Not so grateful today, although I should be.
I was in a somewhat better mood today, but then things always take a turn for the worse. I know everyone is getting hit with overtime. I know I'm sounds like I'm whining. It's not whining as much as it is sliding down a slope. And I realize it's probably affecting everyone else the same way, especially the supervisors who have more of a burden.
I'm actually getting a little more depressed every day. I have a feeling of utter emptiness going to work now. I don't feel like I have the sounding board I need to vent my utter level of "up-to-here" I'm feeling.
I have the sense I'm probably not alone in this mental state, but it's rare for me to feel hopeless about any situation. I feel hopeless about this one. We are the department joke. That makes me hopeless. "Just heap more on them, they can handle it. We know they're burning out, but oh well, nothing we can do about it. Deal, suck it up, be tough, stop complaining, stop whining, stop asking for simple things that aren't too much to ask because you won't get them." That sums up a bit of what goes on in my head now. It's the constant loop. I feel like precious few people are in our corner, and if they're smart, they won't state that in public or they're professional careers are on the line. It does not pay to be a good employee anymore.
This sense of blackness affects everything I'm doing right now. I have got to find a way to stem this or it's going to have some really serious repercussions. I put on the happy girl face, laugh and joke, but that face is starting to erode into the reality that I am filled with anger. I mean I have been truly angry lately, and I don't know what to do.
I need to remember gratefulnes...but it's constant work, and it gets really hard sometimes.
I'm actually getting a little more depressed every day. I have a feeling of utter emptiness going to work now. I don't feel like I have the sounding board I need to vent my utter level of "up-to-here" I'm feeling.
I have the sense I'm probably not alone in this mental state, but it's rare for me to feel hopeless about any situation. I feel hopeless about this one. We are the department joke. That makes me hopeless. "Just heap more on them, they can handle it. We know they're burning out, but oh well, nothing we can do about it. Deal, suck it up, be tough, stop complaining, stop whining, stop asking for simple things that aren't too much to ask because you won't get them." That sums up a bit of what goes on in my head now. It's the constant loop. I feel like precious few people are in our corner, and if they're smart, they won't state that in public or they're professional careers are on the line. It does not pay to be a good employee anymore.
This sense of blackness affects everything I'm doing right now. I have got to find a way to stem this or it's going to have some really serious repercussions. I put on the happy girl face, laugh and joke, but that face is starting to erode into the reality that I am filled with anger. I mean I have been truly angry lately, and I don't know what to do.
I need to remember gratefulnes...but it's constant work, and it gets really hard sometimes.