(no subject)
The inevitable valentines day blog.
I've decided to view Valentines Day this year in a new manner. For the last four years I've viewed it as a terribly depressing day in which im reminded that im single and lonely. But this year im gonna switch things up!
I've come to see the day as a closing of seasons. Its the end of the most depressing three months of the entire year and the last of the most depressing holidays ever concieved. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day. All traditional holidays that revolve around spending time with someone you love and purchasing needless gifts in the hopes of expressing your love or getting a hummer.
A time of year when sales of tacky gifts, almost dead flowers, and stuffed animals all rise to much higher levels. Rising right along with them are the suicide rates, liquor sales, and homicides.
Valentines is the last real depressing holiday until the next season begins in November. Seriously. Think about it, over the next few months theres really nothing romantic. Presidents day? Easter? 4th of July? No. Not really romantic, or maybe im just dead inside. At any rate, you never see advertisements for romantic 4th of july gifts.
"Want to have a real bang this Independence day? Give her the perfect gift: a 3 carot diamomd tennis bracelet! She'll love the way it sparkles in the moonlight as she gives you a handjob. The perfect gift for the perfect girl, and the perfect way to say 'lover, I want to come in your mouth after the firworks are over and we leave this bbq' "
The point is that for a few months we'll be free of the constant media reminders that we're alone. Look forward to it. Enjoy the spring. And really, being single isn't so bad. It all comes down to forgetting the lonely nights and cold beds and looking at the positives of single life.
Like for example you can do what you want, when you want, where you want. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. And you don't have to share things. And the bathroom only smells like your own poop. And our own poop doesn't stink. Right? RIGHT! Aaand um...theres more. Like If you pee the bed you can roll over to a dry spot and keep sleeping. Yeah. Theres lots of awesome things about being single.
So the next time one of your friends complain about their husbands, wives, fiances, fuckbuddies, boyfriends or girlfriends just do what I do: offer kind words, be their friend that listens and consoles, and think to yourself "I'm glad I don't have those problems with my girlfriends."
(oh, did I mention im dating two girls right now? I call them my left hand and and my right hand. I like them both, but I think me and ms. right have a chance for something long-term. Her name IS ms. right afterall. That's always a good sign.)
So yeah. Happy V-Day.
I've decided to view Valentines Day this year in a new manner. For the last four years I've viewed it as a terribly depressing day in which im reminded that im single and lonely. But this year im gonna switch things up!
I've come to see the day as a closing of seasons. Its the end of the most depressing three months of the entire year and the last of the most depressing holidays ever concieved. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day. All traditional holidays that revolve around spending time with someone you love and purchasing needless gifts in the hopes of expressing your love or getting a hummer.
A time of year when sales of tacky gifts, almost dead flowers, and stuffed animals all rise to much higher levels. Rising right along with them are the suicide rates, liquor sales, and homicides.
Valentines is the last real depressing holiday until the next season begins in November. Seriously. Think about it, over the next few months theres really nothing romantic. Presidents day? Easter? 4th of July? No. Not really romantic, or maybe im just dead inside. At any rate, you never see advertisements for romantic 4th of july gifts.
"Want to have a real bang this Independence day? Give her the perfect gift: a 3 carot diamomd tennis bracelet! She'll love the way it sparkles in the moonlight as she gives you a handjob. The perfect gift for the perfect girl, and the perfect way to say 'lover, I want to come in your mouth after the firworks are over and we leave this bbq' "
The point is that for a few months we'll be free of the constant media reminders that we're alone. Look forward to it. Enjoy the spring. And really, being single isn't so bad. It all comes down to forgetting the lonely nights and cold beds and looking at the positives of single life.
Like for example you can do what you want, when you want, where you want. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. And you don't have to share things. And the bathroom only smells like your own poop. And our own poop doesn't stink. Right? RIGHT! Aaand um...theres more. Like If you pee the bed you can roll over to a dry spot and keep sleeping. Yeah. Theres lots of awesome things about being single.
So the next time one of your friends complain about their husbands, wives, fiances, fuckbuddies, boyfriends or girlfriends just do what I do: offer kind words, be their friend that listens and consoles, and think to yourself "I'm glad I don't have those problems with my girlfriends."
(oh, did I mention im dating two girls right now? I call them my left hand and and my right hand. I like them both, but I think me and ms. right have a chance for something long-term. Her name IS ms. right afterall. That's always a good sign.)
So yeah. Happy V-Day.