"I dont want to hear any Brown Bunny-ing out there!"- E
I went to Brooklyn a couple weekends ago, well to be more specific I drove there. Which I thought was going to be a big intenso test of my manhood (which comes in purple or white by the way, ladies) but wasn't all that clenching until I got near Brooklyn. Of course none of my friends who live in Brooklyn have any idea how to get there because they are always magically teleported there by a happy lavender unicorn or if thats broken, Greyhound. I mean I could've gotten to Brooklyn literally, but I didn't want to end up in the area that Lil' Kim raps/fake reggae rants where she says dont come here because we will rob your weak ass, which I think is fair and its nice of her to warn me. When I got into Brooklyn that song was playing on the radio actually. Her fake reggae accent is seriously troubling. That would be like me making a song about Watertown in an Australian accent.
Anyway, so I had to get directions from the internet, which is a great way to get on the net kids! (That was a Hilary Clinton quote.) When I do this I compare Mapquest and Yahoo and try figure out which itinerary was made by an 87 year old man who is going on memory alone and is maybe confusing New York with World War II Germany.
So I went with Yahoo, who once made me an hour late for a Tori Amos concert but did successfully get me to an Indigo Girls concert, which sucked because I dont even like them or big ass-kicking lesbians in flannels.
To summarize, I had to scrap the directions once I went over three bridges because they were clearly retarded. Then when I got into Erinn's area of Brooklyn it told me to turn on a street that didnt exist, it was called something like Reverand Dr.Richard C. Taylor St. and every one laughed whenever I said it.
I didnt even use them on the way back.
I drove around literally circling Erinn's apartment for bordering on an hour and at one point I was talking to her on the phone when the cop in front of me put his lights on and swung around behind me. So Im thinking Im getting a ticket for talking on the phone, I pull over and he pulls over behind me. I sit there for about 5 minutes when the passenger cop gets out and goes into the bagel shop next to us. At that point Im like what the fuck? but I didnt want to pull away and end up in a high speed pursuit that will lead somewhere where Lil'Kim will rob me. So I sat there for another 5 minutes and left. Cops like bagels now so shut up with the donut jokes.
I did end up with a most miraculous parking spot right in front of Erinn's apartment.
It was Carol's first time in NYC and we had ambitions to do touristy type things but ended up just getting drunk in Brooklyn.
We rented a movie that Erinn had been wanting to see called "The Brown Nunny", ha I left that typo because it made me laugh, but its actually called "The Brown Bunny". To be fair, Erinn did warn me that it contains some infamous blow-job scene between Vincent Gallo and Chloe Sevigny but seriously this movie was predatorily awful. I mean 3/4 of it is Vicent Gallo's weird molester looking persona driving around randomly approaching lonely women strangers and then abruptly leaving their presence like in the middle of a sentence. And then seriously just him driving for like 10 minute intervals. Everyone fell asleep except me and Erinn. So its boring like this for like an hour and half until suddenly there's this crack-smoking graphic porno close up blow up job scene, some frat guy raping dead girl incidents and then its over.
God it was awful. I guess I can understand the whole shock value and the intentions Vincent Gallo may have had with it, but seriously, who wakes up wanting to make that movie and deem it " A realization into the true nature of male sexuality". Maybe he's trying to increase the lesbian population because I felt really damn gay after watching that.
He couldve just called it "Chloe Sevigny gives me blow-jobs and I'll prove it!"
Anyway, so I had to get directions from the internet, which is a great way to get on the net kids! (That was a Hilary Clinton quote.) When I do this I compare Mapquest and Yahoo and try figure out which itinerary was made by an 87 year old man who is going on memory alone and is maybe confusing New York with World War II Germany.
So I went with Yahoo, who once made me an hour late for a Tori Amos concert but did successfully get me to an Indigo Girls concert, which sucked because I dont even like them or big ass-kicking lesbians in flannels.
To summarize, I had to scrap the directions once I went over three bridges because they were clearly retarded. Then when I got into Erinn's area of Brooklyn it told me to turn on a street that didnt exist, it was called something like Reverand Dr.Richard C. Taylor St. and every one laughed whenever I said it.
I didnt even use them on the way back.
I drove around literally circling Erinn's apartment for bordering on an hour and at one point I was talking to her on the phone when the cop in front of me put his lights on and swung around behind me. So Im thinking Im getting a ticket for talking on the phone, I pull over and he pulls over behind me. I sit there for about 5 minutes when the passenger cop gets out and goes into the bagel shop next to us. At that point Im like what the fuck? but I didnt want to pull away and end up in a high speed pursuit that will lead somewhere where Lil'Kim will rob me. So I sat there for another 5 minutes and left. Cops like bagels now so shut up with the donut jokes.
I did end up with a most miraculous parking spot right in front of Erinn's apartment.
It was Carol's first time in NYC and we had ambitions to do touristy type things but ended up just getting drunk in Brooklyn.
We rented a movie that Erinn had been wanting to see called "The Brown Nunny", ha I left that typo because it made me laugh, but its actually called "The Brown Bunny". To be fair, Erinn did warn me that it contains some infamous blow-job scene between Vincent Gallo and Chloe Sevigny but seriously this movie was predatorily awful. I mean 3/4 of it is Vicent Gallo's weird molester looking persona driving around randomly approaching lonely women strangers and then abruptly leaving their presence like in the middle of a sentence. And then seriously just him driving for like 10 minute intervals. Everyone fell asleep except me and Erinn. So its boring like this for like an hour and half until suddenly there's this crack-smoking graphic porno close up blow up job scene, some frat guy raping dead girl incidents and then its over.
God it was awful. I guess I can understand the whole shock value and the intentions Vincent Gallo may have had with it, but seriously, who wakes up wanting to make that movie and deem it " A realization into the true nature of male sexuality". Maybe he's trying to increase the lesbian population because I felt really damn gay after watching that.
He couldve just called it "Chloe Sevigny gives me blow-jobs and I'll prove it!"