Silly Little Me
Happy holidays Everyone.
I'm sorry for not writing in so long. I've been very deeply depressed for a collection of reasons, but mostly for one....I'm not female yet. *sigh*
I'm feel so lost. My heart longs to release my femme self but my mind stands in the way. Every time I think about it I have visions of never seeing my son again or all of society looking at me as a complete and total freak.
Sometimes though, I see that little glimmer of beauty.....catching my eyes in the mirror when I'm in certain moods.....my hair falling on my bare shoulders and feeling soft on my back....my desire to wear boots, I love women's boots LOL.....all these little things and so many more. I love my panties. I wear panties 100% of the time now, I have 12 pairs now and I love them all. =) I just wish they fit like they're supposed to.....
Adding to my depression is the fact that I've been freezing my little tender parts of in my apartment for 3 weeks now. The boiler in my apartment building sprung a leak and my landlord has been working with a heating company day and night to get it fixed. Initially, they tried to repair the old one but to no avail. It was just to corroded inside. So, they had to cut it out and remove it in small pieces. That process took 3 days alone. Then they brought in a new one and had to get it in piece by piece, all 8000 pounds of it. Assembly required that each section be correctly attached and sealed in order. Then they had to re run all of the old pipes and put in some new ones.
Bottom line, tonight is the first time in a while I can sit im my favorite panties and my nighty and write.
Lastly, and I think this is the biggest reason I'm so depressed at the moment. I have met no new friends here. I just can't get out and meet people. I know what to do, I just can't do it. I sit alone in my apartment playing online games and don't even venture out unless necessary.
It's sad because I'm so tired of being alone. I want someone in my life just to talk to and touch and hold and spoon. To hold and be held by them. What's interesting is that I don't even care what gender the person is anymore. He or she or somewhere in between, someone else lost in the gender cracks would be fun to be with too. It's not even about sex any more. And certainly not desperation. It's just about a shift in me and where I am.
Anyway, I love Torra, and I love you too Kia. I miss both of you and wish you were both closer.
But I know I've been deep in it....I've been hermiting in my apartment....the little joys are fewer and further between....other things.....deeper, more private.
My son is my life and he seems to be my only joy. I love him so dearly. I could love someone else, he is only here a few days a month so there is still lots of love in me....but it is for naught it seems.
Anyway, I've been rambling.
Take care and I'll see you again soon.
*hugs*
GD
I'm sorry for not writing in so long. I've been very deeply depressed for a collection of reasons, but mostly for one....I'm not female yet. *sigh*
I'm feel so lost. My heart longs to release my femme self but my mind stands in the way. Every time I think about it I have visions of never seeing my son again or all of society looking at me as a complete and total freak.
Sometimes though, I see that little glimmer of beauty.....catching my eyes in the mirror when I'm in certain moods.....my hair falling on my bare shoulders and feeling soft on my back....my desire to wear boots, I love women's boots LOL.....all these little things and so many more. I love my panties. I wear panties 100% of the time now, I have 12 pairs now and I love them all. =) I just wish they fit like they're supposed to.....
Adding to my depression is the fact that I've been freezing my little tender parts of in my apartment for 3 weeks now. The boiler in my apartment building sprung a leak and my landlord has been working with a heating company day and night to get it fixed. Initially, they tried to repair the old one but to no avail. It was just to corroded inside. So, they had to cut it out and remove it in small pieces. That process took 3 days alone. Then they brought in a new one and had to get it in piece by piece, all 8000 pounds of it. Assembly required that each section be correctly attached and sealed in order. Then they had to re run all of the old pipes and put in some new ones.
Bottom line, tonight is the first time in a while I can sit im my favorite panties and my nighty and write.
Lastly, and I think this is the biggest reason I'm so depressed at the moment. I have met no new friends here. I just can't get out and meet people. I know what to do, I just can't do it. I sit alone in my apartment playing online games and don't even venture out unless necessary.
It's sad because I'm so tired of being alone. I want someone in my life just to talk to and touch and hold and spoon. To hold and be held by them. What's interesting is that I don't even care what gender the person is anymore. He or she or somewhere in between, someone else lost in the gender cracks would be fun to be with too. It's not even about sex any more. And certainly not desperation. It's just about a shift in me and where I am.
Anyway, I love Torra, and I love you too Kia. I miss both of you and wish you were both closer.
But I know I've been deep in it....I've been hermiting in my apartment....the little joys are fewer and further between....other things.....deeper, more private.
My son is my life and he seems to be my only joy. I love him so dearly. I could love someone else, he is only here a few days a month so there is still lots of love in me....but it is for naught it seems.
Anyway, I've been rambling.
Take care and I'll see you again soon.
*hugs*
GD