Candles
So my cousin has come to stay with us for a while, which is giving the household a general feel of a dying sitcom which is desperately trying to be revamped. When this doesn’t work they will write of my father and bring in a crazy uncle with a drink problem who doesn't want his girl going out dressed like that and brining boys in the house. If you are as sad as me you may have realised I am ripping of "8 Simple Rules". If you didn't realise this, Bravo! I mean, well done. There are a lot of things that I know that I shouldn't, these include;
*The theme tune to Drake and Josh
*Knowing what Drake and Josh is
*The current story line of Doctors and
*The last guest star on Loose Women.
I am going to the zoo with my family and cousin tomoz so cannot possible do any work, I'm far too exited. I have 4 3.000 word essays due in over the next few weeks and have done none of them. I procrastinate beyond belief when I have essays to do, I manage to convince myself that there are more important things to do. My house is immaculate, I am a clean shaven as an Olympic swimmer, I'm cleaner than I have been in months, and my albums are finally organised into genre and then alphabetically. It turns out that I have more hip hop than I thought. Although thankfully the dance and electro section prevails, like a once mighty Roman Empire. I had to get a new laptop the other month so now have a pathetic amount of MP3s on my hard drive. I feel like a eunuch.
Even though I'm broke, a sales person manage to convince me last week that I needed a set of 12 aromatherapy candles, I got them out of the shop and immediately regretted it. You know when you walk out of a shop after being played you have 10 seconds of left over bullshit until you realise you've been had, it happens when you move out of the sales person's immediate sphere of charisma. "ooh what a good deal that was, I am so happy I bought these, they will really help m.. OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? I NEED THAT MONEY TO EAT! WHAT DO I WANT WITH 12 CHUFFING CANDLES?! The Cadburys finger the salesman gave me to sweeten the deal, turns to ashes in my mouth. I’m sitting here now typing in a room full of candles; I look like a disgruntled Vicar in a Chapel of Rest. Speaking of this, I went into Rochester Cathedral the other day with Tracy, don't ask me why. We got to a stand where people light candles for the dead. Now this has never appealed to me, if I was dead I don't think someone lighting a 2p tea-light is going to evoke much thankfulness in me, most notably because I will be dead and no longer posses the LIFE needed to have senses or thought. But Tracy is a sucker for this sort of thing so I'm helping her light candles for everyone she knows who died. Including a girl she kind of knew, but not really who worked in Lakeside's Dolland and Atchinson. Anyway while I'm lighting one of these tea lights, I drop it on top of another one, which goes out. Now even though prior to this I had not belief in the dead looking down on us from heaven, suddenly Im freaking out because some old Lady has had her candle snuffed out. So I pick her one up to light it and drop that one! The melted wax snuffs out and knocks over another dozen candles, now 13 old people have got up from watching JAG in heaven and are pissed off. I then had to spend £4 on buying and relighting tea lights for dead people I didn’t even know.
I'm so thirsty; I'm going to get a drink. I'll probably spend a good time looking at my Easter egg and willing myself to wait until a dead prophet says its ok to eat chocolate now.