RP LOG with imheretolive | Time has come
There was no specific thing that had Chris standing at the edge of the bay Proctor was ending a consult with a patient in. He waited until his English boss finished with the patient, luckily following news of a positive prognosis and then fell into step with him to head towards the elevators. Something about the intensity of the conversation with Dave and Rick the previous day had left Chris feeling like he was standing at the top of a cliff about to jump off. Sometimes he felt like he had a harness, other times he felt like someone was about to push him over with no safety device. Work kept him thinking straight, but in the lulls, he felt that anxiety gnawing away again, and it was an emotion he had come to seriously hate. “Can I talk to you in private?” he finally asked, glancing at Proctor’s face.
They got to the elevators and Proctor reached out to hit the down button. He raised his eyebrows in question and then nodded. “Of course. My office,” he replied. “Is everything okay, Chris? How is your brother progressing? You look a little like you haven’t been sleeping very well.”
“He’s okay for the moment. It’s not about Rick. I’m mostly getting enough sleep, I’m just looking forward to my days off.” Chris rested his hands on his hips as they waited for the elevator, which arrived with a ding a few moments later. He followed Proctor inside and cleared his throat when the doors swung closed. “Been a rough day. Good to hear your patient will be okay. It was touch and go in the OR...”
Proctor nodded and hummed in agreement. “Again, that was some extremely impressive work, Chris. You’re a fine surgeon. You have more than proved that over and over in my presence.” He tucked his pen back into the pocket of his scrubs and then handed Chris the medical record he had been carrying. “As you can see, the positive prognosis would not have come if your quick thinking in the surgery had been absent, so thank you.”
Chris took the file and read over Proctor’s latest annotations. He was still reading when the elevator arrived back into MT1 and with the occasional glance up, he followed Proctor, trusting the Englishman not lead him into a pole or worse. It was true what Proctor had said, but it wasn’t praise Chris was happy to freely accept. Sure, he wanted the guy’s approval, but he was just doing his job. “Anyone would have done it. He was just bleeding out and I had the quickest access.” He handed the file back and followed Proctor into his office. It was no secret that Proctor going in there with the door closed usually meant something, one way or another. He usually operated an open door policy, so the closed door usually piqued a curiosity amongst staff. They definitely had an audience when they went inside, but it didn’t even pass Chris’ mind. He was distracted with other things and now that the door was closed behind him, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
“Take a seat, Chris. What was it you wanted to discuss?” Proctor asked and the patient file stayed prominently in view when he placed it on top of his in-tray. He sat down in his seat and had a small sip of a cup of water he had left there earlier before they had a rush of incoming patients following the crash of helicopter that ran scenic flights over Miami for tourists.
Chris swallowed, jealous of the water Proctor had to wet his throat. The lump that felt like it had taken resident in Chris’ was making it hard to block any words that needed to be uttered. He sat forward on the edge of the chair, his forearms resting on the edge of Proctor’s desk and his leg was bouncing anxiously. “I have to tell you something that you need to know. But I just wanted to say first that the reason I haven’t told you sooner was not in an effort to deliberately be disloyal to you, even if I’m aware there could be consequences for exactly that. It’s just that I wasn’t really sure how to deal with it myself and it seemed like better idea to... to keep it separate from work...”
Proctor was watching Chris closely, unable to deny the uncertain apprehension that crept down his back when Chris started talking. Many scenarios crossed his mind, but he didn’t disrespect Chris’ confidence here by jumping in and interrupting. “I see,” he replied with a small nod. “Go on.”
Chris balked. How could he not? But putting it off any longer wasn’t going to do any good. The truth of the matter was, he just didn’t think he could survive through Rick’s chemo and taking care of him singlehandedly without her. He was already starting to feel like he was falling apart at the seams, and the heavy weight of the knowledge he might lose Rick was hard to carry. Waiting through that surgery had been bad enough, he didn’t want to do it anymore. “Serena and I have been dating in private for about three months. It’s, um... it’s become quite serious. Neither of us expected it to.”
If Proctor was shocked, he didn’t exhibit it outwardly. Instead, he shifted in his chair calmly and sat forward. “Three months is quite some time,” he responded. “I assume you have both considered the potential consequences and ethical boundaries you are dealing with in a situation like this. I would be highly disappointed if you had no regard for them at all.”
“Yes. Of course we have. We’ve hardly done anything but consider them...” Chris murmured and put a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to think I’m in here alone because I’m covering for her again like what happened with the pneumo error, either. It’s not like that. I swear it’s not. I’m in the more senior position here, and I’m her supervisor. I know that, and as screwed as it might sound, I didn’t intend for this to happen. But we helped each other through some tough things, and I was there to help her when Tuck got stabbed. We just... got close, and realised there were feelings there we couldn’t explain. We weren’t seeing each other when I covered for her that day. That was my own stupid error.”
Proctor got up and took Chris’ staff record from his filing cabinet, bringing it back over to the desk. “Your brother begins his first round of chemotherapy in a couple of days, doesn’t he?” he asked calmly as he sat again.
Chris’ eyes were locked on his file, his mouth hanging open slightly as a whir of thoughts washed through his brain. He only knew it was his record because Proctor had it out at the review. Now he had it out again and for a horrifying moment, Chris really thought he would pass out. “Yes,” he got out numbly, swallowing to try and prevent his voice getting choked and hoarse. “What’s that- she’s- that’s not why Serena and me-”
“I think you should take some indefinite leave, Chris, like we discussed,” Proctor stated, cutting him off before the younger doctor started having a stroke. “Look after your brother, think about your priorities. These have been an emotional few months for you. I’ll arrange with HR to have Dave transferred to Alpha for the time being to cover your absence, effective immediately. When you go out, can you please ask Serena to come see me in my office?”
Chris was literally speechless. In his mind, he was floundering for something appropriate to actually say in return. He wanted to argue and protest, but he knew if he even tried that with how he was feeling right now, he would more than say something he regretted. Part of him also wanted to throw himself at Proctor’s feet and beg him not to fire him... only, Proctor hadn’t actually said he was firing him. He was just giving him the leave he had requested... right? Finally the secret was out, and now, all of a sudden, it felt like there was even less resolution than before he walked in here to Proctor’s office a short while ago. Proctor was also sending him home again, and wanted to talk to Serena. No matter how hard Chris tried, he could not wrap his head around this and the fact he couldn’t read Proctor was cutting through him frustratingly like a knife. “Right,” he finally replied hoarsely and stood up. “I-I’ll go then. I’ll just... can’t you just...” But he just closed his mouth and shook his head. After a moment, he unclipped a hook from his belt and handed it over to Proctor. “Chief Resident pager and access card. Dave will need them.” And then just simply walked out of Proctor’s office, the chaotic hospital noises sounding like they were drowned out from the ringing in his ears.
He walked over to where Serena was standing at the staff station with Eva and Tuck. He met her eyes, trying to tell her silently that he had just spilled everything to Proctor, but he had no way of really knowing if she would pick up on in or not, and now Eva and Tuck were watching him questioningly when he just stood there for a few moments not saying anything. “I’m going home,” he revealed eventually. “Proctor’s... I’m taking leave, to look after Rick. So, I’ll, uh... catch you whenever. Proctor wants to see you in his office, Serena.” He had to look away from her as soon as he saw the look on her face. It was taking enough willpower not to touch her or hug her as it was. He didn’t wait for answers. In fact, when they called after him to try and see he was okay, he just kept walking in the direction of the break room so he could get his things out of his locker. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he didn’t know anymore why Proctor just seemed to want to torture him with these mind games. But he wasn’t going to stick around and find out. If he was going to lose his job over dating Serena, so be it, but that didn’t mean he was stick around when he had been told to leave and let his ego take yet another battering. When he walked out of MT1, he tried not to let the feeling of separation from one of the biggest parts of his life engulf him... and he tried not to let himself think it would be the last time he walked out of there as a staff member.
Word Count | 1,816
They got to the elevators and Proctor reached out to hit the down button. He raised his eyebrows in question and then nodded. “Of course. My office,” he replied. “Is everything okay, Chris? How is your brother progressing? You look a little like you haven’t been sleeping very well.”
“He’s okay for the moment. It’s not about Rick. I’m mostly getting enough sleep, I’m just looking forward to my days off.” Chris rested his hands on his hips as they waited for the elevator, which arrived with a ding a few moments later. He followed Proctor inside and cleared his throat when the doors swung closed. “Been a rough day. Good to hear your patient will be okay. It was touch and go in the OR...”
Proctor nodded and hummed in agreement. “Again, that was some extremely impressive work, Chris. You’re a fine surgeon. You have more than proved that over and over in my presence.” He tucked his pen back into the pocket of his scrubs and then handed Chris the medical record he had been carrying. “As you can see, the positive prognosis would not have come if your quick thinking in the surgery had been absent, so thank you.”
Chris took the file and read over Proctor’s latest annotations. He was still reading when the elevator arrived back into MT1 and with the occasional glance up, he followed Proctor, trusting the Englishman not lead him into a pole or worse. It was true what Proctor had said, but it wasn’t praise Chris was happy to freely accept. Sure, he wanted the guy’s approval, but he was just doing his job. “Anyone would have done it. He was just bleeding out and I had the quickest access.” He handed the file back and followed Proctor into his office. It was no secret that Proctor going in there with the door closed usually meant something, one way or another. He usually operated an open door policy, so the closed door usually piqued a curiosity amongst staff. They definitely had an audience when they went inside, but it didn’t even pass Chris’ mind. He was distracted with other things and now that the door was closed behind him, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
“Take a seat, Chris. What was it you wanted to discuss?” Proctor asked and the patient file stayed prominently in view when he placed it on top of his in-tray. He sat down in his seat and had a small sip of a cup of water he had left there earlier before they had a rush of incoming patients following the crash of helicopter that ran scenic flights over Miami for tourists.
Chris swallowed, jealous of the water Proctor had to wet his throat. The lump that felt like it had taken resident in Chris’ was making it hard to block any words that needed to be uttered. He sat forward on the edge of the chair, his forearms resting on the edge of Proctor’s desk and his leg was bouncing anxiously. “I have to tell you something that you need to know. But I just wanted to say first that the reason I haven’t told you sooner was not in an effort to deliberately be disloyal to you, even if I’m aware there could be consequences for exactly that. It’s just that I wasn’t really sure how to deal with it myself and it seemed like better idea to... to keep it separate from work...”
Proctor was watching Chris closely, unable to deny the uncertain apprehension that crept down his back when Chris started talking. Many scenarios crossed his mind, but he didn’t disrespect Chris’ confidence here by jumping in and interrupting. “I see,” he replied with a small nod. “Go on.”
Chris balked. How could he not? But putting it off any longer wasn’t going to do any good. The truth of the matter was, he just didn’t think he could survive through Rick’s chemo and taking care of him singlehandedly without her. He was already starting to feel like he was falling apart at the seams, and the heavy weight of the knowledge he might lose Rick was hard to carry. Waiting through that surgery had been bad enough, he didn’t want to do it anymore. “Serena and I have been dating in private for about three months. It’s, um... it’s become quite serious. Neither of us expected it to.”
If Proctor was shocked, he didn’t exhibit it outwardly. Instead, he shifted in his chair calmly and sat forward. “Three months is quite some time,” he responded. “I assume you have both considered the potential consequences and ethical boundaries you are dealing with in a situation like this. I would be highly disappointed if you had no regard for them at all.”
“Yes. Of course we have. We’ve hardly done anything but consider them...” Chris murmured and put a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to think I’m in here alone because I’m covering for her again like what happened with the pneumo error, either. It’s not like that. I swear it’s not. I’m in the more senior position here, and I’m her supervisor. I know that, and as screwed as it might sound, I didn’t intend for this to happen. But we helped each other through some tough things, and I was there to help her when Tuck got stabbed. We just... got close, and realised there were feelings there we couldn’t explain. We weren’t seeing each other when I covered for her that day. That was my own stupid error.”
Proctor got up and took Chris’ staff record from his filing cabinet, bringing it back over to the desk. “Your brother begins his first round of chemotherapy in a couple of days, doesn’t he?” he asked calmly as he sat again.
Chris’ eyes were locked on his file, his mouth hanging open slightly as a whir of thoughts washed through his brain. He only knew it was his record because Proctor had it out at the review. Now he had it out again and for a horrifying moment, Chris really thought he would pass out. “Yes,” he got out numbly, swallowing to try and prevent his voice getting choked and hoarse. “What’s that- she’s- that’s not why Serena and me-”
“I think you should take some indefinite leave, Chris, like we discussed,” Proctor stated, cutting him off before the younger doctor started having a stroke. “Look after your brother, think about your priorities. These have been an emotional few months for you. I’ll arrange with HR to have Dave transferred to Alpha for the time being to cover your absence, effective immediately. When you go out, can you please ask Serena to come see me in my office?”
Chris was literally speechless. In his mind, he was floundering for something appropriate to actually say in return. He wanted to argue and protest, but he knew if he even tried that with how he was feeling right now, he would more than say something he regretted. Part of him also wanted to throw himself at Proctor’s feet and beg him not to fire him... only, Proctor hadn’t actually said he was firing him. He was just giving him the leave he had requested... right? Finally the secret was out, and now, all of a sudden, it felt like there was even less resolution than before he walked in here to Proctor’s office a short while ago. Proctor was also sending him home again, and wanted to talk to Serena. No matter how hard Chris tried, he could not wrap his head around this and the fact he couldn’t read Proctor was cutting through him frustratingly like a knife. “Right,” he finally replied hoarsely and stood up. “I-I’ll go then. I’ll just... can’t you just...” But he just closed his mouth and shook his head. After a moment, he unclipped a hook from his belt and handed it over to Proctor. “Chief Resident pager and access card. Dave will need them.” And then just simply walked out of Proctor’s office, the chaotic hospital noises sounding like they were drowned out from the ringing in his ears.
He walked over to where Serena was standing at the staff station with Eva and Tuck. He met her eyes, trying to tell her silently that he had just spilled everything to Proctor, but he had no way of really knowing if she would pick up on in or not, and now Eva and Tuck were watching him questioningly when he just stood there for a few moments not saying anything. “I’m going home,” he revealed eventually. “Proctor’s... I’m taking leave, to look after Rick. So, I’ll, uh... catch you whenever. Proctor wants to see you in his office, Serena.” He had to look away from her as soon as he saw the look on her face. It was taking enough willpower not to touch her or hug her as it was. He didn’t wait for answers. In fact, when they called after him to try and see he was okay, he just kept walking in the direction of the break room so he could get his things out of his locker. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he didn’t know anymore why Proctor just seemed to want to torture him with these mind games. But he wasn’t going to stick around and find out. If he was going to lose his job over dating Serena, so be it, but that didn’t mean he was stick around when he had been told to leave and let his ego take yet another battering. When he walked out of MT1, he tried not to let the feeling of separation from one of the biggest parts of his life engulf him... and he tried not to let himself think it would be the last time he walked out of there as a staff member.
Word Count | 1,816