Translation of The Gift 2004 Tourbook Long Interview Part 1
Finally done! Here's the translation of Part 1 of the Sixth Day/Seventh Night tourbook long interview. This is some wonderful and touching stuff. I've been feeling sad that the gift theme is coming to a close with the new singles imminent, but it feels like a little bit of closure has happened now that I've read and translated this. If you've ever wondered what the gift concept was all about, here it is all laid out. If you've ever wondered what the opening and ending videos in the SD/SN concert were all about, here it is. If you wanted to know what was running through Gackt's mind when he was singing that final performance of "Saikai~Story", here it is. And if you ever wanted to know what Gackt thinks it means to live, it's here too. Please enjoy it as much as I enjoyed translating it! And I highly recommend going and watching the whole SD/SN concert after reading this; it truly was a gift.
Introduction:As is customary with past document books, the interview that took place several days after the tour final came to a close will be reported this time as well. The contents have been divided into two parts, the first half and the last half; to begin with, the memory of the final day will be the axis of this first half. I want (you) to take notice of the remarks regarding the deep feelings Gackt has put into the "gift". No matter how many times (you) reread it, the idea that reaches the heart should be told (to you).
The second part will derive from the recently popular word Japonesque, and the future vision that has been discussed very little will be revealed. Because it's Gackt, the contents of both parts are thoughtful and overwhelming.
Q: Looking back at the tour, tell us the first thing you remember about it.
A: There are all sorts of things I remember... During two days at Yokohama Arena...in the middle of performing, for the first time I had the feeling of "I'm going to die..." It was the same for the opening night, but during those two nights (at Yokohama Arena), there were several moments where I felt "this is dangerous; if I keep going like this I might die."
Q: Has that ever happened in the past on a stage before Yokohama Arena?
A: Just at Yokohama Arena. It's like my body was putting out a danger signal, and I really felt that it was dangerous. But I couldn't stop. I really felt like that...I wonder where it came from? I honestly can't remember which song it was but the memory of thinking "it's dangerous" several times during the live remains in me. When a live ends, I wake up, right? Because it's like a memory loss (for me). [1] At that point, I really felt "Aa, I'm glad I'm still alive." For both days.
Q: At the end of the live on the fourth day, after a long while the door to the dressing room opened and the first thing you said was "Somehow...I was able to return."
A: Because I really thought I would die. During the last song of the final public performance, "Saikai~Story~", the audience was (waving) the サイリウム (penlights) in unison, right? [2] During the performance, I absolutely did not know those were サイリウム (penlights); my memory is of an image of a big swarm of blue or purple butterflies that came to pick me up.
Q: Is that right? That they came to pick you up?
A: Yeah. I really thought I was going to die. But I was thinking how pretty it was while I was looking at it... In my head I was wondering if I was already dead (deceased/one of the dead).
Q: Then, the line in "Saikai~Story~" that was changed, was that involuntary/unconscious?
A: That too, after the live was over and I was watching the video, I realized "Aa, I changed the line." To be honest, I don't remember. After it was over and I regained my consciousness, one of the staff asked me "Did you like your birthday present?" At that time he was (shaking) a stick. "I wonder what he's doing?" It was completely not occuring to me. Then I asked "What is this about?" and listened to the explanation. At that time I hadn't remembered what happened during "Saikai~Story". I heard for the first time, "Those weren't butterflies, they were サイリウム(penlights)"; finally the explanation made sense; after I looked at the video image I thought, "Aa, so that's how it was!" (laughs). It's pretty dangerous isn't it.
Q: That's...not a dangerous thing.
A: I wonder if the inter-cranial drugs were notified to be at their peak. (laughs) Anyway, in the middle of the live, I was prepared to die... When I think back on it now, at that time I was left with a really strong feeling that I had "already died", and when I woke up, the frightening feeling of "I'm still alive" is what I remember the most. But I also had the thought of "Is it okay to die on stage like this?" I remember things here and there, but before "Saikai~Story~" everyone sang that song "Happy Birthday" for me, right? I heard that. At first I thought it was (??) and the feeling of "I have to go!" became really strong and even before the song started, I began climbing up the stairs. [3] I heard later that the staff frantically had to stop me. (forced smile). When the bell rang and the intro started, as I stood on the stage, to my eyes it looked like a large number of butterflies were flying in a canal/waterway. Because I was also feeling death, it was a very mysterious feeling. I was thinking, is this how it feels to die. But... as it was limited to Yokohama Arena, I always had the feeling of "I'm glad to be alive" when I woke up. It's just on stage I thought "I wonder if I will die" because the things flying towards my eyes were very special/unique. I don't know if it was that my passion/sentiment switch went in that direction. But... I kept thinking how really beautiful it was while I was singing. I am editing the video for the Yokohama Arena live now (for the DVD) and if it was that beautiful, then I couldn't help but think it was a canal/waterway of butterflies. It was so beautiful. When the staff asked me "Do you remember crying?", I said "I don't think I was crying", but when I watched the video, the tears flowed down while I was singing. I really wonder why in the world I was crying...it's a really mysterious feeling. Anyway, the biggest thing that occured in myself during this tour was resolving to die up on the stage. [4]
Q: It was close to a near death experience wasn't it?
A: I wonder. It might be too big to go that far but... It's just that, it's a taste of something I've never felt before, so I think it's very mysterious.
Q: Do you think you naturally changed that line in "Saikai~Story~" because you were driven by that mysterious feeling?
A: What was it I said?
Q: "I will never forget you all"
A: That's what I said...
Q: After the live, was it that you weren't able to stand up for several days?...
A: No, no, because at the end of the live there was a coercive/forcible (gouin) birthday party. No, no, I had completely changed. (forced smile). There, too, my memory has flown away; when I came to, I was at home. Drinking too much alcohol and losing one's memory is reckless. In my life it's happened three times, and out of those times, two times were after my own birthday parties. (laughs).
Q: Last year and this year's birthday parties. (laughs)
A: That's right, I want to be forgiven/pardoned. (forced smile). The drinking after the concert was really where I thought I'd die. (laughs). It's dangerous you know.
Q: So then, the feeling you had from the members and dancers.
A: Throughout this tour, the dancers had their own responsibilities and the members were handling many many problems, but I had the feeling that everyone was taking steps forward on their own. If new dancers came in, then the dancers that were performing up to now would teach them. The reason why Gackt Job exists is to teach the new members what I have said up to now; it was really fun. When Ju-ken became a member, there was a time when I thought "Will it be okay?", but even within the really tight schedule, he became a playful mood maker, and for that I'm thankful; and he's a really good bassist, really. He's a mood maker in the dressing room and on stage too, that kind of bassist is rare, I think. It was really fun being able to tour with him. Moreover, he's a joyful/fun guy. He sent out a lot of feeling, I think.
Q: When I saw the opening and ending videos, I realized "surely this tour is not only about the gift". I had the feeling that on that stage, Gackt was putting on the line all of his thoughts and feelings, put together; what do you think of that heartfelt image?
A: At the beginning of this year, my friend from Taiwan passed away; and three days before the fanclub trip to Las Vegas, the driver Junior passed away... [5] People close to me suddenly dying made me think about a lot of things. The things that we ourselves made progress towards, the things that we've created, what does it mean for the fans that are supporting me? How can I say it; 100 years from now we will be gone, and everyone we know will be gone, right? Still, I don't believe that our existence doesn't have any meaning. Certainly the physical body disappears, but the things that we have created, the ideas we've struggled to discover, those are the things to send to the people of the younger generation; and then by pressing on someone's back a little bit, like a baton touch, I think that our ideas/feelings can live on in those people. For me, that's what I think it means to live. In that opening video, the set up is that we are no longer existing; You alone says "Do you remember?", but that was not directed towards us in the graves. It's a question that's put on ourselves. "We remember, we remember." At the same time, I think it's also "I'm sending it to the next generation." I think that's what it means to live and that's the proof that we lived. I wonder it it's the same for all the fans. One day we will be gone, but with what we leave behind no matter how little, for the people who had their backs pressed, that's a chance to find something and to press on someone else's back; that's the hope that I feel really strongly inside. Including that, this time it was a gift. What we can leave behind is proof of our existence, and if by sending that I can press on their backs, then those people can bravely take one step forward on their own. If I can get up to there (that level), then I should be able to send the same thing to someone else.
Q: I see. I've begun to see the importance of the meaning in the gift.
A: How would you say it... It's not simply giving someone something, it's a feeling of being able to reach the heart of a companion. When that reaches a companion and takes shape, that's when the meaning first appears. In the opening video, the kids were running around, but to me, it's like the meaning is "potential", like pointing at an example of a strong future. In the ending video, I come to pick up You, and the other members also come to pick him up, but what I wanted to get across was that even when the body is gone, if we were able to tell our ideas/feelings to someone else, we will always live on inside those people. I think that's the number one thing that I wanted the videos to convey.
Q: In that video, your grave showed that your life would last until 2007. It was fiction, but even I was startled, and there seemed to be a lot of readers that were shocked. It is a well known fact that your body is unwell, and their voices were saying, who knows, maybe he (Gackt) is really feeling that will happen.
A: Aa, I see... To some extent I can say right here "Yes, that's incorrect", but my body is not healthy. (forced smile) Inside myself, I think I could probably continue with my ideas until then. Beyond that, I have a vision, but I don't know if my body can follow...that determination/resolve is what's strongest in me. Whether I can realize my vision depends on whether my body can follow, right? Anyway, I have the feeling that I can run up to then (2007), but beyond that I don't know. Of course, if at that time I can still run, then I will continue running. I have no thoughts of leaving music, but if I can no longer reach out in the shape that I alone want, then I think I will step down from the stage.
Notes:
[1] ライブ 終わって目が覚めるじゃない? 記憶失ってるからさ.
[2] I've never heard the term サイリウム (sairiumu), but from context, it's obvious that he's talking about the blue penlights.
[3] I couldn't find the ?? kanji anywhere, so I couldn't translate it. From context, I guess he thought he was being called out by the audience. I'm not sure.
[4] I highly highly recommend going and watching the performance of Saikai~Story on the SD/SN dvd after reading this. You can see the blue lights waving in unison, you can see the tears rolling down Gackt's face, and you can finally understand just a little bit of what was going through his mind at that moment.
[5] The word "driver" is usually written ドライバー, but here it's written ドライヴァー, so I am assuming it's still "driver". As for the "Junior", he says "ドライヴァー の ジュニア", which I translated as "The driver Junior." I hope that's right.
For those who missed it, or want to read it, here's Part 2 of the long interview:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/gekka_no_neko/1838.html