Picking a pronoun...
So this entire week will basically be a prelude to the events of Friday. morganlan is coming up to visit us on Thursday night, but as nice as that is, it's not really the main event (Sorry Morgan, it's not that we don't love you, and of course we're looking forward to youf visit, but...well, you understand.) What's really exciting is that on Friday, gwynn77, Myself, morganlan and Leah's mom beanski51, are all piling into a car and heading to Sonotech Ultrasound in Roseville to see our first real pictures of the baby, which will also include sex determination. They say they have a 100% track record of accurate determination, and a money-back guarantee to back it up.
So on Friday we will know whether we are going to be having a daughter or a son.
I used to come down fairly firmly on the side of wanting a daughter. Once in a while I would try to pass off one of those half-hearted "As long as the baby is healthy, I don't care either way, really" dodges, but it never worked. I've had an image in my mind of having my baby girl dance with me, her little feet on top of mine, for about as long as I can remember. In my imagination, my first child has always been a girl.
Until now.
The reality of this pregnancy has brought about a lot of changes, some of which were fairly predictable - quitting smoking and drinking, paying a lot closer attention to how we spend money, etc. - but some of which have come totally out of the blue. So it is that I find myself unexpectedly warming to the notion of a boy. I'll admit it has a little to do with the toys. I'm not really so sexist as to beleive that there are strict rules about what are legitimate "boy toys" and "girl toys," but I have noticed in the other children in my life that things do just tend to gravitate that way, one way or another. Either way, we will place the same emphasis on creativity, imagination, and learning, but Mom and Dad are not the only influences in the world (nor would we want to be.)
So I find myself now really not knowing which would be better - girl or boy. I have somehow wandered back out of being firmly entrenched in one camp and back onto the middle ground. I really feel that come Friday, I'll be ecstatic about either outcome. At least I'll stop having to call the baby "the baby" or (even worse) having to call it "It."
Another strange new development is a little darker in nature, though just as unexpected. See, I just got off the phone with gwynn77, where she let me know the results of our latest test - a full blood panel, for which they drew no less than ten vials from my wife's vein. I won't keep you in suspense, the tests were all clear, no Spina Bifida, no known birth defects, no HIV (whew!), no nothing. Mama and baby are just as healthy as can be. If you think that the news came as a great relief, well, you'd be right. Now I can relax.
That's where the strangeness comes in. I can't relax. I know that there are still about a million unforseen possibilities that could make everything go horribly wrong. Genetics aside, there are about a billion very real boogey men out there, and getting past this batch of them only leaves us open for the next. I'm not an unreasonable worrier, and I think I'm pretty calm compared to some parents out there, but the sheer number of maladies and potential disasters out there is something I really hadn't had to face before. Those who know me would probably say I'm a pretty laid-back guy. I tend not to sweat the small stuff, I think worrying about a problem is about as effective as trying to solve a mathematical equation by chewing bubble gum. Very zen dude, that genepool23. He's got the Wu Wei way down.
Not so. Not anymore. For the first time in many years, I am coming to terms with the great unknowable dread. And this time, I'm pretty sure it's going to stay. I owe this new little person the best life I can give him or her. (see? I can't wait until I don't have to do that!) Even though I know I can't see the future, and it's useless to try, even in the best of circumstances the path ahead will be strewn with drama and strife, moments of terror and doubt, sadness that I can't fix, and all the rest of the stuff that keeps us all busy here on Earth.
I know all the good stuff is coming too, so I don't let the dread overcloud my joy, but I can't deny its there. It has set up housekeeping, and for better or worse it looks like it's going to be around for good. I won't let it get the better of me, don't worry, I just thought it interesting enough to acknowledge it's existance. It's a little like having a bad roommate; it sucks, but you can't let it get in the way of your fun.
Wow, this post somehow took a real negative turn. That's probably misleading. I am still as unbeleivably excited as before, and even more so at our upcoming discovery. I'll finally get to hear the heartbeat, too, since I had to work the first time. Once this weekend is over, we'll be taking down the guest bedroom and then the nursery-building will begin.
So in a couple of weeks, I'll be too exhausted to even worry about anything.
Ain't parenting a kick in the head?
So on Friday we will know whether we are going to be having a daughter or a son.
I used to come down fairly firmly on the side of wanting a daughter. Once in a while I would try to pass off one of those half-hearted "As long as the baby is healthy, I don't care either way, really" dodges, but it never worked. I've had an image in my mind of having my baby girl dance with me, her little feet on top of mine, for about as long as I can remember. In my imagination, my first child has always been a girl.
Until now.
The reality of this pregnancy has brought about a lot of changes, some of which were fairly predictable - quitting smoking and drinking, paying a lot closer attention to how we spend money, etc. - but some of which have come totally out of the blue. So it is that I find myself unexpectedly warming to the notion of a boy. I'll admit it has a little to do with the toys. I'm not really so sexist as to beleive that there are strict rules about what are legitimate "boy toys" and "girl toys," but I have noticed in the other children in my life that things do just tend to gravitate that way, one way or another. Either way, we will place the same emphasis on creativity, imagination, and learning, but Mom and Dad are not the only influences in the world (nor would we want to be.)
So I find myself now really not knowing which would be better - girl or boy. I have somehow wandered back out of being firmly entrenched in one camp and back onto the middle ground. I really feel that come Friday, I'll be ecstatic about either outcome. At least I'll stop having to call the baby "the baby" or (even worse) having to call it "It."
Another strange new development is a little darker in nature, though just as unexpected. See, I just got off the phone with gwynn77, where she let me know the results of our latest test - a full blood panel, for which they drew no less than ten vials from my wife's vein. I won't keep you in suspense, the tests were all clear, no Spina Bifida, no known birth defects, no HIV (whew!), no nothing. Mama and baby are just as healthy as can be. If you think that the news came as a great relief, well, you'd be right. Now I can relax.
That's where the strangeness comes in. I can't relax. I know that there are still about a million unforseen possibilities that could make everything go horribly wrong. Genetics aside, there are about a billion very real boogey men out there, and getting past this batch of them only leaves us open for the next. I'm not an unreasonable worrier, and I think I'm pretty calm compared to some parents out there, but the sheer number of maladies and potential disasters out there is something I really hadn't had to face before. Those who know me would probably say I'm a pretty laid-back guy. I tend not to sweat the small stuff, I think worrying about a problem is about as effective as trying to solve a mathematical equation by chewing bubble gum. Very zen dude, that genepool23. He's got the Wu Wei way down.
Not so. Not anymore. For the first time in many years, I am coming to terms with the great unknowable dread. And this time, I'm pretty sure it's going to stay. I owe this new little person the best life I can give him or her. (see? I can't wait until I don't have to do that!) Even though I know I can't see the future, and it's useless to try, even in the best of circumstances the path ahead will be strewn with drama and strife, moments of terror and doubt, sadness that I can't fix, and all the rest of the stuff that keeps us all busy here on Earth.
I know all the good stuff is coming too, so I don't let the dread overcloud my joy, but I can't deny its there. It has set up housekeeping, and for better or worse it looks like it's going to be around for good. I won't let it get the better of me, don't worry, I just thought it interesting enough to acknowledge it's existance. It's a little like having a bad roommate; it sucks, but you can't let it get in the way of your fun.
Wow, this post somehow took a real negative turn. That's probably misleading. I am still as unbeleivably excited as before, and even more so at our upcoming discovery. I'll finally get to hear the heartbeat, too, since I had to work the first time. Once this weekend is over, we'll be taking down the guest bedroom and then the nursery-building will begin.
So in a couple of weeks, I'll be too exhausted to even worry about anything.
Ain't parenting a kick in the head?