Tomorrow: To the Marrow
First, let's catch up.
Let's just read my journal right now...
just reading back,
Previous Page-ing it.
Did I cover that this week I broke my tooth out?
What about that breaking off a tooth
(let alone two)
is extremely scary/stressful/expensive/horrific?
Yes?
Check.
Did I cover that the last two weeks,
have been non-stop
back-to-back
to-back-to-back-to-back
recordings at work
which is like...
this tight window
where I spent 5 months planning
how that 2 weeks
of long long days
for 12 people
will go
and so it's very stressful
even if
it's also very fun
and exciting?
Yes, mostly?
Ok, cool.
What about that I had a week-long trip
flying out to see my brother
and spend practically 24/7 with him
even though:
- he JUST moved cross-country 2 days before I got there
- was also just starting his new Very Important job
- had literally **just** decided to divorce his wife
and
- we don't actually know each other all that well
spending all that time rolling craps, going to concerts/shows,
sportsing events, going to meetings,
and having emotionally intense conversations
about ALL THINGS IN LIFE
because he's going through
ALL THE CHANGES
and maybe
so am I?
Sure, okay.
So, I've been covering the basics
Cool.
What about how the week before THAT
where I went on a camping trip with a tight group of lady-friends
and camping is a hella-lotta work, yo
and I was trying to finish all my prep/planning work
for coordinating the multi-week back-to-back full-studio recording sessions
(the one I JUST finished a week ago)
and the concert
(the one that I'm running/producing tomorrow...
did I mention that??
Oh, I'm coordinating/producing a live community concert tomorrow!)
that was happening right after my two
back-to-back out-of-town trips...
and so I had fun
but... was kinda distracted?
Did I talk about that?
Yes! I did!!
How convenient.
What about how for the last handful of months before THAT
I was doing extra duty as a babysitter two days a week,
and also doing MULTIPLE public service events a week for work
since before April?
Ok, ok... phew!
So, I've... been busy.
Tomorrow's concert is the end of a month
that I scheduled
6 months ago
to be as tight, busy, efficient, effective,
and yes, FUN.... as possible
coordinating between like... 100 people,
NON-STOP.
Maybe more than 100 people.
150?
A lot of people.
A lot of scheduling.
A lot of details.
So.
Many.
Details.
And my face is missing
two important fronty-top-smile teeth,
now.
So,
call me "overwhelmed".
So,
I'm avoiding the last
of the last
of the last
chores
for tomorrow's ultimate work-focused-finale
of the Summer production season.
Duh.
I woke up at 3am and stayed awake till 4:30am
worrying.
I woke up again at 5am,
worrying.
The night before
I did the same thing.
But interspersed with night-crying
and nightmares about teeth.
I got SO MANY CALLS yesterday and today...
organizing tiny details
while other tiny details
that were confirmed the days/week/months before
fall through
and now I need to arrange them
AGAIN.
I just need a chance to stop and breathe.
I need to think aloud
to myself
(and you)
why I am feeling squeezed like I do,
and acknowledge all that's happening,
and clear my head -
so I can enjoy the last stressful push
that will finish off
the whole scheduled marathon
that has lasted for 6 weeks
and will continue to last
all night tonight,
and all day tomorrow,
until about
10:30pm.
And then?
I'll.
Be.
Done,
for now.
And THEN?
I can REALLY breathe.
In about 26 hours from now,
I will have shouldered the last
of all the details
I've arranged
for this complicated performance
of detail-oriented
tight-scheduling
of EVERYTHING I LOVE
even though
I hate scheduling,
let alone
tight-scheduling.
I have only done it
because it is FOR
so many things I absolutely love.
Once more unto the breach!
Isn't that how it goes?
Huh, sure... let's just pretend this applies.
Imitating a tiger might help me today...
even a calm tiger's
got PRESENCE...
... whether or not they got teeth.
Let's just read my journal right now...
just reading back,
Previous Page-ing it.
Did I cover that this week I broke my tooth out?
What about that breaking off a tooth
(let alone two)
is extremely scary/stressful/expensive/horrific?
Yes?
Check.
Did I cover that the last two weeks,
have been non-stop
back-to-back
to-back-to-back-to-back
recordings at work
which is like...
this tight window
where I spent 5 months planning
how that 2 weeks
of long long days
for 12 people
will go
and so it's very stressful
even if
it's also very fun
and exciting?
Yes, mostly?
Ok, cool.
What about that I had a week-long trip
flying out to see my brother
and spend practically 24/7 with him
even though:
- he JUST moved cross-country 2 days before I got there
- was also just starting his new Very Important job
- had literally **just** decided to divorce his wife
and
- we don't actually know each other all that well
spending all that time rolling craps, going to concerts/shows,
sportsing events, going to meetings,
and having emotionally intense conversations
about ALL THINGS IN LIFE
because he's going through
ALL THE CHANGES
and maybe
so am I?
Sure, okay.
So, I've been covering the basics
Cool.
What about how the week before THAT
where I went on a camping trip with a tight group of lady-friends
and camping is a hella-lotta work, yo
and I was trying to finish all my prep/planning work
for coordinating the multi-week back-to-back full-studio recording sessions
(the one I JUST finished a week ago)
and the concert
(the one that I'm running/producing tomorrow...
did I mention that??
Oh, I'm coordinating/producing a live community concert tomorrow!)
that was happening right after my two
back-to-back out-of-town trips...
and so I had fun
but... was kinda distracted?
Did I talk about that?
Yes! I did!!
How convenient.
What about how for the last handful of months before THAT
I was doing extra duty as a babysitter two days a week,
and also doing MULTIPLE public service events a week for work
since before April?
Ok, ok... phew!
So, I've... been busy.
Tomorrow's concert is the end of a month
that I scheduled
6 months ago
to be as tight, busy, efficient, effective,
and yes, FUN.... as possible
coordinating between like... 100 people,
NON-STOP.
Maybe more than 100 people.
150?
A lot of people.
A lot of scheduling.
A lot of details.
So.
Many.
Details.
And my face is missing
two important fronty-top-smile teeth,
now.
So,
call me "overwhelmed".
So,
I'm avoiding the last
of the last
of the last
chores
for tomorrow's ultimate work-focused-finale
of the Summer production season.
Duh.
I woke up at 3am and stayed awake till 4:30am
worrying.
I woke up again at 5am,
worrying.
The night before
I did the same thing.
But interspersed with night-crying
and nightmares about teeth.
I got SO MANY CALLS yesterday and today...
organizing tiny details
while other tiny details
that were confirmed the days/week/months before
fall through
and now I need to arrange them
AGAIN.
I just need a chance to stop and breathe.
I need to think aloud
to myself
(and you)
why I am feeling squeezed like I do,
and acknowledge all that's happening,
and clear my head -
so I can enjoy the last stressful push
that will finish off
the whole scheduled marathon
that has lasted for 6 weeks
and will continue to last
all night tonight,
and all day tomorrow,
until about
10:30pm.
And then?
I'll.
Be.
Done,
for now.
And THEN?
I can REALLY breathe.
In about 26 hours from now,
I will have shouldered the last
of all the details
I've arranged
for this complicated performance
of detail-oriented
tight-scheduling
of EVERYTHING I LOVE
even though
I hate scheduling,
let alone
tight-scheduling.
I have only done it
because it is FOR
so many things I absolutely love.
Once more unto the breach!
Isn't that how it goes?
Huh, sure... let's just pretend this applies.
Imitating a tiger might help me today...
even a calm tiger's
got PRESENCE...
... whether or not they got teeth.