On Emotional Un-availability

Dec 26, 2011 21:37


Warning: this is extremely long and dramatic. There will be a TL;DR at the end, by the way... lulz.

So I dated a guy last year for like... 9 months. In that time, I fell head-over-heels for him. He was smart, funny, charming, and so handsome I blushed every time I looked at him. We had what I thought was going to be my first serious relationship ( Read more... )

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idk_ok December 30 2011, 04:03:48 UTC
Oh, how uncomfortable that entire situation is. I'm sure I would have done the same thing in your position at the start though, by saying 'It's OK, I get it' after he said 'Nothing's going to happen' because really, when is that ever true? You'd always hope for something more, ugh.

I'm probably more like him though. I have chronic dissociation so I could never be in a relationship because It's impossible for me to be emotionally involved in anything let alone anyone. Saying that though, he should be more aware of other peoples thoughts and feelings. Being emotionally retarded, he should be more attuned ~objectively~ to how other people behave.

Idk, It's quite strange that he couldn't or doesn't want to realize why you can't be friends with him anymore, which I totally understand. You've gotta do what you've gotta do and It would be a whole world of hurt to go back to that situation.

How BS for you that someone who could have been perfect could have been so close but sooo soooooo far : (

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gdontop December 30 2011, 04:14:37 UTC
He's not just emotionally closed-off, he is the (borderline) sociopath after whom I fashioned Vick's character in 'The Wages of Sin'. Put blond hair, blue eyes, and a Southern drawl on Vick, and you have Charlie.

Didn't really want to go into the whole sociopathy thing in the post. It was long enough, lol. But yeah, he knows what he's doing, and what he's doing *to me*, he just doesn't *care* about anything other than his own ego. When I satisfy that for him, we're gravy, but if he gets bored... well, then he just wants to 'be friends'. Hell to the no. Being friends (or anything, really) with a sociopath is only going to benefit one person, and it ain't gonna be the 'friend'.

I've moved on, but yeah, the fact that we could've had something amazing if Charlie wasn't mentally imbalanced is always gonna hurt my pride, if nothing else.

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idk_ok January 1 2012, 12:51:21 UTC
Ugh wow, well that's disturbing.
x

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sir_woolley January 14 2012, 15:45:36 UTC
wow the first part (before the messages) is exactly the situation i am in now.
perfect but emotionally unavailable guy, who i was actually living with (though he was cooking for me, not the opposite like in you case), and i thought i would be okay with being "just friends" as we were calling it, but now i am not sure i can. he kicked me out a week ago, because my emotions are too much for him right now, but we are still friends (only now it's the conventional meaning of the word).
i was never married, but 3 years ago i had a break up that literally almost killed me. and here i thought i could live with this perfect guy, just being "friends", without falling for him.......
you are so strong, telling him you don't want that kind of relationship.
i hope it will be okay soon!!

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gdontop January 15 2012, 20:51:58 UTC
This last relationship has made me, if not cynical, then very skeptical when it comes to men. Charlie was only perfect until I realized he's a sociopath, and he only had the appearance of being perfect because that's what he wanted me to see. Once we got more heavily involved, I started seeing the cracks in his facade, and it... scared the shit out of me. That I didn't realize it sooner, that I could fall for someone like that, that I *still* wanted to be with him even though I knew everything about him was just a pretty lie ( ... )

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