(no subject)
I'm going to be like Rich for a second and post some jokes. before i do that, i'll go over the origin of these jokes. these jokes came from George Carlin himself. (if the name doesn't ring a bell, look him up, you've seen him i'm sure) anyway, last week was my spring break, so my parents and i went to california. while there we all got tickets to see carlin live on stage. he was using new material so he wasn't spectacular, but he's carlin so i'm not complaining. he did tell three jokes though, so here they are in their awesomeness:
1. Boy and his father are sitting on the stoop and the boy says" Daddy, what's that dark spot in between mommy's legs?" so the dad responds by saying, "well, that's the vulva, son" "oh" responds the boy, so where's the cunt?" "oh", says the father, "well that's the REST of mommy".
2. A girl sees her father walk out of the shower naked and says "daddy, when am i going to get a penis?" so the father turns around and says "as soon as mommy goes to work".
3. How does a southern single hilbilly girl know when her mother's on her period?
- When her brother's dick starts to taste funny.
My favorite part about all of these jokes is that after Carlin told joke #2 (go ahead, read it again to remind yourself) he then goes, "i like this joke because of it's surprise ending.....i mean come on, none of you knew that mommy had a JOB!"
it was great. now before i get hate comments saying that i suck because i got to see carlin and i was in california, and i'm not in school this week either, let me explain what's been going on with me these past three weeks: almost two weeks ago in school, i woke up with a sore throat, no big deal, so i kind of ignored it. that was a sunday. that tuesday morning, i woke up in the morning with a huge fever. i called the infirmary and went for a visit. they said that i had a 101.something fever and they ended up diagnosing my with Tonsillitus. i got this diagnosis a day or two before my eighteenth birthday. i then went home on thursday. on friday i still wasn't feeling well, so i went to a REAL doctor back home. there they sent me for blood work where they founf out that i had Mono. the next day.....i left on a plane for california. i spent the whole week sleeping. i barely drank because my tonsils were so swollen. it was so bad that that next friday while i was there, my parents and i went to an urgent care facility because my tonsils were almost swollen together and i was having trouble breathing. after sitting in the waiting room for almost two hours, i was seen. they gave me a shot of steroids (in my ASS) and claimed that it would bring the swelling down. it didn't. i got back home on saturday night, and on monday we went back to the doctor here. he prescribed steroid pills and was surprised that the shot did nothing. i've been on the steroids since monday, and the swelling is way down. i don't know what i did to my tonsils, but i stil haven't eaten anything solid in two straight weeks, i've lost almost 20 pounds and i'm missing this week of classes because of it. also, the one thing that i'm supposed to be doing which is keeping myself hydrated is becoming more and more difficult, because my tonsils seem to be so damaged that they can't take cold liquids touching them anymore. everything that i drink needs to be room temperature or hotter otherwise i can't drink it, which means that if i'm thirsty i ave to wait for something to cook so that i can stop being dry.
yes, i know i'm raniting and whining, and i know what you're thinking, and here's your answer:
i've asked them to take out my tonsils multiple times. maybe now that i'm 18 they'll listen to me more, because this seems to be happeneing a lot lately (not the Mono, just the otnsil swelling)
so we'l see how it all works out, but for now i'm sitting at home drinking tea and wishing that i could just chug some water because i am so damn thirsty.
1. Boy and his father are sitting on the stoop and the boy says" Daddy, what's that dark spot in between mommy's legs?" so the dad responds by saying, "well, that's the vulva, son" "oh" responds the boy, so where's the cunt?" "oh", says the father, "well that's the REST of mommy".
2. A girl sees her father walk out of the shower naked and says "daddy, when am i going to get a penis?" so the father turns around and says "as soon as mommy goes to work".
3. How does a southern single hilbilly girl know when her mother's on her period?
- When her brother's dick starts to taste funny.
My favorite part about all of these jokes is that after Carlin told joke #2 (go ahead, read it again to remind yourself) he then goes, "i like this joke because of it's surprise ending.....i mean come on, none of you knew that mommy had a JOB!"
it was great. now before i get hate comments saying that i suck because i got to see carlin and i was in california, and i'm not in school this week either, let me explain what's been going on with me these past three weeks: almost two weeks ago in school, i woke up with a sore throat, no big deal, so i kind of ignored it. that was a sunday. that tuesday morning, i woke up in the morning with a huge fever. i called the infirmary and went for a visit. they said that i had a 101.something fever and they ended up diagnosing my with Tonsillitus. i got this diagnosis a day or two before my eighteenth birthday. i then went home on thursday. on friday i still wasn't feeling well, so i went to a REAL doctor back home. there they sent me for blood work where they founf out that i had Mono. the next day.....i left on a plane for california. i spent the whole week sleeping. i barely drank because my tonsils were so swollen. it was so bad that that next friday while i was there, my parents and i went to an urgent care facility because my tonsils were almost swollen together and i was having trouble breathing. after sitting in the waiting room for almost two hours, i was seen. they gave me a shot of steroids (in my ASS) and claimed that it would bring the swelling down. it didn't. i got back home on saturday night, and on monday we went back to the doctor here. he prescribed steroid pills and was surprised that the shot did nothing. i've been on the steroids since monday, and the swelling is way down. i don't know what i did to my tonsils, but i stil haven't eaten anything solid in two straight weeks, i've lost almost 20 pounds and i'm missing this week of classes because of it. also, the one thing that i'm supposed to be doing which is keeping myself hydrated is becoming more and more difficult, because my tonsils seem to be so damaged that they can't take cold liquids touching them anymore. everything that i drink needs to be room temperature or hotter otherwise i can't drink it, which means that if i'm thirsty i ave to wait for something to cook so that i can stop being dry.
yes, i know i'm raniting and whining, and i know what you're thinking, and here's your answer:
i've asked them to take out my tonsils multiple times. maybe now that i'm 18 they'll listen to me more, because this seems to be happeneing a lot lately (not the Mono, just the otnsil swelling)
so we'l see how it all works out, but for now i'm sitting at home drinking tea and wishing that i could just chug some water because i am so damn thirsty.