RP LOG with 1twntyovreighty | Slowly breaching the gap
[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
By the time Chris made it back up to the floor of his apartment, he was dragging his surfboard behind him and just glad he had taken the effort to shove it back into its case so it wouldn't get scratched. In the wake of Proctor sending home - again - all Chris had wanted was a surf, just like last time. And just like last time, the day was foggy and he could hardly see a stone's throw in front of him, let alone be able to catch sight of any waves. When he had gotten home, Rick had been passed out on the sofa, and Chris had been glad of the fact. He wasn't ready at that point for any interrogation, he had just wanted to get out into the ocean, but that idea got screwed over. He sat on the beach for a little while, trying not to let his mind turn back to work, and to Serena, and to Proctor. To Serena and Proctor at work. It was impossible, though. In the end, he just gave up and headed back home.
It was early evening now, just bordering on dusk, but still a lot earlier than Chris had indicated to his brother that he would be home. In fact, Chris' shift hadn't been due to end until eight that night. So much for that. He unlocked his apartment door and dragged his board inside, catching sight of Rick still on the sofa but awake now. He rested his board carefully against the wall and dumped his backpack next to it. "Hey, dude," he murmured and kicked out of his shoes.
"Hey, bro," Rick murmured in return as he reached up to rub at his hair. He didn't exactly have energy for much else other than sitting on the sofa. And thinking about calling, or texting Bella. He hadn't been sure what the follow up ettiquette was once you'd slept with your doctor so now he'd just cautioned on the side of silence and not contacted her. He hadn't breathed a word about their night together either, but now as he looked at his brother with his surfboard, he wondered if he should say something. He wanted to be able to talk about it, but he didn't want to get Bella into trouble.
His brow creased as he continued to stare at his brother. "You alright?"
Chris came over and flopped down in the arm chair next to the sofa. For a moment, he just looked up at the ceiling before he lifted his head and shrugged. "Dunno, really," he said honestly. He watched Rick quietly, finding himself in the last twenty four hours or so just looking at his brother, trying to memorise how he looked and how he sounded. It was stupid and irrational, more than premature, but his subconscious seemed to want to make with the forward planning because of Chris' fear he was going to lose Rick. It was weird, but everytime Rick had walked out of his life in the past, he had always known he would come back. This was just a whole other ball game, and Chris didn't know the tactics. "Proctor sent me home again, just... not in the same way, really. He told me I should take leave to think about my priorities. Which I probably could've swallowed easier if it hadn't come right after I told him about Serena and me. And you..." He waved his hand in Rick's direction. "You start chemo in two days." It didn't really have anything to do with what went down at work, but it was prominent in Chris' mind.
Rick bit his lip briefly as he watched his brother carefully to try and read his reactions. He was starting to realise there was so much about his brother he still didn't know. Sometimes it was hard to stomach when he thought about just how much of his life he had missed. Not just the parts he'd fucked up. "I feel like we should get drunk, or something. Go on some pre-chemo bucks night." He frowned a little deeper as he ran his tongue over his lips. "So your boss knows about you and Serena now? What does that mean? He really just sent you on leave because of it? That's just... I don't even get that. I thought you were going to wait a little while."
"Nice try. You'd have to kill me for me to let you anywhere near booze right now. It doesn't solve anything anyway. It just makes you as sick as all fuck and not remember important things." Chris folded his hands over his chest and was looking up at the ceiling again. He was tired again. These days, it seemed impossible to shake the heavy lethargy he was carrying around with him. "Besides, neither of us are getting married, and if you want to turn around and tell me you are, please spare me. I'm better kept in the dark right now. It wasn't because of that. I... put in for leave when I knew you were sick, only it was open-ended. I could take it whenever I needed it. Only, he's been the one to decide I need it... the time just felt right. I'm fucking tired. I can't keep it up anymore."
Rick shifted to face Chris more as he leaned forward a little. "Would you marry Serena? So get some rest. I'm not going anywhere. I promise I won't break out the booze while you're not looking. I'm sorry your boss sent you home, bro. Maybe he is just trying to look after you though."
"Not that sort of tired," Chris replied quietly. He had his fingers hooked in under his arms in some sort of secure self-hug. "Maybe I would marry her, yeah. I haven't really thought a lot about it. We've only been seeing each other for three months. It sounds like a long time to be keeping a secret, but it's not necessarily a long time in a relationship. Longer than a lot of my hook-ups, though. In fact, in about six weeks, it'll be my longest." He glanced back down at his brother, his cheek resting against his shoulder now that he had slumped further down in the chair. "Would you mind if she stayed over tonight?"
"What kind of tired? Can I help? What is it about her that would make you think you'd marry her? How do you know it's... I've never been in love, bro. You already got one up on me, and she's pretty amazing." Rick stretched his legs out and sunk back down when he realised that sitting up really was too much effort right then. "No, of course not. Why would I? You do what you gotta do. If that means having Serena here to keep you sane, I'm okay with that."
Chris rubbed his hands over his face roughly but slowly, pushing some circulation through his skin to give him a sense of sobering up a little. "I haven't spoken to her since it all went down. Last thing I said to her was that Proctor wanted to see her in his office, and then I just left. I wasn't in the best frame of mind. I just miss her... wanna spend a bit of time with her. I'll be here if you need anything, though, and no loud irritating sex. Promise," he added with a faint smirk. "Just tired like no matter how much I sleep, it won't go away. It's alright, it's been there for ages, now. At least it's not more insomnia. And I don't what it is. It just started like a funny feeling in my gut when I thought about her, but it just got stronger. Now I just wonder what it would be like to give the whole deal a shot. No secrets, no lies, just like every other normal couple. Kids haven't really been on the menu, despite a, uh, condom error."
Rick arched his eyebrow. "There was a condom error?" He smirked just a little bit as he watched his brother. "Hey, if you want loud sex, go for it. I'm not exactly gonna be engaging in any from now on, so I gotta start living vicariously through you. Might be a little payback time, huh? Make me suffer through what I'm missing. I can't blame you for not sticking around, but you really should call her. Get her over here. I'll make myself scarce, promise."
Chris took his phone out and held it up. "I'll just text her. She's a text freak," he added with an amused smirk and typed a quick message in to Serena for her to get when she had a spare minute. "It was a drunken condom error. Not really an error. We just got caught up in the moment. It was stupid, but I can't say I really regret it. She was on the pill, but when booze and hangovers are involved, you can never really trust that stuff. You don't need to listen to me having loud sex to know what you're going to be missing. And I'm sorry, dude, I am. But random sex and one night stands aren't all they cracked up to be. The real deal is way better. You won't really be missing out on anything."
Rick nodded slowly as he pressed his lips together. The urge to own up about Bella was starting to build again. "Says the guy who was enjoying the former for a long while. Don't think I don't know about the shoe thing. I think that when you find the real deal then of course all the casual sex and one night stands don't compare. There's nothing like that connection with someone. Just sometimes the connection isn't what you hope it would be... Or want it to be. Or they don't think it is."
Chris raised his eyebrows at his brother. "I'm trying to decide if I buy whether you've ever actually had that connection with anyone," he admitted honestly. Maybe it was the cancer talking these days, or the fear, but he couldn't deny he liked talking to Rick like this. It actually felt like they were brothers and the issue of money hadn't come up at all. "The shoe thing was easy for me in the past. It's impossible to go to med school, top your classes, score a residency with the best trauma unit in the country and actually have time for a relationship. I figured if I ever met the one, I would just know in my gut, and I just never did before. Closest I got to anyone was Eva, and we weren't meant to be anything more than close friends. If there is one thing chicks don't like to be told is that you're standing them up for work. It's all cool and heroic for them at the start, but it gets tired when I'm putting in forty eight hour shifts or calling off dates because my patient is projectile vomiting blood all over an OR."
"And Serena gets it, right? Because you're both MT1 superheroes and you still get to see each other..." Rick leaned forward as he started to get a restless feeling and reached up to rub his hand against the back of his neck. "It's alright, you ain't gotta buy it. It's bullshit. I haven't. I probably could have been close to Eva, but kinda shot that up the ass. Now there's... I feel like there could be someone but there's some complications and I don't really know. Because it could be projecting, too."
"Dude, now you're really starting to freak me out..." Chris joked, but his blue eyes did remain locked on his brother's face. He had a slightly nervous feeling in his gut now. He knew he had vaguely in passing told Serena he thought Rick was crushing on his doctor, and now with the projecting thing brought up in conversation. "Sooooo... it's not Eva, because yeah, you pretty much fucked that up with the whole not following her advice and dumping the obligation of telling a dude his brother has cancer thing on her. It's not Serena because if it was, I would tear your bowels out through your throat and shove them directly up your ass. Neatly, mind you. I'm a very good surgeon. It's not Aimee, because Dave would make with the bowel thing. Which only leaves one other female you have really been interacting with besides nurses and I haven't heard of any sexual harrasment cases of nurses by patients recently..."
Rick raised his eyebrows as he pointed at his brother. "Hey! I can be an asshole, but I would never push where it's not wanted. I know that no means no, and I know when a chick's not interested. All the nurses loved me, by the way. Except for that one bitch, but I wouldn't try anything with her. Not in a million years." He scratched at his chin, and glanced at Chris. "I need you to promise me this stays between us. You can't even tell Serena. I know you told me about her, but you seriously just cannot say a word... Please, bro."
Chris nearly got up and went over to smack his brother out of frustration. Instead, he just growled and rubbed a hand over his face. "Dude, I just stopped with the secret bullshit. Are you seriously asking me to keep something from her? Seriously?" He growled again, not happy about any of it at all. "She's your doctor! She could get struck off for this. Alright... alright... I'm assuming there was some reciprocation and it was her choice, but holy hell... you're her patient. You're her... oh my GOD. Tuck."
"I'm her Tuck?" Rick asked in confusion before he held his hands up in defence. "Okay, okay, don't keep it from her! But just... not anyone else, okay? And you didn't mean I'm Tuck, did you? You were talking about that dude that got stabbed, right? She offered. Kinda. There was a little kissing, and it was just the once. A last lay before the chemo started. It's been a while since I slept with anyone, and I know you think there were better people I could have slept with. I can't exactly argue. But she's Bella, and I do actually feel something for her."
Chris started to laugh in disbelief but it stopped as soon as it started. "Tuck. You know, our Charge Nurse? You don't know." He got up and went over to one of the drawers in his desk and pulled out a messy stack of photos. A quick flick through it and he found a picture of Tuck with him and Eva, bringing it over to Rick and handing it to him. "That's Tuck. Looks like he could be a scary dude, right? When messed with? Maybe break a few bones? Yeah. Meet Bella's ex. A last lay before chemo? Oh my god. Seriously? You hit her up because of that? There's more to life than sex!"
"I hit her up because I really like her!" Rick almost bellowed in response as he started to get frustrated that his brother wasn't getting it. Maybe he really did suck at the talking thing after all. He took the photo and looked down at it. "Holy shit, the nurse she was seeing. She mentioned him, just not by name. I didn't really put it together. You think he's going to get scary on me? Or are they getting back together? He still wants her?"
Chris pressed his lips together and didn't over react to Rick's yelling. Instead, he just gave him another even look. Rick was just going to have to deal with people expecting the worst when he spent his whole life actually riding that road. "And what if you are projecting, huh? She cares about you, she's saving your life, she's touching you personally, both psychologically and physically. You don't think it might just be projecting that makes more sense? You know how many patients think they're falling in love with their doctors?" He sighed. "No, not according to Tuck. They split because of a schedule thing, but they're still good friends. He will still tear the scalp off anyone who hurts her. I think, considering you're my brother and Tuck works directly on our team with both me and Eva, that he is going to maybe be clued on what you're like. He also probably knows about all the nurses in the hospital," he added with a pointed look.
Rick slumped back against the sofa as he raised his hands to cover his face. "The nurses don't know anything, so I'm hoping Tuck isn't gonna be hearing about this. Bella's set on this being projecting. She doesn't think it means anything. She was just helping me out. But I don't know. I don't know if it is just projecting, but maybe it is, and if it is, then there's nothing to worry about is there? I'm just another patient deluded into thinking I feel something real for her. Big deal, right? Still doesn't mean I want people hearing about it."
"Dude, why would she? I don't mean that to sound as harsh as it comes out, but you don't know each other. You think I'm going to spread it all around? I like to think my colleagues would have my back and I have hers. She's helping you, she's saving your life. Of course I'm not going to judge. I can't. I've been there. I've dated a patient in the past when she wasn't a patient and the guilt ate me alive over it. Turns out, she was projecting, though. It would be easier for her if you are projecting, that's all..." Chris explained, watching his brother with a small, concerned frown. Even without trying, Rick got himself caught up in messes.
Rick just waved a hand lethargically in dismissal. He got it. He did. He just didn't need his brother reminding him. After a moment he dragged himself up and moved to where a plain paper bag was sitting on the other arm chair. He handed it to his brother. "I know it's time yet, but... Happy birthday, bro. I was never good at the wrapping. Or cards. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how good of a guy you are. How good of a brother." He offered Chris a crooked smile before he dropped back down onto the sofa. In the brown paper bag was a framed photograph of the two of them as kids. One Rick had kept with him for years. It was the only photo where it didn't look like the two of them had been in a massive brawl, or like they were about to start one.
Chris gave a small sigh when he was cut off from the topic of conversation, but he took a hint. That didn't mean he wasn't going to speak to Bella about it, he just had no intentions of telling Rick that he was going to do it. He watched as Rick moved, noting again that he really didn't look well. Everything was evidently starting to take its toll. He took the bag in surprise, glancing up at Rick and blinking, hoping there wasn't something like a scorpion in it that bit his finger like when they were around twelve years old. Chris hated anything that bit ever since then. But he did note there was no wicked glean in Rick's eyes this time, just... something else, something nice, around the tiredness. Chris reached into the bag and pulled the frame out to hold it up and look at it. It was years ago, almost like it didn't even seem like them. They were both blond, and if Chris remembered rightly, it was at their grandma's place in Virginia. "I remember this," he said in awe. He looked up at Rick. "Where did you get this?"
Rick smirked a little. "Stole it. Not like Dad ever kept tabs on where all the family photos were kept. And Mom just... well, she'd probably die of regrets if she ever bothered to look back through them. I've kept it for a long time. Figured it was something you should have now. I don't want everything about us to be a bad memory, Chris."
Chris nodded a little with a laugh. He wasn't surprised at the means Rick acquired the photo, just more disbeliving Rick would even want it in the first place. "Ironic, considering Dad pawned the camera anyway..." he mumbled, scrunching his nose up a little. He held the frame up. "You don't want it? It's not all bad, you know. It's just... disappointing. I know I kept belting on about it like a broken record, but the prom thing had nothing to do with Bonnie, you know. It was just the point in time I finally gave up hoping we could just have a normal brother-type relationship. I stuck out on the hope for seventeen years. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. It's just the truth, that's all."
"I know it's the truth, and it's... It's just sad. I don't want you to have to spend the rest of your life feeling like that. And I don't wanna be Dad. I don't want you to think it's easier to just cut me out than to deal with me. I just want to try and make up some ground, Chris." Rick gave his brother a tight smile before he leaned forward to squeeze his knee. "I got a copy of it before I framed it, so I'll still have it. But you got the original."
Chris listened, and for once, he didn't just down Rick's throat defensively at his comments. He sat quietly for a moment after glancing at Rick's hand on his knee, and came to hug the frame to his chest. "Are you scared?" he finally asked quietly. "A-Are you gonna be okay? Like, I know I've just forced my way in here and not giving you much choice about the whole taking care of thing, and you probably feel like I've backed you into a corner, but I don't want you to think you're on your own with this. I can't know what it's like to have cancer, but I can try to get it somehow. I can help. I also know you have no choice with reactions and side effects and shit, but how are you going to feel in general if you have to spend days on end being sick or lying there in pain?"
"Of course I am," Rick breathed out as he huffed a laugh. "How can I not be sitting here pissing myself? I'm terrified. I don't know how I'll react, I don't know it's actually going to help. I just know this is what I need to do, so I'm gonna do it. I'll feel like shit, and I still feel bad that you're getting lumped with this, but in a way... I'm relieved. Because right now I just need my brother."
Chris bit down on his lip to fight off the emotional wave again. He nodded and waved his fingers a little. "Well, look at it this way. Apparently the puke test is the ultimate relationship test. At least, according to Serena and Wayne's World. Not saying it's any fun or anything, but... you get sick with the chemo, chances are, you're gonna puke in front of Bella," he said with a smirk. "She sticks around, rules say it's the real deal."
Rick snorted. "She sticks around, rules say it's because she's my doctor. Thanks for trying though."
"I dunno. Depends how much overtime she puts in on you. You're an outpatient for the chemo. You came back to my tender loving care, tomorrow. I wonder if she does house calls," Chris responded, still smirking cheekily.
Rick flipped Chris off. "Love you too, bro. Seriously. Just remind me to remind Serena about how important condoms are, and it's not just the responsibility of the guy."
Chris picked up the remote control and launched it at his brother with a snort. "I'm supposed to believe you're a pin-up boy for Trojan? You've seen Serena. Can you blame me for my drunken brain just wanting to do her without stopping to get a rubber? I'm not proud of it, but fuck, I know it was an awesome night," he said mischievously.
Rick started to laugh as he looked at his brother. "I'm not saying a fucking word about my opinion about your girlfriend. I don't need my bowels ripped out like you said. So right now, yes, I am the pin-up boy for Trojan. But you know, you stick it out with her long enough and you might get a sober night without the rubber."
"You're right. Sounds like your bowels are going to need all the help they can get. Remind me to get some extra toilet roll and air freshener," Chris joked with an amused point at his brother. "Yeah, maybe. What is the ettiquette there, anyway? Never really got to a point with a chick that I would hit her up to go without. I was too busy making sure I always had rubbers so I didn't get trapped."
Rick held up his hand. "Don't ask me, man. Think I'm anymore clued in than you? All I can think is that once you know you're not gonna sleep with anyone else, you've probably got more of a chance of going without. She's still on the pill, so it's not like you're completely without protection."
"Some chicks don't like it. They don't like the whole messy feeling and all that," Chris pointed out, though he didn't think Serena would be one of those. In fact, she had no problem with him coming in her mouth, so maybe there was some other sorts of chats to be had. "It's kinda a big thing. Doesn't seem it, but it is. It's a trust thing. It's weird, I've never felt like this about a girl. I don't want to fuck it up, even if we have, on occasion, bitched each other out. And we've faced all those relationship tests, too, and fuck dude, do you realise how many of them there are? It's like jumping through hoops and getting gold stars at the end."
"Still, the hoops are worth it, right? It's actually nice hearing you talk this way about a girl. She really seems to be special to you, bro. I can't fault her for that. I'm just glad she makes you this happy. I'm also the slightest bit jealous, but we'll keep that between us," Rick replied with a soft smirk. "I don't think you'll ever have an issue of trust with Serena. Secret relationships aside. She's also a doctor, so messy feelings should be fine with her. Not that I'm encouraging you... much."
Chris nodded and played absentmindedly with the back of the photo frame. "She does make me happy. It's been hard keeping it a secret. At first, it was fun. Kind of thrilling in that uncertain way, but then there were times I needed her, and she just couldn't be there. It got harder and harder. There was one time, too, I got sick. I had the flu, and I was at her place when it hit the worst. Then Eva called me up to check on me, and I had to get in a cab to go home feeling like a piece of shit just so Eva wouldn't get suspicious. Some parts of it have just plain sucked. Having her ex show up and tell her he still loved her sucked, too. As a patient. I wanted to wring the dude's neck."
Rick's eyebrows went up. "Did you at least slip something into his IV line?"
"Come on, I was so pissed off and I also wasn't going to risk my licence for the dude. Then her bro shows up and I'm starting to wonder if Miami has suddenly been invaded by her exes because they were all looking cosy in a bay together. A lot like you and Eva were that day. I can't profess to be thinking ultra-rationally at the moment. It's like, light a match under my ass, and I'm gonna bite your head off for it. I'm like a pregnant chick, or one with bad PMS," Chris snorted wryly.
Rick looked at his brother in amusement. "You really are in love. You don't want it secret so people know that she's yours."
Chris rested his head back against the seat and gave it a slight shake. "No, it's not even that. It's weird, I liked it being a secret for awhile there. What we had was just ours and there was no one looking, judging, pointing fingers, gossiping. Of course, that's all going to change now. When you find a chick who really is everything for you, you don't want any other dudes sticking their noses in and trying to stake claim. In fact, you want them to go fuck themselves off a cliff."
Rick shrugged. "Then it's just you being a pregnant weirdo. Sure you not wearing a condom didn't result in a reverse pregnancy? Do your nipples feel tender? Any noticeable swelling around your stomach?"
Chris shifted the photo frame and pulled his shirt up to analyse his gut, which was expectedly flat and toned from all the sporty things he got involved in. Not to mention running around at work. "Dunno, dude. The swelling tends to be more localised below the belt when Serena's around," he threw back, laughing.
Rick covered his ears as he started to hum loudly. "Too much info, baby brother. I really don't need to know about that sort of swelling. Don't need to witness it, either. Especially when she's not even here yet."
"Hey! No, no!" Chris protested and grabbed a cushion to put it over his lap anyway. "I'm seriously not in any sort of mood. You get passively aggressively kicked out of your boss' office, and it tends to be a bit of a buzzkill. And seriously, you were the one who was just telling me to have noisy sex. Make up your mind, bro."
Rick pointed at him. "You so were! Your body doesn't pay attention when it's thinking about her. And it's one thing listening, it's another entirely weird thing to witness it all. Buzzkill, schmuzzkill, Chrissy. Your dick knows exactly who it wants."
"I wasn't really! It was just the fabric on my pants! You have Deleo blood, you know what it's like! You would know if I had a boner, there would be no missing it," Chris protested with a burst of arrogance, waving his hand for emphasis. "And I don't have loud sex! I don't think."
"You have Deleo blood, you know what it's like," Rick returned with a smug smirk. "We never keep it quiet, bro. Never."
Chris pointed accusingly, but he was grinning deviously. "Are you telling me you weren't following doctor's orders and taking it easy when you fucked your oncologist?" Then the penny dropped and his mouth formed a little o shape when he pointed picked up with emphasis. "The day Dave came, and you looked wrecked. You did her when I was on-call! You both freaking planned this! I feel so deceived!" he cried, even if he was teasing.
Rick sniggered before gesturing like he was sealing his lips. "Gentlemen don't fuck and tell, little brother. That's between me, Bella, and her sheets. Doesn't need to be fast and the furious to be loud sex."
"You went to her place?" Chris rubbed roughly at his forehead with his fingertips and then gave his hand a wave. "I don't wanna know. I don't. All I'm going to say is that some things will never change and completely leave it at that. Oh, and if you decide to get all..." he made a crude gesture with his hand, "over memories of between her sheets, make sure you use Kleenex and wash your hands. Doctor's orders," he added with a smirk.
Word Count | 5,396
By the time Chris made it back up to the floor of his apartment, he was dragging his surfboard behind him and just glad he had taken the effort to shove it back into its case so it wouldn't get scratched. In the wake of Proctor sending home - again - all Chris had wanted was a surf, just like last time. And just like last time, the day was foggy and he could hardly see a stone's throw in front of him, let alone be able to catch sight of any waves. When he had gotten home, Rick had been passed out on the sofa, and Chris had been glad of the fact. He wasn't ready at that point for any interrogation, he had just wanted to get out into the ocean, but that idea got screwed over. He sat on the beach for a little while, trying not to let his mind turn back to work, and to Serena, and to Proctor. To Serena and Proctor at work. It was impossible, though. In the end, he just gave up and headed back home.
It was early evening now, just bordering on dusk, but still a lot earlier than Chris had indicated to his brother that he would be home. In fact, Chris' shift hadn't been due to end until eight that night. So much for that. He unlocked his apartment door and dragged his board inside, catching sight of Rick still on the sofa but awake now. He rested his board carefully against the wall and dumped his backpack next to it. "Hey, dude," he murmured and kicked out of his shoes.
"Hey, bro," Rick murmured in return as he reached up to rub at his hair. He didn't exactly have energy for much else other than sitting on the sofa. And thinking about calling, or texting Bella. He hadn't been sure what the follow up ettiquette was once you'd slept with your doctor so now he'd just cautioned on the side of silence and not contacted her. He hadn't breathed a word about their night together either, but now as he looked at his brother with his surfboard, he wondered if he should say something. He wanted to be able to talk about it, but he didn't want to get Bella into trouble.
His brow creased as he continued to stare at his brother. "You alright?"
Chris came over and flopped down in the arm chair next to the sofa. For a moment, he just looked up at the ceiling before he lifted his head and shrugged. "Dunno, really," he said honestly. He watched Rick quietly, finding himself in the last twenty four hours or so just looking at his brother, trying to memorise how he looked and how he sounded. It was stupid and irrational, more than premature, but his subconscious seemed to want to make with the forward planning because of Chris' fear he was going to lose Rick. It was weird, but everytime Rick had walked out of his life in the past, he had always known he would come back. This was just a whole other ball game, and Chris didn't know the tactics. "Proctor sent me home again, just... not in the same way, really. He told me I should take leave to think about my priorities. Which I probably could've swallowed easier if it hadn't come right after I told him about Serena and me. And you..." He waved his hand in Rick's direction. "You start chemo in two days." It didn't really have anything to do with what went down at work, but it was prominent in Chris' mind.
Rick bit his lip briefly as he watched his brother carefully to try and read his reactions. He was starting to realise there was so much about his brother he still didn't know. Sometimes it was hard to stomach when he thought about just how much of his life he had missed. Not just the parts he'd fucked up. "I feel like we should get drunk, or something. Go on some pre-chemo bucks night." He frowned a little deeper as he ran his tongue over his lips. "So your boss knows about you and Serena now? What does that mean? He really just sent you on leave because of it? That's just... I don't even get that. I thought you were going to wait a little while."
"Nice try. You'd have to kill me for me to let you anywhere near booze right now. It doesn't solve anything anyway. It just makes you as sick as all fuck and not remember important things." Chris folded his hands over his chest and was looking up at the ceiling again. He was tired again. These days, it seemed impossible to shake the heavy lethargy he was carrying around with him. "Besides, neither of us are getting married, and if you want to turn around and tell me you are, please spare me. I'm better kept in the dark right now. It wasn't because of that. I... put in for leave when I knew you were sick, only it was open-ended. I could take it whenever I needed it. Only, he's been the one to decide I need it... the time just felt right. I'm fucking tired. I can't keep it up anymore."
Rick shifted to face Chris more as he leaned forward a little. "Would you marry Serena? So get some rest. I'm not going anywhere. I promise I won't break out the booze while you're not looking. I'm sorry your boss sent you home, bro. Maybe he is just trying to look after you though."
"Not that sort of tired," Chris replied quietly. He had his fingers hooked in under his arms in some sort of secure self-hug. "Maybe I would marry her, yeah. I haven't really thought a lot about it. We've only been seeing each other for three months. It sounds like a long time to be keeping a secret, but it's not necessarily a long time in a relationship. Longer than a lot of my hook-ups, though. In fact, in about six weeks, it'll be my longest." He glanced back down at his brother, his cheek resting against his shoulder now that he had slumped further down in the chair. "Would you mind if she stayed over tonight?"
"What kind of tired? Can I help? What is it about her that would make you think you'd marry her? How do you know it's... I've never been in love, bro. You already got one up on me, and she's pretty amazing." Rick stretched his legs out and sunk back down when he realised that sitting up really was too much effort right then. "No, of course not. Why would I? You do what you gotta do. If that means having Serena here to keep you sane, I'm okay with that."
Chris rubbed his hands over his face roughly but slowly, pushing some circulation through his skin to give him a sense of sobering up a little. "I haven't spoken to her since it all went down. Last thing I said to her was that Proctor wanted to see her in his office, and then I just left. I wasn't in the best frame of mind. I just miss her... wanna spend a bit of time with her. I'll be here if you need anything, though, and no loud irritating sex. Promise," he added with a faint smirk. "Just tired like no matter how much I sleep, it won't go away. It's alright, it's been there for ages, now. At least it's not more insomnia. And I don't what it is. It just started like a funny feeling in my gut when I thought about her, but it just got stronger. Now I just wonder what it would be like to give the whole deal a shot. No secrets, no lies, just like every other normal couple. Kids haven't really been on the menu, despite a, uh, condom error."
Rick arched his eyebrow. "There was a condom error?" He smirked just a little bit as he watched his brother. "Hey, if you want loud sex, go for it. I'm not exactly gonna be engaging in any from now on, so I gotta start living vicariously through you. Might be a little payback time, huh? Make me suffer through what I'm missing. I can't blame you for not sticking around, but you really should call her. Get her over here. I'll make myself scarce, promise."
Chris took his phone out and held it up. "I'll just text her. She's a text freak," he added with an amused smirk and typed a quick message in to Serena for her to get when she had a spare minute. "It was a drunken condom error. Not really an error. We just got caught up in the moment. It was stupid, but I can't say I really regret it. She was on the pill, but when booze and hangovers are involved, you can never really trust that stuff. You don't need to listen to me having loud sex to know what you're going to be missing. And I'm sorry, dude, I am. But random sex and one night stands aren't all they cracked up to be. The real deal is way better. You won't really be missing out on anything."
Rick nodded slowly as he pressed his lips together. The urge to own up about Bella was starting to build again. "Says the guy who was enjoying the former for a long while. Don't think I don't know about the shoe thing. I think that when you find the real deal then of course all the casual sex and one night stands don't compare. There's nothing like that connection with someone. Just sometimes the connection isn't what you hope it would be... Or want it to be. Or they don't think it is."
Chris raised his eyebrows at his brother. "I'm trying to decide if I buy whether you've ever actually had that connection with anyone," he admitted honestly. Maybe it was the cancer talking these days, or the fear, but he couldn't deny he liked talking to Rick like this. It actually felt like they were brothers and the issue of money hadn't come up at all. "The shoe thing was easy for me in the past. It's impossible to go to med school, top your classes, score a residency with the best trauma unit in the country and actually have time for a relationship. I figured if I ever met the one, I would just know in my gut, and I just never did before. Closest I got to anyone was Eva, and we weren't meant to be anything more than close friends. If there is one thing chicks don't like to be told is that you're standing them up for work. It's all cool and heroic for them at the start, but it gets tired when I'm putting in forty eight hour shifts or calling off dates because my patient is projectile vomiting blood all over an OR."
"And Serena gets it, right? Because you're both MT1 superheroes and you still get to see each other..." Rick leaned forward as he started to get a restless feeling and reached up to rub his hand against the back of his neck. "It's alright, you ain't gotta buy it. It's bullshit. I haven't. I probably could have been close to Eva, but kinda shot that up the ass. Now there's... I feel like there could be someone but there's some complications and I don't really know. Because it could be projecting, too."
"Dude, now you're really starting to freak me out..." Chris joked, but his blue eyes did remain locked on his brother's face. He had a slightly nervous feeling in his gut now. He knew he had vaguely in passing told Serena he thought Rick was crushing on his doctor, and now with the projecting thing brought up in conversation. "Sooooo... it's not Eva, because yeah, you pretty much fucked that up with the whole not following her advice and dumping the obligation of telling a dude his brother has cancer thing on her. It's not Serena because if it was, I would tear your bowels out through your throat and shove them directly up your ass. Neatly, mind you. I'm a very good surgeon. It's not Aimee, because Dave would make with the bowel thing. Which only leaves one other female you have really been interacting with besides nurses and I haven't heard of any sexual harrasment cases of nurses by patients recently..."
Rick raised his eyebrows as he pointed at his brother. "Hey! I can be an asshole, but I would never push where it's not wanted. I know that no means no, and I know when a chick's not interested. All the nurses loved me, by the way. Except for that one bitch, but I wouldn't try anything with her. Not in a million years." He scratched at his chin, and glanced at Chris. "I need you to promise me this stays between us. You can't even tell Serena. I know you told me about her, but you seriously just cannot say a word... Please, bro."
Chris nearly got up and went over to smack his brother out of frustration. Instead, he just growled and rubbed a hand over his face. "Dude, I just stopped with the secret bullshit. Are you seriously asking me to keep something from her? Seriously?" He growled again, not happy about any of it at all. "She's your doctor! She could get struck off for this. Alright... alright... I'm assuming there was some reciprocation and it was her choice, but holy hell... you're her patient. You're her... oh my GOD. Tuck."
"I'm her Tuck?" Rick asked in confusion before he held his hands up in defence. "Okay, okay, don't keep it from her! But just... not anyone else, okay? And you didn't mean I'm Tuck, did you? You were talking about that dude that got stabbed, right? She offered. Kinda. There was a little kissing, and it was just the once. A last lay before the chemo started. It's been a while since I slept with anyone, and I know you think there were better people I could have slept with. I can't exactly argue. But she's Bella, and I do actually feel something for her."
Chris started to laugh in disbelief but it stopped as soon as it started. "Tuck. You know, our Charge Nurse? You don't know." He got up and went over to one of the drawers in his desk and pulled out a messy stack of photos. A quick flick through it and he found a picture of Tuck with him and Eva, bringing it over to Rick and handing it to him. "That's Tuck. Looks like he could be a scary dude, right? When messed with? Maybe break a few bones? Yeah. Meet Bella's ex. A last lay before chemo? Oh my god. Seriously? You hit her up because of that? There's more to life than sex!"
"I hit her up because I really like her!" Rick almost bellowed in response as he started to get frustrated that his brother wasn't getting it. Maybe he really did suck at the talking thing after all. He took the photo and looked down at it. "Holy shit, the nurse she was seeing. She mentioned him, just not by name. I didn't really put it together. You think he's going to get scary on me? Or are they getting back together? He still wants her?"
Chris pressed his lips together and didn't over react to Rick's yelling. Instead, he just gave him another even look. Rick was just going to have to deal with people expecting the worst when he spent his whole life actually riding that road. "And what if you are projecting, huh? She cares about you, she's saving your life, she's touching you personally, both psychologically and physically. You don't think it might just be projecting that makes more sense? You know how many patients think they're falling in love with their doctors?" He sighed. "No, not according to Tuck. They split because of a schedule thing, but they're still good friends. He will still tear the scalp off anyone who hurts her. I think, considering you're my brother and Tuck works directly on our team with both me and Eva, that he is going to maybe be clued on what you're like. He also probably knows about all the nurses in the hospital," he added with a pointed look.
Rick slumped back against the sofa as he raised his hands to cover his face. "The nurses don't know anything, so I'm hoping Tuck isn't gonna be hearing about this. Bella's set on this being projecting. She doesn't think it means anything. She was just helping me out. But I don't know. I don't know if it is just projecting, but maybe it is, and if it is, then there's nothing to worry about is there? I'm just another patient deluded into thinking I feel something real for her. Big deal, right? Still doesn't mean I want people hearing about it."
"Dude, why would she? I don't mean that to sound as harsh as it comes out, but you don't know each other. You think I'm going to spread it all around? I like to think my colleagues would have my back and I have hers. She's helping you, she's saving your life. Of course I'm not going to judge. I can't. I've been there. I've dated a patient in the past when she wasn't a patient and the guilt ate me alive over it. Turns out, she was projecting, though. It would be easier for her if you are projecting, that's all..." Chris explained, watching his brother with a small, concerned frown. Even without trying, Rick got himself caught up in messes.
Rick just waved a hand lethargically in dismissal. He got it. He did. He just didn't need his brother reminding him. After a moment he dragged himself up and moved to where a plain paper bag was sitting on the other arm chair. He handed it to his brother. "I know it's time yet, but... Happy birthday, bro. I was never good at the wrapping. Or cards. I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how good of a guy you are. How good of a brother." He offered Chris a crooked smile before he dropped back down onto the sofa. In the brown paper bag was a framed photograph of the two of them as kids. One Rick had kept with him for years. It was the only photo where it didn't look like the two of them had been in a massive brawl, or like they were about to start one.
Chris gave a small sigh when he was cut off from the topic of conversation, but he took a hint. That didn't mean he wasn't going to speak to Bella about it, he just had no intentions of telling Rick that he was going to do it. He watched as Rick moved, noting again that he really didn't look well. Everything was evidently starting to take its toll. He took the bag in surprise, glancing up at Rick and blinking, hoping there wasn't something like a scorpion in it that bit his finger like when they were around twelve years old. Chris hated anything that bit ever since then. But he did note there was no wicked glean in Rick's eyes this time, just... something else, something nice, around the tiredness. Chris reached into the bag and pulled the frame out to hold it up and look at it. It was years ago, almost like it didn't even seem like them. They were both blond, and if Chris remembered rightly, it was at their grandma's place in Virginia. "I remember this," he said in awe. He looked up at Rick. "Where did you get this?"
Rick smirked a little. "Stole it. Not like Dad ever kept tabs on where all the family photos were kept. And Mom just... well, she'd probably die of regrets if she ever bothered to look back through them. I've kept it for a long time. Figured it was something you should have now. I don't want everything about us to be a bad memory, Chris."
Chris nodded a little with a laugh. He wasn't surprised at the means Rick acquired the photo, just more disbeliving Rick would even want it in the first place. "Ironic, considering Dad pawned the camera anyway..." he mumbled, scrunching his nose up a little. He held the frame up. "You don't want it? It's not all bad, you know. It's just... disappointing. I know I kept belting on about it like a broken record, but the prom thing had nothing to do with Bonnie, you know. It was just the point in time I finally gave up hoping we could just have a normal brother-type relationship. I stuck out on the hope for seventeen years. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. It's just the truth, that's all."
"I know it's the truth, and it's... It's just sad. I don't want you to have to spend the rest of your life feeling like that. And I don't wanna be Dad. I don't want you to think it's easier to just cut me out than to deal with me. I just want to try and make up some ground, Chris." Rick gave his brother a tight smile before he leaned forward to squeeze his knee. "I got a copy of it before I framed it, so I'll still have it. But you got the original."
Chris listened, and for once, he didn't just down Rick's throat defensively at his comments. He sat quietly for a moment after glancing at Rick's hand on his knee, and came to hug the frame to his chest. "Are you scared?" he finally asked quietly. "A-Are you gonna be okay? Like, I know I've just forced my way in here and not giving you much choice about the whole taking care of thing, and you probably feel like I've backed you into a corner, but I don't want you to think you're on your own with this. I can't know what it's like to have cancer, but I can try to get it somehow. I can help. I also know you have no choice with reactions and side effects and shit, but how are you going to feel in general if you have to spend days on end being sick or lying there in pain?"
"Of course I am," Rick breathed out as he huffed a laugh. "How can I not be sitting here pissing myself? I'm terrified. I don't know how I'll react, I don't know it's actually going to help. I just know this is what I need to do, so I'm gonna do it. I'll feel like shit, and I still feel bad that you're getting lumped with this, but in a way... I'm relieved. Because right now I just need my brother."
Chris bit down on his lip to fight off the emotional wave again. He nodded and waved his fingers a little. "Well, look at it this way. Apparently the puke test is the ultimate relationship test. At least, according to Serena and Wayne's World. Not saying it's any fun or anything, but... you get sick with the chemo, chances are, you're gonna puke in front of Bella," he said with a smirk. "She sticks around, rules say it's the real deal."
Rick snorted. "She sticks around, rules say it's because she's my doctor. Thanks for trying though."
"I dunno. Depends how much overtime she puts in on you. You're an outpatient for the chemo. You came back to my tender loving care, tomorrow. I wonder if she does house calls," Chris responded, still smirking cheekily.
Rick flipped Chris off. "Love you too, bro. Seriously. Just remind me to remind Serena about how important condoms are, and it's not just the responsibility of the guy."
Chris picked up the remote control and launched it at his brother with a snort. "I'm supposed to believe you're a pin-up boy for Trojan? You've seen Serena. Can you blame me for my drunken brain just wanting to do her without stopping to get a rubber? I'm not proud of it, but fuck, I know it was an awesome night," he said mischievously.
Rick started to laugh as he looked at his brother. "I'm not saying a fucking word about my opinion about your girlfriend. I don't need my bowels ripped out like you said. So right now, yes, I am the pin-up boy for Trojan. But you know, you stick it out with her long enough and you might get a sober night without the rubber."
"You're right. Sounds like your bowels are going to need all the help they can get. Remind me to get some extra toilet roll and air freshener," Chris joked with an amused point at his brother. "Yeah, maybe. What is the ettiquette there, anyway? Never really got to a point with a chick that I would hit her up to go without. I was too busy making sure I always had rubbers so I didn't get trapped."
Rick held up his hand. "Don't ask me, man. Think I'm anymore clued in than you? All I can think is that once you know you're not gonna sleep with anyone else, you've probably got more of a chance of going without. She's still on the pill, so it's not like you're completely without protection."
"Some chicks don't like it. They don't like the whole messy feeling and all that," Chris pointed out, though he didn't think Serena would be one of those. In fact, she had no problem with him coming in her mouth, so maybe there was some other sorts of chats to be had. "It's kinda a big thing. Doesn't seem it, but it is. It's a trust thing. It's weird, I've never felt like this about a girl. I don't want to fuck it up, even if we have, on occasion, bitched each other out. And we've faced all those relationship tests, too, and fuck dude, do you realise how many of them there are? It's like jumping through hoops and getting gold stars at the end."
"Still, the hoops are worth it, right? It's actually nice hearing you talk this way about a girl. She really seems to be special to you, bro. I can't fault her for that. I'm just glad she makes you this happy. I'm also the slightest bit jealous, but we'll keep that between us," Rick replied with a soft smirk. "I don't think you'll ever have an issue of trust with Serena. Secret relationships aside. She's also a doctor, so messy feelings should be fine with her. Not that I'm encouraging you... much."
Chris nodded and played absentmindedly with the back of the photo frame. "She does make me happy. It's been hard keeping it a secret. At first, it was fun. Kind of thrilling in that uncertain way, but then there were times I needed her, and she just couldn't be there. It got harder and harder. There was one time, too, I got sick. I had the flu, and I was at her place when it hit the worst. Then Eva called me up to check on me, and I had to get in a cab to go home feeling like a piece of shit just so Eva wouldn't get suspicious. Some parts of it have just plain sucked. Having her ex show up and tell her he still loved her sucked, too. As a patient. I wanted to wring the dude's neck."
Rick's eyebrows went up. "Did you at least slip something into his IV line?"
"Come on, I was so pissed off and I also wasn't going to risk my licence for the dude. Then her bro shows up and I'm starting to wonder if Miami has suddenly been invaded by her exes because they were all looking cosy in a bay together. A lot like you and Eva were that day. I can't profess to be thinking ultra-rationally at the moment. It's like, light a match under my ass, and I'm gonna bite your head off for it. I'm like a pregnant chick, or one with bad PMS," Chris snorted wryly.
Rick looked at his brother in amusement. "You really are in love. You don't want it secret so people know that she's yours."
Chris rested his head back against the seat and gave it a slight shake. "No, it's not even that. It's weird, I liked it being a secret for awhile there. What we had was just ours and there was no one looking, judging, pointing fingers, gossiping. Of course, that's all going to change now. When you find a chick who really is everything for you, you don't want any other dudes sticking their noses in and trying to stake claim. In fact, you want them to go fuck themselves off a cliff."
Rick shrugged. "Then it's just you being a pregnant weirdo. Sure you not wearing a condom didn't result in a reverse pregnancy? Do your nipples feel tender? Any noticeable swelling around your stomach?"
Chris shifted the photo frame and pulled his shirt up to analyse his gut, which was expectedly flat and toned from all the sporty things he got involved in. Not to mention running around at work. "Dunno, dude. The swelling tends to be more localised below the belt when Serena's around," he threw back, laughing.
Rick covered his ears as he started to hum loudly. "Too much info, baby brother. I really don't need to know about that sort of swelling. Don't need to witness it, either. Especially when she's not even here yet."
"Hey! No, no!" Chris protested and grabbed a cushion to put it over his lap anyway. "I'm seriously not in any sort of mood. You get passively aggressively kicked out of your boss' office, and it tends to be a bit of a buzzkill. And seriously, you were the one who was just telling me to have noisy sex. Make up your mind, bro."
Rick pointed at him. "You so were! Your body doesn't pay attention when it's thinking about her. And it's one thing listening, it's another entirely weird thing to witness it all. Buzzkill, schmuzzkill, Chrissy. Your dick knows exactly who it wants."
"I wasn't really! It was just the fabric on my pants! You have Deleo blood, you know what it's like! You would know if I had a boner, there would be no missing it," Chris protested with a burst of arrogance, waving his hand for emphasis. "And I don't have loud sex! I don't think."
"You have Deleo blood, you know what it's like," Rick returned with a smug smirk. "We never keep it quiet, bro. Never."
Chris pointed accusingly, but he was grinning deviously. "Are you telling me you weren't following doctor's orders and taking it easy when you fucked your oncologist?" Then the penny dropped and his mouth formed a little o shape when he pointed picked up with emphasis. "The day Dave came, and you looked wrecked. You did her when I was on-call! You both freaking planned this! I feel so deceived!" he cried, even if he was teasing.
Rick sniggered before gesturing like he was sealing his lips. "Gentlemen don't fuck and tell, little brother. That's between me, Bella, and her sheets. Doesn't need to be fast and the furious to be loud sex."
"You went to her place?" Chris rubbed roughly at his forehead with his fingertips and then gave his hand a wave. "I don't wanna know. I don't. All I'm going to say is that some things will never change and completely leave it at that. Oh, and if you decide to get all..." he made a crude gesture with his hand, "over memories of between her sheets, make sure you use Kleenex and wash your hands. Doctor's orders," he added with a smirk.
Word Count | 5,396