Cast in the Past
I have 10 new pairs of glasses.
"The better to see you with, my dear!"
Last night a drunk man paid for my takeout order.
He was soused, and we chatted in a friendly manner
but he had trouble following.... words...
while I waited for the barkeep to take my order.
This is the restaurant/bar below my radio station,
and I was rushing off to my show.
I came back for the order as soon as my show was running.
When I tried to pay,
the bartender said,
"The old drunk guy paid for it."
"O, wow! That's a kind surprise!"
The bartend says
"If you owe anyone, it's me.
That guy's been talking my ear off for three hours!
Whatever YOU said made an impression, though!"
I had just said the sort of things
I will say to anyone.
So, [Lame joke]?
[Awkward pause]
Really? Wow.
Guess you [silly joke]!
Well, I gotta go!
That is one of the more pleasant Old Drunk Dude interludes,
where the talking lasts 30 seconds,
and yet he buys my food while I'm away.
Thank you, Drunk Man.
That was kind.
Today, going to pick up my glasses:
I was greeted by yet ANOTHER person from the deep-dark past
where the last time we talked
it was a VERY STRANGE NIGHT
where I learned up close what mental abuse looks like.
TW: Boyfriend Assholery that Hints at Serious Abuse
The last time we talked we were estranged friends,
and I was 20 it was New Years Eve.
She was DEEPLY intoxicated
at a house apartment party,
desperately waiting for her boyfriend to return
from a beer-run and she rambled
that she was afraid he had been cheating on her.
I went out into the hall...
(my apartment was a floor down)
to get something from my apartment
and saw her boyfriend making out with Some Chick.
I walked around them on the stairs and mentioned to him
his girlfriend was looking for him,
and went back to the party.
I let my friend know I'd seen him in the hall
but didn't mention the CIRCUMSTANCE.
She raced out the door... and came back a minute later.
She was hysterical.
"I SAW THEM KISSING! I SAW IT!!!"
and she proceeded to pound more Carlo DiRossi.
(Being 20 is weird.)
I tried to console her and ask questions.
She revealed deeply personal things.
I already knew (from long before)
that her boyfriend was a swine,
in fact it was one of the reasons
we were estranged.
I pretended I was surprised.
He pulled her from the party to "talk".
(I had not been drinking because...
all there was to drink were gallons of Carlo DiRossi...
and I lived down the hall
and had the sneaking suspicion this party SUCKED
and was not going to get any better
and in fact, might get worse.)
She returned 20 minutes later.
She was crying... but it was the OTHER kind of crying.
"I can't believe I convinced myself I saw him kissing her!
I'm such an idiot!
They were HUGGING! He was comforting her!
Something... bad happened, I guess?
Anyways, it doesn't matter! I'm so happy!
Everything is FINE!"
I gave her a hug and told her what *I* had seen.
She pulled him back into the hall.
There was screaming.
They came back in and she proceeded to drink more
and avoid me.
He proceeded to drink more and give me the evil eye.
Friend passed out VERY soon after
and I had to make a rule that no one touched her,
because... they thought it was funny
to mess with her.
I hung out and sat next to her unconscious body
with a glass of tepid water for her
while boyfriend disappeared with the same Some Chick.
Eventually she came around.
The party had officially died.
Something inside of ME had died in the meantime.
I left and went home to my apartment downstairs.
2 weeks later I get a call from her.
She called specifically to tell me that she likes me,
she loves me, she misses me...
but we can't hang out anymore.. and hangs up.
I call her back.
She is confused.
I ask what is wrong.
She says her boyfriend says we can't be friends
because I lie about him and because I hate him.
He told her that he had 'heard' that I was threatening to kick his ass.
Or, perhaps that I was hiring people to kick his ass.
And he wanted to let ME know
that if I keep interfering...
and if I keep threatening him,
he will kick MY ass.
She is crying as she says it.
I just say, 'Ok'...
and suddenly its The Boyfriend.
He wrested the phone from her and
He starts screaming at me
to leave him alone.
He shares his paranoid ideas that I have people following him.
That I'm trying to break them up.
That I sent people after him to hurt him.
Wants me to know I'm a fat ugly bitch
and hangs up on me.
I waited a month before trying to call,
figuring it would all die down
since he was obviously crazy.
The phone number she'd had for 5 years didn't work anymore.
All I know is they got married the next year.
I haven't seen her since.
She was the secretary tonight at my eyeglass place.
The other thing that happened at the eyeglass place,
was TWICE screamed at from passing cars in the parkinglot.
BOTH times it was women.
Both times they were giving me compliments.
"I LIKE YOUR STYYYYYYYLE!!!!!!!!"
from the passenger side of a black SUV
on my way to a Discount Bargain Hut in the same stripmall.
"YOUR WHOLE OUTFIT IS SO COOOOOOL!!"
from the driver of a silver Honda
as I'm walkin' back to my car.
"THAAAAAAAANKS!!"
I cry out as they pass.
I blame my new eyeglasses.
They're just that cool.
"The better to see you with, my dear!"
Last night a drunk man paid for my takeout order.
He was soused, and we chatted in a friendly manner
but he had trouble following.... words...
while I waited for the barkeep to take my order.
This is the restaurant/bar below my radio station,
and I was rushing off to my show.
I came back for the order as soon as my show was running.
When I tried to pay,
the bartender said,
"The old drunk guy paid for it."
"O, wow! That's a kind surprise!"
The bartend says
"If you owe anyone, it's me.
That guy's been talking my ear off for three hours!
Whatever YOU said made an impression, though!"
I had just said the sort of things
I will say to anyone.
So, [Lame joke]?
[Awkward pause]
Really? Wow.
Guess you [silly joke]!
Well, I gotta go!
That is one of the more pleasant Old Drunk Dude interludes,
where the talking lasts 30 seconds,
and yet he buys my food while I'm away.
Thank you, Drunk Man.
That was kind.
Today, going to pick up my glasses:
I was greeted by yet ANOTHER person from the deep-dark past
where the last time we talked
it was a VERY STRANGE NIGHT
where I learned up close what mental abuse looks like.
TW: Boyfriend Assholery that Hints at Serious Abuse
The last time we talked we were estranged friends,
and I was 20 it was New Years Eve.
She was DEEPLY intoxicated
at a house apartment party,
desperately waiting for her boyfriend to return
from a beer-run and she rambled
that she was afraid he had been cheating on her.
I went out into the hall...
(my apartment was a floor down)
to get something from my apartment
and saw her boyfriend making out with Some Chick.
I walked around them on the stairs and mentioned to him
his girlfriend was looking for him,
and went back to the party.
I let my friend know I'd seen him in the hall
but didn't mention the CIRCUMSTANCE.
She raced out the door... and came back a minute later.
She was hysterical.
"I SAW THEM KISSING! I SAW IT!!!"
and she proceeded to pound more Carlo DiRossi.
(Being 20 is weird.)
I tried to console her and ask questions.
She revealed deeply personal things.
I already knew (from long before)
that her boyfriend was a swine,
in fact it was one of the reasons
we were estranged.
I pretended I was surprised.
He pulled her from the party to "talk".
(I had not been drinking because...
all there was to drink were gallons of Carlo DiRossi...
and I lived down the hall
and had the sneaking suspicion this party SUCKED
and was not going to get any better
and in fact, might get worse.)
She returned 20 minutes later.
She was crying... but it was the OTHER kind of crying.
"I can't believe I convinced myself I saw him kissing her!
I'm such an idiot!
They were HUGGING! He was comforting her!
Something... bad happened, I guess?
Anyways, it doesn't matter! I'm so happy!
Everything is FINE!"
I gave her a hug and told her what *I* had seen.
She pulled him back into the hall.
There was screaming.
They came back in and she proceeded to drink more
and avoid me.
He proceeded to drink more and give me the evil eye.
Friend passed out VERY soon after
and I had to make a rule that no one touched her,
because... they thought it was funny
to mess with her.
I hung out and sat next to her unconscious body
with a glass of tepid water for her
while boyfriend disappeared with the same Some Chick.
Eventually she came around.
The party had officially died.
Something inside of ME had died in the meantime.
I left and went home to my apartment downstairs.
2 weeks later I get a call from her.
She called specifically to tell me that she likes me,
she loves me, she misses me...
but we can't hang out anymore.. and hangs up.
I call her back.
She is confused.
I ask what is wrong.
She says her boyfriend says we can't be friends
because I lie about him and because I hate him.
He told her that he had 'heard' that I was threatening to kick his ass.
Or, perhaps that I was hiring people to kick his ass.
And he wanted to let ME know
that if I keep interfering...
and if I keep threatening him,
he will kick MY ass.
She is crying as she says it.
I just say, 'Ok'...
and suddenly its The Boyfriend.
He wrested the phone from her and
He starts screaming at me
to leave him alone.
He shares his paranoid ideas that I have people following him.
That I'm trying to break them up.
That I sent people after him to hurt him.
Wants me to know I'm a fat ugly bitch
and hangs up on me.
I waited a month before trying to call,
figuring it would all die down
since he was obviously crazy.
The phone number she'd had for 5 years didn't work anymore.
All I know is they got married the next year.
I haven't seen her since.
She was the secretary tonight at my eyeglass place.
The other thing that happened at the eyeglass place,
was TWICE screamed at from passing cars in the parkinglot.
BOTH times it was women.
Both times they were giving me compliments.
"I LIKE YOUR STYYYYYYYLE!!!!!!!!"
from the passenger side of a black SUV
on my way to a Discount Bargain Hut in the same stripmall.
"YOUR WHOLE OUTFIT IS SO COOOOOOL!!"
from the driver of a silver Honda
as I'm walkin' back to my car.
"THAAAAAAAANKS!!"
I cry out as they pass.
I blame my new eyeglasses.
They're just that cool.