Rhythms
For me, the sound of winter is being cocooned in the home, furnace running. Summer is windows open, crickets & cicadas chattering over AC. I think the despair this season imparts for some isn't even the light, it's the diminished sense of connection.
The house is empty for the moment, aside from myself. Sometimes it's electrifying to have a space yourself. Sometimes it cripples you with the vastness. Sometimes I experience both those notions in the time it takes to make some toast.
Does one close their windows on life, so as to observe it and actually take in as much as possible? Or does one throw themselves at every opportunity, so as to seek the truth in harried feckless action rather than reflection.
Something that sticks with me is a night a couple years back. I'd had a few beers that were sitting poorly thus begging off from doing something with Matt like planned. My stomach was cramping and unhappy, so I begged off. Now he's off in Japan teaching. Nights to just be stupid and whatnot can't happen anymore now. Do you grab on to life and hang on to every little event?
We had the Moms over for thanksgiving. Pam stayed overnight, and then my dad picked her up the next day. We did lunch, talked a bit, and they left out the back door. For some reason it's easier to watch people go out the front door. But I turned to Angel a bit after and broke down a moment, realizing that there'd be a day they no longer walk out the back door.
Something I'm not really sure I like about home ownership is that I have this place, and I know that here, I'm going to have to draw a line where certain people aren't going to be in my/our lives anymore and I'm going to experience that memory here in this place.
Sometimes it just paralyses me and I never want to move forward at all ever again.
The house is empty for the moment, aside from myself. Sometimes it's electrifying to have a space yourself. Sometimes it cripples you with the vastness. Sometimes I experience both those notions in the time it takes to make some toast.
Does one close their windows on life, so as to observe it and actually take in as much as possible? Or does one throw themselves at every opportunity, so as to seek the truth in harried feckless action rather than reflection.
Something that sticks with me is a night a couple years back. I'd had a few beers that were sitting poorly thus begging off from doing something with Matt like planned. My stomach was cramping and unhappy, so I begged off. Now he's off in Japan teaching. Nights to just be stupid and whatnot can't happen anymore now. Do you grab on to life and hang on to every little event?
We had the Moms over for thanksgiving. Pam stayed overnight, and then my dad picked her up the next day. We did lunch, talked a bit, and they left out the back door. For some reason it's easier to watch people go out the front door. But I turned to Angel a bit after and broke down a moment, realizing that there'd be a day they no longer walk out the back door.
Something I'm not really sure I like about home ownership is that I have this place, and I know that here, I'm going to have to draw a line where certain people aren't going to be in my/our lives anymore and I'm going to experience that memory here in this place.
Sometimes it just paralyses me and I never want to move forward at all ever again.