The Story of Us [3/?]
Genre: AU Romance
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: GTOP
Disclaimer: They will never be ours (sigh)
Warnings: Language, fluff, sexual situations
Summary: "There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life." - Federico Fellini.
They say not all who wander are lost, and that no man is an island. This is the story of Jiyong and Seunghyun. Two men brought together by chance. Two men who will change each other's lives forever.
This is the story of us.
I awoke in stages, the process slower than usual because of the damage done to my body. It was sort of like coming back from the dead, only I wasn’t nearly as confused this time around. I listened to the subdued crackle of the fire and opened my eyes, the soft hiss and snap of the burning wood actually soothing instead of mortifying. Breathing in through my nose, the scent of charred cedar entered my lungs and I was immediately reminded of Seunghyun. Which was ridiculous. I whined and scrubbed the sleep from my face. Where the fuck was he anyway? Didn’t he say he would wake me up? Pulling the layered blankets away, I rose from the couch and squinted at the window. The sun had set, casting the snowy hell outside into darkness. I figured he’d left me alone because the weather hadn’t improved. Oh joy of joys.
I stretched, cracking the bones in my spine and rolling the joints of my shoulders. I felt a lot less like a ragdoll stuffed with heavy stones. This was good. But it didn’t change the fact that I was still trapped here, most likely until morning. Just as I was contemplating how much more I wanted to torture myself by slipping outside for a cigarette, I heard a gentle scratching noise. Metal against wood. It was very distinct and I would have recognized it anywhere. The days I’d lost in the studios at Cornish, slaving for hours over stubborn blocks of maple, was as ingrained in my memory as the scars on my fingers. Which reminded me of that last night spent at Chena River. I swore if Youngbae ever made another crack about suffering for my art, I was going to stab him with a fucking chisel. That is, assuming I ever did make it back to the campground. Yawning, I ruffled my hair and chose to investigate, climbing the narrow stairs that lead up to the loft space.
Hovering in the doorway, I discovered Seunghyun hunched over a workbench littered with figures of animals and intricately detailed chess pieces. In fact, the whole room was covered with them. He held a partially formed carving in his hands, carefully shaving away slivers of wood to reveal the lines and curves that were already hiding in the grains, waiting for someone to give them life. I had to admit that I hadn’t been expecting this. It would seem The Bearded Wonder wasn’t so boring after all.
Only it took me a moment to realize that Seunghyun wasn’t scruffy anymore, the clean line of his jaw smooth and soft. Or I imagined it would be if I caressed it with the pads of my fingers. Who knew that such a handsome face had been hiding underneath all that pathetic stubble? From the looks of it he’d cut his hair too, the dark strands shorter and artfully tousled. I found myself wanting to caress this as well. To bury my hand in the thick-
No.
I held back a groan. Fuck, I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t let myself have these thoughts. They would lead me in circles. I had intended to leave, to turn and walk down the stairs but my eyes were glued to Seunghyun. Distracted, entranced, I watched him whittle away at the figure in his grasp, focus sharp and movements exact. The longer I stared at his hands (his gorgeous, calloused fingers), the more it sent me spiraling down memory lane.
I used to sprawl out on Mackenzie’s bed to watch him clean the ancient metal boxes of his cameras. He’d lovingly set them out on the faded, blue carpet of his room and I would let my arms dangle from the mattress while I studied the way his fingers danced. Nimble and practiced. It had always been fascinating for me to observe someone work with their hands. To witness those hands create or dismantle or tinker. Especially when I could sense the passion bleeding from every muscle. It was a massive turn on. Usually, before Mackenzie had finished packing everything away, I would have slithered off the bed and put his nimble fingers to work on the planes of my body. But I refused to allow my mind the satisfaction of replaying those particular memories. If I could, I would erase them permanently.
Deciding I had been spying long enough, I cleared my throat to claim Seunghyun’s attention and he flinched.
“Ouch.” A hiss leaked from his mouth. “You scared me.”
He sucked on the tip of his thumb as he glanced over at me and I realized he’d nicked himself. You’re such a dumbass.
“Shit, I’m so sorry.” I pressed a palm over my reddening face.
“Did you need something?” Seunghyun shook his hand out, setting his tools on the table. “The weather’s just gotten worse. Looks like you’re stuck here tonight.”
“No, actually. I heard the noise...and my curiosity got the best of me.”
Now that I wasn’t in the midst of fantasizing about touching every inch of Seunghyun’s body, I seized the opportunity to talk to him.
“Did you - did you make all of these yourself?”
“Yeah. This is what I do in my spare time...” He hesitated, lowering his eyes. “Which is all of it.”
Stepping further into the room instead of lurking like a huge fucking creep, I approached the workbench to get a better look at the countless figures scattered over its surface. Most of them were woodland creatures. Deer, bears, squirrels, birds, foxes. But some leaned more towards the fantastical, taking the shape of dragons and was that...was that a unicorn? I had to stop myself from laughing because it was just so surprising. And Seunghyun was good. Really good. I was beyond impressed.
“May I?”
I pointed at a carving of a stag. It was only the head and an elongated neck, expressively shaped by simple, elegant lines. Seunghyun nodded, shifting uncomfortably on his stool. He was nervous, I could tell. I knew what it felt like to have someone else, a stranger, manhandle something you’d created. So I was careful as I picked it up, examining the details of the grain and sliding my finger over the creamy wood and along the stag’s nose. Seunghyun hadn’t once ceased staring at me but I pretended not to notice. This was obviously a big deal for him.
“Seunghyun, this is beautiful,” I murmured, looking at him directly so he knew that I meant it.
“Thanks,” he responded, quiet, shy.
A muted dusting of pink spread over his cheekbones and I chewed on my lip because it was hopelessly adorable and I didn’t know what else to do. What the fuck was it with me and other artists? It was like if you were any good at making anything, I ripped my heart out of my chest and handed it over without a second goddamned thought. Seunghyun was still gazing at me, a little awed that I was praising him. I made myself turn away from the slight, hypnotic glimmer in his eyes.
“You’re welcome.” A genuinely pleased smile tugged at my lips. “I haven’t worked with wood in forever, I always get distracted by something else.”
Placing the stag gently on the workbench, I explored. Though I didn’t ask to hold anything else after that despite how much I wanted to. Seunghyun seemed to appreciate this as he tracked my movement around the room. And as I bent down to study the detail on the wings of a hummingbird, my stomach erupted with insistent gurgles. I almost missed his tiny snort of amusement.
“I was just about to make dinner. Would you like to eat?”
“Sure.” I lifted my head to smile at him again, then caught myself and, not at all subtly, slapped a hand over my mouth.
Seunghyun put his tools back where they belonged and wordlessly, as he was prone to do, headed for the door. I followed, sparing the loft one final sweep before bouncing down the stairs. He was already in the kitchen, pulling containers out of the fridge and setting the kettle on the stove to boil. I shuffled to the other side of the L-shaped counter, propping my elbows on the marble surface, chin in hand. Normally I had no problem being the person that blatantly, shamelessly, checked someone else out. But for some reason it seemed...disrespectful, now. Which, by the way, was a shocking thought. I hardly showed myself respect, why the fuck would I bother to bestow it upon anyone else? So in an uncharacteristic display of self-control, I quit ogling Seunghyun’s rather long legs and resorted to biting my nails. Something I did when I was bored or nervous. In this case it was both. Which was so dumb. From the corner of my eye, I spotted him stealing surreptitious glances as he prepared what appeared to be some kind of stew. I wrote it off as a small victory. Over what, I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to know.
Switching off the stove, Seunghyun carried two steaming bowls to the table.
“Could you grab the tea?” He gestured with a tilt of his head.
“Yep.”
I hoped that what waited for me in that cup was not the ginger death that I had almost succumbed to earlier.
“What brought you all the way out to North Pole? This isn’t the best season for camping,” Seunghyun asked as I sat down across from him.
Of all questions to start with. I puffed up my cheeks and exhaled through pursed lips, shoulders slumping a bit while I mindlessly stirred chopped vegetables with my spoon.
“My asshole friends dragged me out here. Said it would be “fun”. I find myself inclined to disagree.”
“I’m sorry I don’t have a phone.”
“Don’t sweat it. They deserve the trauma of thinking I’m dead.”
Seunghyun fell silent then and I focused on eating instead of the way his sun-kissed collarbone was peeking out from the neckline of his gray sweater. Or the way he had to keep pushing up his sleeves when they slid down his arms. I persistently ignored the itch in my fingers to just roll them up.
“But your boyfriend must be worried...” he continued, cautious, like he wasn’t sure he even wanted to say the words.
I erupted with laughter, my hilarity made worse when Seunghyun gave me a small frown. The snoop must’ve found the photo of me and Mackenzie when he was looking through my wallet for information. A sly smirk spread across my face. Anyone would have misunderstood. I made a mental note to throw that picture into the fucking fire.
“I don’t have a boyfriend, not anymore at least.” I leaned back in my chair and picked at my nails. “That’s an old photograph.”
“Oh.” Seunghyun shifted. “Still, your friends. Your phone’ll work when we get back to town tomorrow.”
“Hopefully they haven’t completely lost their shit yet.” I ran a hand through my disgusting hair, grimacing slightly at how crusty it was.
When his gaze fell to his not-quite-empty bowl, I seized the opportunity to study him again. Why I felt compelled to indulge this masochistic need, I had no idea, but as my eyes roamed over Seunghyun’s strikingly handsome features I found that I was holding my breath. I coughed then, taking a big gulp from my cup of tea.
“I have to admit I’m a little disappointed that I can’t refer to you as The Bearded Wonder in my head anymore.”
Seunghyun stilled and looked at me, quirking one of this perfectly thick eyebrows. The result had my heart pounding out a staccato rhythm against my ribcage. Fuck.
"You were right about..." He rubbed at his freshly shaven chin, referring to the sad scruff that used to be there. "I haven't seen anyone in so long, I guess I stopped caring what I looked like."
The words were spoken casually but the blush that followed the confession outshone every blush I had ever seen in my twenty-four years on this earth. Seunghyun was crimson with embarrassment, his accidental admittance that he cared what I thought surprising even to himself. I hid my smile behind my fingers. The desire to make fun of him built up inside of me but I couldn’t. Not when he was being so stupidly cute. Unintentionally, but still. I let it slide, drinking the rest of my tea and setting the cup on the table with a clink of finality.
“Would it be all right if I used the shower? I probably smell disgusting.”
“Sure.” Seunghyun’s gaze flitted everywhere but my face. “There should be a clean towel on the rack.”
“Awesome, thank you.” I paused before rising from the table. “Do you need help cleaning up?”
Seunghyun smiled at me, meeting my eyes for a few precious seconds, and shook his head. I swallowed.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got it.”
Ducking my head, I vacated the kitchen and fled directly to the bathroom. I flattened myself against the door, inhaling deeply. I needed a cigarette. And I suspected that this shower would serve more than just one purpose now.
*
Revitalized beyond what I thought possible, I stumbled out of the bathroom like I had been fucking reborn. And now I didn’t reek of stinky, unwashed boy. I couldn’t believe Seunghyun hadn’t mentioned it before because I would have tossed my dirty ass outside in two seconds flat. It’s not like I would have been offended. That’s a lie and you know it, Ji. I grinned to myself, brushing dampened locks of hair from my forehead as I waltzed back into the kitchen.
Seunghyun was finishing up the dishes, loading them into the washer and then wiping down the counters. I waited until he turned around to speak.
“I guess, uh, just get me up in the morning if I’m not already awake?”
He nodded.
“You might have to help me dig the snowmobile out of this new layer of powder. Think you’ll be up to it?”
“I’ve slept more in the last twenty-four hours than I have all week. I’ll be fine.”
We stood there, my toes curling from the awkward tension, the silence stretching thin as we grappled to find something to say to each other. In my search for words, I caught myself staring. Again. But it was so hard to ignore the physical pull of attraction and I would never get used to feeling it. Feeling possessed. Drawn in. It was a different version of losing control and I came very close to hating myself for allowing it to happen again so soon.
“Well. Goodnight,” Seunghyun uttered stiffly, ripping me from my daze.
I had the decency to appear flustered, no doubt sporting my own tell-tale, pink-cheeked expression of distress. Biting down on my lip, I stole one last glance because I just couldn’t fucking help myself. Whether he noticed or not, I didn’t care.
“Night, Seunghyun.” I turned away, then pausing, turned back. “And thank you, again...for putting up with me. I know I can be a bit rough around the edges.”
Seunghyun remained reticent, giving me only the smallest of smiles in acknowledgment and a faint, jerking nod of his head. I spun around and left the kitchen, more than a little confused at what had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t exactly make it a habit to apologize for my behavior because I didn’t exactly make it a habit to give two fucks about what someone else thought of me. But Seunghyun had brought aspects of my personality to the surface that I had never anticipated seeing again. I had buried them in the recesses of my psyche for a fucking reason.
Frustrated now, I curled in on myself, face smashed against the back of the couch and knees pulled up to my chest. Sleep was hard-won, but it offered a reprieve from the traitorous thoughts that seemed to occupy every corner of my mind.
*
The fire had dwindled to nothing more than molten ash when I opened my eyes. I shivered, the cold morning air that hung suspended in the living room seemed to amplify the stillness of pre-dawn. Quiet and somber. My muscles twinged as I sat up. The desperate want in my veins for that calming rush of nicotine swelled to bursting and I tumbled from the couch to tug on my jacket and shove my feet into my boots.
Belatedly, I realized that Seunghyun had failed to wake me up again. It must be earlier than I thought. Sighing, I pouted at the prospect of going outside. Hopefully the blizzard had calmed the fuck down and I could actually finish my cigarette this time.
Fingers gripping the handle, I swung the door open.
“Sweet fucking christ,” I whispered to the solid barrier of snow that blocked my path.
The so-called “powder” had accumulated to such a degree that it towered above my head. I surrendered to the ripple of mild panic in my chest.
We were never going to leave this goddamned house.