november 2007
i miss feeling connected to people. i came home tonight early and my friend catey called and said 'do you want to come over to derek's house with me' and i said 'no i'm in my pajama's and i feel boring right now' and hung up said 'bye i love you' and hung up the phone. a year and a few days ago i met someone who i still think about more than i should. a few weeks ago was a bad week and i said 'god you are messing with me!' and i feel like sometimes i talk too much but don't say enough. and i'm tired of cliches but even more tired of hating cliches. like, what's wrong with falling in love? or the more i read and the more i learn the smaller i feel. today i talked to someone who once he gets on a certain something he will talk for forever, and today it was about the fourty day fast of Christ and about Victorian Literature. i nodded and stared at him and listened to everything he had to say and then was quiet. today i read about the printing press and realized what it is about humans that make us such a beautiful species. or how andy warhol said that people are the best at making themselves live in more space than they actually take up, they can live in tv and newspapers but he didn't mention memories, and i think a lot of humans are living in a lot of memory space. i wrote in my journal that 'i miss things while i'm still inside of things' and mr.=missed her and mrs.= misses and miss= miss. miss brinley. "she mrs. that he mr." &&&& Everything. this is dumb and this is boring and all i can think of is i want someone to play cards with, not a friend but someone who loves me to play cards with, and someone to curl up in ablanket with. he used to whisper songs in my ear before i fell asleep, and I'M SORRY.