not sure how long i'll be unblocked on LJ this week, so here goes!!!
for fuck's sake i KNEW u werent as OK w/ all this shit as u were telling me u were. why wont u just talk to me sometimes?
look, so like you know where u stand now...and i cant say anything about joe or ur relationship & i can't like...i havent seen both sides...but there are two things i want to say:
1. u know how ur pretending to be over him and moving on and everything? well...maybe that is exactly what he is doin too. ever think of that? maybe ur both putting up a front and bein liars to each other right now. sure it looks cold & cruel from the outside, but how else do u say these things? and i dont think joe ever wouldve really cheated on u, he was probably just seeing what else was out there to help him make this breakup decision easier or somethin...find some friends...dont take it so personal. ya it sucks that he was lookin elsewhere & shit, but he didnt cheat so dont even go there. almost cheating is not cheating, no matter how it feels right now
2. a year ago u wanted to be ur own man & move on. nothings changed now...u want to be ur own man & move on and so does he. so ya...it hurts like hell to realise someone doesnt want u in their life anymore, but this was the inevitable conclusion AS YOU SAW IT a yr ago...so it's happening now instead.
im not tryin to be mean, pip. i know ur still in love w/ him. but u do need to be ur own man and get away from him for a while...u guys dont even have the same HUMOR anymore let alone the same interests so maybe a friendship wont work...but dont sit around holding it against him OR YOU that ur different people who need to change. if u hang on to him right now, you'll NEVER get away & getting away is the best thing for both of u until BOTH of u know who the fuck u want to be as adults
we talked about this a lot when u guys first broke up, remember...? and nothin i said then has changed. and if he is over u, then hes over u. nothin u can do about it & nothin sitting around feelin bad about it is going to fix.
If he's pretending, he deserves an Academy Award. No real communication or effort in two months, cold responses when I tell him what I'm thinking, not bothering to read my last email--I don't know, sounds like he's pretty clear on where he stands and what he wants, and it obviously isn't me. And I'm okay with that (or will be), but he could've told me that from the start instead of stringing me along these last two months. I could be over this fucking phase by now.
No, nothing has changed in that respect. I do want to be my own man, and I want him to be his own man, too. But what has changed is the hope of us ever being friends again. After the way he treated me this week--as if he can easily drop me like garbage and pretend I don't exist--I'm having to get used to the fact that it is not change so we can be complete together but change so we can be complete and completely out of each others' lives. Fun, fun.
I'm sure he didn't cheat-cheat. I do trust him. It just hurts that he couldn't or wouldn't tell me he was doing those things while they were going on. We could've talked about them. We could've broken up before now and been out of this stage right now. I could've moved on months ago. I don't know, I'm just frustrated with having been led on. I am frustrated that I LET myself be led on.
I don't want to get back together. I just want to be in his life.
not sure how long i'll be unblocked on LJ this week, so here goes!!!
for fuck's sake i KNEW u werent as OK w/ all this shit as u were telling me u were. why wont u just talk to me sometimes?
look, so like you know where u stand now...and i cant say anything about joe or ur relationship & i can't like...i havent seen both sides...but there are two things i want to say:
1. u know how ur pretending to be over him and moving on and everything? well...maybe that is exactly what he is doin too. ever think of that? maybe ur both putting up a front and bein liars to each other right now. sure it looks cold & cruel from the outside, but how else do u say these things? and i dont think joe ever wouldve really cheated on u, he was probably just seeing what else was out there to help him make this breakup decision easier or somethin...find some friends...dont take it so personal. ya it sucks that he was lookin elsewhere & shit, but he didnt cheat so dont even go there. almost cheating is not cheating, no matter how it feels right now
2. a year ago u wanted to be ur own man & move on. nothings changed now...u want to be ur own man & move on and so does he. so ya...it hurts like hell to realise someone doesnt want u in their life anymore, but this was the inevitable conclusion AS YOU SAW IT a yr ago...so it's happening now instead.
im not tryin to be mean, pip. i know ur still in love w/ him. but u do need to be ur own man and get away from him for a while...u guys dont even have the same HUMOR anymore let alone the same interests so maybe a friendship wont work...but dont sit around holding it against him OR YOU that ur different people who need to change. if u hang on to him right now, you'll NEVER get away & getting away is the best thing for both of u until BOTH of u know who the fuck u want to be as adults
we talked about this a lot when u guys first broke up, remember...? and nothin i said then has changed. and if he is over u, then hes over u. nothin u can do about it & nothin sitting around feelin bad about it is going to fix.
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No, nothing has changed in that respect. I do want to be my own man, and I want him to be his own man, too. But what has changed is the hope of us ever being friends again. After the way he treated me this week--as if he can easily drop me like garbage and pretend I don't exist--I'm having to get used to the fact that it is not change so we can be complete together but change so we can be complete and completely out of each others' lives. Fun, fun.
I'm sure he didn't cheat-cheat. I do trust him. It just hurts that he couldn't or wouldn't tell me he was doing those things while they were going on. We could've talked about them. We could've broken up before now and been out of this stage right now. I could've moved on months ago. I don't know, I'm just frustrated with having been led on. I am frustrated that I LET myself be led on.
I don't want to get back together. I just want to be in his life.
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