if it was my own stupidity for going for an experimental surgery. She'll be there, okay? We'll make sure of it."
Chris started to laugh, the trademark cheeky grin back, at least for the moment. "Pig beanie. I want to see that. They decide, but they're also in a position to do it quickly and as smoothly as they can, which is why they're the best choice. If anyone is going to do the best job, it's them. I'm just uptight and I turn into an asshole when I am. At least you lucked out with Bella the second time. I saw your wounds, you'll hardly have much of a scar from when she took the first one." He nodded and then glanced up at Rick again. "So a dad, huh? How do you really feel about that beyond all the shit going on?"
"I really don't, but good luck with the pig beanie. I would rather the doctor fiddling with my insides wasn't wearing animal head gear. It's really not my scene." Rick gave his brother's leg another reassuring squeeze as he settled back against his pillows. "I think you just need to chill. If they're good at their job then there's nothing to worry about, right? The rest is just gonna be out of our control. The famous Dr C is just gonna have to take a back seat on this way. I'm sure Serena will kick their ass if she needs to. Plus Bella's pregnant, so she'll probably get them wearing scrotum hats." Rick smiled a little as he nodded. "Yeah, a dad. It just feels surreal. But I guess maybe I really do want it more than I thought I did."
"Back seat... OR table... potayto, potahto," Chris joked with another smirk. He shook his head, remembering the run-in with Rick's doctor, and baby momma. "She put me in my place. Didn't mean I like it, but she did. At least you know now why she has been crying and throwing up all over the place. She called your kid bad chicken, dude. It's surreal, though. Your last glory lay before everything took a bad turn and you knock her up. Chances are too that she might have thought she couldn't have kids too, so that must have been some intense sex, dude." Chris just couldn't help that once his mind turned to sex, it turned to Serena and his own pre-op lay on the horizon... the one they had that morning. Another smirk appeared on his lips, but he soon had to shoot forward in the seat and readjust his t-shirt over his lap.
Rick smirked tiredly as he cleared his throat. "Well, it wasn't exactly walk in the park sex. It was pretty intense and amazing. Now I just hope like hell I'll be able to get it back up again because there should be some follow-up sex at some stage, right? In between working out what the hell we're doing and if we're even going to work as a couple and parents. Not that we're a couple yet... Just in the future. If she calls my kid bad chicken again, I'll be having words with her." Rick had to laugh at seeing Chris move and adjust his shirt. "Dude, just go find Serena. I don't need you trying to tug one off in here while I'm sleeping."
"She's getting me a taco with everything. Tugging one off in here might be the least of your worries," Chris warned michievously and then tried his best to look innocent, something he generally always failed at. "You'll be able to get it back up at some stage... you just... she said this could be it for babies. I asked her. I wasn't really sure because it wasn't a part of the whole cancer thing I quizzed Dave on. I mostly just interrogated him about the chemo stuff. I guess there isn't much chance for him either, so it's gotta be a huge thing for him and Aimee. Just shows how much we take shit for granted when we aren't thinking about it. I... a couple of months back, I had Serena take the morning after pill. I guess now I'm just hoping everything goes okay so I get a chance one day."
"Well, you never know. The record for last hurrah fucks is going to be something to live up to. You get in a pre-op lay with Serena, and you might find yourself a daddy too," Rick teased as he managed to keep his face straight. "None of us are ever ready when it's possible something went wrong. You and Serena wouldn't have been thinking about something like this when you had her take the pill. Maybe you need to talk to Dave about it to find out if they do want a family. And so maybe they know it's not completely impossible. I don't know... I just never thought this was something I'd be doing. If I can be a dad, surely a great guy like Dave can be."
Chris snorted and held a hand up. "No, I'm going to wear six condoms just to be safe, I think." He thought on it for a moment. "It's weird. College seems like it was so far away now. Everything was well cool in college. Not a care in the world. I couldn't believe it when I found out he had cancer, but then when he started telling me how sick he had been. I don't know how good his quota of little miracles is. He keeps saying he's just lucky to be alive. He had, like, close to two years on chemo. I think if he had any swimmers in there capable of doing the job, they've been fried by now. You saw how crap you felt on one dose. Imagine two years of that? I can't fathom it. How long was Bella ill?"
Rick sighed. "Yeah, no, I can't imagine it. I don't even want to get a second dose. I hate this shit. I still can't get it up, and I still feel like I've been dragged out the back of someone's fan, or hanging upside down from my copter's skids. I can't exactly judge him for never telling you about the cancer, but at least you can make sure he stays in remission. Bella was ill for a while. She had Leukaemia as a kid. She probably got told she couldn't have kids because she was still growing when she went through treatment."
"You won't get it up with a catheter, dude. Or, you might, but I can't say it's very comfortable. Don't worry. I'm gonna be right there alongside you tomorrow, and I will curse you into oblivion because of it. Just so you're forewarned. Serena is probably going to hang around as much as they will let her, and I guess Eva might drop by... I guess," Chris added again uncertainly and cleared his throat. "You might regret that it was my body part you got given I'll be such a pain in the ass. That's huge, bro. That would have to be a headfuck to think you can't, but then find out you are."
Rick scrunched his nose up. "Fuck no. You're the second person to mention erections and catheters. Serena's brother has a thing about getting hard so that it delays the insertion for a bit. I think he's still underestimating how strong the thought is that stops you from getting hard in the first place. Yeah, well, I'll take it. If you cursing me out is the least of my worries then I'll be a happy man. Don't worry about Serena being here. I want her here. I know she's important to you, and you got no idea how happy I am for you two. Seriously. I just want to strangle you both for being so disgustingly lovey. You haven't spoken to her yet? Dude..." Rick wasn't even going to try and imagine how Chris was feeling with things still being up in the air with Eva. "Tell me about it. At least it was only recent news for me."
Chris' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You spoke to Drew? When did you speak to him? What did he say?" That was something Serena hadn't mentioned, so he could only assume she didn't know either. It wasn't like the past couple of days were easy and Serena was distracted, but still. It made him a little nervous to think both their big brothers had been talking without them present. "We can't put one in when a dude has a boner. If it happens, we put ice packs around the base to bring it back down again, so getting a boner isn't exactly the best solution. Best to just let us do our job. In saying that, sometimes you can't help getting a boner. It just happens. Seriously, what the hell? You were talking about boners and catheters to Serena's big brother?" He shook his head in disbelief, not really able to do much more than just laugh at the fact. He soon stopped though and shook his head. "We've been avoiding each other. Delusion is easy."
Rick spread his hands with his palms facing his brother. "Hey, shit happens when two guys talk. At first he didn't really know it was me. It was some online chat thing. Occasionally I'm allowed contact with the outside world. I would be going stir crazy right now in the pre-digital age. Drew's an alright guy. I like him. His mind just tends to go odd places, but then I think mine does too. It was just good to talk to him. He actually offered to get tested even though it would be an outside shot."
Chris listened closely, still suspicious their older siblings might have spilled some deep dark secrets or something. Only until he realised Rick didn't actually know any of his deep dark secrets and suddenly found himself blurting out, "I had sex with one of my college professors, and I once nearly crapped my pants at a work Christmas party!" But then he bit down on his lip when saying those two things out loud made him relive the events that he really had wanted to forget. But still, if anything happened, Rick would have some big brother deep dark secrets under his belt. "You know, you and Drew are similar in age..." he added sheepishly as an afterthought.
Rick wasn't sure whether to laugh or not when Chris suddenly blurted out the random secrets, but eventually he just smiled. "Don't worry, I'll keep it under my hat. Secret's safe with me, bro. I'd tell you I had sex with my oncologist, but it's not so much a secret anymore. You know all my deep dark secrets. You've been on the end of most of them..." Rick tilted his head as he snorted in amusement. "What, so you wanna set us up?"
Chris pressed his lips together and became intent on picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of his t-shirt. It was basically impossible to save face easily after abruptly launching a couple of your most embarrassing secrets at your big brother. "No... I was just saying, maybe you could actually have a mate that isn't conning you into some scam or convincing you that you need cash for a new 'business' venture. Or a friend whose chick you aren't going to pinch his girlfriend off. You know, an actual mate, not a loser."
Rick nodded. "Yeah, you're right... And it would actually be nice. I think maybe that's what I miss. Same as when I got to chat to Dave. I know he's your best friend but it just reminded me what it's like to have someone to talk to about stuff. You're lucky with him. And really, considering the Warren genes, I think you're right about Drew. He'd make a pretty cool mate. I was talking to him about a guys' night... He can, ah, score some weed and you and Dave could join us."
"Dave's helped me more than I could ever help him in return. He was there for me when no one else was, so I'd do anything for him if he ever needed it. I guess that's why it hurts that he didn't tell me about the cancer, but I know why he did it. He did it because he knew I would want to go over there and I was right in the middle of my residency here at MT1. I would have lost that if I did go anywhere. I'm only where I am because I could prove I would literally do anything. It's just ironic what you sacrifice for that. It's only a sacrifice if you have it to start with, though." Chris hugged his arms back around himself. "You'll probably need to take a raincheck on that. It'll take a few weeks for both of us to get back on our feet."
Rick sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I know. I got that. He was a better brother to you than I was at the time. I'm just glad you did have a friend like him. He still had your interests at heart when he was trying to protect you. Even if you don't have to agree with how it went down. I'm proud of you, you know. I don't think I've ever said it. I am. I don't think you're like what Dad says. I know you don't just sit around writing scripts. You're... I'm in awe of you, bro." He pressed his lips together as he gave a nod. "Then it's a man date for a few weeks time."
Chris gave a small shake of his head. "No... he never wanted to take your place. He never even tried. He was my best mate, no strings. That's all." He looked down, averting the gaze when he heard Rick say he was proud of him. It really had been the first time he had heard it, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to take it. Chris had learnt to push the impression their father had of him way out of his mind and heart most of the time. He hadn't seen the bastard since the first year he started in MT1 and he was happy for it to stay that way. "Some days I do just wish I was sitting in a tidy little clinic writing scripts and smiling at patients. The days where my actual patients come in with half their faces blown off from gunshot wounds, or where a kid comes in and we have to cut off both his legs. All I wanted was for Dad or you to tell me you were proud of me... just once. I would have waited forever for that. Now I don't have to," he added with a small smile and glanced up to meet his brother's eyes.
"Aw, quit it," Rick murmured as he averted his own gaze and sniffed as the tears built up again. "You really will make my cry again... Even if it's true, and I'm just sorry it took me so long to tell you."
"I'm just sorry it had to take you getting cancer to help you see the light," Chris murmured honestly with a small sigh. "But they always say we should look for silver linings, right?"
Rick smiled tiredly. "Sure. Not to mention better late than never, and the postman always rings twice... Or something. Maybe this is my chance to just get it right."
"Maybe..." Chris replied, though he wasn't going to commit to anything. He couldn't. The years of disappointment in his heart wasn't just going to go away with a few weeks of promises from Rick. He had no way of knowing if they were only coming because Rick was ill and scared. Time would be the only thing that told them anything. Chris just hoped it was time they both had, and time Rick knew what to do with once he had it back.
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