yay.
Okay.
So, some maturing happened. It feels like overnight, but, looking at it? I've been here since 2010. I just had no fucking idea. I'm ready.
For 'settling down'. For a wife. For a family. I want it so bad, and it blows me away, because I'm nowhere near ready in a life sense - biologically, it just became obvious to me this last year. "oh, shit, I want a lifemate."
Weird, huh? Shit's been crazy these last few years. I dunno, I thought crack cocaine Easter in 2008 would be my "bad decision" highlight. I mean, really, a night where two hippies almost kill a crackhead with help from a katana is pretty rad, right? Fuck that.
Since then I've fucked my bestie's girl, leading to two years of regret and the loss of two of my favorite relationships of all time; my -dude-, the one I've treasured as a friend since I hit Ohio almost eight years ago, and the og "funday monday" crew, consisting of two of the women I've loved as friends most in my life - one of whom was said bestie's girl.
Now, I loved these women equally - but, there was jealousy. Not from the one I was attracted to, of course - I lavished her with me - with my love. I received like from the other, and had, in fact, received such attention in 2010 from this girl - before funday monday was ever a thing.
The forbidden fruit struck first. I turned her down twice, mind you. She may've been cute, but, damnit, bestie's girl. No can do.
Unless you combine nearly criminal neglect, LSD, thc, captain morgan, and a third attempt. I didn't say no, this time. Nor the four times after. This time, though, I said yes.
Now, I have three regrets in my life thus far -
- not brushing my teeth more as a kid. I've suffered wholly unnecessary pain for it and hope to get dentures by thirty.
- not whipping my dick out more. before you scoff, realize that nearly every man has thought back to a one-time encounter with a woman in his life and thought, "damnit, i'm pretty sure she woulda been down." for example, several years ago, I had two pretty young ladies at my place, we were smoking up, and the topic of, "hey, pull your wang out" came up. I was like, "lol" and laughed it off.
respectable move, or lamest turndown of the easiest threesome ever? I don't know, and I never will. Ugh.
- saying yes to that girl.
Two of those seem legit, one seems forced, maybe - but, shit, that changed my life. I had to make new friends and do new things. No idea who I'd hang out with on the regular.
-
Allow me to start over. I feel I segue'd pretty hard from what I got on here to type, but, shit, it's lj. what gets spewed here gets left. It needs to. Anywho...
I've grown- changed. Mentally. Not in a bad way, either. I want to be uber-productive and on top of everything. I feel my own essence and I want to show it off SO bad. I do.
Here's hoping 2013 is where I go absolutely apeshit awesome. Because, I know, I've even said it - a real man is his own biggest fan. Maybe I'm biased.
But, goddamnit, I am awesome. I ooze ridiculous good vibes. My aura pushes out a good distance from my physical being. I'm an intense human. I love it, and I love you.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
So, some maturing happened. It feels like overnight, but, looking at it? I've been here since 2010. I just had no fucking idea. I'm ready.
For 'settling down'. For a wife. For a family. I want it so bad, and it blows me away, because I'm nowhere near ready in a life sense - biologically, it just became obvious to me this last year. "oh, shit, I want a lifemate."
Weird, huh? Shit's been crazy these last few years. I dunno, I thought crack cocaine Easter in 2008 would be my "bad decision" highlight. I mean, really, a night where two hippies almost kill a crackhead with help from a katana is pretty rad, right? Fuck that.
Since then I've fucked my bestie's girl, leading to two years of regret and the loss of two of my favorite relationships of all time; my -dude-, the one I've treasured as a friend since I hit Ohio almost eight years ago, and the og "funday monday" crew, consisting of two of the women I've loved as friends most in my life - one of whom was said bestie's girl.
Now, I loved these women equally - but, there was jealousy. Not from the one I was attracted to, of course - I lavished her with me - with my love. I received like from the other, and had, in fact, received such attention in 2010 from this girl - before funday monday was ever a thing.
The forbidden fruit struck first. I turned her down twice, mind you. She may've been cute, but, damnit, bestie's girl. No can do.
Unless you combine nearly criminal neglect, LSD, thc, captain morgan, and a third attempt. I didn't say no, this time. Nor the four times after. This time, though, I said yes.
Now, I have three regrets in my life thus far -
- not brushing my teeth more as a kid. I've suffered wholly unnecessary pain for it and hope to get dentures by thirty.
- not whipping my dick out more. before you scoff, realize that nearly every man has thought back to a one-time encounter with a woman in his life and thought, "damnit, i'm pretty sure she woulda been down." for example, several years ago, I had two pretty young ladies at my place, we were smoking up, and the topic of, "hey, pull your wang out" came up. I was like, "lol" and laughed it off.
respectable move, or lamest turndown of the easiest threesome ever? I don't know, and I never will. Ugh.
- saying yes to that girl.
Two of those seem legit, one seems forced, maybe - but, shit, that changed my life. I had to make new friends and do new things. No idea who I'd hang out with on the regular.
-
Allow me to start over. I feel I segue'd pretty hard from what I got on here to type, but, shit, it's lj. what gets spewed here gets left. It needs to. Anywho...
I've grown- changed. Mentally. Not in a bad way, either. I want to be uber-productive and on top of everything. I feel my own essence and I want to show it off SO bad. I do.
Here's hoping 2013 is where I go absolutely apeshit awesome. Because, I know, I've even said it - a real man is his own biggest fan. Maybe I'm biased.
But, goddamnit, I am awesome. I ooze ridiculous good vibes. My aura pushes out a good distance from my physical being. I'm an intense human. I love it, and I love you.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.