I told ya Id keep writing! Dont you HATE it when I keep my promises?
I've been to three concerts in as many weeks.
I have three setlists to prove it!
I LOVE music.
Im in dire love with live music.
I am APPALLED at people's behavior at concerts**
Too bad I missed seeing Weird Al this year. Dude... Weird Al=Love... even though he's a Mormon now..which, by the way.. is totally weird. I've seen him twice... its a totally killer show and he signed my boob once. Srsly.
Last year Rissa took me to Flogging Molly as my birthday present.
This year Elise took me to Joan Jett for my berpday.
What a lucky gal I be.
We have a resident at work who, whenever he wants to cheer someone up, comes on with a big smile and says, "ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and its ALWAYS awesome. I love it. Last week I joked with someone by pretending to be angry... this particular resident said, "Just you wait until she turns into a hammerhead shark! Now THAT'S scary!"... which was the funniest thing I had heard all day... but maybe its one of those, 'you had to be there' moments?
The other day Levy helped me take my car to the auto-parts-place to test whether it was my battery or alternator that was dying...
The auto-parts guy was walking/talking as we go out to inspect my car in the parkinglot.
Car Parts Guy: "Yeah, those sorts of cars can be really temperamental, but we'll fix her right up!"
Me: "O yeah, she's a girl, just because she's temperamental? Maybe she had a bad day!"
CPG: "......uh...... I didn't mean...."
Levy: "Hey! I can see that didn't stop you from calling it a girl, either!"
Me: "She IS a girl... you're point being? HE didn't necessarily know that. VERY rude, ya know."
CPG: "I was just saying.... uh...most.. uh.... things like.. uh... cars and boats and stuff... are.. um... girls. Just... cause... thats how people say it..."
Me: "Yeah yeah... a guy sees something he can control and manipulate... and calls it a girl, eh?"
CPG: "....uh......."
Levy: "Oh.... god....."
Finally I break it and bust out laughing.
Me (with a big shit-eating grin on my face): "Sorry guys, sorry... just kidding of course. Just ribbin' ya. So... which of you big strong men are going to fix my temperamental lady-car because Im a girl and obviously terrible at these things. Chop chop!"
Both the guys semi-laugh awkwardly and are happy to go about jumping my car so we can run the test... they are so happy that I've stopped talking.... I supervise.... while laughing so huge inside but near-silent outside, Im surprised it doesn't shake me off the curb Im standing on. I wish I could explain how funny this sort of interaction is to me! I LOVE that uncomfortableness when people get caught saying something they expect to be TOTALLY meaningless... but with a twist you turn it into a National Case and see if they can take the heat of a joke that flies close to the sun. I wish I had a female partner who would have played along with me. Rashonda or Rissa totally would have added some extra heat to the quip and maybe pressed someone's face to the iron...
... speaking of quips... if I had a time machine, I would take Rissa, Rashonda, Jacq and Morgan and we'd visit some infamous salon from history just to trade witticisms with the best! I want to see Jacq and Wilde duel till someone's tongue limped and a winner of the banter banner is called!
People keep asking me if Im losing weight... I keep saying, "Nope! This is just what happiness looks like!"
I'm a happy personality in general... but there was a long time that I was Not Happy and I didn't necessarily... ya know... know it. I had an inkling at the time. I felt a deep feeling of anxiety that never left... I felt unsettled... I felt unsteady in my mind...
At the time I rationalized it. I felt perhaps I was simply entering a change.. and change is different... and therefore I FELT different.. I tried to expect my unhappiness and recieve it as a calling card of happiness that I just didnt UNDERSTAND yet. Wow, self-delusion is a powerful and silky-comfortable noose.
Hindsight, being what it is.. can yell hot in my face what happened to me that made me feel so different from my true self,.. and with its spittle spell out all the whys and wherefores in case Im unconvinced.... because, of course I am my own worst enemy.. just like everyone else. I still feel guilt and gratitude over my friends who were gracious enough to warn me at the time what was happening as it happened... they knew, they saw... and they tried to correct my course... and I thanked them patiently and said things like, "I KNOW... but I need to FIND OUT for myself."
Years later Im still dealing with the emotional repercussions of finding out for myself. I never knew I was tender until I got shredded... of course, we could argue that it was the grinder that made me soft.. that IS what they do. But... with a current longview of my short life, I see I wasn't changed by the experience... but moreso 'revealed'. I was stretched out of shape and have since snapped back to my original shape only slightly worse for wear. I had the opportunity to become again what I always was... to realize what I denied myself when I was in that state of being and how my unhappiness followed easy and predictable like a shadow.. connected but ephemeral... real but untouchable....
Im cresting some cusp as my heart finds another place to rest outside of me. Last time, this didn't work out so well. See: Above emotional bullshitting/verbal diarrhea. I still have one last jagged pit inside me to cough up... whether its become a pearl in this time or simply grossly encrusted with some bilious film... I will come to learn shortly. Im hoping for something smooth; something pure and hardened... something at least salty or maybe even sweet on my tongue instead of bitter.
*this from someone who went to see the BEST LINEUP EVER (Decemberists/Violent Femmes/Cake!!) and spent a goodly amount of time throwing pennies/yelling at people because I was pissed for having to sit at an arena concert with bad seating arrangements